Who's the Real Todd?: Chapter 7

Blair watched him leave and knew something was off.   She turned to Jack and told him to go back to his room, then she hurried to try and stop Todd before he left. As she ran down the driveway her heart was in her throat. She should have stopped him from leaving, his eyes at that last moment before he left, filled her with fear.  Suddenly she saw him lying on the ground.  God! She rushed to him and laid him flat. Feeling his pulse, a small sigh escaped, it wasn’t his heart. "Todd, come back," she whispered but he didn’t respond. Blair heard footsteps behind her and saw that Jack had disobeyed and followed her out. " Jack, go call 911. I can't rouse him."

"Mom, what's the matter? Is he dead?"

"No, he's not dead, but do what I told you, go call for help." She tried once again to get Todd to come around. Blair recalled the first session with Ray and it hit her. Todd had retreated. The day has been too much, too quickly. "Todd you don't need to hide, I don't know what I did but please hear me. If I hurt you, I never meant to, we can get through this. Jack and Dani will come around.  Please don't leave again." she cradled his head in her lap and bent to kiss him gently on the lips. Still no response. The ambulance turned into the driveway and Blair made room for the EMTs. "Jack, I'm going with him to the hospital. I want you to let Addie know what has happened and give your sister a call. Please do this for me and stay put tonight." At that, she grabbed Todd's keys and followed the ambulance.

Todd laid curled on the bed, his eyes unfocused. Samuel looked at Ms.Perkins. "What do we do?"

"There's not much we can do? This is like the last time. It took us a number of days to break through his psyche enough to come forward back then. My guess, is we're in for another one of those periods. We can hope that Blair gets through to him and he comes around on his own. My poor Todd, he has so little faith in himself he doesn't realize that his flaws are as much a part of him as his strengths. They are his building blocks, but he only sees them as shameful. Samuel even though he has known you the shortest amount of time I believe he has complete trust in you. I think between you and Blair we might be able to wake him. So you'll need to give him your strength here while Blair gives him her love." replied Ms. Perkins.

Samuel looked down at the man he met only a short time ago but now loved like a brother. Somehow just like Todd's memories had kept him going all those years, it was his turn to keep Todd going. Samuel pulled up a chair and started talking about Starr and Hope and Sir Dragon, keeping the stories going and hoping that some of them were getting through.

Outside of Manning's room, Shaun watched as they wheeled in Samuel. Blair had eyes only for Samuel as she walked passed him.  As Samuel was put into a room, Shaun turned and entered Mr. Manning's room. "Tea, I think you should know they just brought in Samuel on a gurney. It looks serious."

Tea looked at Dani. "You stay here and I'll go see what's going on."

Dani took up her dad's hand and looked at him, her mind went back to earlier in the day when Samuel had been there. The man in front of her wasn't Todd Manning, but she had grown to love him, and now the man who was her real father had just been brought into the hospital. She hadn't even given Samuel much of a chance that afternoon. Now it might be too late. Dani recalled Shaun saying that Samuel looked pretty upset when he left. She felt funny, she knew he was her dad but she didn't know him. She didn't know what she could do to help at the moment. Hopefully, her Mom would find out something. "Dad, I wish you would wake up. I don't know what to do. Mom just introduced me to a man she says is my real father, which means you're not. All he wants is a chance to get to know me. Mom says she's not going to leave you and neither will I, but I owe him a chance to get to know me. I mean, I let you get to know me. Still, I wish you would wake and tell me what I should do." Dani gasped as her dad's fingers suddenly gripped hers. "Dad, can you hear me?" her hand was squeezed. "Dad, you hang in there. I'm going to get Shaun" she put her father's hand down.

Tea moved out into the hall and followed the direction Shaun had pointed. She saw Blair standing outside a room and moved to join her. "What happened? Shaun said Todd was brought in by ambulance. Is it his heart?"

Blair looked at Tea and shook her head, " It's not his heart, but he's unresponsive. It's not a coma. Tea, I think he's catatonic again. The doctors are examining him and I have a call out to Ray."

"But he seemed fine this afternoon, what could have driven him into that state again. I know Shaun said he looked the worse for wear when he left here, but I thought he was holding up pretty well given the circumstances."  Tea looked into the room where they were working on Todd. It was so reminiscent of the first time it occurred when he collapsed in the courtroom. Except this time, his eyes were closed. He appeared to be sleeping, but they couldn't wake him. "I know Starr left with him. Do you know where he's been today?"

Blair nodded. "He came over to see Jack and we informed Jack that Todd was his real father, but it was a rough evening. Things became worse when we began discussing the bullying that Jack has been doing to Shane. Todd and Jack clashed and nothing Todd said seemed to hit home to Jack and I think Todd began seeing himself in Jack and it terrified him. When he got up to leave I knew he was upset, but it wasn't until the last moment that I realized just how upset he truly was. By the time I got down the driveway to his car, it was too late. Todd was on the ground. I thought, at first, it was his heart but that was beating fine and I couldn't get him to respond, and then I knew Tea, it was '98 all over again. There was just something in his eyes when he left. He was broken, Tea and he gave up. I think he's tired of fighting. He told me his encounter with Dani didn't go well and then everything with Jack. He's been on the edge so many times in the last couple of weeks I think today was the final straw." Blair walked to the doorway. "I finally got him back and now he's lost again.  I haven't been able to get any of the alters to respond, but that isn't unusual since none of them showed up the last time until he started coming out of this state."

At that moment, Dani came flying around the corner. "Mom, Dad's waking up."

Blair and Tea looked at each other.  "Go Tea, you should be there when he wakes, I'll be here for Todd." Tea gave her a hug and she and Dani headed back to their Todd. Blair watched them leave and then the doctor who had been working on Todd came out to talk to her. "All his vitals are good but he's still unresponsive to any stimuli. I understand his therapist is on his way in. I'll be able to tell you more when his therapist and I have had a chance to talk. I suggest you continue to talk to him, catatonic states are unusual, and we don't know how much is actually getting through to the patient.

She thanked the doctor and ask to be informed when Ray arrived. She moved alongside Todd as the nurse left them alone. "Damn it, Todd, haven't you been in hospitals enough lately. Why are you quitting now? You didn't quit when you found out what a bastard your adopted father Peter was. You can't quit just because you lost some ground today with your children." Blair reached out and brushed the hair off his face. "I heard what you told me at the house but you need to know I don't blame you for how Jack turned out. I'm sorry I ever said that to you all those years ago. It was wrong of me to lay that guilt trip on you. You love your kids too much to ever hurt them, even unintentionally. Jack's upbringing falls on Walker's and my shoulders. We raised Jack and I know you think you're responsible because Walker was programmed to be you but he still lived his life his way and his actions are his actions, not yours. Todd, please come back to me. There is still so much here for you. I need you." Blair picked up Todd's hand but got no response. "Todd, listen if you can hear me. Dani just came and said Walker is waking up. If you don't come back Walker wins and so does Carlo." She was hoping for some sign at the mention of Carlo but all she got was stillness. Hearing footsteps behind her she turned to find Ray entering. "Ray I can't bring him back this time.  Do you know of anything that we can do?"

"At the moment, you're doing it, Blair. This is one of those times when even I feel useless. If he's withdrawn so deep it generally means he’s been pushed to his limit. I read about his '98 bout with this and what occurred following his wake-up. That was when his alters first appeared to all of you. Have you tried to get any of them to respond?" Ray asked.

Blair shook her head, "It didn't work, I think his subconscious is so deep they can't surface either."

Ray looked at his friend trying to figure out what had driven Todd so deep. He had been expecting something like this to happen for some time. Todd had barely escaped an episode like this that first session in Cherryvale and the reason for that had been his trauma in the tomb. This had its origins somewhere else. "Blair you've been with him since his last session. How has he been holding up?"

"He was doing fine this morning to start with. In fact, he was in good spirits when we went to The Sun but things began to go downhill at the office. This constant need to prove himself to people is wearing on him. He disappeared and Samuel returned this morning because my cousin Kelly showed such skepticism about his identity. When Samuel and I returned to the penthouse he emerged but he was so despondent. Then Kelly showed up at the penthouse and his mood shifted for the better. I thought he was fine when I left him. Then this afternoon he came to my house and it was obvious his spirits had taken another nosedive. He found out in the worst way possible that he has another daughter, and when he attempted to make contact, he encountered more skepticism and rejection. He kept trying to act like he was alright with the fact that she didn't want him around. In my concern for our son and the stuff, Jack's been up to, I didn't pressure him for details about Dani, instead, I hit him even harder with the news about our son. Todd seemed to take it in stride and the rest of the evening just got messier as we informed Jack that Todd was his real father. As you can guess by now, that revelation went over like a lead balloon. Jack's behavior pushed some buttons in Todd and about an hour ago Todd walked out of my house. I found him like this minutes after he left. He blamed himself for Jack. I saw how torn up he was and I felt so sorry for him. I'm afraid he might have seen that on my face because he got such a look on his face when he walked away from me. Ray, could I have been the one thing that pushed him too far?"

" I can't honestly say until we can get him back and he and I have a chance to talk. I don't think you should blame yourself for this. You know what he's been through this last month. He's been walking on the edge for a while. I was afraid something like this could happen but was hoping it wouldn't. I do think the rejection from his kids might have been the true cause of this. His psyche has been fragile since he himself was a child. He put a lot on himself when he wanted to give his children the best of everything to compensate for the things he never got. If he feels he failed to do that then it could have very easily sent him plunging. Keep trying to reach him and if you can, see if you can get his son and new daughter to give him some of their attention. I'll discuss the options available medically with his doctor. Because of his heart, Electroconvulsive Therapy is definitely out, so the only thing we can do is try medication. If anyone can get through to him it will be you, Blair. I'm a firm believer that you two do share a bond. I've seen it at work. You'll figure out a way to reach him and we'll get him back, just believe that." at that Ray patted Blair's shoulder and left.

Blair watched Ray leave and turned back to Todd, "Alright Todd where is this great connection we're supposed to have. Ray thinks I should be able to get through to you but so far you haven't given me one sign that you can hear me. You told me that you loved me and that you wanted to make it work. How is this making it work? I need you to help me with Jack, I'm sorry things didn't go the way you would have liked with Jack but you have to stop kicking yourself. You're not to blame for Jack's attitude. Do you hear me? YOU ARE NOT TO BLAME. I don't know what I did that made you leave but it's time to come back now. If you're going to want to get to know your son you have to be here. Walker is waking up and he'll be able to get Jack's attention once again. Are you just going to lie there and let Walker have him without even putting up a fight? That's not the Todd Manning I know. You need to get your butt out here and fight for your place with Jack and that goes for Dani too." she paused and looked for any sign that he might have heard her but he was still unresponsive. "Okay you stay hidden, I can't stay I have to go check on my son and his brother. When you decide to stop pouting I hope you'll come up for air soon. Remember one thing. I love you. Goodbye Todd" She kissed him hoping against hope for some response but when she didn't get it she kissed his forehead and left.

Samuel had been telling stories non-stop to Todd but he hadn't been seeing any change in Todd. It was eerie to look at his brother and host and realize that this time they were all trapped. Then he felt the brush of Blair's lips on his forehead. That had never happened before maybe Blair was getting through to Todd. If Samuel felt her kiss maybe Todd did too. "Ms. Perkins, did you feel that?" he asked

"Did I feel what?" inquired Ms. Perkins.

"Blair's kiss," replied Samuel. "I distinctly felt her lips on my forehead just now."

"I didn't feel anything, but if you did then it's possible that you are the one who's going to be able to get out. Did you notice any change in Todd when you felt her kiss?" asked Ms. Perkins.

"None that I could see, but why did I feel her kiss and you didn't?"

asked Samuel.

"I think you felt the kiss because you and Todd are closer and more merged than the rest of us are, to him. Try once again to get through to him and if you can't, try to get to the surface," said Ms. Perkins.

"Right I'll try to get him to acknowledge me and then I'll try to reach out." said Samuel "Todd," Samuel turned Todd over and tried to lightly slap him awake but Todd was just as unresponsive as ever. “Todd, come on man, you can't really want to stay hidden not after everything we've been through. I felt her kiss, surely you did too. If you won't come back I'm going to try and reach her. If I can surface I'll keep going with your plan but it isn't me Blair wants. So you need to make up your mind if you really want her because if you don't come out, I'll go ahead and take her Todd, I love her too, you know." Todd suddenly stirred shaking his head then he subsided and became still once more. Samuel smiled. He had managed to hit a nerve. He had gotten a brief response. Maybe the best way to get Todd back would be to take his place and force him to fight for Blair. "So you don't want me to have her but you don't want to come forth. Hmmm, I might as well go out and enjoy myself then because you don't want to. I'm going to try and surface Todd, this is my fair warning. Since you don't want out, I'll go out and live a little. I'm sure Blair will love the company and I can get to know Jack even better too, not to mention our daughter Dani." Once again Samuel saw Todd jerk, yep he was getting to him. It was time to try and get out. Maybe with just a little more physical contact with Blair, Samuel could force Todd to react on his love.

Blair walked back into the room, she had alerted Starr and Jack, and Addie to the fact that Walker was waking up and she had informed Starr about her father too. Starr was going to bring Jack and Sam up to the hospital so they could all see Walker. Starr assured her that she would be down to see her dad after visiting with Walker. Blair walked back over to Todd. He hadn't moved and still appeared to be sleeping. "Todd, Starr is on her way but she going to visit your rival Walker first because he appears to be waking up. I'll go see him later but I really want you to wake up. You wanted your life back and this isn't the way to do it if you stay as you are, no one is going to be able to keep a hold of Hesser. Do you really want him to walk away scot-free? Bo can't hold him if you don't testify against him. She looks down at Todd and reaches for his hands taking one into hers and rubbing it gently. "I want to feel these painting my body Todd, remember the wildflowers, that was such a beautiful afternoon after the horrendous morning you had. I want more afternoons like that. Please come back and show me more days like that one." she kisses his fingertips and then gasps as his hand grips hers. Looking up she sees his eyes open "Todd you're back."

"Blair, I'm Samuel and I'm having a hard time staying. He's pretty deep but I think I got a rise out of him a few minutes ago. I told him that since he didn't want you I was going to come and take his place, especially with you. I don't think he liked it. Before I lose all control, you need to give me a kiss.  We need to work together to get him to fight for what he believes is his, and you, my dear, are at the top of his list. What do you say?"

"Samuel, it's so good to see you. I'll do anything to get him to come back and I have no trouble kissing you. I love you too you know. So let's get this show on the road. Oh, Samuel, I'm so glad you came out here. I'll show you how much." Blair leaned over and began kissing Samuel and he returned her kiss. It felt so good that Blair found herself losing her senses and she wasn’t sure if she kissing Todd or Samuel. "God, Samuel don't stop."

Samuel too was feeling the rush the kiss was stirring in him. He already loved Blair and before he knew it, his arms were around her pulling her closer. He might have come out to save Todd’s spot but right then, she wasn’t kissing Todd, she was kissing him.  "Blair I love you as much as he does, if we can't get him back could you accept me," he said as he paused his kiss and looked her in the eyes.

Blair took a breath and looked down into Samuel's eyes "Samuel, I care deeply for you already.  If we can't get him back and you truly want me then I'm all yours." and at that, she captured his lips again. She was just so overwhelmed to have even one of Todd's alters awake and talking. Of all of Todd's Alters, Samuel was the dearest one.

Samuel once more returned her kiss and pulled her down on top of him to get her even closer. Deep inside his mind, Todd begins thrashing around but still didn't awaken. Samuel was feeling stronger and he couldn't decide if that meant Todd was getting closer to reviving or not. For the moment, it would appear that he was once more in charge much like he had been in Paris.

“I think I'm getting stronger Blair, Todd hasn't awakened yet but he's not so deep any longer. We're getting to him. I'm going to go check on him, don't be alarmed.  I need to see if I can get him to respond, while I'm gone you try once more too. But first." Samuel kissed her once more and then drifted off.

Blair climbed off the bed and stood beside Todd once more, her mouth was still tingling from her kiss with Samuel. Todd and Samuel were so much alike that it was getting hard to tell them apart. She bent over and whispered in Todd's ear. "Todd, Samuel is very charming.  If you can't find it in you to come home let him stay I could easily fall in love with Samuel." Todd’s head jerked away from her mouth at her words. Blair smiled, Samuel was right, Todd was affected by the closeness she felt for Samuel.

Inside his head, Samuel sat down next to Todd, "Blair is lovely, Todd, and I don't think she deserves to be alone anymore. I promise I'll take care of her for you and I'll guide Jack and get to know Dani in your stead. We'll manage without you so you just go ahead and rest. I've got to go back now. I don't want her worrying any more than she already has." Samuel got up to leave and felt a hand grab him. He looked down and saw Todd's eyes on him. They were very angry eyes. Samuel smiled down at his brother. "What's the matter, Todd?"

"You'll go back out there when I say and now is not the time. I'll handle Blair without your help." Todd was practically spitting the words out.

"Hey Todd, I thought you weren't interested in being out any longer. You shut down and trapped all of us. I felt Blair's kiss, so I thought I might have a chance to get out and I was able to. You were just going to leave her high and dry and I love her too. She said if you didn't want to come back she could live with me. If you don't believe me, ask her yourself." grinned Samuel. He could see Todd was getting jealous and that was a good thing. With just a little more pressure, Todd would probably explode out of there and into Blair's arms. Then they both heard Blair's next words.

"Samuel you might as well come back it's obvious that everything Todd told me wasn't true. If he truly loved me he would have surfaced by now. Samuel, come back, I think you and I will do just fine together. Todd, I'm sorry you don't want me after all but Samuel seems to and Starr and Hope love him. I can't have you I'll love Samuel.  He would never leave someone like you've left me. Goodbye, Todd." Blair stood back and watched to see whether Todd or Samuel would awaken.

Todd glared at Samuel and pulled him down on the bed. "You stay put. I'll handle Blair, there is no way she could love you more than me."

"Hey you heard her, she thinks you don't want her. Tell me, Todd, just what do you want. If you want your life back and your woman then all you have to do is wake up and take them, I won't stand in your way. Which is it, Todd? Are you going to continue to hide or take what is yours?" said Samuel.

Samuel kept grinning at Todd and Todd was beginning to see red. Then he realized he wasn't in utter darkness any longer and he was conversing with Samuel which meant he could leave at will. He took another look around and noticed Tom and MsPerkins and Rodd all looking at him with smiles on their faces too. Suddenly it dawned on him what Samuel had done. Samuel had found a way to make Todd respond by making him jealous."God, Samuel, I was about to take off your head." Samuel nodded, " You took an awful risk making me angry. Answer this question for me. Did you mean it when you said you would take my place if I stayed hidden?"

"Todd, we're all parts of your whole but to keep you functioning I would have taken over for you again. I do love Blair and I also would have found a way to make her happy but she only wants me if you are not available, to her there is only one Real Todd. She loves you very much Todd, stop being a fool and get out there." Samuel replied, this time pushing Todd up off the bed. "By the way, you should know, Walker is awake. Now go and no more meltdowns."

Todd grinned back at all of them. "Bye, for now, I'll try and keep a better perspective on things." He opened his eyes to see Blair looking down at him. He didn't say anything but pulled her head down and began kissing her with everything he had in him.

Blair responded to his kiss a little warily because she wasn't sure whether she was kissing Samuel or Todd but then he began fondling her and she knew only Todd would go that next step. Her tentativeness ceased as she realized she was kissing Todd and he was back. She stopped him from removing her shirt and broke free from his kiss. Then she whacked him in the shoulder. "Damn you, don't you ever do that to me again. I was sure we had lost you for good this time." Then she took his face into her hands and started kissing him in earnest.

The doctor found them like that and they pulled apart so Todd could get checked out. "Mr. Toddman, because of your history you should make an appointment to see your therapist about these moments. You possibly need to get on some sort of drug regimen to address your depression and your heart problems. Since you appear fully aware again, I will release you But I'm going to prescribe something to keep you a little more mellowed out for this evening. Ms. Cramer may I suggest that someone stay with Mr. Toddman to make sure he doesn't have any ill effects from his earlier problem or the new medicine. I'll send the nurse in with a dose I want you to take immediately. I want you to take it, no matter what Mr. Toddman. I assure you this is a mild mood stabilizer and there should be no physical side effects except the sensation of feeling good." The doctor stood there when the nurse arrived back with the medicine. Blair and the doctor waited and watched as Todd downed the pill.

Todd hadn't wanted to take the medicine but if it would keep his thoughts from turning to the darkness then he had to give it a try.  "Blair, Samuel says that Walker is awake. Is that true?"

" Yes Todd, He’s talking and the doctors told me he's currently out of danger unless someone makes another attempt. Shaun is going to maintain guard a little longer. Why do you ask?" questioned Blair.

"Because I think it's time we met," answered Todd and he was deadly serious as he said it.

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Who's the Real Todd?: Chapter 6

Jack looked at Samuel. He wasn't sure what to say. He liked the guy okay, but he didn't really know him. There was also something a little scary about him especially when he was mad. Jack didn't quite know what to do in the face of Samuel's anger. Both his mom and Samuel wanted to talk about what he has done to Shane and he just couldn't see what the big deal was. Why were they so intent on talking about it? He wouldn't mind if all they wanted to talk about was the fact that Samuel was his dad, maybe he could keep their minds off Shane and just talk about that.  "I don't know. Why haven't you been here all this time and why is there another man saying he's my father?  He’s been here for me. I love my father.  I don't know you."

Todd heard Jack's words and couldn't look at him any longer. He stood up and moved to the terrace doors, looking out into the darkness. He had known it wasn't going to be easy to get to know Jack with Manning in the way but when Jack said he loved Manning, Todd felt like he had taken a blow to the gut. This was his punishment for giving his own son away all those years ago. Everything he had done back then came rolling over him. His stupid jealousy of Max colored his thinking. He had delivered his own son and then just sent him away and to make matters worse he had told Blair the boy was dead. Then he had foolishly tried to bring him back but hadn't told Blair what he had done. When that truth came out he lost them all. Now Carlo had effectively kept him away for eight years and put another man in his place and Todd was once again on the outside looking in.  

"I didn't leave you by choice Jack. I swear I would have been here if I could. As for the man who you know as your father. He was put here in my place with my memories. So you see some of the things about him are really my things, his likes and dislikes were programmed into him. But he's still a different man than I am and he doesn't have or carry all my memories. Some of my memories were buried too deep to access, so his take on the Rape of Marty and how I felt about her are skewed differently. He also doesn't remember my adopted father so his judgment about bullies might vary from mine. I can't make you love me and it kills me that you see only a stranger standing in front of you." Todd choked on his last words and leaned against the door still not looking at Jack.

Jack looked at his mom. He could see that Samuel is upset, but he didn't know what he could do about it. How was he supposed to love someone he didn't really know? It was uncomfortable to see an adult tore up like Samuel was. He should take it more like a man. His dad would understand. This whole thing was just weird.

Blair saw the question in her son's eyes. She knew he was too young to realize what his real father was currently going through or understand the hurt that Todd felt. He hadn't lived long enough to know all the ups and downs life can bring you. Jack lived in the moment, that was why he had trouble seeing  what his actions toward Shane had caused. Blair patted Jack's arm and then joined Todd at the window.

"Todd, it will work out, you have to give him time," she gave him a kiss on his cheek, her hand rested on his arm and Todd's hand covered hers.  She met his eyes with hers and he gently squeezed her hand. She smiled at him, and took his hand and drew him back toward their son. "Now listen you two, this isn't easy for anybody.  There is a lot going on and we're still trying to untangle the whole mess so ...Jack, do you like Samuel?"

Jack looked at his mom and at Samuel. "Well yeah, he's an alright guy, he's pretty cool sometimes. That movie night he had was the bomb."

Blair turned to  Todd "See he likes you, so stop agonizing and just be friends for right now. Will that work Todd?"

Todd took heart at Jack’s words. The kid thinks I’m cool sometimes, that's a start. "It'll work for me. So Jack, want to be friends? No pressure or anything just friends," asked Todd and he walked over to Jack "But before you answer, you should know your mom and I are pretty serious about each other and I won't give her up. So if you can accept that and take me on as a friend we'll go from there." he held out his hand wondering if Jack would accept.

Jack has already figured out that his mom and Samuel were an item and his dad was married to Tea, so he didn’t mind that his mom was happy. If Samuel really was his dad, and mom and he got married, Jack could live with that. "Alright Samuel, I guess we can give it a shot. It's okay if you're seeing Mom, she's been pretty happy since you came to town," he gave his hand to Todd and they shook.

Todd smiled at his son. Unsure where to take the conversation next they got a reprieve as Addie entered with some food and drinks. It was a relief to have something to do besides dwell on what had just occurred, so they all dug in and sat down to eat.

While they are eating, Jack took the moment to really look at his mom and Samuel. She acted totally different when she was around him. Most of the time his mom seemed uptight about things, if it wasn’t about work, then it was making sure he and Sam got along.  With Samuel, she was just more at ease. Like having him around took some of her worries away. It was strange because she used to act that way when his dad was around like they had a bond, but then that bond had broken and they had fought a lot. Now she had that bond with Samuel but it seems stronger than the one with his dad, it was like they share something between them and it had been there for a long time. Jack was still having trouble seeing Samuel as his dad, but he felt more comfortable with him and it did feel like he had known him longer than just a month or so. Maybe grandma was right, maybe he was feeling something for Samuel from when he was little.

Todd and Blair had been talking some more about Dani when Todd felt his son's eyes on them. He turned, looking at Jack and raised his eyebrow in question. "Something on your mind, Jack?"

Jack gulped his food he hadn't meant to get caught staring. " Uh no, I just think it's weird when you and mom are together. Mom has a lot of friends but she never acts so at home with all of them. I don't know, it's just weird."

"You think it's weird because we're comfortable with each other is that it. We've known each other for a very long time and we get each other, Jack. From the first moment I met your mom, we were comfortable with each other. We told each other things no one else knew. You could say we're kindred spirits.  I'm sure there is a lot about your mom you don't know, but when we were both younger we shared a lot of enemies in this town. Together we held a lot of them at bay. We forged a bond back then and it's still there." Todd glanced at Blair and gave a small smile knowing just how much they shared back then before everything went south. "That bond with your mom is what brought me back. If she hadn't come to Paris, I might still be trapped there."

Jack's ears perk up. What did Samuel mean by trapped? Jack remembered his mom saying something about someone keeping Samuel apart from them for years. Just what was that story? Jack's curiosity got the better of him, and he asked. "What do you mean you were trapped?"

Hearing Jack's question, Todd looked at Blair. She shrugged and he turned back to Jack. "What do I mean by trapped. Well, that's a complicated answer, Jack. Let's just say that when your mom first came to Paris I was unable to talk or get close to her and the only one who could, was Samuel. Samuel and I are like brothers and Samuel was protecting me for the last eight years. The night I disappeared was the night I was seriously injured. The outcome of those injuries left me incapacitated and unable to return. Samuel came forth and helped me out and took care of me. Samuel suffered memory loss after we fell into the hands of an unscrupulous gentleman by the name of Carlo Hesser. We were taken to a hospital in Philadelphia and when we recovered, Samuel felt the need to protect us further by moving us to Paris. We existed in Paris with Samuel caring for me and himself the best way he knew. When your mother showed up at Samuel's front door it was like something was jarred loose and Samuel began remembering things. With more and more memories coming to light every day Samuel made the decision to come back here.  He purchased my old penthouse and set us up there. As you know by his paintings Samuel is an excellent artist but he knew his time here was coming to an end and he helped me to return and try to get my life back. He's still around helping me in ways you wouldn't understand, I just don't know if you'll get a chance to meet him. Does that answer your question?" Todd knew he should have told his son about his disease but Jack wasn't ready to hear that about his father, and Todd wasn't ready for Jack to think he was crazy. It was important that he have the time for Jack to get to know him before Jack found out about his extra personalities.

"But how come people think you're Samuel, doesn't he look different from you?" asked Jack

"Actually, Samuel and I look alike, so it has been easy to pretend to be him around people that don't know me. I also have a little talent when it comes to painting so I can pass myself off as Samuel. If you're wondering why we look alike, it is because Samuel is indeed a relative of sorts. If you don't believe Samuel is real you just need to ask your Mom and your sister Starr. They've both spent quite a bit of time with him and they can tell you, he and I are different people." answered Todd, smiling over at Blair, who looked at Jack and nodded affirmatively.

"What about this guy who did something to you and Samuel? Where is he and what did he do to you?" Jack is really intrigued. "If Samuel lost his memory how do you know this Hesser guy did something to you?"

"Samuel did a lot of investigating when he first returned here and we've managed to uncover quite a bit concerning where we were taken and what might have been done to us. I'm currently having the paper do a more in depth look into a facility I believe we spent time in. You should know Jack that I also believe your father Manning might also have been caught up in all this too." replied Todd

"No Way! You think this guy Hesser did something to my dad. Do you think he might be the one who shot Dad?" asked Jack.

"Well I don't believe he personally shot Manning, but I think he might have ordered the hit on him. This man is very dangerous so we can't underestimate what he might have set in motion eight years ago. Right now all our options, on how to proceed, depend on the authorities bringing Hesser here so I can confront him." Todd answered grimly. "I think we've talked enough about me, maybe now we need to talk about what you've been doing to Shane." Todd saw Jack’s  shoulders slump.  He peered at his son knowing Jack had been using his questions to delay the talk about the bullying.  "Did you really think we were going to forget what started everything this evening. Let me ask you, Jack, why don't you want to talk about what you did to Shane?"

"Because it doesn't mean anything. We didn't mean to hurt him.  It was just fun. I don't understand why you're all making a big thing about this." said Jack,

"That's the problem, right there, Jack. You really don't see that you did something wrong. I told you how arrogant and unthinking I was when I raped Marty and yes Jack, I raped her. She didn't ask for it. I took out the anger I felt toward my father on others because I couldn't admit that what my father did to me was wrong. I pushed all my feelings of unworthiness deep inside me and became as cruel as my father. No one was going to see my real feelings.  It hurt too much to let them out. So I showed my anger and everyone began to despise me. Jack, my anger took over and I hated the world especially myself. All I wanted to do was hurt those I felt had wronged me. It was me against everybody, but you see somewhere inside me I was crying for someone to know the real me. I met someone who saw the real me for a time and gave me her friendship. It was with her help and the help of a few others who saw something in me and weren't afraid to be with me, that I was able to accept I wasn't all bad. Your mom was one of those people and to my puzzlement, she actually fell in love with me. I'm not a good man Jack but when I'm with your Mom, I'm acceptable."

Todd turned around and sat directly facing Jack. "I look at you sitting here with no remorse for your actions and it scares me. I'm praying it's not too late to make you see, and I mean truly see the wrong that you have done. Why did you really attack Shane? Because that's what you did Jack, you attacked him in a very underhanded way and now you sit and tell your mom and me that it wasn't meant to hurt him. Who are you kidding? You've sat back for months and tormented this kid just for laughs. Where did you get this attitude, not from your mother that's for sure. I need to know what has caused you to be this way. Jack, are you listening? Jack, talk to me." Todd said intensely.

Jack once again saw that look on Samuel's face and his mom had a slight frown on her face.  He realized that they're not going to drop this.  Samuel was getting angry about such a little thing. Sure Shane did something stupid like try and kill himself but he didn't. "Look, I don't know what you want from me. I already told Mom that I didn't want Shane to hurt himself. I still think he's weak and so would Dad. That's what he's always told me, only the strong survive. I don't think there anything wrong with what he says, I'm strong and no one is going to make me feel bad, I won't let them."said Jack defensively.

Todd stared at his son "Just who's been trying to make you feel bad, Jack?"

Jack was flustered, "No one, I don't know why I said that.  I just meant I'm strong and Shane should be too."

Todd continued to look at his son until Jack dropped his eyes.   It was the second time he's seemed defensive. Jack was hiding something but it's obvious that they're not getting more out of him tonight. "Very well Jack, then let's see you be strong about this. I believe it is time for you to make friends with Shane. See if you can take the ridicule you've been so quick to hand out. Because I don't think you're strong at all and I think you'll cave within hours. How about it Jack? Are you up to the challenge?"

Jack’s chin came up. "I'll show you I'm strong.  Just you wait and see," he said mulishly.

"I will Jack, I will," said Todd.

It was a shock when you see yourself thrown back in your face, and Todd felt a little like he was seeing just that. He knew he had treated so many people with disdain over the years. It was strange how eight years in limbo and a bad heart can give you a wake-up call. If Manning had exhibited those tendencies, the cruelty to those he considered weaker, and the lack of compassion for those he thought beneath him, then no wonder Jack was the way he was. How on earth was he going to be able to show Jack the fallacies of that way of thinking?

Todd realized, that over the years Samuel had been in charge, a change had occurred in his thinking process. Some of Samuel had definitely rubbed off and he found himself judging his own actions in the past and it was a bitter pill to swallow. Not only did Jack have to change but he would have to change too. It was a little too close for comfort and Todd felt the urge to flee right at that moment. He also realized that they were not going to get through to Jack anymore tonight. He stood up and turned to Blair. "I need to go.  I've got some thinking of my own to do." and he headed for the door.

Blair reached him before he made it out the door. "Todd, are you alright? I know this has been a rough day all around for you, you don't have to go, you can stay here tonight."

"Blair, I'm not sure I'd be very good company right now, my thoughts are all over the place and so are my emotions.  I feel like I've been kicked by a mule. I have a new daughter who wishes I had never shown up and a son who reminds me of what I was like at the worst time in my life. I'm sick inside right now." Todd looked at her and then at his son coming out of the living room. "He's so like me and I'm scared for him. I'm not sure I'll be able to get through to him. Even though I wasn't the one who raised him, I think he's still influenced by my actions from long ago. Manning was given my memories and programmed to be me, so in essence, Jack was guided by me. My flaws have shown up in my son. It's my fault he's this way, once again my curse is back, only now it's coming at me from my own son. I can't stay. Why would you want me to? You stood here eight years ago and told me I was going to one day hurt my own children and it's come to pass." His eyes met her’s and he saw the one thing he never thought he would see there. He saw pity and it ripped through his heart. He shook off her hand and with tears in his eyes, he left

He reached his car and could no longer contain the sorrow filling him at that moment. He leaned against the car letting the tears flow. Tears for the lost years and the mistakes he made. Every mistake played out in his mind, Marty's rape, Starr's kidnapping, the hostage debacle, the giving away of his own son, the hurting of Vicki, they were all his own doing and with each, he lost a part of himself and didn't realize it. Now they had all come back to roost in his heart and he wasn't sure he could recover from this pain and Blair's pity on top of it all. He slammed his fists down on the hood of his car silently screaming in his head. Todd felt the darkness coming and was helpless to stop it. He crumpled to the ground.

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Who's the Real Todd?: Chapter 5

Todd was quiet as the doors to the elevator closed. Starr glanced at her dad, she could see the unshed tears and knew how badly he was hurting. "Dad, are you okay? Dani's a little upset because of everything that went down with Walker right before he was shot. She's been feeling awful. It had to be a shock to see you and then hear you were her father. She reacted badly, but none of it was your fault. Do you hear me, Dad? She'll come around, she's a lot like you, it just takes time." She squeezed her father's arm trying to let him know he wasn't alone.

Todd patted Starr's hand, " I'm alright.  It was just difficult to see her and realize how many years I've lost. I've been trying to wrap my mind around you all grown up and Jack in high school and now I find I have a third child. But she's also a teen. It hurts because she'll never look at me the way you do and I haven't even been able to connect with Jack either. Two of my children don't know me, My daughter wishes I had never shown up and my son thinks I'm just a relative. I'm worried when he finds out the truth, he'll want the same thing Dani wants."

He paused and ran a hand through his hair. "Starr, there is something else I feel and that's rage, pure and simple. It's a good thing they haven't got Hesser back here to Llanview yet. He caused so much of this. If he was here right now, I'm not sure I'd be able to control myself. Right now, I'd like to beat him to a pulp." Todd took a deep breath. He noticed his hand was shaking and he put it away in his pocket to hide that fact from Starr. "After what just went down with Dani, I'm not sure if today is a good day to tell Jack I'm his father. Your mom was supposed to bring him by later so we could tell him and talk about this bullying he's getting into but I haven't heard from her so far. Have you talked to her today?"

"Oh my Gosh, Dad you haven't heard the latest on Jack. He really did something terrible to Shane. First, he stole Shane's inhaler and Shane had a severe asthma attack at school and then Jack and his buddies publicly humiliated Shane by stealing his clothes at the gym and when he came out of the bathroom, they took Shane's towel and put pictures of Shane over the Internet. To top everything off, Jack's not sorry. He even had the nerve to tell Mom that he thought Marty asked to be raped. Mom lost it, she slapped him and told him you would never condone such treatment. She took him home a little while ago. She probably hasn't called because she's sick that Jack has done these things and she thinks she's a bad mother." as she finished talking she looked at her dad's face. She'd never seen him look so haunted.

The elevator stopped at the parking garage floor and Todd took a shaky step out. Starr didn't like how her father looked especially when he stopped and leaned against the wall obviously looking for support. "Dad!." said Starr in alarm.

Trying to catch his breath he looked at Starr bleakly. "Please tell me it's not true. My son couldn't be that callous. He knows my past and even though I wasn't here, I thought Manning had remorse for my deed, how on earth did Jack come to the conclusion Marty asked for it? I know Manning and I probably parent a little differently but your mother told me Manning was himself raped by the mother of Sam. He couldn't have gone through something like that and escaped unscathed. Your mother told me Jack idolizes Manning. Tell me the truth Starr, is Manning that unfeeling."

"To be honest Dad, I don't know anymore. When he first showed up he was loving and caring with both Jack and I. But he began changing especially in the last two years. I couldn't believe it when he made plans to steal my baby and raise it with Marty. I couldn't understand how you could do that to me. Now I know it wasn't you. He was so like you, and when he came I missed you so much I just wanted you back. At first, he just told me he had been sent by you to look after us and that you couldn't come home yet. Then he started acting more like you and finally when he was getting too close to Mom, I told him he had to stop and that's when he told me he was you." Starr watched as her father pushed himself away from the wall and seemed steadier.

Todd reached out a hand and took Starr's and started walking toward his car. "Tell me more Starr," they sat down in his car and she continued.

"I said he couldn't be my dad and he said he had surgery but that he was you. So I challenged him to answer questions I thought only you would know. He answered them so I figured he must be you. Then we began trying to figure out how to get Mom with him and when he was going to tell her he was you. Things went a little haywire after everyone found out he was you. Then Margaret kidnapped him and Mom, I thought Jack and I had lost you both, but we were finally reunited.  Once again, we thought we were going to be a family until Margaret disappeared with her baby and everyone thought Walker had killed her. It was during his trial that I found out about Marty and everything you did in college. But I believed him when he said he didn't kill Margaret. Dad, he was actually executed for something he didn't do, but they found out the truth before the drugs totally killed him and they brought him back to us. Things were strained between him and Mom. Then we got Sam and everything was fine until he wanted us to move to Hawaii. That's when I made the mistake of sleeping with Cole and made Hope. Walker was never quite the same after that. I don't think any of us realized how far out there he was. Then he thought he lost Tea, and even though he got her back, he's been more obsessed with us than ever before. It's like he's desperately trying to hold onto something that is slipping away. Dad, why did someone want him dead?"

"Starr, I think he's strictly a loose end they want to eliminate before he falls apart all the way. If you've noticed his changes then the people who put him here in the first place have also seen them. They've been messing with his head for awhile, we know that because of the drugs Tea and Blair found. If someone had tampered with your brain, who knows what it could do to you. I still don't excuse him for the way Jack is acting. Jack has to be emulating the father he idolizes which means Manning's view on women has been skewed the opposite of mine and there is no telling how long he's been passing these feelings on to Jack. Starr, you should get home to Hope, I'm going to LaBoulaie to see Blair and Jack and don't worry I'll be fine. I can hope Dani and I will have time to get to know each other. But right now my priority is to get Jack squared away." 

Todd leaned and kissed Starr's cheek and she gave him a hug and departed. Todd looked at himself in the mirror looking at his infamous scar, his personal reminder of the horror he did to Marty Saybrooke. Then he heard his daughter saying Jack said she asked for it. There had been a time when he himself had basically said the same thing before he realized how monstrous that truly was. God, how was he going to get his son to understand just how wrong his thinking was. Jack was headed down a very slippery slope. Damn it he sounded like Peter. Would that man never give him peace?

****

Todd pulled up in front of LaBoulaie, his thoughts were all over the place. It was time to be truthful to Jack and take whatever he had to say. Todd was not leaving Dorian's house without sitting down and having a heart to heart with his son, no matter how painful it might end up being for both of them. He reached the door and knocked. Memories came flooding back as he recalled the events in 2003 that led to his departure at Mitch's hands.

That day had been his undoing. Blair had said goodbye and asked him to leave permanently before he hurt the kids. She told him to stay away for their sakes and not come back. She hadn't even let him say goodbye to the kids. In his despair, he had gone to kill Mitch but even that got thwarted by Jessica. Then Mitch had kidnapped him and he lost it all. Well he had survived Mitch's beating and Carlo's tampering and he was home, now he had to set things right. He had achieved that with Vicki, Starr, and Blair. Now his son had to be told that the man he considered his father, was an impostor. Then Todd had to find a way to get Jack to stop and listen to him. Todd was brought out of his reverie by the door opening. Blair stood there looking very lost and suddenly she was in his arms crying on his shoulder. He held her as he had done many times in the past until she composed herself. As she started to back away, he stopped her, "Don't. We both need this." She looked up and he kissed her, giving her his support and receiving her's back. They finally came up for air and entered the house.

"Todd it's just terrible, I don't know how to get through to Jack. He's not even sorry for what he has done to Shane. He says Shane deserves it because he's a dweeb. I can't believe Jack is so cruel. He's turned into someone I don't recognize. I'm so scared for him Todd."  Blair began pacing and then she turned and said " He doesn't even think he did anything wrong. Is it something I did over the years? Was I too lenient with him or have Walker and I so messed with his head that he believes it's alright to act this way? Sure he teased Sam, but all older siblings do that. I tried to make him understand that there were consequences for his actions but Jack's seen Walker escape from his problems one too many times. Now Jack thinks he can do whatever he wants and he'll get away with it. I just found out that Shane attempted to kill himself but even that doesn't phase Jack. Do you think you can get through to him?"

"I don't know Blair, I just found out about this from Starr when we left the hospital," said Todd.

"Wait a minute, why were you at the hospital? Are you okay?" asked Blair alarmed.

"I'm not sick if that's what you're wondering about but I'm not fine. I just met my other daughter and let's just say things did not go smoothly," replied Todd grimly.

"Oh Todd, you must hate me for not telling you. I'm so sorry but I didn't figure you should hear it from me, and Tea was going through all this with Walker. Dani's a beautiful girl, don't rush her and she'll come to love you like Starr and me. Can you forgive me?"  Blair studied his face and tried to figure out if he would push her away again. If he did, she wasn't sure she could take it. She needed him so badly right then.

Todd knew Blair was really sorry and truly desperate at the moment. "Blair, I'll deal with my anger but I'm not going anywhere. Yes, I'm hurt you didn't tell me, but Tea kept me in the dark first. She and I have talked and I'm sure we'll have other talks. Right now it's time for Jack to hear some hard truths. Get him down here Blair."

One look at Todd's face and Blair knew this wasn't going to be easy for Jack. Todd had faced so many truths about his life in the past and again very recently, she sensed that Todd was going to let Jack see a part of him he usually reserved for people who crossed him. She went to the stairs.  "Jack come down here this instant.  We need to talk some more."

After a few minutes, she started to head for Jack's room but Todd stopped her. "Which room Blair?"

She told him and watched as he headed up the stairs.

Todd arrived at Jack's door and heard loud music coming from inside. Jack probably turned it up so he wouldn't hear anything from his mom. Todd knocked loud enough for Jack to hear but not pounding. There was no response. Todd checked the doorknob and realized that Jack hadn't bothered to lock it. Big mistake. Todd slammed the door open and stepped into the room.

"What the... What are you doing here? You don't have any right to come into my room.  Does Mom know you're here?" Jack said angrily as he got off his bed.

"Actually Jack, I have every right to come into your room." Todd paused to shut the door behind him and lock it then he turned back to his son. "Now that I have your attention. You and I are going to have a talk."

"Hey, I don't have to talk to you, even if you are a relative. Did Mom call and tell you about me. What? So now you're going to get in my face like Shane's dad and tell me I should have left the wuss alone. What do you know about being a real man, you paint pictures for a living? You're as much a wuss as Morasco. My dad's a real man and he'd be behind me one hundred percent. He has no love for freeloaders like Morasco and Balsom, They're living at Aunt Vicki's and they don't even pay rent. They're worthless." Jack said petulantly.

Todd stared at his son in dismay. Jack was arrogance personified. He truly thought he was doing the world a favor by putting down Shane, and it was obvious even the fact that Shane tried to kill himself, didn't mean much to Jack. He really didn't care. Todd knew he was going to have to tread lightly or he'd come off as much of a bully as Jack. "So if I've got this straight, I'm not much of a man because I paint, Shane's not much because he has to use an inhaler but you're the 'it' guy all the kids admire because you were able to play a dirty trick on someone you didn't like. You're a big man on campus. That's how you see things and you think your father would agree with you huh. Well, you're wrong about all those things, especially the part about your father agreeing with you because I can tell you right now your father hates everything you did to the other young man and, more importantly, he hates what you've turned into."

Jack jumped off the bed. "You can't say those things about my Dad you don't even know him. If my dad heard you talking to me like that he'd get you good. He doesn't take that kind of talk from anybody and he doesn't hate me, he loves me."

"Whoa, I didn't say he hated you, I said he hated what you've turned into. You're a bully, plain and simple. Jack, do you know anything about your dad's life growing up. I don't think you do, because if you did, you would know your dad hates bullies. I know firsthand what he thinks of you and this bullying that you've undertaken with this Shane. My question is why? Why the urge to torment another classmate? What did this young man do, that you felt the need to humiliate him so much that he wanted to kill himself? What is it, Jack?  Does it make you feel good inside knowing that you hurt him, because if it does, then there is something wrong? Is it that you like the way your classmates look at you? You say you never meant to drive him that far. Your mom said you told her Shane was just weak and he couldn't take the heat. That's how you really see it don't you. Shane is weak so he gets to be knocked down. If he tries to commit suicide it's not your fault, it was all just a game. Isn't that right Jack?" Todd watched his son as he had rattled off his statements and saw no remorse on Jack's face.

"You’re darn right it wasn't my fault," says Jack getting cocky. "Dad has always said only the strong survive and Shane is a wimp. He couldn't take the ribbing so he thought he'd try to off himself. Man, that's weak."

"STOP! YOU IGNORANT LITTLE..." Todd whipped himself around facing away from his son. For a brief moment, he wanted to smack that gloating smile off his son's face. In his mind's eye, all he could see was Peter standing gloating over him.

Jack fell back on the bed at the anger and rage he saw for a moment on Samuel's face before he turned away. For just a second he thought Samuel was going to hit him.

Todd took a deep breath and pushed back the anger. Then with his back still towards Jack, he frostily said "Do you have any idea how utterly arrogant and disgraceful that remark is." then he slowly turned back to his son, his hands tightly clasped together in an effort to keep his own anger in check. "You have no idea the damage you inflicted and you sit there and say Shane is weak because he wanted to commit suicide. Your dad contemplated suicide several times in his life. You didn't know that did you. You have no comprehension of the despair one can feel that would push them that far. You sit here in front of me all superior because you don't think you would ever do that. Listen up Jack, even you might someday find yourself facing something so insurmountable that you feel your only recourse is to end it."

Todd drew another deep breath and slowly exhaled; his son was sitting defensively on the bed having drawn his pillow around clutching it, staring up at him. Todd saw his son and realized that not only was Jack scared but he was exhibiting all the signs of someone who'd been on the same defensive side of things as Shane. Todd lowered his voice almost to a whisper. "Your dad faced challenge after challenge when he was younger. You have no idea what he lived through. Yes, he feels you have to be strong but not at the expense of another. Jack, you're breaking my heart and your mom's. What happened? Why did you feel the need to hurt someone? Who hurt you?"

Jack had grabbed his pillow and unconsciously held it as if trying to put a barrier between himself and the angry man standing over him. He had never been so scared. No one had ever been that mad at him before. He had wanted to run from the anger that Samuel was showing. Then Samuel changed and Jack saw something else in his expression. Jack saw love and concern staring down at him. This man, whom he barely knew, was showing him, love. It was weird to realize this stranger actually cared for him. The guy really was trying to help him. He had come so close to spilling everything earlier to Mom, and now Samuel was again offering help. He had never wanted Shane to get hurt. Not physically, it had just felt so good not to be the one being picked on.

Todd decided it was time to take this conversation down a notch. Todd crouch down until he was eye to eye with his son instead of standing over him. "Jack forgive me for scaring you. I saw something in you that reminded me of my adopted father and the way he used to gloat and call me weak. I don't want you to turn out like him. He was a cruel vicious man. If something has happened to you or someone has done something to you then tell me. I'll help in any way I can but I'm so worried you're headed down a path that will ultimately ruin you. I have to know one thing, tell me truthfully if you ever heard your father say that Marty deserved what she got." Todd waited for Jack to say anything, he didn't pressure him but he had to know.

Jack really wanted to trust Samuel, he missed his dad especially since Dani had arrived. His dad had just stopped being there and Jack kept trying to figure out what he had done wrong. Now his dad was in a coma and everything at school had gone haywire. Mom was mad at him and so was Starr. He really hadn't meant for Shane to hurt himself and he knew how stupid he had been to take Shane's inhaler. Samuel looked like he might be willing to listen, suddenly Jack couldn't help himself, he had to talk to someone.

"I didn't mean for Shane to get hurt really. We were just having fun.  It didn't seem so bad. It started when Shane kept having to use his inhaler and wasn't able to participate in gym, and, I don't know, I just thought he was getting away with things so I started calling him names. Then my friends started doing it too. I didn't know he was going to take it so hard, people used to call me names. I never told Mom or Dad because Dad had always said I had to be strong. He said Mannings didn't whimper instead we fought back. I couldn't tell Dad that the name-calling bothered me especially since it was because of things he had done. When Dad did his thing with Ms. Saybrook, they let him go.  They said he didn't rape her. The papers all said that Marty had asked for it. So Dad went free. That's why I said what I did to Mom I figured if she asked for it this time then she must have asked for it the other time. But Mom got really mad and slapped me. Samuel, she never hit me before. You looked like you were going to hit me too. I'm sorry I don't know how to fix this. Shane's dad is really mad and Mom and now you. Why are you so mad at me, it was just a game? He wasn't supposed to get hurt. I didn't want him to get hurt. I swear!"

Jack was pleading for understanding. Todd knew that plea. Over and over he had said something similar to Peter, not understanding where all the anger had come from, never knowing why he had incurred that anger. Jack needed to understand where the anger had come from.

"Jack, we realize you never meant it to go so far but it's your whole attitude that is causing the anger. You say you're sorry, then you immediately excuse yourself 'but it was just a game'. That's telling me you really don't get the damage you've done. We want you to understand the damage. If you're doing this because someone did this to you, explain, and we can talk about how you feel. But don't use it as an excuse to do harm."

"I made excuses. I blamed Marty, Nora, and anybody else for my plight. It wasn't my fault, they did it to me, and I wanted revenge. I went after Marty a second time and that is when I received this." Todd pointed to his scar completely forgetting, that Jack thought he was Samuel. "I was determined to get back at everyone, and the one I ended up hurting, in the long run, was myself. When I met your mom I was at one of the lowest points in my life. I was the most hated man in Llanview and everyone thought I was responsible for two rapes, even my father petitioned that I be returned to Statesville. Your mom is the only one who believed in my innocence other than my therapist. Someone showed me exactly what I had done to Marty and it wasn't pretty. Believe me, when I tell you Marty never deserved to be raped and she certainly didn't ask for it. It was the worst thing I ever did in my life and there is no erasing the damage it caused. Through the years, I've made some other bad choices and they've all resulted in me hurting people. Some people I love have gotten caught in the wake of my errors, you and your mother are just two of them. Please Jack, what can I say to make you understand just how badly you screwed up?" Todd paused.  Jack was looking at him like he had seen a ghost. "What is it, Jack? What's the matter?"

Jack stared at the man crouched in front of him. Deep in the pit of his stomach, he began to feel strange. The man in front of him wasn't any old distant cousin. He was talking about Marty like he was there. Shakily Jack asked." Who Are You?" As soon as he asks the question, Jack wished he could take it back. He was afraid of the answer Samuel is going to give him.

At Jack’s question, Todd realized that he had accidentally started talking in the first person. He’d gotten lost in his memories about Marty and Nora. From the look on Jack's face, he had caught the slip, Todd knew he could try and correct the slip or go ahead and tell Jack the truth. Enough time had been wasted. Jack needed help right now and so Todd took the plunge. He straightened his shoulders and met his son’s eyes., "I'm your father, Jack."

Jack drew in his breath. Samuel was his father? It didn't make sense, but the way Samuel was remembering things about his dad's past was scary. He looked at Samuel "How can you say that? It's not true, my dad is in the hospital." Jack was almost in tears. “Why are you saying that?” Then Jack looked into Samuel's eyes, there was something so familiar about his eyes. His stomach lurched as he realized those eyes stared out at him every day from the mirror

"Is he Jack? The man you grew up with is in the hospital, but are you sure he's your dad? Because I'm sure I'm your father, I've known you from the moment you were born. In fact, I delivered you. Unfortunately, eight years ago someone took me from you and I've just now found my way back home. You don't know me but you need to know I love you. I understand you love the man in the hospital. All I can do right now is give you someone to talk to. Don't be afraid to talk to me Jack, I won't judge you. I'd be a hypocrite if I did. I've done far worse things in my life than what you've done to Shane, but I'm here so you don't make the same mistakes I have. I can see you're upset by my news and I meant to tell you with your mother present." Todd stood back up and looked down at Jack "What do you say we go find your mom and you can ask the questions swimming around in your head." Todd headed to the door. "Come on Jack."

Jack got off the bed and skirted gingerly around the man standing in front of him.  He got to his door and saw that Samuel had locked it. Glancing nervously over his shoulder, he noted that Samuel hadn’t moved and was just watching him silently.  Jack gulped and got the door unlocked and ran from the room.  

Todd shook his head and followed his son.

As they come around the corner they ran into Blair and Addie talking. Blair took one look at her son's face and knew that something serious has gone down in his room between him and Todd. "What's the matter, Jack?"

Jack stopped. He stared at his mom and back at Samuel, "Mom, Samuel says he's my dad. What's he mean?"

She frowned."What did you tell him?" She knew what the answer was going to be.

Todd said, "The truth.” He turned his gaze on Blair’s mother. "Good evening Addie, How was your day?"

"Probably better than yours, Todd. Blair tells me you found out about Dani?" Addie was never one to mince words.

Jack listened to the exchange between Addie and Samuel and realizes she called him Todd. "Grandma, why did you call him, Todd?"

"Because that's his name, Jack. Of course, he's calling himself Samuel so you won't confuse him with the guy in the hospital, but he's definitely Todd. I can tell, it's in his eyes. Don't you see it, Jack, I know you were little when you saw him last but don't you remember your father's eyes? There's a look he gets when he loves you."

Addie smiled at Todd and he shyly smiled back. No one in the world saw him the way Addie did. He cared a great deal for Blair's mother.

"Look let's take this talk downstairs, Jack is very confused. This is hardly the place for a serious discussion." Todd didn't wait to see if they followed because he knew they would.  He headed down to the living room and perched on the end of the couch waiting for them to come in.  His thoughts were all over the board. He’d never meant to blindside Jack with the truth, but now that his identity was out in the open, he had to find a way to connect with Jack. Until they got the drama out of the way concerning his relationship with Jack, they wouldn't be able to get back to the matter of the bullying. Todd nervously started to clean his nails as he waited for everyone to get settled.

Blair and Jack entered the room and Jack immediately turned to his mom. "Mom, you've got to tell me. What's going on? This is crazy. You don't believe this man, do you? He doesn't even look like dad. How can he be my father?" Jack turned back to Todd "You take it back. Why are you lying? My dad is in the hospital. I don't even know you. Grandma doesn't know what she is talking about. You're not my dad...you can't be my dad..." his voice trails off as he looks back and forth between his mom and Samuel.

His mom wasn't denying it. She was looking at Samuel the way people do when they're sharing some knowledge that no one else knows and Samuel was doing the same. Then Samuel looked at him. Jack once again found himself looking into those all too familiar eyes. What was it grandma said? Jack found himself remembering a time when he was just a little kid. He could hear a man laughing. It was a funny laugh almost like the man didn't laugh very often, then he remembered the man picking him up and he was looking into those eyes, the ones staring right at him.  He looked at Samuel and really looked at his face.

Another memory popped into his head of Starr showing him pictures of their Mom and Dad when they got married and her trying to explain that the picture was what his dad looked like first. Samuel looked a little like those pictures. Jack knew his dad had hated his old pictures and had said he was glad he didn't have that face any longer. Maybe the reason he hated his old face was because he hated the man with that old face. If Samuel was his real father? Who was the man in the Hospital that he called Dad? The more he looked at Samuel the more real he became in his mind, the old memory became sharper. Could it really be true? Jack sat down abruptly looking at both his parents. God, It’s true.  Dad isn't really Dad, and Samuel is. Jack felt totally confused and now his feelings were all tangled up."Mom what do I do?" he pleaded with a catch in his voice.

Blair went to her son and drew him into her arms giving him a hug. "You know Jack, it's a good thing. You have two dads who love you. Samuel is your father, your real father. His real name is Todd Manning. He loves you and has been away the whole time you've been growing up because someone did something to him and it prevented him from being here. He's not going to push you or make you do anything you don't want to do. But he does have the right to get to know you and he does have the right to be concerned with what you're doing right now." She looked over at Todd and smiled. She knew that Todd was on pins and needles wondering if his son was going to accept him. Blair hadn't seen Todd fidget so much since he arrived home from the hospital.

Todd looked at his son, "What do you say, Jack?  Will you give me a chance to be your father too?"

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