Hope from the Ocean: 31

Timothy opened the door to his flat, and entered, putting his keys on the nearby table and letting the door close and grab the lock behind him with a loud click.  He hadn't sold the flat when he left Ireland the last time; having grown up as an Irishman made him hesitant to close all ties.

Sitting in the old, leather chair that was worn perfectly the way he loved it, he sank back.  He realized the place was a bit dusty, and told himself he would go over it again with a feather duster before bed.  The first thing he had done when he returned to it two days prior was empty all of the alcohol into the toilet and flush.  This included every bottle, every flask and every stash.  Following that, he had dug out a few torn photographs of Erin and Eric, and glanced over them.  Returning them to the spot he always kept them in, he turned his attention to his book, and began to read in the dim, soft light of the early evening.

He heard a familiar rapping at the door.  It was Jimmy, using a tell-tale knock he was familiar with.  He answered the door, and Jimmy rushed in.  Timothy said, "Were ya followed, Mate?"

"No.  I wasn't.  I have information, Timothy.  I believe it's what ya wanted."

"All right, what is it?"

"Ya know the expression of finding things right under your nose?"

"Yes, I know it well."

"Well, hold on to y'ar hat, they've found Thornhart."

***

"Shaun, you've arrived?"

"Yeah, John, we just landed.  We're getting into the copter now.  Devon and I are assigned to protect the family.  Seems we have our own little cabin on the grounds."

"Good.  Do me a favor, will ya?"

"If I can."

"Keep Manning out of Dublin."

"He's a grown man, and believe me, if he wants to be in Dublin, he will be."

"Well, the least you can do is try for me.  I want him out of this.  He's got too much emotion tied up in it all, and it won't be good with how this is panning out."

"What, it's bad?"

"I don't think I have to remind you what we're dealing with."

Shaun stopped.  "I still remember Todd, when they found him.  I've never seen a man look that way and live."

"Exactly why he needs to stay out of this."

"Thornhart, you going to find him?"

"I plan to."

"I'll do what I can.  But you know Todd.  He does what he wants.  Like it or not."

"I know.  Familiar with the guy.  Spent a lot of time with him in Greece."

"Again, I'll try.  I might have to get Blair involved.  That's the only person he even thinks about listening to once his mind is made up."

John thought.  "My money is on the nun," he said.

***

"Seems they believe Patrick is in the catacombs.  Somewhere underground in Rialto."  Jimmy offered.  Come to think of it, Thornart is probably being kept in the same place the American was, a few years back.  The one ya adopted, what's his name?  It's escaped me."

"Todd."

"Ay.  We call him The American here, or sometimes, The American with the Scar.  He's become part of the RA21 folklore.  Somewhat of a folk hero, or a type of deity.  The locals are amazed by the stories of what he endured."

"Hmf.  A deity.  Todd would laugh at this."

"Well, signs point to the fact that Thornhart is being held in the same catacombs under Rialto.  They had vacated that area when they were caught before.  Seems they liked their set up too much to let it go."

"Possibly.  Ya have the proof?"

"Some of the younger set found out.  They have every entrance guarded by armed henchmen, bombs, booby traps, the works.  They're reluctant to break into this without being fully prepared."

"I'll ask Todd about this, but I know what he will say.  He will tell us to move quickly.  Thornhart probably won't have much time."

"I'll agree.  I just wanted ya to know the next bit.  At least they have found his whereabouts."

"I'll let John McBain know.  I thank ya for getting back to me."

"Just remember, Timothy, ya know what they are capable of.  Watch your back.  It wasn't long ago that ya were their main target, My Friend."

Jimmy left, and the door clicked quietly behind him, the lock automatically catching.  Timothy sat back in the chair and closed his eyes.  In his mind, he remembered being in the cemetery, on a hill outside Dublin.  The voice in his head was still as clear in his mind as it was that day, 31 years ago:


Do not stand at my grave and forever weep.
I am not there; I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn’s rain.
When you awaken in the morning’s hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and forever cry.
I am not there. I did not die.

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R.E.M. Part 12

I still got this dream that you just can’t shake

I love you to the point you can no longer take

Well, all right, okay

So be that way

I hope and pray

That there’s something left to say

He woke abruptly, furious that Blair wasn’t beside him. The last thing she’d said was that they might not have ended up together if their lives had been different, and he wasn’t going to let that garbage go unchallenged.

The second phone was shaking in his hands as he called Blair’s second phone.

It rang three or four times. She must have fallen asleep. He couldn’t blame her; he had managed to sleep despite the party that had spilled into the street not far below his window.

But you

Why you wanna give me a runaround?

Is it a sure-fire way to speed things up

When all it does is slow me down…

He squinted out the window again, ignoring the party and looking toward the hospital where Peter Manning had died. Thoughts of Peter always made him want to crawl out of his skin.

“Todd?” she whispered halfway through the fourth ring.

His need shifted to anger at the sound of her voice. “You shouldn’t answer that way,” he scolded. “What if they catch me with one of these phones on me and call the number in the memory to check? Don’t talk like you’re expecting me until you’re sure it really is me.”

“Well, we won’t have to worry about that if you use all of our phones in one night!” she snapped back.

“I can get more phones. I can’t get more you if they decide I’ve told you something and try to torture it out of you.”

“You can’t get more phones if you end up searching for Victor or these people in the middle of nowhere.”

“Where I am right now, I can get more,” he told her. He decided it wasn’t that much of a violation of their own personal don’t ask, don’t tell policy. She had figured out that he wasn’t currently in the middle of nowhere the minute she’d heard the music in the background. “If I don’t call tomorrow, that won’t be why.”

He heard her swallow hard.

“I’m sorry,” he said quietly. “During those eight years, there were so many times when just hearing your voice would have been the most amazing gift. I stopped wishing for most things because they seemed so far away. But your voice…” He trailed off, not sure where he’d even meant to go with this.

“I love you,” she said, and he wasted precious seconds trying to speak around the lump in his throat.

“I wanted you to know that you’re wrong,” he rasped out at last.

“That’s so sweet of you, Todd!” she said with false joviality. “Out of all the things I’ve missed about you, you telling me I’m wrong has got to be in the top thirty or forty thousand.”

“Well, you were wrong,” he told her, unapologetic. “You said that you and I might not have ended up together if our lives had been different. It’s not true. We were always going to find each other. Even if the head witch had started brainwashing you before you could talk. You would have figured it out eventually and I would have waited.  There is no alternate reality out there where you and I don’t end up together. So you need to take back what you said.”

“I take it back,” she obliged.

“Good,” he said.

“And I wouldn’t have made you wait. I never could hold out that long against you.”

“You made me wait pretty long this last time,” Todd said, in observation rather than accusation.

“Too long. I thought you… well, I thought you changed your mind.”

“Never.”

“I didn’t have any right to be jealous,” Blair said. “We weren’t together and I was the one who ended it. But when I thought about you and her… God, it killed me every time.”

It was hard not to be annoyed at the thought of yet more time lost when they’d already lost so much. “If you’d given me any encouragement at all, it wouldn’t have happened.”

“You never needed encouragement before.”

“You never decided to marry a man who put me in a hole to keep me away from our children for eight years before.”

“I know,” said Blair. No argument. No justification. No Tomas thought he was serving his country.  “That was the idea. I came up with the worst thing I could think of, the thing that would hurt the most. I didn’t ever really intend to marry him, you know.”

“No,” said Todd, his heart soaring with unexpected glee. “I didn’t know that.”

“Well, I didn’t. I have too much respect for our children. He took you away from them even if it wasn’t something he meant to do. He didn’t do anything to fix it when he realized he’d been wrong, either. That wasn’t his decision to make for Starr or Jack or anyone else.”

Todd’s smile widened. He hadn’t had much to smile about in the past few days. “Tell me that again.”

“Tell you what?”

“That you were never going to marry Tea’s brother with the stupid name.”

“I was never going to marry Tea’s brother with the stupid name.”

“You just wanted to make me so hopeless that I’d lose my mind and agree to crawl through the rest of my life without you so you could be mad at me for being hopeless and losing my mind and crawling through the rest of my life without you.” Anger followed delight too quickly. The situation sucked to begin with, and the dream had left Todd feeling like an exposed nerve.

“It seemed like a good idea at the time,” said Blair hesitantly.

“Like that good idea to tell me you were pregnant when you weren’t,” Todd suggested. “Or the good idea to tell me Jack wasn’t my son. Or the good idea to—”

“Oh, shut up!”

“Then you talk. By all means, Blair, enlighten me. Why did it seem like a good idea to tell me that

you were going to marry the man who made sure I was tortured every day for eight years?”

“Because sometimes the only way to break a cycle of lies is with one more lie!”

The scary thing was that that kind of made sense to Todd. “How is that?”

“I loved you so much. I always have. I always will. Once you’ve forgiven a man for telling you that your son is dead, you know there’s no hope for anything other than loving that man until you die. And you swore to me that you’d changed, that you weren’t going to lie to me or the kids like that again. But you pulled the rug out from us when you lied about shooting Victor. I would have forgiven you like that for shooting Victor.” She snapped her fingers. “My problem has never been the stupid crap you do. It’s the way you lie to me. That’s why it meant so much to me when you showed me those notes and the surveillance cameras. That’s when I knew I could be with you. But two years ago, Jack was so fragile. He’s not like Starr. Things don’t roll off his back. I couldn’t put him through another round of trusting someone and finding out that that person had lied to him like his feelings didn’t even matter. And the only way to make sure that didn’t happen would be to make sure I had an excuse for not melting into you the minute I saw you. Because my willpower is obviously non-existent when it comes to you.”

“I tried to make it up to Jack.”

“I know you did. You were wonderful. You were patient. You were tenacious.”

“I wish I’d had more time.”

“You’ll have it. I believe you’ll have it. Jack knows that this time you’re not leaving because you want to.”

“I didn’t want to leave last time. Jack wouldn’t even look at me after I was arrested for killing the father he actually wanted.”

“It wasn’t just that, Todd. It was that you lied about it and then you didn’t want to face the consequences. Jack had a right to be angry.”

“I know that.”

“I know you do. But back then, it seemed to Jack like you’d just chosen Starr over him because she always lets you get away with anything. Then we saw the stories coming out of Port Charles about how you begged Carly for forgiveness, how you promised her that you would spend the rest of your life fighting for her. But you weren’t going to spend the rest of your life fighting for Jack and his forgiveness.”

“Fighting for Jack and the rest of the people on that list is what I’m doing right now. That’s why I’m sitting here trying to figure out who these people are who sent the notes. I could have gone back to Port Charles and gotten together with her again, you know. Carly Jacks is an idiot.”

“I liked her.”

“She’s an idiot,” Todd repeated. “If she wasn’t, she never would have divorced her husband. Did you meet Jax? No, I don’t think you did. If you had, you would have chased him to Australia and tried to mend his broken heart or something.”

“Todd!”

“I’m just saying, Jasper Jacks gave me the best handshake I’ve ever had in my life. For real, it was like a warm chocolate chip cookie.”

“Maybe I should be worried about you leaving me for him instead of for Carly.”

Even though he knew Blair was joking, he answered seriously. “The last thing you have to worry about is me leaving you for anyone. I know I said I’d fight for her for the rest of my life. You know why I could say that? I could say that because I knew it wouldn’t take my whole life. It would have been easy because she’s a fool and because we didn’t really care about each other. You matter. Jack matters. When it was so clear that nothing I did was ever going to get either of you to forgive me… I wasn’t like I used to be. When you were married to Max and I wanted to be married to you, I just decided to destroy your marriage.”

“No kidding.”

“You would have destroyed things yourselves, anyway,” Todd pointed out. “And you know no one deserves to be stuck with Max for the rest of her life. I think even Skye mentioned that she was happy that she dodged that bullet.”

Blair ignored the tangent. “But this time, after you went to Port Charles, it was different because Tomas was the one who turned you over to Irene’s organization.”

“Eight years is a long time. Everyone gives Victor a pass for poisoning me and dumping his kid and never washing his hoodie because he was tortured for one year, right?”

“I don’t give him a pass for any of that.”

“Good. But everyone else does. And no one… no one cared what happened to me for eight years and even though I screwed up I was tired. I couldn’t do it again.”

“I’m sorry I let you think I didn’t care.”

“I’m not telling you this so you can apologize. I’m telling you this because you’re right. You and me, we’re always better when we’re honest with each other even though that goes against our usual instincts.”

He could feel her smile. “I’m glad you called back.”

“Me too. I had this dream.” He shuddered. “Peter Manning was in it. But it was okay, because so were you.”

“I hope I kicked his ass.”

“Don’t worry. You did.”

“Then I’m glad you got some sleep, even if it was only a few hours.”

“I’m sorry for waking you up, though.”

“Don’t be. The only reason I can sleep at all is that I imagine that you’re in the corner of the room, sitting in a chair watching me. Doing that stalker thing you do that would be creepy on any other man.”

“Blair, it’s creepy when I do that, too. You just happen to like creepy.”

“Like we said before you left. We don’t do normal.”

“No.” Todd glanced at the latest note instructing him to return to the house at 10:00 that night.

“But I wouldn’t mind if we got a little bit closer to normal when this mess is over. Just a little bit.”

“You have a deal, Todd,” she said, as their phones beeped a warning and separated them once more.

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Hope from the Ocean: 30

It had been a challenge for The Mannings to organize moving their family to Europe for  a temporary but indefinite period, but with all of Todd's resources and the support systems they had, it went off considerably smoothly.  The worst of it was getting Sam onto the plane with his myriad of injuries and dealing with Mixie's stress and air sickness.  

The flight was mild, no turbulence was met.   Todd's private jet served its purpose well with his family, and their entourage, enjoying the trip in comfort.  Dorian seemed to be appreciative that she was included and chatted with Sister Rebecca Katherine most of the flight; Jack was still distressed having to leave Jenna.  Todd and Blair had considered leaving him behind with Addie, but after deliberation, they both decided they needed the family together, and they remained steadfast in that decision.  He seemed accepting of it, especially when Todd said he would fly Jenna out any time they had a break long enough for a visit.  Tina found herself preoccupied with Ray, and tended to his needs as the flight endured.  Hope was initially frightened on the plane, when it took off, and huddled close to her mother for support.  It wasn't until later, when Sam chimed in to add to her comfort by pointing out the clouds outside the windows, that she forgot her fright.  Blair's head lolled onto Todd's shoulder, and soon, they had landed in Dublin Airport and were met by none other than Timothy Broderick.

"Look at The Manning brigade," he announced, extending his arms to give his sister a welcome hug.  "Welcome to The Emerald Isle!"

"Broham, y'ar always at your best when y'ar here, for some reason.  The sea air agrees with ya," the nun said.

He looked over her shoulder and saw Dorian, and Todd would never forget his expression. "Dorie," he said, and his eyes twinkled with a sort of awe.  

He opened his arms and she went into them and said, composing herself, "Timothy.  I'm glad you're safe."

"So far, so good, Darling," he said.

"Dad, you all right?"  Blair said, hugging him.

"Can't ya see?  I'm perfectly all right."

"Any news?"  Todd asked.

"Nothing yet.  However, I think we're onto something.  I'll share it with ya later."

After the rest of the greetings, everyone headed to the stretch limousine that Todd had arranged, to head out to Courtown Demesne.  Everyone piled in, without the annoyance of luggage, since Todd had everything shipped ahead of them.  

As they approached via limousine, they shared various exclamations of impression with the beautiful castle manor.  On almost 400 acres of land, Courtown Demesne spread across the green grass with splendor.  A long row of stables flanked it on one side, and white, black-trimmed cottages spotted the grounds.  Blair looked at her husband and said, "You never stop surprising me, Todd.  This is so beautiful."

"It's a beautiful place for beautiful people.  All of you, my family, my kids.  You, Blair."

She smiled warmly, and tilted her head.  She whispered to him, "Todd.  You're beautiful, too.  For thinking of it.  For finding a way that we all can be together and still help Marty.  I was wrong about that.  It's the right thing to do, Todd.  You were right, and I was just jealous and terrified, I guess.  And guilty."

"What happened when you were pregnant with Starr has to be behind us.  Sure, it's part of the story, but it's not the ending.  Not this time."

She rested her head on his shoulder.  They let the whole entourage get out of the limo, with the exception of Sam, who was going to need help.  Blair stayed with her head on Todd's shoulder, both of them looking at their sleeping middle son.  "Look at him, Todd.  He's so adorable.  To think we . . ."

"No.  We didn't.  I wasn't about to let that go down."

"You were afraid, I saw it in your face.  It scared me."

"I was, but it's over.  He's all right.  Let's wake him, and I'll carry him out.  Come on, Big Guy.  We're here."

Jack stood outside the limo. in case his father needed help.  Todd reached inside, and slid Sam over toward the door, Blair getting out the other side of the stretch, and cradled him in his arms to bring him out.  Jack said, "You need any help, Dad?"

"No, Jack, thanks."  Todd carried Sam in his arms to the front door.  The rest of the group was already inside.  

Jack said, "Dad, this place is majorly cool."

"Thanks," he said, lifting Sam to tilt his cast enough to get him in the door.  

The entrance hall where they all gathered was adorned with a grand oak staircase which was complemented by a large domed skylight.  Off to the side was a parquet-floored dining room, a study, and bright morning and drawing rooms, all adorned by original period features.  The walls were covered in high sash windows.  The ceilings were paneled and decorative marble fireplaces could all be seen while standing in the foyer.  "We're here," Starr said, propping Hope on her hip.

"The Mannings are moving in," Jack said, running up the staircase.  At the top, he turned and said, "Just, wow!"

Todd smiled, still holding Sam, who was going in and out of drowsiness.  Blair said, "Let's go up and assign rooms.  Sam could use a rest, and so could all of us, most likely.  It's a huge time difference."

The crew went up the stairs, and each grouping selected a bedroom: Starr and Hope got a lovely one with a large picture window: Jack had his own room with a view as well.  Sam's place was next door, with a small balcony, to which he said, "Oh no, not again!"

Down the hallway, Sister Rebecca Katherine settled into a modest room that, unlike the others, had a small portion of stained glass above French doors, and Tina, with Little Ray in tow, took a very bright room, that could easily have Ray's crib moved in.  Everyone was settled.  Dorian and Timothy headed to the guest wing, which had an outside entrance, to get her settled in.  He had already decided to remain in town in Dublin, where he could do more work on the case at hand.  Dorian, smiling, presented him with the second key, for times he wanted to come and see her.  Everyone was pleased, and most fell onto their new beds with a yawn and a stretch.

Todd and Blair, him holding her hand gently, found the remaining bedroom.  Dressed in raspberry and burgundy, with bright, paned windows, overlooking the scenic Dublin and Wicklow Mountains, the room was astonishing.  She walked to a door along the far wall, spotting an ensuite bathroom, dressing room and walk-in wardrobe.  She looked at him.  "This is elegant.  I love it, Todd."

"It came this way.  I didn't do a thing."

"Except buy it for us."

"Yeah, well, I did.  I figured with all the time we've spent over the years dealing with Ireland, and the fact that Dad's from here, why not?"

She sat on the bed, and removed her shoes.   "You love him, don't you?"

"He's the only father who hasn't left me or hurt me. . . or died."

"He's a good man."

"I keep thinking about the last time we were here.  This feels so different.  It's light here, bright.  All I can remember about Rialto is darkness and Dublin was the same, dismal."

"I know.  Maybe it's how you felt at that point, when you were there?  How you were feeling?  It was a really sad time."

"Maybe.  But look at it here," he went to the windows.  "It's beautiful, really.  I'm not much for quiet, but this quiet works."

She watched him, strong and steady, with his back to her, looking out over the grassy acres.  His hair was lightened by the bright sunlight, and his hands were customarily in his front pants pockets.  She said, "I like to see you happy, Todd.  Because you make me happy."

He turned and looked at her, and walked to the bed, sitting down.  "Should we break this in?" he asked, rolling his eyes up to the impressive headboard that reached the ceiling and draped over with velvet trimmings.

"Do you want to?" she asked, "Or are you tired?"

"I'm a little tired, but I want to," he said, leaning toward her.

***

"Why are you leaving?"  Dorian said.

"I'm going back to Dublin.  It's important, Dorie.  We're onto something, and Patrick's time could be short."

"All right.  Will you call me, or come back?"

"Both.  Ya know that.  I can't stay away from ya long.  I'm glad ya got over y'ar ire at me."

"I did, but that can change, you know.  No taking chances with your life, Timothy."

"Ay.  Just give me the benefit of the doubt, woman.  And I have John McBain and his men around me, what can go wrong?"

She didn't want to answer.  Instead, she kissed him, long and passionately, and ran her hands through his silvery hair and along his neck.  She said, "I . . . wanted to . . ."

"Ya want to say ya love me?  Don't ya?  Because I love you, Dorie."

"I love you, Timothy."

"See, that wasn't too bad, now was it?"

"No, but I like the man to say it first."

"Ah, an old fashioned girl."

"I suppose."

"I'll be back, just give me time," and he walked out the door, looking back for a moment to smile at her.

***

"Lord, please bless Timothy, and take care of him.  Watch over him, Lord, and protect him.  And keep The Mannings and their extended family safe and happy here in Kildare, and let us all bring ya praise and honor, in Jesus' name, Amen."

She was kneeling, her elbows on her new bed, her pajamas already on, and she refolded her hands.  "And Lord, please help Todd to stay strong for his family, Blair to trust in ya for her babe's life, and Sam and Bea to recover from their wounds.  Thank ya."

She stood up, and sat on the bed's edge, and surveyed the area around her.  "It feels odd to be going to sleep when the sky is bright, but it's night at home.  So strange, this time thing is."  She tucked her feet up into the bed, and pulled the sheet over herself, removing her glasses.  She closed her eyes and said, "It's good to be home, Lord.  Thank ya, for this chance, and please, if it be your will, help us bring Patrick Thornhart home to his love."

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Spidey Sam: Chapter 32

Todd stood outside of the house watching as Dorian and David pulled out of the garage. He looked at his watch it was passed the boys bedtime. He could see into the house most of the light were still on. He had given Blair a few days to digest the news the Tomas was the one that had attacked her. He had completely lost it when she ended things with him, and he just wanted to hurt her plain and simple.

He could he could hear Viki's voice playing over in his head asking him to talk to Blair to get things straight between the two of them, if he was planning on staying in Llanview.  Which is what he was planning to do.  No more running away.  He was going to be the father that his boys needed, and the friend that Blair may not want, but definitely needed right now.  He knew Blair, and she would now for sure want what he wasn't ready to give, but he still wanted to be there for her.  He knocked at the door softly hoping she would hear him.  She did and opened the door.  She stood there in her night clothes at the door.

"Todd what are you doing here?  Its late and the boys are already asleep."

"I'm not here to see the boys, Blair.  I heard about Tomas, and I wanted to see if you were okay."

"You mean you wanted to gloat.  I know you suspected  him even though you never said anything to me.  Bo, told me that you suspected him from the start."

"Blair, believe or not, I didn't want to be right."

"Yes, you did, Todd, you just love to say I told you so."

"I didn't come here to say I told you so, besides I didn't tell you about what I suspected because you wouldn't believe it anyway.  Blair, I didn't come here to fight.  I came here to check on you and to talk about us."

"Todd, there is no us.  You have made it very clear more than once to me that there is no us."

"Yes, Blair there is an us, just not the us that you want.  I'm still here in your life and in the kids' lives.  I plan on staying here in your lives in Llanview.  It was a mistake for me to leave, to run away, to spend so much time away from you and the boys.  I'm sorry for that, I don't think I have ever told you that."

"No, Todd, you have never said you were sorry for leaving me and the boys."

"Well, I am, Blair, but that doesn't change my feelings about you or what you did.  I can't be with you Blair, not after you were with him.  I have no idea if I will ever be able to be with you after you were with him."

"So, you are going to punish me for it for the rest of our lives!"

"Blair, you know me well enough to know that this isn't me punishing you.  You know I could do a lot worse to you than just not sleep with you.  I have done a lot worse to you, for you doing a lot less to me.  I don't want to go back into that old pattern.  I would like to think that I'm better than that, Blair."

"So, what, Todd?  We just stay friends until you are ready to take me back into your bed?"

"I guess that is one way you could look at it."

"We have never been good at being friends, Todd."

"It's better than the alternative Blair.  The alternative almost got me put away for kidnapping for the rest of my life.  I don't want to spend my life in prison when I can spend it here with you and the kids.  It's up to you Blair, we can be friends or I can just drop kids at the front door and not come in, and we can talk just about the kids and only on the phone.  I think being friends sounds a lot better don't you?"

"So, I'm supposed to just do what you want?"

"No, you can do whatever you want but, I thought my way would be better for the kids, better for them to see us as friends than at each other throats or all hot and heavy than we explode right in front of them.  I don't want that for them.  I won't willingly create that type environment for them again.  It's up to you, Blair.  We can be friends and parents to our kids or we can just be parents.  You know what I want."

"What about what I wanted, Todd?"

"You can't have me the way that you want, and you know why, Blair."

"What if, I decide that I don't want you at all?"

"Blair, just as long as I have my kids in my life that is fine with me."

"You really do hate me that much, Todd?"

"I don't make friend's with people that I hate Blair, not anymore.  I love you, Blair, you are the mother of my children.  I just don't love you the way you want me to and, you have to see if you can live with that.  I'm not saying its forever, it for right now.  Can you deal with that?  Because it is the best that I can do for right now."

"So, your not saying that we are done for good, Todd?"

"Blair, we have kids together we can never really be done for good."

"You know what I mean, Todd."

"Blair, I need time and I don't know how much of it, I'm going to need.  You have to love me enough to give it to me, can you do that?"

"I can do that, Todd, just as long as you know I want a forever with you, Todd Manning."

"I know that, Blair, but you have to know that right now I'm not sure I can promise you a forever not the kind you want."

"I can live with the promise of a forever and have enough faith for the both of us right now that we will have it."

the End

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