Chasing the Monsters: 46

"I'm going to see Dad, in a bit," Todd said, coming downstairs to find Blair, in the kitchen, feeding the kids breakfast.

"I want to see Grandpa Timothy soon," Sam said, eating his cereal.

"That's a good point.  I'll see if he can come back home for family day, soon.  Maybe this weekend."  Todd said, taking a piece of fruit from the bowl, and then grabbing a muffin.

"Morning," Blair said, kissing his cheek.  He didn't hesitate to stop and kiss her lips.  

Jack came around the corner and said, "Oh boy, do you two ever stop?  Where's Grandma Bitsy and Jewel?"

"Upstairs, getting ready.  She offered to change her.  I had the Road Runner here, so I was happy to let her."  Blair spooned out some scrambled eggs to Ray's plate.  "Eat those, Little Man, they help you grow."

"I wanna grow big wike Daddy," Ray said, and Todd reached over and mussed his hair.

"Sam, you okay?"  Todd asked.

"Yeah, I'm good.  A little small dream, but not a big bad one.  I'll take that any day," the boy rolled his eyes and got up to clear his plate.  "Hey, Jack, you're going to make us late, again."

"Ah quit it, Puny, I'm trying.  Up late studying."

"Studying Jenna," Sam retorted and Jack retaliated with a flick of a piece of banana at Sam's glasses.  It stuck and slid down slowly.  "Hey!  I have to read, you know!"

"Ooh, nice one," Todd said, flinging one back at Jack.  It narrowly missed his head, and he bent to pick it up.

"Now, what kind of role model are you, Todd Manning, throwing food in the kitchen?" Blair said.

"Yeah, kids, that's true.  Boys, never do that again . . . when Mom is looking," he side-eyed her.  She flicked a dishtowel at him.

Ray burst out in his adorable, contagious laughter.  "Mommy and Daddy are so funny," he said.

"This fall, you're starting Pre-K," Blair said, and looked to Todd.  "Those poor teachers had better get running shoes."

"Yep."

Bitsy came down the stairs with Jewel, who was bright-eyed and dressed in a yellow outfit.  Blair said, "My pretty girl, you look so lovely."

Jewel smiled, and touched her mother's mouth.  "Momma, eat?"

"Yes, you'll eat right now," she said, and put her into the high chair.  

Bitsy said, "I can't wait to spend time with my favorite boys this morning."

"We're going to school soon, Grandma, but you can talk with us until then," Sam said, smiling.

Todd signaled Blair to come with him into the foyer.  "I didn't get a chance to tell you last night, mostly because you fell asleep on me, but anyway, Momma had a hard day yesterday.  I thought you should know."

"What do you mean?"

"At Ray's.  She called for me, in session, and cried so hard and begged me to take her home."

"She interrupted session to call your phone?"

"No, she CALLED for me, literally, out the door.  I heard her yelling, and I ran.  She was hysterical, Blair."

"Do you want me to try and talk to her about it?"

"You can try, but I'll warn you, she wasn't talking.  Something upset her to the point of running from Ray, and that can't be a good thing."

"You could ask him?"

"Shit!  I was supposed to call him but, well, I  . . ."

"You fell asleep?"  she folded her arms, as if to rub it in.

"Yeah.  I guess I did.  I'll call him sometime today.  He can't tell me anyway, it's that patient doctor thing."

"Something frightened her?"

"Yeah, she seemed afraid.  Unless it was something she was afraid to remember."

"Oh, dear.  Well . . .I'll see what I can do.  I'm glad you told me."

"I'm dropping the boys at school and then going to work, and go see Dad before he leaves.  Can I do anything for you before I go?"

"No, I'm fine, and I love you," she said, kissing him.

He said, "Me too, I'll see ya later." Then, he directed his voice firmly toward the kitchen, "Guys, we gotta go!  Let's get it together."

Both boys gathered their school materials, and went out the glass slider and up the stairs to the helipad.  Sam got up there first and ran to the cab.  "Dad, can I drive?"

"No, Sam, you need a pilot's license.  You have to be 16 for that," Jack said.

"Sounds right.  Come on, Buddy, up and in," Todd said, lifting Sam to the cab and strapped him in, as Jack got himself into the seat.  Todd said, "Boys, have a good day at school, and I love ya."

"Love you, too, Dad," Sam said, joyfully, pulling out his spelling list.  "I'm winning the bee today."

"Good," Todd said, lifting off.

***

Todd exited the elevator, and in the hallway by the penthouse, a picture of Blair and the kids, leaving him, flashed into his mind.  "Okay, Manning, what was that about?  That was, like, years ago," he said aloud.  "That was before . . . before the crypt.  Before . . . the chair."  He shook it of and rang the penthouse bell.  To his surprise, the door was slightly ajar, and he walked in.

"Dad?  You home?  Everything okay?"

Timothy came from the kitchen, carrying a tray with coffee and breakfast.  There were two cups.  At the sound of commotion on the lower level, Dorian made her way down the staircase, in, surprisingly, Timothy's pajamas, that dwarfed her, comically. 

"I'm blinded," Todd announced.  "I should look away, but it's like an eclipse."

"Todd, ya caught us at breakfast."  Timothy said, smiling.  There was a twinkle back in his blue eyes.

"Oh Dear, it's Todd.  Now, Timothy, how did he get in here?"  Dorian said.

"He walked, Dorie.  Ya left the door ajar when ya came in last night."

"Must have been some train wreck," Todd mumbled.  "Auntie Dorian.  Nice to see you, even if you're lost in thirty yards of flannel."

"Todd," she said, graciously.  Her face showed what he read as embarrassment.

Todd said, "Hey, take it easy, seriously.  I'm happy you two found each other again."  He tipped his thumb toward his father, "He was getting a little tough to deal with."

"Such a way with words," Dorian said.

"You'll be happy to know that Jack is going to college after all," Todd offered, putting his hands onto the tray to try and catch a leftover scone.

"Ah, that's very good news, Todd.  How did you manage that?"  she asked.

"I just took a step back.  I let it happen.  He figured it out for himself.  I made him work at The Sun, bottom up.  He was still at the bottom, of course.  Anyway, he figured it out.  He's starting in the fall, and taking up journalism."

Dorian's face showed admiration, thought she tried not to let on.  "He clearly wants to be like you," she said.  "Beautiful thing."

"I think he ought to rethink that, but yeah, for now."

Timothy had already set up the coffee and went and got a third cup.  "Oh, none for me," Todd said, "I had mine already."  He finished the scone.

Dorian, shockingly not in her usual modest mode, sat down, in the oversized pajamas and started to drink hers.  "Great coffee, Dear," she said, offering her puckered lips.  Timothy kissed her, and Todd feigned gagging until they both looked in his direction.

Timothy said, "So, Lad, what brings ya?"

"You.  Remember?  You called and left me a message last night, you wanted to see me?" 

"Ah, yes.  A bit distracted.  I did, didn't I?"

"I think I'll take my coffee and scone upstairs, if that's all right," Dorian said.  "Todd, always a pleasure."

"You, too, Auntie Dorian."  She ascended the stairs, holding the pants legs with one hand as if it were a gown.

When she was out of sight, Timothy said, "I wanted to tell ya something."

"Go ahead," he said, taking the coffee after all.

"Pamela's suicide has been related somehow to her cancer instead of her guilt about her sister and the police department.  Needless to say, Ribsky is furious."

"If it weren't for where he lives, I'd go and see the guy.  But I promised Blair."

"Ribsky said he will never let go,"  Timothy said.

Let go, My Love.  You have to.  Sooner or later.  Some things you have to let go of.

The older man continued, "He's more determined than ever to end corruption in the ranks there.  Wants to keep investigating, digging.  He's not made any arrangements for Pamela yet.  He is becoming enraged about the whole system.  And, he mentions ya, most."

"Me?"

"The tapes, Lad."

Todd nodded and said, "So what's next?"

"He plans to take this on, full throttle."

"The guy just lost his wife.  What about grieving?"

"He's unable to do it, it seems.   He's wrapped himself in this instead.  Avoidance."

"Been there.  My whole marriage to Tea was about that.  But, I guess I'm better now at facing things head on, I guess."

"Not by listening to those tapes, y'ar not.  That's not good for ya, and y'ar making me regret giving them to ya."

"Blair tell ya?"

"No.  Y'ar aunt gave me a talking to for it.  I was wrong to share them with ya.  It's too close to home."

"It's about my life, Dad.  Those tapes are me.  They're part of my life.  A lot of which I still don't remember, and it takes time."

"Son, y'ar past the level of needing to remember more.  Ya get the gist of it, don't ya?  Ya were an abused child, severely abused, tortured in fact.  It explains so much, just knowing that.  Can't ya let go?"

He ignored the question.  Again, he saw the image of Blair, coming down the penthouse stairs, with Starr holding her hand and Jack in her arms.  He looked back to his father.  "It does explain some things, doesn't it?"

"I'd say.  But y'ad say it better."  

"Why I hurt people."

"Why ya used to hurt people, Son."

"No, I hurt people.  I still hurt people.   And I hurt them when I have to.  I just don't hurt the ones I claim to love.  At least not on purpose anymore. "

"That's it."

He nodded.  "I understand, more than I ever did, what I did to Marty.  I know why I did it.  What was behind it.  And why I did all those shitty things to Blair, and what made me hurt her, over and over.  I couldn't ever trust, and I didn't know what it meant to love someone.  I mean, I loved her more than anything, I had to have her.  I had to have her children, and she could only have mine.  I had to be with her.  But to love them, really, and put them first?  I couldn't even do it.  It was always about me, and my pain.  Not like now."

Dorian, listening from the top of the stairs, covered her mouth as her eyes filled with tears.  

Todd said, "All those lies, and schemes and plans that I pulled on her, they were just covers for all this," he pointed to his chest.  "All that hurt, trapped in me.  It turned itself into anger and almost destroyed everyone I loved.  I'd almost say Mitch putting me in that tomb, and Tomas taking me out and delivering me to The Men of 21 was good for my family."

"Good?  Now that's a bit much, eh?  How can that be, Lad?"

"It kept me away from them, until it was time for me to face everything.  It may have been a coincidence, but that's what it turned out to be.  They were safer away from me, then."

"Bridgette.  She'll never agree with ya, Lad."

"Bridgette threw me out, told me to get away from them, all three of them.  Right before my ass was next to Victor's, and his was mummified."

"She wouldn't say it was better," he argued.  "She regrets that day more than any other.  She's told me."

"Not better.  But safer.  She knew the deal."

"All right.  Perhaps.  But where is this coming from?"

"My mind," he said, getting up and walking.  "After I heard myself on the tapes, I realized I never was a normal kid.  I never had the things normal kids have.  I had pain and fear all the time.  Does things to people.  Let me see myself, as I was, and understand what I did, to Blair, to the kids.  That's why I'm so worried about Sam."

"A few nightmares do not compare with y'ar life, Todd."

"No, but I'll find out.  I'll find out what's doing this.  Something's not right.  I want to protect my kids, it's this weird like, compulsion, I can't stand to see them suffer, or Blair.  I just can't.  And he's not mine, and I don't care, Dad.  I feel like he's mine, because . . . I  . . ."

"Because he's hers."

"Yeah, because he's hers.  The same reason I gave away my own son when I was still so full of rage."

Dorian, who was now crying, went into the bedroom and closed the door, lying back on the bed, and looking to the ceiling.  "Damn you, Todd Manning, for making me understand you!"

Timothy let Todd's words settle, and said, "What next, Lad?"

"I won't keep listening to the tapes, if that's what you're worried about."

"I'd feel better if ya didn't."

"I only heard them once," he lied, and put an arm on his father's shoulder.  "Don't worry.  Blair keeps me in check."

"So, y'ar letting go of the tapes scandal, then?  Letting Ribsky take over from here?"

Let go, My Love.  You have to. 

"I guess.  Where's there to go with it?"

"Ribsky won't let go, Todd.  Give him credit and let him do this - he has to.  He lost his love.  Move on with y'ar life."

"I am, Dad.  I am."  He headed to the door.  He could still see where the table used to be that housed the family pictures.  He could still see himself, on the floor, despondent, without his family, again, their pictures scattered around him on the floor.  

He swallowed and said, "I really am.  Sunday, don't make plans," he said, going out the door suddenly and pushing the elevator button with his keys.  "I'll send the jet for you in Chicago, the kids want you at Family Day.  I'm fine, all right."

"I hope ya have the strength to be just that," he said.

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