Failings of the Fathers: 45

"I want my Mam," the little boy in white said.  Saliva was dripping down his chin, and tears were all over his face.

"Shhh.  No, they're gone.  I'm your new father."

"Y'ar a bad man, ya are.  Ya hurt me.  Pappy!  Pappy!"

"Stop carrying on, Little One.  I'll be back later, when y'ave calmed y'arself down."  The man left.

He was all alone.  His head hurt.  Something was wrong with his head.  Why did it hurt so much?  Where was Pappy?  Mam . . . he was with Mam.  He was holding her hand, and then . . .

Those noises.  They were like firecrackers at the St. Patrick's Day parade.  He had loved the parade.  There were colorful floats and everyone in the crowd had green hats on, and green clothes.  Pappy would take them over to Leo Burdock's after for cod and chips . . .

Mam was there, they were going to get chips and cod and see Pappy.  No, Mam!  No!

A while later, he opened his eyes, his head leaning to the side, and a woman was standing by the chair.  "Hello, Little One.  Would ya like some soda bread and tea?"

"Yes, thank ya, ma'am.  I would."  His voice sounded so small.

She handed him the soda bread, which was extra soft, and the tea.  He ate and drank quickly, and she said, "Don't eat that way, ya will get a belly ache, ya will."

He didn't listen.  He felt as if he did not eat in weeks.  How long had he been there?  He wasn't sure.

He finished eating and slurping his tea, and she said, "I'll let the slurps go this time, but in the future, there will be no lack of manners, ay?"

He nodded, and finished the tea.

***

"You went outside,"  Calvin said.  Malcolm and Miguel both looked up from their snacks.  It was almost midnight.

"You saw me?"  Malcolm asked.

"Yep.  Watching you, from the solarium."

"Well, my own stalker."

Miguel laughed, and Calvin leered at him in a way that made him uncomfortable.  Calvin said, "Who was that American?"

"Todd Manning.  A brother of Aiden"

Calvin's eyebrow raised.  "I didn't know Aiden had a brother."

"He's adopted, by Aiden's father.  Recently."

Calvin shrugged.  "Weird."

"Well, there's circumstances.  I guess, well, Aiden believes Todd needed a father, and Timothy needed a son, and it worked out."  Malcolm said.

"We Americans have too much freedom to do stupid things," Calvin said.

Miguel hadn't said anything.  He just watched the two of them banter.

Malcolm said, "So, yes, I was outside.  With a friend."

"So, you cured?"  Calvin asked, rubbing in the fact that according to him, he was.

"No.  I can tell you that I am not.  Not yet."

"Manning's rich.  Maybe he'll foot the bill for your meds," Miguel said.  "He offered you that job, in the states, at his mansion."

Malcolm didn't respond, and neither did Calvin.  But it was clear the eldest wasn't amused.
  
Malcolm said, "It makes you angry when someone has money.  You don't have any.  That's what your revenge is about?"

"Shut up," Calvin said.

"Why?  Hit a nerve?"

"I said, shut up.  You wouldn't understand my kind of revenge, or my reasons."

"Whoa, hit a nerve, definitely."  Miguel chimed in.

"You should shut up, too.  I'd like to see you out on a boat with all of your kind, sent out to sea.  Permanently."

Malcolm was incensed.  "That's quite enough.  You've gone too far, this time.  Stop it, your hate is showing."

"Why not?  He's useless."  Calvin sneered.

"You know what they say, men who have to belittle and bash have a lot of self doubt in their own manhood, if you know what I mean," Malcolm prodded.

Calvin's face took on an expression neither of them had ever seen.  It was a cross between the most hateful, burning stare and a vicious, thunderous undercurrent, and Miguel became afraid.  Calvin's eyes rested on Malcolm and didn't flinch.  This caused Miguel to speak up.  "It's okay, he can say whatever he wants, I don't bother with it.  It doesn't mean anything.  Just words."

Neither Calvin nor Malcolm moved their eyes.  They both stared the other in the face, without moving.  Miguel marveled at Malcolm's ability to not be deterred by Calvin's face.  It was pure evil, in his eyes, and comparatively, Malcolm appeared to be angelic.  It was a moment indelibly placed in Miguel's memory.  He knew then he would never forget it.

"Hey, guys, the cafeteria is closing.  It's midnight," a custodian called to them.

"Sure, okay," Miguel said.  Malcolm was not moving his eyes from Calvin's face.

In response, Calvin said, "Sure, Benny," and got up, still staring at Malcolm.  He picked up his lighter and cigarillos, and still keeping his eyes on Malcolm until the last second, left the cafeteria.

Miguel said, "What the fuck were you thinking, Man?  That bastard looked like he could kill you."

"If he did, what exactly would I lose?"

***

"So, get yourselves to the airport, as soon as you can.  I'm hoping you can get out here before morning, and I'll get you a hotel.  You can be here when he wakes up, before he goes in."  Todd said.

Colin said, "This is fair play to ya, Todd."

"He needs his family, and you all have been that to him for years now."

"And his real family, is ya and y'ar fathar, Timothy."

"Let's not waste time, get to the airport.  My private jet will be waiting."  He hung up.

Timothy, walking into the hallway, overheard the end of the conversation.  "Y'ar doing this, for y'ar brotha."

"Yep.  They'll be here when he wakes up, before surgery."

"Todd, I know it will mean everything to him."

He nodded.

"And, what ya did for that man, Malcolm."

"I didn't do anything, Old Man.  I just shared with him what I know."

"All right, I won't waste my time trying to show ya the good in y'arself."

"Not worth it.  He needs them, and they need him.  Easy.  They've been his family for a long time."

"They have.  Family is very important to ya."

"Yeah, I guess it is.  After that first one I had, can you blame me?"

"I'm sorry for it.  Every child deserves better."

"Not me, I'm indestructable," he said, shrugging.

"No.  Y'ar not.  But ya want to think ya are."

"I'm giving Malcolm a job.  And, I'm paying for a medication regimen, expensive, to keep his anxiety down so he can function outside of this place."

"That's generous."

"Well, he'll be my employee.  In the states, it will be part of his insurance and he'll be able to get proper treatment.  Introduce him to old Ray, and he's golden."

"Considering ya grew up with that header, y'ave turned out pretty well."

"Header.  I like that one."

"Traditional Irish jargon."

"I'd just say he was nuts, or fucked up, or something."

"Probably."

They both sat a moment, looking into the empty hall.  "It's late.  Shit, I have to get to the hotel and Skype the fam."

"Skype the fam.  I like that one.  My love to Bridgette, and Sam and Jack."

"I'll do that," Todd said.  "See you tomorrow, Dad," and he walked away.  Timothy watched him go down the hallway.

After a few moments, Miguel made his way to his room, via the same hall.  Timothy was still sitting in the wallchair, and he looked up.  "Ay, time for bed, is it?"

"Yeah, I guess. I need to sleep this one off."  Miguel said.

"What is it, a mean brownie at snack?"

"No, a mean staring contest between Calvin and Malcolm.  Glad I wasn't in it."

"I thought they were friends?"

"Maybe not, anymore.  A lot of it is because of me.  Old Calvin's a gay basher, and Malcolm defends me."

"Ah."

"Well, night."

"Night, Miguel."

"I'll be praying for your son.  He's a good man."

Timothy got up and walked the hallway to the elevator and pressed the lobby button.

***

Todd was back at the hotel, and one thing was clear:  he sorely missed his family.  He needed Blair, so much, after what happened with Malcolm.  Watching the man break apart, while trying to complete the process of accepting his wife's violent death, had taken its toll on Todd.

It had taken Malcolm, a man with a previously simple life and no abuse or rape in his past, over four years to try and near completion to the journey of acceptance of his loss.  This made Todd wonder, throughout the whole taxi ride, what would happen to him if Blair was gone.  Not if she left him, or found someone else, if she were gone.  She'd been apart from him, arguing with him, in custody and financial battles with him, and still she was his.  He'd taken off; she'd found other men.  And still, she was his.  

But if she were GONE.  Really gone, never to argue with and hate and love again?  

He knew the answer.  It would take the remainder of his life, whatever that turned out to be, to ever let go.  And, then, he came to the realization that Malcolm was a much stronger man than he ever could be.

He tossed the cardkey on the table, and flopped onto the bed.  He turned on his tablet, and brought up Skype, and called.  In a few minutes, Jack was on the screen, and Todd felt a pang of longing, just looking at his son's handsome and taking-on-manliness face.  "Hey, Dad."

"Hey, Jack.  How are you?"

"We're okay.  Runty's weird, as usual, Jewel's like the freaking best.  Ray's nuts."

"Sounds like a typical Manning day."

"Yep.  Mom's good, too."

"That's what I like to hear.  You taking care of her?"

"Yeah.  And Puny."

"Who's got Ray, then?"

"Shaun, who else?"

Todd laughed a little.  "So, who's in line to Skype me?"

"Everyone."

"Okay, then move aside.  Love you."

"Love you, Dad."

Little Ray's face popped up on the screen, and he put his finger on it, to touch it, and said, "Daddy, home, now.  Mommy said."

"I will be home soon, Buddy.  How are you doing?  Are you being a good boy?"

"No," he said, sing-songy, and shook his head.

Todd almost laughed, "No?  Aren't you supposed to be a good boy?"

"Yeah."

"Then you be a good boy for Mommy."

"Daddy, going on the plane?"

"Yes.  I went on the plane, and I'll go again when I come home."

"Can I go on plane, too?"

"Not this time."

"Bye, Daddy.  Love you, Daddy."

He choked up, slightly, "I love you, too, Buddy."

For a moment, he closed his eyes to feel the little boy's hands in his hair, like holding reins, and sighed.  When he opened his eyes, Sam was there.  "Dad, are you sleeping?  It's only 6:30!"

"It's not 6:00 here, Pal.  It's past midnight here."

"Wow.  That's weird."

"Yeah, it is weird."

"That means that it's tomorrow there."

"Yeah, that's what it means."

"That's cool.  I'll share that at show and tell."

"Sounds good.  Hey, Sam?  What's this I hear about nightmares?"

"Oh, those.  Yeah."

"Are you okay?  You want to ask me anything, Bud?"

"Don't be mad.  I did something bad.  I went into Grandma Bitsy's room without asking, and I went through her stuff and I saw her art.  Then it just gave me bad dreams."

"When was that?"

"A long time ago, before the bear."

"Okay.  You shouldn't do that.  You don't go into other people's stuff without their permission.  You know that."

"Yeah.  Jack said I got what I deserved for snooping."

"He did, huh?"

"Yeah."

"Go ahead, Sam.  I know you want to ask me something."  Things got quiet, and his son's face was pensive.

"Dad, is that man real?"

"He was real, once, yeah."

"Once?"

"He's dead, Sam."

"He is?"

"Yes, he's dead.  He can't hurt you, or your mom, or anyone."

"Dad, who was the little boy in the pictures?  The one who was so scared."

Todd controlled his response the best he could, and knew that he had to be honest with his son.  "Well, that little boy was me."

Sam's eyes got very big.  "You?  Dad, I don't get it.  Who was that guy?"

Todd took in a large breath.  "That guy was my father."

Sam looked very sad, and said, "No, Dad."

"Yes, that was my father.  He wasn't very nice sometimes, to me and Grandma Bitsy, and she draws it because it helps her remember, and then, it helps her forget."

"You didn't have a good dad like I do."

He cleared his throat, "No, I didn't."

"That's not fair."

"I know, but you know what?  I have you, and your brothers and sisters, and your Mom.  And I have Grandpa Timothy now, right?  I am really lucky."  

He was wishing that Sam would lose interest and move on, and that Blair would come to the screen, just so that he could stop pretending.

Sam said, "Yeah, I guess.  I don't like that man, Dad."

"That's okay, Sam," he struggled with his composure, "I don't either."

"So he's not like the Green Goblin?"

"No.  The Green Goblin is not real, and never was real.  He's made up, like Sponge Bob.  But that man is dead."

"What was his name?"

Todd paused.  "Peter."

"Okay.  Peter is dead.  I'm okay with that, Dad," he said.

Todd smiled at him, "I love you, Sam."

"I love you, Dad.  Here's Mom."

For a few moments, he saw the computer screen lose focus, and then could tell she was moving with it.  After a few minutes, she said, "I'm taking this upstairs to the bedroom, so we can talk.  You need a break from that.  I knew it about halfway through."

He still couldn't see her, because she was carrying the basket in one hand and the notebook computer in the other, so he waited.  Her voice was enough at that moment, and he pulled himself together.  Finally, she put the machine down and adjusted the webcam, and lifted Jewel into view.  "Well, there she is.  Say, 'hello, Daddy, I love you so much!'"

"Hi Jewel, baby, how's my littlest girl?"

The baby cooed and chewed her hand.  Blair removed her from the screen, and then came back to it.  "Are you all right, Todd."

"This was a tough day, Blair.  A lot has happened."

"Tell me everything.  I have plenty of time to listen.  You don't have to pretend with me."

With that, he covered his eyes with his palm for a moment, before telling her the day's events.

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