The Mysterious Samuel Toddman: Chapter 55

Todd started to stand up but almost toppled over as the pain seared through his head,"Ahhh!" he collapsed into the chair grabbing his head.

Blair and Ray immediately rushed to check him out. He hadn't blacked out, but he was struggling through a fog and what sounded like a thousand anvils in his head to keep from passing out.  Finally, the pain receded.

"Sheesh Blair, what did you hit me with?" You could hear the pain in his voice underneath his attempt to lighten the mood. Then he saw the broken pieces of the vase on the floor. More pain came as Ray flashed a light in his eyes. "Ow watch the light, Ray." Blair handed him the towel and Todd held it against the back of his head.

Ray said. "I think you've got a concussion, Todd. Your pupils aren't equal.  Blair, he's going to need watching.  You might want to consider going to the hospital, Todd."

"How the hell am I going to explain this in ER?  Bo wanted me to keep a low profile. Showing up in an emergency is not 'low profile' to me.  I'll weather it out here.  Blair, get me some aspirin, please." Todd watched Blair head to the bathroom and turned his eyes to Ray. "Ok, how bad was it?  Be honest."

"It wasn't good, Todd.  Pete seemed to have a pretty good foothold.  If Blair hadn't injured him, we might not have succeeded in getting you back.  Blair is quite a woman Todd, she never hesitated in taking him out, even though she knew she was going to hurt you. That takes a lot of guts. Then, she called me immediately.   You're lucky to have her. I remember how she was there for you when you were up for attempted rape against Rebecca.  You never felt you deserved friends, but guess what Todd.  I think some people disagree with you.  Blair and I are two of them, and I have a feeling you have a few more out there.  Todd, it's time for you to talk to me about your childhood.  Tom came out for a reason and although I can guess the cause, you need to start facing it."  Ray stopped talking as Blair brought Todd the aspirin and a glass of water.

"Talk to me Todd, tell me more about your early life."

Todd moved over so that Blair could sit on the arm of his chair. She put her arm around his shoulder as he leaned into her. Through half-lidded eyes, he looked at Ray wincing because of the light.  Ray walked over and lowered the lights in the room then he sat down and waited for Todd to start. "I hate talking about Peter.  He was a bastard that stole from me and treated me like the dirt he walked on.  Things were alright when I was real little, but my mom was around then.  Then he started hurting her.  He didn't like women, but I told you that, didn't I?  I was probably eight or nine when she left. She just left. I didn't know why at the time.  It hurt because I thought I had done something wrong especially when she didn't take me with her.  In Peter's eyes, I was the reason she left, and since he couldn't take out his anger on her any longer, he started on me."

Todd took a breath.  "Those first few months after she left, I couldn't do anything right.  I tried. God, how I tried.  He liked to find different ways to 'make me strong' as he would say. For no reason at all, he would come and pull me out of bed then he would make me do something to prove my worth.  I remember telling Tea about the night he made me kneel on a pile of dry rice with my bare knees.  I wasn't allowed to move.  It didn't matter that the rice felt like shards of glass.  After about twenty minutes, he refused to let me up.  It was early in the morning when he fell asleep at the table, and I crawled somehow past him and got to my room.  I remember how my pajama legs stuck to my knees when I awoke.  I had to carefully take them off as they pulled free of the dried blood.  I hid them and walked them down to the washer so that he wouldn't know I had gotten blood on them.  After several more such nights, I stopped feeling anything.  I had found I could go someplace else."

He continued, "My fa...Peter, decided I needed the pain to prove myself, so he brought out his lighter.  He told me Hindu monks could withstand pain and he wanted to see how long I could last.  He lit his lighter and with the flame going, he had me put my hand over it.  I was about eleven then.  Suddenly, I found myself watching the whole thing from another angle.  I could see the flame, but could no longer feel anything.  I remember looking around for an instant, and I felt like I was in a large room but I couldn't see any walls or ceiling.  There was one other person with me, a woman.  I remember asking her where I was and she just said I was somewhere safe.  I asked her name and she told me it was Ms. Perkins.  The next thing I remember was how bad my hand hurt, I looked up at my da...my dad, and could feel the tears in my eyes.  He stood there smiling and just walked away."

Todd closed his eyes as he felt the tears burning there. Inside his head, he heard Ms. Perkins voice. " Todd, you can take a break, let Tom out; he can tell part of the story."

Blair had been near to tears as Todd had been reciting his story. She had known about the lighter from Todd's trial, but the other stuff was new to her.  When Todd stopped talking, she was afraid he had passed out.  Ray looked concerned too.  He started to check on Todd when his eyes opened back up.

"Owww!  Boy does his head hurt. Hi, Blair. I'm here to help. Ms. Perkins said you wanted to hear about my life.  What do you want to know?  Hey Blair, could I have a soda or something." He looked up and grinned. Then he looked across at Ray. "Oh hi, I'm Tom. Todd's not feeling so good right now, and so I'm here. Is that Ok?"

Ray looked at Tom.  From his demeanor, Tom struck him as a young boy.  Ray really wanted Todd to finish his story, but it was obvious that Ms. Perkins was doing her job.  Ray knew he would have to talk to Ms. Perkins next.  She was protecting Todd, but Todd needed to stop hiding, and Ray had to make Ms. Perkins understand that. Tom had experienced some of Peter's torture, so Ray decided to hear what Tom had to say. "Go ahead Tom, tell us about Peter Manning."

Blair brought Tom a soda and he draped the cold towel over his head. It was just something a young boy might do and Blair couldn't help smiling.  "Well let see.  Todd's dad was a really mean old man. The first time I met him he had Todd standing in a bucket of ice water and as the ice melted he kept adding more.  One minute I was watching, then suddenly, I was out.  Boy, I was cold, but he wouldn't let me move.  He kept saying that I needed to toughen up, that I couldn't show people my fear.  I thought he was nuts.  I just wanted to be warm, but he just kept adding that ice.  Suddenly, I fell over.  He got really mad and stood me up but I couldn't stand anymore.  I couldn't feel my legs from the knees down so he got mad and stormed off.  I reached with my hands and lifted my legs out of the water.  It was funny, they didn't feel like they were even there."

"I don't know how long I sat there rubbing them.  I just remember when they started to burn, they were hurting so bad,  I pulled the bucket over on them to make the burning stop and he came in and saw what I had done.  He made me clean up the floor, I didn't have any towels so I took my shirt off and tried to mop up the water all the while I was crying and scooting around on the floor, because my legs hurt so bad, then he told me since I had made such a mess of the kitchen, I didn't get dinner that night.  He left the room turning off the light and leaving me in the dark.  I was so cold.  Finally, I started feeling my feet and so I pulled myself up onto a chair and began rubbing my legs again.  I remember feeling very tired and laying my head down on the table.  I was back inside the next morning. Todd was getting yelled at because he was being so slow.  He was limping, and I knew why."

Tom looked at Blair and Ray and took a quick drink of his soda. "Poor Todd, we started switching places a lot then.  Not all the time, because Todd didn't want me going through it any more than he did.  But we helped each other.  If Todd had a real rough night with his dad, then I would come out and take over for him at school.  I really liked that.  That's how I got to meet Mr. Rappaport.  Todd and I were like twins.  Only no one knew about us.  Todd's dad just kept getting meaner.  If Todd came home with a bad grade, our 'dad' started beating us with his belt.  It got to the point that it didn't matter who took the beating, the next day was torture for both of us.  Either I got hurt taking the beating and Todd had to go through school all bruised and cut on his back, or he took the beating and I endured school all hurt. Our 'Dad' was fascinated with that lighter of his."

Tom paused and opened his palms and looked at his hands "The burns are still there just below the surface.  Some days, it was hard to get homework finished because the hands hurt so bad, I couldn't write.  I liked to write.  I would write stories to take my mind off my back or any other place.  At one point, I started a diary of sorts.  I put down my thoughts and then Todd would finish the entry.  One day, our 'dad' got hold of it.  He was furious when he read what we had written and that was the day the belt got turned around for the first time.  He tied Todd off the end of our bed with his head facing the pillow and then he started hitting Todd.  Todd was trying not to cry,  but then he started screaming and our 'Dad' started laughing.  I could see that Todd was going to keep taking the beating so I forced my way out and took the last of the beating for him."

Tom looked up and took the towel off his head and used it to dry his eyes. "It hurt so bad that night. We fell asleep on the end of the bed and sometime during the night our 'dad' untied us. One of us made it to the bathroom and then we turned on the shower.  I guess I was in charge because I remember looking down at the floor and watching the water turn brown from the blood on our back.  That was the one and only time we played hooky from school.  Todd pretended to be the housekeeper and called us in sick.  I remember we left and started walking.  We didn't care where we were going.  We just had to get away from that house.  We finally ended up outside the airport.  We climbed the fence and laid down on our stomach, on the grass at the far end of the runway.  We stayed and watched the planes zoom down and lift off in front of us; it was the coolest thing.  Todd had been keeping track of the time, so we headed back home before anyone found out we hadn't gone to school.

We got lucky that night because "Peter" had a date so he left us alone. We took another shower and this time, the water didn't sting quite as bad. Todd put on two t-shirts to keep the blood from getting on his pajamas and we went to sleep. After that day, "Peter" started dating more so Todd and I did everything we could to steer clear and not get him angry with us.  We got more involved with Mr. Rappaport and learned how to play football."  Tom stopped for a moment.

"Things didn't get any worse till Todd's fourteenth Birthday. Then, Pete showed up and everything changed.  Todd says he'll be right out, um, but before I go can I see Starr's picture and little Hope's too.  My head's feeling a little better.  Boy, this place hasn't changed too much since I was last here.  Except for all of Samuel's stuff over there."

Tom stood up carefully, started to sway and grabbed Blair's hand.  Then he stood straighter and said, "See, I'm better."  He walked to the studio and looked at Samuel's two pictures. "Wow, That's Starr.  She’s so old now.  Look at Hope, she reminds me of Starr. Hey, what's this picture?" Tom lifted the cover and said, "Wow, Blair, you're hot."  Then he lowered the cover and walked back towards Blair.  As he walked his gait changed and suddenly Blair found herself face to face with Todd.

"You're right, Tom. She certainly is." He took her hand and went to the couch and pulled Blair down on his lap and looked across at Ray. "I'm sorry I wimped out on you, but you see with Tom and me most everything were shared experiences.  I told you I hated Peter, and now you know why."

"I definitely see why you would hate your adopted father. Why didn't you ask for help?" asked Ray.

"Because at first I loved him and I had this overwhelming need to please him. I don't know why I let it go on.  You tell me, Ray.  You tell me."

Todd rubbed his forehead, he was starting to feel a little sick. "Ray I think you're right about the head. I'm not feeling too hot right now. I don't know if it's the blow, or what we've been discussing but things are getting a little blurry." Blair immediately got off his lap as Ray came back over to check Todd out.

"Easy Todd, lay your head back. This is probably going to hurt again." Ray once again used his flashlight to check Todd's eyes. "Blair we better get him to the emergency room. This might be more serious than a concussion, he needs some professional assistance now. Todd, do you think you can make it to the car? "

Todd grimaced and said, "With a little bit of help I think so."

Ray helped him up and supported him as Blair got the door. They made their way to the elevator and took it down to the garage. Todd was getting more unsteady by the minute. Blair opened her car doors and Ray helped Todd into the back then he and Blair got in the front and they headed out. It wasn't that long a drive to the hospital but Todd passed out right before they arrived. Blair stayed with Todd as Ray went for help.

They wheeled him in and the doctor went to work ascertaining the problem.

Blair waited anxiously praying she hadn't seriously injured Todd. "Ray, what if it's serious. I didn't want this to happen I was just trying to stop Pete from attacking Tea." Ray looked at her, "Blair at the time, you had no other recourse you couldn't have foreseen this. Let's not imagine the worse."

The doctor came out, they were going to take him down for a cat scan. The Xrays didn't show any fractures so they were checking for possible bleeds. The scans came back negative for bleeds. Todd had started to come around right before they got him back to the room. The conclusion was that Todd had sustained a severe concussion. The blow to the head had caused some minor swelling to take place which had resulted in his blackout. The doctors and Blair decided that he would stay the night for observation and if the night went alright he could be released in the morning. Blair arranged a private room so she could stay with him and keep an eye on him.

Blair and Ray joined Todd and informed him he would be spending the night. Todd didn't put up too much of a fight. He thought his head was going to explode. Looking at Ray, he said. "So much for weathering it out at home. Thanks for your help. Give me a couple days to recover and we'll continue our talk. I've got to do something about Pete, I don't think I'll survive any more of Blair's hits."

Blair punched him in the shoulder and he winced. "Oh God I'm sorry Todd," said Blair, her eyes were filled with concern, he reached over and took her hand.

"Blair, you did the right thing I couldn't live with myself if Pete had harmed Tea or you." He looked back at Ray. "Well, Ray?"

Ray walked over and said. "I should have insisted on bringing you in for a check before continuing today, especially with everything you've been through lately. We'll have another session Todd but we're doing it at Cherryvale again and this time, a doctor and nurse will be on hand. I'm not going to take any more chances with your health. Todd, you continue to amaze me. After hearing your tale this afternoon, I'm not surprised you wanted to have our session. You've endured so much and gotten through it, you've started taking unnecessary risks with your health. From now on, we work by my rules, I haven't lost any patients and I don't want you to be my first. Agreed?" he looked at Todd waiting for an answer.

Todd had been up against Ray's stubbornness before, so he knew better than to argue. "Agreed." Ray smiled and departed leaving Blair alone with Todd.

Todd was settled into a private room for the night. Blair called Starr and told her of the day's events and where they would be spending the night. Starr said she would get the information to Addie and the boys would be taken care of. Blair looked over at Todd, he was starting to drift off to sleep. She closed the door and climbed into bed with him. she was going to make sure he made it through the night without any complications. Soon they both were asleep.

A song was playing on the radio, breaking the silence like a band in summer. It was his birthday again, that he knew, even in a dream, he knew. The dream was a repeat; he had it throughout his life. It was the dream that always started with the same song before a knock on the door.

“Here comes that rain again . . .”

And the knock. The hallway leading to the door is congested with acrid fog. He walks to the door like every other time.

Opening the door, the smoke dissipates. Michelle stands at the door. Her hair is tied in a ponytail to one side of her head and she’s wearing a short skirt and white blouse with a black bolero jacket. Like every other time in the dream only, the jacket has Freddy Kruger slashes in it, but she does not seem to notice. In her hands, she cradles a cake, decorated with blue icing that says “Happy Birthday.”

Michelle walks into the house, and in the dream, he knows. He knows it and feels it. There’s dread, thick, gelatinous and coagulated: frightening. She walks into the living room and sets the cake down. “Aren’t you going to light the candles?” He reaches for her, to lean toward her to kiss her cheek in thanks and remembers the lighter. He needs the lighter to light the candles. He’s never had a birthday cake since . . .

Leaving her, he has to cross the hallway again, padded again with overpowering smoke, to get to his father’s room and retrieve the silver torch. Something about it felt good in his hand, cool and sleek, and at the same time, Todd wondered why it made his stomach quiver to touch it. Making his way back to her, he can see that in the dream, she’s gone. Her jacket is on the floor in a pool of congealing blood. He opens his mouth to scream, but can’t, and before he can try again, he feels the back of his shirt ripped up toward the ceiling.

In one swift move, he feels the sharp slice of the metal buckle against his back. It’s usual, expected, blunt and hot like a burn. He turns, and the lighter, extended in the hand of The Bad Man, in black, face hooded, is lit with a flame that flickers at three inches. And the routine, his hand grabbed by the wrist, held over the orange and white flare, he holds it there until he fades away for a moment, goes outside himself, and in the dream, he sees himself from the side and cheers himself on. Next, a shove and he’s down. No, not this. Who’s The Bad Man? He’s been here before, no. He struggles, like every other nightmare time, to stay on his back, because . . . no, not this. I won’t let him turn me. I won’t let him . . .

The song blares, "Tearing me apart like a new emotion . . .”

The Bad Man has superhuman strength and no matter how Todd fights, or how Tom fights, or how Ms. Perkins encourages the boys to fight, The Bad Man can just reach down and turn them over, rag dolls to a giant. The blood’s all over now, more than it was, covering everything and everywhere. Red is smeared all over the room like grease; his hands, face, and body bloodied and sliding, he can’t fight. He can’t. He’s facedown on the floor, his hands sliding into the scarlet puddles; he can’t get away, slipping as he tries, he just can’t get away. Who is The Bad Man? Who is he? And why does he do . . . this . . . ?

Todd sees his own hands make five-finger streaks, like Freddy again, across the floor through the clots and lakes of crimson as he’s dragged backward, and panic sets in. Scrambling, his feet pedal and his arms swim but the dragging, oh the dragging, no not the dragging. No, ‘cause when the dragging stops. . .

The dragging stops. His legs open and a pain shoots through him from his very core, through his heart, to his head and he’s gone. Tom, rushing to his side, pushes himself in Todd’s place. In the dream, Todd can see it all from the side, like watching a movie. And The Bad Man says bad things to Tom and laughs, a circus clown with murderous eyes. And Todd tries through enraged tears to see who The Bad Man is that has Tom, but only Tom knows, because Tom looks back over his shoulder and Tom sees the evil face looking down at him through the black cloth, and Tom knows.

The laughter echoes, pounding at him.

Todd walks into the choking smoke, down the hall, hearing The Bad Man and Tom behind him. He walks in a zombie gait to his room where he finds his bed, and his pillow, and covers his ears, making his birthday wish, and it is for sleep.

Todd jerked awake in a cold sweat. He reached, found Blair, and pulled her closer, getting comfort knowing he was not alone.

Blair felt Todd wake and pull her close. She could tell from his racing heart that he'd had another nightmare. After what he had revealed to Ray, she was sure the dreams were probably horrendous. She felt his heart slow down to a more normal rate as he fell asleep again. She felt so helpless. The more he opened up, the more her heart broke for him. Todd had done so many terrible things to a lot of people, herself included but in the end, he had been reacting with the only tool at his disposal. His survival instinct was so etched into his makeup that in his world you struck first or you died. He had faced death so many times and survived. It must have been a serious blow to him when he almost lost the game because his own body betrayed him. Now he was trying to regroup but the setbacks were disheartening.

She knew Todd was getting weary and losing hope that he could get everything turned around. He had always done things his own way by himself and had always felt alone. He just couldn't see that he had other people ready to step forward and help him. Blair had been trying to help Todd when she had knocked Pete out. It had never occurred to her that the consequences of her actions might have been detrimental to Todd.

Blair lay there thinking back to the moment when Todd had passed out in the car. She still reeled from the fact that she could have killed him. He said he didn't blame her but it scared her. When she walked in the penthouse and heard Pete insulting Tea, her first instinct had been to protect. Todd's personalities had become so real to her that she perceived a very real threat when she saw Pete and had forgotten he was also Todd. It was more imperative than ever to get rid of Pete. The thought of someone taking out Pete for some transgression with no thought to the fact that Todd was inside petrified her. Blair fell into an uneasy sleep.

Several hours later, the nurse came to check on Todd and see how he was doing. He still had some sensitivity to light, but the headache had diminished significantly. The doctor came by and said he could go home but advised that he rest at least one more day. Blair assured the doctor that he would do just that. Before leaving the hospital, Blair took a moment to go check on Tea. Blair looked in and saw that Tea was resting. She checked at the nurses station but there had been no change in Walker's status. Blair went back and got Todd and they left without encountering anyone they might know.

Todd looked over at Blair as they headed home. "You've been awfully quiet since we woke this morning. What's up?"

Blair glanced at him. "It's nothing. Don't worry about it."

"Blair something's bothering you. Did I do something or are you bothered by what you heard yesterday? Whatever it is I'll try to fix it. Just tell me." Todd couldn't stand it when Blair got moody because she usually got that way after he did something. And right now he couldn't think of anything that he could have done to get her that way. It was driving him crazy.

"It's nothing you did, it's something I did." said Blair

"Well, that really clears it up. Like no! Come on, what did you do?" asked Todd

"Todd, I nearly killed you. I was so intent on keeping Pete from hurting Tea, I forgot he was you. I realized last night how real your alters are. I'm scared for you. I remember at your trial when Pete showed up I thought it was you so it didn't bother me when you were acting cruelly. I couldn't understand why Vicki was so concerned that Pete was out. I saw her fear for you but it didn't register.  I understand it now. Pete terrified me yesterday, he was ready to hurt Tea without a second thought. My thought was to stop him and I did. All I wanted to do was get you back and I chose to use a violent method to do it. I didn't mean to hurt you but I did.  If he gets out again someone else might use a more lethal method to stop him."

She looked over at him again."Todd, I don't think you're ready to meet him but I'm afraid to wait till you are. I understand now why you've been so desperate to keep him contained." Blair pulled into the garage and stopped the car. "All those years ago when you were in love with Tea I put pressure on Tom, and Pete came out and made trouble for you. I accidentally cost you Tea, I'm sorry Todd. You fled rather then reveal that your alters were real and now you've had to expose yourself to disbelief. In fact, Tea's disbelief upset you so much that Pete escaped. How can you love someone who's done all that to you and almost killed you?"

Todd shrugged and said, "I just do. Just like I know that I'm the one for you. We fit Blair."

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