Todd Revisited: Gone (Chapter 39)

Dr. Asper approached the bed as Todd was slightly dozing.  "Mr. Manning?"


He opened one eye, slyly, lifting an eyebrow. "I hate that name."


Dr. Asper smiled.  He LIKED this guy, regardless of all of the mess.  "All right, Todd.  You requested a session with me?"


"Yep."  Todd sat straight up, and fixed his blankets around him.  He ran his fingers through his hair, and cleared his throat.  "Ok, let her rip."


At this, Dr. Asper threw back his head and laughed.  "Todd, if you requested the session, there must be something you wanted?"


"I want to show you I'm ready to go home."


"Ah, I see."  The doctor paced a bit.  "And how would you do that?  I've already told you what I believe.  Your condition is a miracle and at the same time, it could be a deadly hindrance."


Todd knew his words were truth.  "I just feel the hindrance part is behind me now.  I am ready to go, and I'd rather have your blessing than leave without it."


Dr. Asper squinted a bit.  Somehow, he seemed to see something in Todd that Todd wasn't great at hiding.  "Is this for me, or for you?"


"Both, I am hoping.  So go ahead, take your best shot."


"I don't have a shot to take, we've been here already.  I told you my point of view."


"I want you to ask me things."


"What kind of things?"


"Ask me about . . . well, ask me about . . ."  He paused, seeking Tom and Pete.  Nothing.  "Ask me about my father."


"I've asked you about him before."


"Yeah, but I didn't tell you much."


"No, I suppose you didn't, did you?"


"No."


He sighed.  "All right, Todd, I'll bite.  Tom talked about The Big Truth.  You want to elaborate?"


Todd squirmed slightly in the bed.  Folding his arms over his chest, he spoke, "Sure.  All right.  The Big Truth is what I finally remembered while I was in Ireland."


"And that is?"


"And that is...."  He swallowed, "and that is that my adoptive father, Peter Manning, was a brutal, sadistic asshole."


"In what way?"


"He mistreated me, or us.  I guess me."  Todd stopped, checking.  Nothing.  "He abused me.  Often.  Different ways.  He used me as a punching bag, he humiliated me, emotionally tortured me, never showed me love."  He closed his eyes.  He said in his mind's eye, "Tom?  Tom, are you there?"  Nothing.


"Are you all right?"


"Yes, I am all right.  I need to finish this."   He paused a moment.  "He took everything from me.  He didn't let me sleep, made me fear night and cower from dreams.  He hit me, slapped me, beat me, burned me, tortured me.  He. . ."  Todd stopped, trying to gather his emotion.  No sign of Pete or Tom.  "He did everything someone can do to someone else out of hate."


Dr. Asper found himself lost in Todd's pain for a few moments.  He composed his thoughts as well, and responded.  "Everything?"


Todd knew what he was asking.  It was time he stopped speaking in euphemisms and just admit it.  For the first time, he had to admit it.  It wouldn't be Tom, it would have to be HIM.  His voice, his memories.  "Everything.  Even the worst things."


"You said he burned you?"


"My hands.  He burned my hands.  He made me hold them over flames.  It was one of his favorite games.  At the same time, he was some kind of sick, religious zealot.  He was a member of a cult or something.  He used to read pamphlets from this weird church.  He thought a lot of what he was doing would take the devil out of me.  Boy, was he wrong."


"I see.  You cooperated."


"Sometimes.  Most times.  And when I didn't, it got worse.  I have scars on my back to prove it.  A lot of them have faded but, the idea of them never will, I guess."


"Everything.  That's horrible, really, Todd.  I am sorry that this happened to you."  Todd's face twisted briefly with emotion.  "You must know, it's not your fault.  And you must know why the alters were created then."


Todd nodded.  "I think so.  Tom was born when I was six.  After an incident with my father, I was bleeding from both knees, and dragging myself across the kitchen.  Tom appeared in front of me, he took my hand and he said I would be ok, and then took over for me.  I was standing there watching him drag us to the bathroom, and watching him soak ourselves in a cool bath and put bandaids on our knees.  I noticed that it stopped hurting when Tom took over.  He would cry, but I wouldn't feel it anymore.  We used to take turns."  Todd choked up.  "He was the best friend I had in my whole life.  Without Tom, I am not sure . . ."  


Dr. Asper placed a strong hand on Todd's shoulder.  "A lot of people experience that kind of love for their alters.  It's natural.  They are real to you, and they have helped you survive, which is their purpose, isn't it?"


Todd, composing himself, smiled.  "Yeah, I suppose.  This alters stuff is so hard for me to accept, but I gotta.  Doc, I miss Tom.  I really do.  I call him, and he doesn't come.  This is why I know I am ready."


"Ok."  A long pause.  Both of them were silent.  "What about Pete?"


Todd looked up suddenly.  "What about him?"


"Is he gone?"


Todd searched again, almost wildly.  Calling to Pete, he opened his eyes.  "He won't come."


"When was Pete born?"


Todd ran his fingers through his hair again.  "He was born when my father . . .he was born to protect me from my father."


"You needed protecting a long time.  Why then?  Why wait until you were fourteen?"


Todd was glad that the doctor had gone there.  He waited for Pete to make an appearance, and braced himself to send him right back into the shadows, with Tom's help.  Nothing.  "Pete, come out!"  Nothing.


"He was born then because I was...my father...I was sexually abused for the first time then."


He held his breath.  In light of what he was used to, Pete was coming, and would be storming the place.  Still, nothing.


He opened his eyes again, looking at Dr. Asper.  "Please, let me go.  Please.  I need my wife. She quiets everything in me that's churning and storming."  He let it all go, and tears came.  "I need to be back to her.  I know Pete's gone and I can keep him that way, with her help.  Please.  I have a baby coming."


Dr. Asper sighed, a longer one than ever.  "I can't keep you here, I told you that.  You want me to say you're healed, you're integrated, no more Pete, no more Tom."


"Yeah, I do."


"You're afraid of Pete coming back and what he might do to Blair, and to the baby.  You're afraid that Pete will take over and that he will rape your daughter.  Isn't that what you're scared of?"


Todd closed his eyes.  Expecting a surge of pain and a raging hot flash that moved from his gut to his head, and Pete's growling response, he waited.  Nothing.


"He's gone."


"Who?"

"Pete.  Well, both of them.  They are gone.  There's nothing there, I've tried.  I called them, and I baited them.  Nothing."


"You want me to say you're ok, then?"


"Yes."


Dr. Asper picked up his clipboard.  "Todd, I can't keep you here, you can sign yourself out at any time.  You know that.  But I also can't tell you something that I don't believe to be true.  I do believe you want him gone, and I do believe that for now, he's quiet.  But I don't believe that at the first sign of trouble, he won't be there, again, in full force.  Do you?"


Todd refolded his arms.  "I have to go."


"Then I cannot stop you.  If you have to go, you have to go.  But I won't tell you it's over."  And with that, Dr. Asper placed the discharge papers, requiring Todd's signature, on the side table and left.  Todd didn't know then that he'd never see the doctor again.  


He turned, picked up the white sheet, signed it with determination, and leaped from the bed, grabbing his things and shoving them into the bag Lily had given him.  "You're wrong, doc, you're just plain wrong.  Pete's gone, Tom's gone and I'm gone - back to Llanview."


He sat up quickly when he heard the guard rounding the corner and clanging other doors to other cells.  Lunch was coming.  More baloney.  He rolled his eyes.  Stretching, he reminded himself of how his dreams were complex metaphors or remembrances as usual, but not as upsetting as they could be.  Then his lunch was slid under the bars.  He opened the meal, not excitedly, and found an envelope draped across his food.  It was addressed to "Todd Manning."


When he opened it, his heart leaped into his throat.  A death threat, penned in perfect penmanship by none other than Irene, his mother, was intent with leveling his family to nothingness.  He had to get out.


Just then, as if by fate, Starr came close to the bars.  Within moments, he had told her the threats and also requested her assistance in helping him escape.  She was beautiful, all of 20 years old, and standing there, with the same eyes she had years back when she wanted to please him and help him in some connivance.  She sparkled with anticipation as she organized her plan.


"Are you pre-med?"  He asked.


"I'm going to be a singer."


"A singing doctor?"


Before long, she had the plan in motion, and after dumping water on him to simulate sweating, she put on her act, crying to the guards and pleading with them to save her father from his heart attack.  


When he ever looked up from the floor and saw her holding a gun on the two guards, he was plain puzzled.  This little girl, his little girl, holding  weapon on two trained cops?  It was almost too much, and he stopped to wonder if he still was dreaming by chance.


What flashed in the next two minutes included him tying and gagging them at her insistence, them breaking out and Starr throwing the guns, unfortunately to him, into a vacant cell nearby.


He put his arm around her, and with pride embellishing his swagger, they walked off.

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