Hope from the Ocean: 59

"It's time for us to go.  Give me a kiss, Sam," Blair said, leaning down.

"I don't want you to go, Mom."

"Why, Sam?  We'll be back."

"I'll miss you and Dad.  What if something happens to you?"

"Sam, nothing is going to happen to us.  Why are you so worried, Little Guy?"

"I'm scared.  I don't want you to leave.  I don't want you to go away, and not come back."

"We're coming back, Honey," she said, turning to Todd.  Her face showed puzzlement.

"Hey, Bud, what's the matter?"  Todd said, sitting on the edge of Sam's bed.

"I don't want you and Mom to leave me."

"We're not leaving you."

"I don't want you to go away."

"We're not, Sam.  We'll be back in a few days.  It won't be long."

"Dad, I'm scared," he said, breaking into tears.  "I don't want you to.  Can't you stay here?  Please?"  

His anxiety was palpable to both of them, and Todd took him in his arms.  "Hey, hey.  It's all right.  You don't have to be scared."

"I just want you to stay here," he said, through tears.

"I promise we will be right back, Sam.  You believe me, right?  I never lied to you, have I?"  Todd reassured.

Sam sniffed.  "No.  I don't think so."

"I'm not going to start now.  We'll be back in a couple of days."

"How many?  Three?"

"Probably, maybe less."

He sniffed again, and Todd dried his tears with his thumbs.  "Now, don't cry, Bud.  Come on, trust me.  Mommy and I will be all right, and we will be back."

"Mom's got a baby in her tummy.  She needs to be home to rest.  Ray needs her."

Todd and Blair exchanged looks.  Todd looked back to him and said, "Come on, we'll call you every couple of hours.  You'll be able to hear that we're okay."


"Okay," he said, but his face did not change.  

Still concerned, Todd stood and kissed his son's forehead.  Blair, kissing his cheek, touched his chin.  "I love you, Sam."

His bottom lip trembled.  "I love you, Mom.  I love you, Dad."

"Love you too, Sam.  Love you lots."  Todd said, exiting the bedroom.  

Blair waved and went out the door.  Meeting up with Todd in the hall, she said, "My God, what's wrong with him? He's so afraid."

"New setting, reminders of before.  He had a lot of anxiety when we were in Ireland last time and he was at Unforgettable, remember?  He is afraid because the last time you were away and pregnant . . ."

"I lost Sommer."  When she said it, her mouth twitched.

He petted her hair.  "That's not happening here.  You know that.  I'm going to make sure of that."

"I know.  An entirely different time."  She swallowed.  "That day, it was so. . ."

"Shhh," he said, leaning her toward him and kissing the top of her head.  He loved how her hair smelled. "That's over, Babe."

She nodded and pulled herself together.  "I'm okay.  Let's go, I guess."

"All right.  You know . . ."

"I can stay here?  No, Todd.  I can't be away from you.  Not with being pregnant and what happened last time.  When you have it all . . ."

"I know, okay.  Then we're off, right?"

"I guess so."  They walked down the staircase together, and in the lobby was a conglomeration of the family, waiting to say their goodbyes.

"Mr. and Mrs. Manning, Jack and I promise to help with the children," Jenna said.

"Jenna, that's very thoughtful.  Ray will need to be held a lot, without his Mommy."  Blair said, hesitating.

"And Mommy will need to be held a lot without Ray," Todd said.  He felt Blair's elbow poke into his ribs.

"Yeah, Dad, don't worry.  We'll help."  Jack said.  "Love you, Mom."  He kissed her cheek.

"Love you, Son," she said in response, and hugged Jenna.

"This is carrying on too long," the nun said, "it's getting out of hand here."  She wiped her eyes.  "We'll take care of the little ones, and the teens."

"All right.  Call us if you need us," Todd said, putting a hand in the center of Blair's back.  Tina and Aiden followed.

The copter was fueled and on the helipad, running.  Perzno was there, doing safety checks and getting things ready.  The foursome walked toward the copter pad, and the wind from the propeller was tousling their hair.  Todd said, "Ever ride over the ocean in one of these?"

No one answered, except Blair, "I did."

He gave her the side-eye.  "I know you did!"  He hugged her close in his arm.  Moving closer to the vehicle, he helped her inside the cab, buckling her in.  Tina and Aiden loaded the back, and Perzno helped buckle them as well.  "Thanks," Todd said, patting the man's back.

"No problem, Mr. Manning."

"Ay, Pal, I don't like this.  I feel odd.  Not a bird, and should not be in the sky."  Aiden said, looking to Tina, who took his hand.

"Don't be scared, it's really nothing," Tina said, and she covered his hand with hers.

"Lift off," Todd said, pulling the copter off the helipad and aiming for Innishcreg.

***

As soon as Todd and Blair had left the house, it became quiet, and Jack, Jenna and Sam, who they had carried down to the lower level, all sat in silence.  Sister Rebecca Katherine said, "Why so quiet, young ones?"

Jack picked at one of the holes in his designer jeans.  "Nothing."

Jenna said, "When we went up to get Sam, he was crying so hard he threw up.  It just made Jack sad, and me."

Sister Rebecca Katherine sat by Sam.  His cast leg was up on the coffee table with a pillow underneath.  Jack was still silent, and Sam was as well, his eyes very big.  "Sam, Dear, why are you sad?"

"Mommy and Dad, they're not coming back."

"Yes, they are, Sweetness.  They are.  They'll be back in a short while,"  The nun said.

"I know what this is about.  I know my little bro,"  Jack said, standing.  He sat on the other side of his little brother, and said, "Come here, Bud."  For a moment, he sounded so like Todd that Sister Rebecca Katherine got a lump in her throat.  He took the little boy in his arms, and held him.  Sam put his head over Jack's shoulder, and breathed the way little children do after crying and they attempt to bring their breathing back to normal.  

The nun said, tenderly, "I certainly hope you'll tell us what it is, Jack."

He couldn't speak.  All he could do was hold his brother, and think his father, slashed across the shins with a blade. . .

Jenna interjected.  "Sister, do you remember the last time Todd and Blair went away," she filled up with tears.

"Well, let me think.  I believe it was, earlier this winter.  Possibly . . . oh dear."

Jenna nodded, and the nun put an arm around her shoulder.  The Mitch home invasion.  The threat of death.  Jenna's mother's role in Mitch's escape and her murder.  Sam was relating it to the visit to Chicago, and so were the rest of them.  Jack rubbed his back in circles, as he'd seen his parents do.  Jenna, fading fast, was crumbling into tears, when Timothy popped through the front door.  "Y'ar not going to believe it, but I've got it!  Evil Dead II!  The favorite of the family!"  He stopped, "My goodness, what happened?  Did Santa Claus retire, eh, Creena?"

The nun shot him a serious cautionary look, and he caught on.  "Well, Gobsmack me!  What happened here?  Sam, ya made me go and find this movie, and it was a very hard thing to do.  It was at the bottom of the leisure box your parents packed.  What a job!  I was up to me elbows in films."

Sam didn't answer.  Jack was beginning to falter, holding his brother close, thinking of him, small and blueish, in the snowpile, and his father, digging into the snow until his hands bled.  Jenna was beside herself, and the nun said, "All right, this is all about our fears and our pasts.  Why don't we talk about it, and get it out, and then we'll be able to finish movie night, eh?"

Jenna, whose head was now on Sister Rebecca Katherine's shoulder, said, "I'd like to talk about it," in a very small voice.

"All right, Dear One,"  the nun responded softly.  

Jenna said, "I miss my mother, every day.  When I saw Sam so sad, I just felt my heart break.  I still feel guilty sometimes.  It was my mother's fault that Mitch got out.  The Mannings never would have been taken hostage if it weren't for what she did.  But I don't think . . ."  she stopped, and Timothy, taking a strong signal from the conversation, bent and took Sam from Jack.  She continued, "I don't think she deserved to . . ."

The nun got up and moved to the other side of the girl as she fell into tears, and into Jack's arms.  The older woman put her hand onto the girl's back, and Jack held her, minutes from shattering himself.  The clergywoman noted how much he looked like Todd, especially when fighting emotion.  But his eyes.   His eyes were Blair's.  

Timothy had vanished with Sam into the kitchen, and the nun said, "Jenna, no one blames ya, or y'ar mother."

Jack, almost breaking down, continued to hold her and smooth her hair.

The nun went on, "Sometimes we can't understand why things happen.  But people have free will.  They have the ability to choose their actions.  Ya didn't choose, and therefore, you mustn't ever take on the responsibility for something like this.  But the sadness of losing your mother, ah, that can't be replaced.  I lost my mother, years back, and I can still feel the absence."

She pulled out of Jack's arms a little, to turn to the nun.  "Really?"

The nun nodded.  "Yes.  But it gets easier, simpler.  It gets less painful.  Doesn't twist y'ar insides as much after years pass."

The girl was comforted, somehow, by the words.  "Thank you.  It just feels so bad sometimes, I wonder if it will ever end.  But I believe you.  Maybe someday . . ."

"Yes, Dear.  Someday," she said, hugging the girl.  She could see Jack over Jenna's shoulder.  He had tears streaming down his face in silent tracks.  The nun, reached out and touched his arm.

He said, "If anything happens to Mom or Dad in Innishcreg, it won't be pretty, Sister.  We won't handle it.  I know we won't.  Sam and me, and Ray, we'll . . . freaking crack up or something."

She realized how all of the emotion, and Jack's apparent strength for his brother and friend, was masking his own terror.  She said, "Jack,"

He had folded his arms over his chest, and his face had taken on an angry appearance.  Todd.  Mixing fear and anger . . . and sadness.  So like his father.

"Jack.  Your parents will be all right.  Is this the first time they have been apart from ya since the Chicago trip?"

"Pretty much.  Besides normal stuff."

"What are ya thinking?"

"I'm not thinking what everyone else is, I know that."

The nun was interested.  "What do ya mean, Son?"

"I know what Jenna's feeling.  Makes sense.  She just lost her mom recently.  She's grieving.  I get that.  Sam, he's just scared they'll leave us, and that he'll have to go live with Zeus.  Zeus abused him, he's afraid.  He doesn't want to lose Mom, which he almost did before.  He doesn't want dad to go away, like he was before he met him, and like in Ireland, two years ago, when he almost didn't make it home.  Lucky Sam doesn't know Dad was here before that, and was shot and almost died, left Mom when she was pregnant; we'd never be able to calm him down."

"You've listed quite a bit.  What's missing, then?"

"It's Dad.  I know him, better than anyone thinks."

"Yes, Jack, I believe ya do, Boy.  Tell us what this is about, then?"

"When he went to Chicago, he found out things . . . he almost lost it.  That terrible shit Peter Manning did to him, and to Grandma Bitsy."

"The language, Jack,"  the nun cautioned.

He stood, becoming agitated.  "Forget the language.  Do you realize what happened to my father and his mother?  He had to face all that, plus deal with Mom, and us.  After coming back here, seeing that life went on without him, and all of us were suckered into believing Zeus was him?  He gets kidnapped, cut to pieces, almost dies.  He lost his baby girl, not that long ago.  He finds out his father was a fucking pervert and did that bad stuff to him as a little kid.  Did it to his mother, beat her and tormented them.  Even Shaun couldn't handle this shit when he found out.  Then, Mitch, then Sam, jumps off the roof.  Then comes here, does all this.  Now he's off to fucking who knows where.  What if . . . what if . . ."

Both Jenna (who was composed, but horrified at the things revealed) and the nun looked at Jack with concern.  The nun said, "What if your father loses his mind.  Are ya thinking that, Jack?  What if he has a breakdown?"  Everyone was silent.  "Because if ya are, y'ar not alone."

His momentum lost; his face showed surprise.  "What do you mean?"

"Y'ar mother, me, Timothy, too, we wonder about it, every day.  How did he keep his mind?  Why doesn't he shatter?  How did he not go into the depths of insanity and hide from the truths and the torment?  We think of it often, and we have discussed it as well.  And we know the answer.  Ya know it too, if ya think hard enough."

  

Jenna said, meekly, "I know what it is."  Jack, who was breathing heavily, and at this point was allowing the tears to just come, and then drifted down either side of he face as he waited for her to speak.  She said, "He has you.  And your mother.  You all are his reason.  I can see it, all over his face, every time he looks at any of you.  Isn't it obvious?"

The nun, overcome with emotion, choked out, "That's right.  Jenna's right."

Jack sat back down, and Jenna, getting up, knelt in front of him on the floor.  He said, quietly, "What if he goes back there, to where he was shot, and he . . . finds out something else.  Shit!  How much can one person take?"

And there it was.  

The nun shifted her position and said, "As much as he can take, Jack.  As much as is given, I think.  Y'ar father is strong, but as Jenna said, a lot of his moving forward is about ya, y'ar brothers and sister, and of course, Blair.  He will be all right.  He will."  He reached up and put her hand behind his head and patted it.  Jenna, on the floor, had rested her head on his knee.  The nun saw his hand go to her hair.  She said, "Well, I'm going to go and check on that old man and Sam.  I'll be back, though, in about three minutes, Cub and Cuttie," and she left the room.

In the kitchen, she spied Sam, shoving a handful of popcorn into his mouth and laughing, as Timothy did the same, saying, "Now don't choke, chew it well."

"Ah, I see this kitchen is full of action.  Ya both are hoarding the food."

"Nah, there's plenty for ya, Creena."

"Why do you call her 'Creena?'  Her name is Sister Becca Thrin."

Timothy smiled, "That it is.  I call her Creena because it means, 'my heart.'  She's my sister whom I love very much, Sam, my boy."

He thought about it.  As he did, the nun saw that there was no trace of his tears, or his upset, catching breath.  He was back to normal; his grandfather had accomplished that.  Sam said, "Does that mean I'll call the baby in Mommy's tummy Creena?"

"If ya want to."  Timothy said.  "She'll have a name, she will."

"Jewel.  Mom said,"  Sam added, chewing more popcorn.

"Ah, yes, Jewel.  A rare one.  Makes sense.  She's precious."

"I'll love her so much.  I'll love her in my heart.  Right here," he pointed.

"I know ya will, Sam."  Timothy said, petting his head.

"Can we go watch now, before Jack and Jenna get into that icky mushy stuff?"

The nun said, "Actually, Sam, I think that's a perfect idea."  The three of them brought the tray of snacks and drinks into the other room.

Dorian was just coming into the lobby.  "Am I late?" she asked, carrying a huge container of nachos.

"Ya can't understand the impact of that statement, Dorie," Timothy said, and all of them continued to the drawing room.

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