He turned and tossed on the bunk, salvaging pieces of dreams, each time he woke; Jack coming and calling him Dad; Blair lying beside him, sometimes on top of him, sometimes under. He could see it clearly, even though it seemed like years since he held her that way; Starr and Hope in the sunlight, both dressed in gowns like the toys Hope played with; him, as Beast, spinning Hope in the air; and him, years back, in a clinic, away from his wife and daughter a different time and place.
"I don't want either of you back, again. And I will make it happen. I'll prove it." A piece of him felt pangs when he said it; he really didn't want to let go of Tom, ever, but he seemingly had no choice, because whatever he was telling himself about Pete, was making Tom go, too. He waited the rest of the morning and into the afternoon for a response regarding Dr. Asper. Around 2:00 p.m. he got one.
"Mr. Manning, the doctor says he will see you tomorrow."
"Tomorrow? What, he's too busy today?"
"This is what he has told me to report to you. He will see you tomorrow, first thing in the morning."
"All right," he decided to lay low and not cause a scene. After all, why would he be so enthusiastic about seeing the doctor? It might cause suspicion. "Thank you."
The nurse exited, and the sway of her reminded him slight of Alice, the nurse he'd met during his time on parole.
He jumped from sleep. Alice. She was a little thing, but something very sweet about her kept with him, even now. Then, with more thought, he realized it was that she had tried to believe in him, even when no one could. She was probably the first one, aside from Blair, who ever really did give him that after the rape. Rebecca, well she was infatuated with him. And now, she was dead. He thought of her soft curls and innocent eyes, and paused to gather himself.
He sat up on the bunk. He was able to see now, after really being in love with someone, and finding his life's kindred soul, that Rebecca was more in love with the idea of his darkness than anything else, but at the same time, she had shown him he could change. He was able to keep this in his heart and mind's eye as a reminder of what he had with Blair. Somehow, the two of them had come full-circle and were made for each other in so many ways. It had taken him longer than he wanted to admit to learn it, but now it was an indelible lesson that was never to be erased. And somehow, he had to get OUT of this jail cell and back to her to tell her just that. First, prove his innocence, or better yet, get Tea to do it.
He remembered all too clearly the time in the clinic in Ireland. He momentarily looked down and could still "see" the lacerations on his wrists from his own scratching in terror, but blinked to see them gone. Touching his face, the scar on his cheek was the same as it was in the Swiss clinic. Throughout everything, the scar was there. And he knew, right then, that moment, back in 1996, in his deepest place, the scar WOULD HAVE TO BE THERE for the rest of his life. Regardless of his money, or his resources, he couldn't take it off or get it removed. He brought his hand to his face and felt it again. When he was in that clinic all those years ago, there was the perfect chance to have it removed, if he had really wanted to. Money was no object and there were experts all around. But he knew, as he did now, the scar HAD TO STAY. It reminded him of who he was and who he could have been if it were not for the love of people like Rebecca, and Vicki, and Blair. It was a reminder that would keep him remembering where he had come from and how far apart he was from that man, as well as how close that man was to emerging if he allowed it.
No, the scar stayed.
So much had happened. And, somehow, he found himself in a cage, again. With his brother dead, his son wanting HIM dead, and his resources all gone, he could do nothing more than put his head into his hands. Except, there, for the last few days across from him, was his mother, Irene, sitting casually by, like a lizard waiting to reach with its tongue and grab any passing fly. At this point, though, he knew he and his family were the morsels. Finally, he had found some peace when Bo came to remove her from his sight. In one way, he was infuriated to think she was free. In another way, he was calmer and more focused on the future and his way out of the trouble he was in, with her gone. She seemed to be an open door to the past eight years for him.
Listening to her had been torture in itself, but when near her, he could only think more about his own torture and suffering over the last 8 years. With the quiet, he could plan how to get out, he could search his own mind for the location of the "it" she wanted. Knowing he was nothing more than a tool to her, he had wished for silence or a way to block out her voice, and now, he was alone.
Just then, a distant cage door opened and standing before him was Tea.
"I don't want either of you back, again. And I will make it happen. I'll prove it." A piece of him felt pangs when he said it; he really didn't want to let go of Tom, ever, but he seemingly had no choice, because whatever he was telling himself about Pete, was making Tom go, too. He waited the rest of the morning and into the afternoon for a response regarding Dr. Asper. Around 2:00 p.m. he got one.
"Mr. Manning, the doctor says he will see you tomorrow."
"Tomorrow? What, he's too busy today?"
"This is what he has told me to report to you. He will see you tomorrow, first thing in the morning."
"All right," he decided to lay low and not cause a scene. After all, why would he be so enthusiastic about seeing the doctor? It might cause suspicion. "Thank you."
The nurse exited, and the sway of her reminded him slight of Alice, the nurse he'd met during his time on parole.
He jumped from sleep. Alice. She was a little thing, but something very sweet about her kept with him, even now. Then, with more thought, he realized it was that she had tried to believe in him, even when no one could. She was probably the first one, aside from Blair, who ever really did give him that after the rape. Rebecca, well she was infatuated with him. And now, she was dead. He thought of her soft curls and innocent eyes, and paused to gather himself.
He sat up on the bunk. He was able to see now, after really being in love with someone, and finding his life's kindred soul, that Rebecca was more in love with the idea of his darkness than anything else, but at the same time, she had shown him he could change. He was able to keep this in his heart and mind's eye as a reminder of what he had with Blair. Somehow, the two of them had come full-circle and were made for each other in so many ways. It had taken him longer than he wanted to admit to learn it, but now it was an indelible lesson that was never to be erased. And somehow, he had to get OUT of this jail cell and back to her to tell her just that. First, prove his innocence, or better yet, get Tea to do it.
He remembered all too clearly the time in the clinic in Ireland. He momentarily looked down and could still "see" the lacerations on his wrists from his own scratching in terror, but blinked to see them gone. Touching his face, the scar on his cheek was the same as it was in the Swiss clinic. Throughout everything, the scar was there. And he knew, right then, that moment, back in 1996, in his deepest place, the scar WOULD HAVE TO BE THERE for the rest of his life. Regardless of his money, or his resources, he couldn't take it off or get it removed. He brought his hand to his face and felt it again. When he was in that clinic all those years ago, there was the perfect chance to have it removed, if he had really wanted to. Money was no object and there were experts all around. But he knew, as he did now, the scar HAD TO STAY. It reminded him of who he was and who he could have been if it were not for the love of people like Rebecca, and Vicki, and Blair. It was a reminder that would keep him remembering where he had come from and how far apart he was from that man, as well as how close that man was to emerging if he allowed it.
No, the scar stayed.
So much had happened. And, somehow, he found himself in a cage, again. With his brother dead, his son wanting HIM dead, and his resources all gone, he could do nothing more than put his head into his hands. Except, there, for the last few days across from him, was his mother, Irene, sitting casually by, like a lizard waiting to reach with its tongue and grab any passing fly. At this point, though, he knew he and his family were the morsels. Finally, he had found some peace when Bo came to remove her from his sight. In one way, he was infuriated to think she was free. In another way, he was calmer and more focused on the future and his way out of the trouble he was in, with her gone. She seemed to be an open door to the past eight years for him.
Listening to her had been torture in itself, but when near her, he could only think more about his own torture and suffering over the last 8 years. With the quiet, he could plan how to get out, he could search his own mind for the location of the "it" she wanted. Knowing he was nothing more than a tool to her, he had wished for silence or a way to block out her voice, and now, he was alone.
Just then, a distant cage door opened and standing before him was Tea.
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