Showing posts with label CLOUD: The Fourth Life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label CLOUD: The Fourth Life. Show all posts
Saturday, August 25, 2012
The Fourth Life: Chapter 63 (adult)
Sister Rebecca Katherine fingered the letter that had just arrived, and hesitated to open it. It was in a brown, simple envelope, and on the outside was the all-too familiar writing of her brother, Timothy. Dreading it, she brought the letter into the solarium, and hoping, since it was mid -afternoon and session time for most of the clients, that she would have time alone.
She crossed herself, and kissed the cross on her rosary. "Rebecca, ya must open it. Ya must face whatever it is your brother has to say to ya."
She still held it, sealed, and scanned it. The writing was his familiar scrawl, jagged in places with a flourish at the end of some of his letters. The time stamp showed air mail; he was in Europe, this she knew. Closer investigation gave her the knowledge she already had: He was in Ireland. Home. She turned it over.
Wanting to open it, but still apprehensive, she stopped, looking at the point of envelope paper glued shut. She closed her eyes a moment, and saw herself, Johnny and Timothy, playing on the foothills as children. They would tease her and chase her. She would always stop in the middle of a game, to pray for the winning edge. They would always lose. As an adult, she now knew that it was not God granting her the advantage, but her brothers, who loved her enough to let her win. Tears welled up in her eyes, even as they were closed, and upon opening them, a few stray ones made their way down her face. Delicately, she brushed them away with the knuckle of her index finger, and then, like ripping a bandaid off, she quickly opened the letter.
***
Todd received her kiss with his eyes opened at first, and then succumbed, closing them, and rolling over onto her, his hands in her hair, and then down to her breasts. He wanted her so much, as always, and after all they had been through, he'd never hold back from her again. He said, "I love you, Blair," as he moved his mouth over her neck and down, where he had opened her blouse and kissed along the lace edge of her bra.
She waited a moment, until he was back looking into her eyes, and said, "I love you, too, Todd. I'm not going anywhere. Ever."
He moved back to her chest, where he took his fingers and traced a gentle line along the lace, and then down around her nipple. She arched toward him, and he closed his hands around her back, kissing her passionately, and feeling beneath her blouse to undo her bra. She helped him by removing her shirt and both pieces of clothing ended up in a heap next to them on the blanket he'd brought. Moving back over her, he gently kissed both of her breasts, stopping to flick his tongue over them and relish the response he received from her body.
Her hands were already undoing his belt, and she felt the hardness of him through his clothes. It thrilled her, to feel him that way, as it always had, especially knowing his love had been reserved for her most of his adult life. Impatient, she tore the belt free, and tossed it with the other items. He pulled himself away from her, stopping to look at her, lying back on the blanket, the sun against her skin, the whiteness of her contrasting to the pink-tan of her nipples, the slim line of her belly, now back to it's usual flatness, exposed as she slipped out of her leggings. He scrambled out of his pants, and drew circles over her stomach with his tongue.
She loved the feel of his hair in her fingers. Being with him, there, and feeling the silk of his mane between them brought back every moment and memory of their first times together. Full circle? She prayed every day that they were apart for the last time during his time in Ireland the past year. Thinking that way, she suddenly felt a surge of her past missing of him, and a tear trickled from one eye.
She never understood how he knew so much about her every feeling and thought, but as soon as it sprung free of her eye, he brought his eyes back to hers, and with this thumb, brushed it off, gently. "No more of that," he said to her, then kissed back down her body, finding her, and exploring her, in the ways he knew made her rapt with bliss. She opened herself to him, and bent her knees on either side of him, still feeling his hair with her hands, and moaned softly.
***
Sister Rebecca Katherine studied the letter. It read:
Creena,
By now, my dear sister, you have found me gone. I've returned to home, our dearest Ireland, a place that may still welcome me, whatever may come. Of course, you would call me a coward, or accuse me of not being able to forge ties, and my little sister, you most probably would be right.
I am a coward because I couldn't face you when I had to go. This is true for my own, selfish reasons. I've never found much importance in sharing, with anyone, since my beloved wife and son were taken from me. This, you know about me, and yes, I remember you have warned me time and time again to fight the lust for revenge. But, dear heart, I have failed in that task, as you've seen me do time and time again. I've failed, I am human, and I am not, regardless of what you think, strong.
So, I left America. I left you, and my new-found family, that I was becoming a part of, at last: Todd, Blair and their children. Little Sam, I will miss very much. If you have not seen the resemblance between him and my dead son, I would be shocked. But Sister, I could not hear you tell me to stay. I could not listen to you telling me how I am wrong. And this makes me a coward, of the highest degree, and I accept.
As I sit here in my flat, looking out the window into the streets of Rialto, I remember as if yesterday, you, Johnny and I, running to that very same corner I am watching, but for a different reason. The ice truck would come, and we would wait, hoping that the ice man would cut a piece of ice for each of us, to cool us in the summer sun. Johnny and I would let you go first, and you would walk up, opening your little hand, for your own personal icicle. By the time the two of us got ours, you would be crying because your fingers were burning and aching from the frigidity. I know you remember what comes next, Creena. I would hold your ice for you, while your hand adjusted, and then give it back to you when you could stand the cold again enough to hold it yourself.
If you must think of me, I suppose it's best you think the worst of me. Think me evil, cruel and hateful. Don't pity me as a man torn apart by loss and destitution; think me the one who rejects God, the one who never believed in miracles or in faith. Think this way of me, so that you may move on and prosper without sadness causing you pain. Be angry with me; we both know that pity causes despair and anger, the better, causes inner strength.
But, dear one, in my heart, I wish you to think of me as the one who has loved you, and protected you from the burn of cold, chased away the monsters in your wardrobe, and let you win at childhood games, simply because I loved you.
Eternally yours,
Timothy John Broderick
The nun held the letter in her hand as she walked to the solarium doors, alone, and looked out. The sun was at a perfect position in the sky, and peeking out from clouds, radiated through in streaks of light.
***
On her back, with Todd lavishing attention on her lower half, she looked up to see the sun, now sending banners of light through a patch of clouds, and she closed her eyes, wanting to feel and memorize every exquisite thing he was doing to her with his lips and tongue. Suddenly, her need to be one with him overcame her need for release, and she, as was usual between them, gave him the inaudible signal to cease and bring himself to her. Every nerve in her was at its height of readiness, as he kissed his way back up her body, and his head rested near her wounds. For a moment, he gently touched the scar she now had from the bullet. It was a small hole, and he flashed on the idea that such a small thing could take away something so immense.
Not wanting to dwell on those thoughts, he shifted himself, touching her with the tip of him, and looking into her eyes, he became lost as she embraced him with her arms and legs, and he felt her surround all of him. He ran his hand along her outer thigh as he felt her lift her legs to allow him to be deeper inside her, and he closed his eyes, momentarily wanting the blackness to do nothing but feel her. For a minute or two, everything vanished except the feel of her around him, and the sounds of her breathing and sighing. He opened his eyes when she said, in a whisper, "Todd," and met her eyes with his. The green of them was more vivid than he recalled, and her beautiful, still supple skin was touching his in ways he never wanted to miss again. He reached down, and put a hand between himself and her body, and caressed her. Her eyes fluttered back and she cried out, then sighed deeply. Her hand went to his cheek, of course, on the right, and caressed him, and she said, hushed, "Always."
Todd could never explain to himself, or anyone else for that matter, how words could bring him immediately to his climax while making love to her, but somehow, hers could. Just the right thing said at the right time, would send him spilling into her. He looked into her eyes and face during this moment, and heard himself moaning and calling to her. He collapsed onto her, then rolled so that she was lying on him, he shifted her a bit to the side. Moving her was like moving a delicate parcel; she felt so light in his arms and against him. They were quiet.
She said, "Something's different."
He said, "What?"
She answered, "All through our lives, I'd know every time we made love to each other, there was a possibility of a child. I'll never have your baby inside me, again." She went silent, and then said, after a long pause, "Not anymore."
He said, "I don't know Blair, you and I are always different than everyone else. We're us, and we always break the rules, one way or another. I don't think we know what's coming until it does. We never have."
She wiped a tear away briskly and said, "I guess that's true."
He said, "Doctors are wrong every day. If there is supposed to be another Manning around, there will be, one way or another."
She said, "I just love you so damn much, Mr. Manning."
He craned his neck back a bit to look at her. Her hair was stuck to her face along the edges where her perspiration had matted it; her mascara was slightly smudged below each eye. He said, "I love you, too, Missus."
"We're grandparents now. Hard to believe," she said absently, tracing around his belly button, and running her fingers over his tight stomach. "I mean, I feel like we were just in Dorian's penthouse, and you were making love to me for the first time, and here we are, lifetimes later."
"Three lifetimes gone, we're in our fourth and final one. This is the keeper."
"How can all that be over?"
"It's not over for us, Blair. It's never over for us."
*** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***
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Friday, August 24, 2012
The Fourth Life: Chapter 62
Summer set in, and in the warmth of the season, some of the bad memories seemed to wilt and fade. The boys, Jack and Sam, had taken off on a journey of a lifetime with Viki, to see the Mediterranean first hand. Todd and Blair had brought them, via limo, to the New York City Harbor, to load onto the ship, Crystal Serenity, to depart. The ride had been leisurely, with little traffic, and all of them had enjoyed movies and games in the compartment of the beautiful stretch Mercedes.
Saying good-bye to them was not easy; Blair broke down several times, and Todd, stoic in his way, supported her with his arm always lovingly around her shoulder or waist. Viki promised to call them often, and have the boys write postcards at each port. As difficult as it was to see them go, both parents knew it was best for them to be out and enjoying the summer months, while they attempted to refuel themselves and put their lives back together.
Todd would be seeing Ray again, for many of the things he had pushed from his mind to deal with Blair's need for him were not dead and buried as he would have wished. Blair considered going to a grief counselor, and then settled on Ray herself, so that they could meet with him jointly, as well as apart. Their plan was to spend the summer moving forward as much as they could, and start fresh, for their boys, by the following school year.
Zeus was struggling to overcome the loss of both of his parents. Regardless of what they had done, he found himself back in the same place he was prior, and that was as a deserted orphan. He had promised Tea to see Ray Martino about his residual feelings of bitter sadness, and planned to follow through. Wanting to work through the grief and disappointment with him, Tea had promised to be there for him, whatever he needed.
Sister Rebecca Katherine had taken the news of Timothy's departure quietly, without much reaction. She did not share her feelings about it with anyone, and when asked, simply replied, "He's a tumbleweed, that one, eh? Place to place, settling nowhere." Inside, she was torn apart by the notion that he may have been the killer after all, and waited, with patience, to hear something from him, not knowing when that might be.
One day, as Todd and Blair set into their regular routines at home, including therapy, care of Little Ray, and getting the yard and house ready for summer, he said, "Hey. Remember a while back, we were going to have lunch at the Country Club? And we couldn't go, because Sam was sick?"
She put down the cushion on the lounge chair she was fixing up, and said, "Todd? Why the heck are you bringing that up now? That was lifetimes ago!"
"Well, I was just thinking. We never did get to have lunch there. Since I've been back, we've never been there. I like to hit all the important spots. Now we don't have Sam running in with a fever, or Jack drunk, or any of the other things that might stop us."
"What about Little Ray? Is he going to lunch at the Country Club, and then to the stables for a walk?"
"No, he can stay here with Starr. Remember? She said we can call her any time."
Blair, about to say that she didn't want to leave Ray, looked at Todd's expression and realized that he needed this, for whatever reason, and that she probably did as well. "All right, I'll call her. What time do you want to go?"
"Around 11:30? That will give us time to helicopter onto the lawn."
"Todd! Did you ask?"
"Of course, it's all set."
"You planned this before we even talked, I see."
"Yep. Just go with the flow, Blair," and he traipsed off to his room to get ready.
She continued to work on the chairs, beating and fluffing the cushions, and putting them back in place. When she finished, she called Starr, who was somehow magically free to baby-sit. She hung up, in time to hear him call to her, "Blair? Come up here and shower with me." She didn't hesitate, skipping to the steps.
***
Later, they got into the copter for the drive into Llanview. Todd had her favorite champagne on ice. She said, "Isn't it a little early for this?"
"Maybe, but why not?"
She poured a glass for herself and one for him. They sat back, enjoying the view over the mountains, and he said, "Does this make you think of anything?"
"What, drinking in a helicopter? High school?"
"No, I'm serious. Does it make you remember anything?"
She played coy, "I don't know, what does it remind you of?"
"It reminds me of the day I asked you to marry me. We were in my jet."
"I know, I was teasing you. I thought of it, too. Except, I couldn't drink then, I was..." She stopped, and he did, too. Her face twisted a bit, and then she gulped her champagne. "To the future."
"You're supposed to toast first, then drink." He softly reminded her. The pain still hung in the air, for both of them. He said, "I'm sorry."
She said, "That's a good thing. If we forgot about it, for a while, then it means we can forget about it for a longer while."
He put his hand under her hair on the side of her head and kissed her, deeply. Looking into her eyes, he said, "How did I get this lucky?"
She said, "You earned it. Every last bit." She kissed him back, even more passionately. She played with a strand of his hair that had fallen loose from the ponytail. She said, "Todd, you know I adore you. Always have."
"I know, same here. It's always been us. You and me."
She nodded. A bit misty, she turned to the window. "There's the Country Club."
"Yep, and the stables. We're going to land over there." He pointed.
She snuggled close to him. The wind was whipping against them, and the sun was in and out of clouds. It made for a cooler ride than she expected. After a leisurely lunch, he told her he had to use the restroom, and a waiter approached her. "Mrs. Manning?" He said, and when she nodded, he handed her a note. "See a man in the stables," she read aloud. She smiled to herself, and rolling her eyes, she picked up her sweater and purse, and headed out.
When she got there, the stables were very quiet. She called to someone, but no one responded. She looked up, and there were arrows pointing to the left. She followed them, for a long distance, until she was at the last stall. When she walked in, there in front of her was a beautiful black horse, with shining eyes and sleek jet black hair. She gasped at the sight of him, knowing he looked precisely like Araby used to. A note hung off his neck, like a pendant. She took it, and read it, "To the unpredictable love of my life, nothing, not even wild horses, could keep me away from you." Tears formed in her eyes as she reached up to touch the nose of the beautiful stallion. As she talked to him, Todd approached from behind, and she heard the crunch of the straw under his feet. She turned, "Oh, Todd," she said, hugging him.
"He's yours."
"He's the most beautiful horse I've seen in years. He's so gorgeous, Todd."
"He was made for you. Believe it or not, I called the same exact guy. He's still in the business."
She could not stop looking at her gift. She threw her purse and sweater down, and climbed on. He was not like Araby, mostly because he was much tamer, but in appearance, he reminded her of him so much.
Todd admired her, from the ground below. Her hair was cascading around her, shining, and her smile outshone it. He said, "The surprise is not over."
She said, "I can't imagine anything more perfect than this."
"Well, remember back in the day..."
"Yes, back in the day," she repeated, laughing. "When we're old and gray, many years from now..."
"You always wanted me to ride?" he finished, "I am going to try. That's the surprise. You didn't notice this lovely girl back here, did you?"
There was another horse, and she was shocked that she never noticed her. "No, I didn't. I couldn't take my eyes off him."
"Well, her name is Maybel. She's very tame, the easiest horse they have. So, I get her, and you get him. But you have to name him first."
"Oh I don't know, Sheik?"
"I like it. Let's go, show me the ropes," he said. She got off her horse and moved to the other, bringing it out and showing him how to get to know her. Within a few moments, he was mounted and looking down at her. "It's going to take some getting used to."
"Todd Manning, you've battled just about everything, you can surely handle a sweet old horse like Maybel." She mounted Sheik, and showed him how to start, and soon, he was walking Maybel along perfectly, as she did the same.
Once outside, Blair asked him, "Are you ready?"
He said, "If you can fly in that copter, I can do this."
She told him how to make Maybel canter, and took off, him following her at a decent but not overpowering pace. As they crossed the meadow, he sped up, passing her, and looking back at her, smiled a huge grin. She gave Sheik the nudge he needed and passed Maybel, looking back a bit with her hair blowing. His was coming loose from the tie, and blowing in the breeze as well. They rounded the field, and went through, at a slower pace, the trail she was familiar with. It had stood the test of time, and was clear and accessible. Following it at a slower speed, she lead, and he followed, and soon, they had reached the grove. She said, "It's still here."
He hadn't seen anything like it. In the middle of the woods, there was a clearing, surrounded by trees, with a small pond, covered in lilypads and algae, and weeping willows around the edges, with their branches skimming the water. The sun was coming through the clouds, with the rays splaying apart. He looked up, and then looked to her. He said, "This is beautiful, Blair."
"I know, isn't it, Todd?" She dismounted. "When you were in Ireland, I used to dream about this spot. I used to dream about seeing you alive, right here." She saw him opening a bag hanging from Maybel's side. He extracted a blanket, and shook it out, lying it on the grass near the pond. She walked over to it and sat, putting her hand out from below him. In that moment, he flashed on her holding her hand out to him in Dorian's penthouse, in her Christmas off-the-shoulder dress, and saying, "Merry Christmas." Overcome, he took her hand and sat beside her. She tilted him toward her, and put his head into her lap. Remembering the words of Sister Rebecca Katherine, she wanted to spoil her husband and let him know he could count on her. He had been strong for her for weeks, and as guilty as it made her feel, she was ready to be there for him.
She loved how he looked, his hair coming loose of the elastic in places, and strands falling before his face. She brushed them back, and said, "What are you thinking, Todd?"
He had his eyes closed, and then opened them, saying, "I'm thinking about what kind of man I am to deserve this. A family, you."
His response was nothing she expected. She said, "You're a man like anyone else, Todd. It's not about that."
"I'm thinking of...I'm thinking about...when I got back from Ireland. I was so...bitter. Remember?"
She smoothed his hair, "Of course. How can I forget? Things were never quite the same, until last year, finally."
"I regret doing all that to you, Blair. It makes no sense, when I think of it now. You always 'got me.'"
"Yeah, I 'get ya.' I feel the same. Remember Max?"
"Yeah, too bad your aim wasn't better." He paused, "But when you mentioned Ireland, my mind of course went to Hesser. How long is that guy going to haunt me?"
She swallowed, "I don't know. What were you thinking about him?"
"I realized, after that Finn woman killed herself, that I am a lot like Carlo. I did what he did, Blair. He took her child, and told her it died. And I did that, to you. I did a lot of terrible things. That's why I don't see myself deserving all this."
"We don't know he took her child, Todd."
"How else did Zeus get to Greece? He was a baby, he certainly didn't call up for travel arrangements."
"Does it really matter? It's all over. And you're nothing like Carlo."
"I've been dreaming, again, Blair. I didn't want to bother you with it because of Sommer. I keep seeing myself as him. In the dream, it repeats. I look into the mirror and his face is what I see."
"It's wrong that you think you can't tell me, Todd. I want to be there for you. But, that one's easy. Carlo was a man consumed by revenge and hate. You're afraid that you're like that or that you'll end up that way."
He paused, "That actually makes sense. How do you know me this way? I mean, just know me?"
"How can I not know you, I love you. And, I make sense most of the time. He and Leona, two of a kind." She said, and he felt her shake. "You're nothing like them, Todd."
"I was a rapist. A liar. Heck, a kidnapper."
She stopped, and moved his hair aside, and looking into his eyes with her deep green ones, she said, "Those things were a lifetime ago."
It was suddenly quiet between them. After a long pause of letting her play with his stray strands of hair, and closing his eyes to feel her fingers gently touching him, he said, "Blair?"
"Hmm?"
"Did he rape you? Michael Leona? Did you hide that from me? I've always been afraid of that, because when I saw you, in that room, with your nightgown in shreds..."
She stopped him, "Oh, no, Todd, he didn't. It was close, but you stopped him. He would have, if you didn't come home, right then, but he didn't." She stopped a moment, and then pushed on, "I was more scared than I ever was in my life that night." He could feel her shaking again, and pulled her onto the blanket, next to him. She moved against him, and rested her head on his chest, and said, "You're afraid of that because of what he did...to you?"
He closed his eyes a moment, and brought her closer. It was her turn now to feel him shaking. She said, "Todd? Are you all right?"
He opened his eyes, and said, "It's hard to let go, Blair. When I think about it, I just want to smash something. I want to hurt someone. I have to fight not to."
She propped up on her elbow. "Well, you haven't smashed anyone or anything. But I think you might need to talk to Ray, Todd. You really didn't deal with this very much. You tried, and then everything when haywire..." she stopped, and then said, "with me and the baby."
He said, "You and the baby came first. That's how it should be."
"You're still dreaming of being Carlo, questioning what kind of man you are, worrying about me hiding things from you. It's not over for you, and I just want to say..." she choked up, "You did everything for me, Todd. You were my rock, you were my direct line to sanity. I never could have made it through all this without you. I want to be there for you, now. Please, let me do that."
When she said these words, everything rushed toward him in a spiral that he could not stop. He seemed to stare off, as if looking at an imaginary screen. Fight as he did, the images continued to swirl toward him in vivid clips of his life: No, Dad, don't! He stared at the lighter...Pushed to his knees, and kicked over onto his back, he could feel Peter hoisting him onto his stomach by his legs...he was on top of Marty, and she bit him, on the neck, and he laughed, ignoring her cries...."This is my house, and you are my wife. You don't tell me what to do." Throwing Blair on the bed, and undid his belt....pain seared through his back, as he grabbed the silver Celtic cross in his hand, and tearing it from his neck, called out her name, "Blair"...he paid Zeus to help him take Starr away, to hurt her, to pay her back for sleeping with Patrick, while he was away...."I wanted to say I'm sorry. 350 years in prison clouded my judgment." Viki's face was holding back tears in response..."Get rid of him," he studied the little beautiful baby boy's face, and repeated his directions to Paloma...Trapped. He was inside the tomb, his father's corpse lying beside him, he couldn't breathe, he was bound....He woke up, his hands fastened to the chair, he was in white, and the pain, the pain. Don't push that button again! He disappeared into his safe place, catatonic...no one could hurt him... Can't feel him cutting me. He's peeling me, it probably hurts...I'll fade away....he cut me, he burned me and he raped me, Blair....my little girl is dead...
He jumped, covering his ears, "Stop!" he said, aloud, and clung to her like a child.
"Shhhh, it's okay," she said, holding him. The sun warmed them, and she undid his ponytail, letting all of his hair flow freely. She moved her fingers through it, and noticed its appearance was of spun gold in places and chestnut silk in others. Her heart broke for him, but at the same time, she knew he needed this emotional release and comfort that only she could give him. He had been so focused on her, and so caring for her needs, that she almost forgot what he had been through. She caressed every part of him, starting at his hair and working down. She massaged his shoulders and told him softly all of her promises, that she was there, and not going anywhere. She kissed his forehead, and moved herself across from him on the blanket, and kissed his eyes, then his scar and his mouth, gently.
After what seemed a long time, he caught his breath, and let go of her, pulling back. "I don't want to be like this, Blair. Not anymore." He wiped his eyes on his sleeve.
"You won't. We'll face it, together. You told me I'd heal. You will, too."
He suddenly thought of Timothy, who had been consumed by rage enough to betray the love of the new family he had found. He wondered how he would ever find the words to tell her about their 'surrogate father.' "I don't want to end up all hate and nothing else."
"You can't. You love too deeply for that."
He looked into her eyes, facing her on the blanket, and said, softly, "Help me, Blair. You always clear the voices in my head. Don't leave me, though God knows, you've had enough reason. Don't let me be like them."
"I don't have to help you, Todd. You're not like them, I promise you. Now, come here," she said, slightly opening her mouth and bringing it to cover his.
*** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***
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Saying good-bye to them was not easy; Blair broke down several times, and Todd, stoic in his way, supported her with his arm always lovingly around her shoulder or waist. Viki promised to call them often, and have the boys write postcards at each port. As difficult as it was to see them go, both parents knew it was best for them to be out and enjoying the summer months, while they attempted to refuel themselves and put their lives back together.
Todd would be seeing Ray again, for many of the things he had pushed from his mind to deal with Blair's need for him were not dead and buried as he would have wished. Blair considered going to a grief counselor, and then settled on Ray herself, so that they could meet with him jointly, as well as apart. Their plan was to spend the summer moving forward as much as they could, and start fresh, for their boys, by the following school year.
Zeus was struggling to overcome the loss of both of his parents. Regardless of what they had done, he found himself back in the same place he was prior, and that was as a deserted orphan. He had promised Tea to see Ray Martino about his residual feelings of bitter sadness, and planned to follow through. Wanting to work through the grief and disappointment with him, Tea had promised to be there for him, whatever he needed.
Sister Rebecca Katherine had taken the news of Timothy's departure quietly, without much reaction. She did not share her feelings about it with anyone, and when asked, simply replied, "He's a tumbleweed, that one, eh? Place to place, settling nowhere." Inside, she was torn apart by the notion that he may have been the killer after all, and waited, with patience, to hear something from him, not knowing when that might be.
One day, as Todd and Blair set into their regular routines at home, including therapy, care of Little Ray, and getting the yard and house ready for summer, he said, "Hey. Remember a while back, we were going to have lunch at the Country Club? And we couldn't go, because Sam was sick?"
She put down the cushion on the lounge chair she was fixing up, and said, "Todd? Why the heck are you bringing that up now? That was lifetimes ago!"
"Well, I was just thinking. We never did get to have lunch there. Since I've been back, we've never been there. I like to hit all the important spots. Now we don't have Sam running in with a fever, or Jack drunk, or any of the other things that might stop us."
"What about Little Ray? Is he going to lunch at the Country Club, and then to the stables for a walk?"
"No, he can stay here with Starr. Remember? She said we can call her any time."
Blair, about to say that she didn't want to leave Ray, looked at Todd's expression and realized that he needed this, for whatever reason, and that she probably did as well. "All right, I'll call her. What time do you want to go?"
"Around 11:30? That will give us time to helicopter onto the lawn."
"Todd! Did you ask?"
"Of course, it's all set."
"You planned this before we even talked, I see."
"Yep. Just go with the flow, Blair," and he traipsed off to his room to get ready.
She continued to work on the chairs, beating and fluffing the cushions, and putting them back in place. When she finished, she called Starr, who was somehow magically free to baby-sit. She hung up, in time to hear him call to her, "Blair? Come up here and shower with me." She didn't hesitate, skipping to the steps.
***
Later, they got into the copter for the drive into Llanview. Todd had her favorite champagne on ice. She said, "Isn't it a little early for this?"
"Maybe, but why not?"
She poured a glass for herself and one for him. They sat back, enjoying the view over the mountains, and he said, "Does this make you think of anything?"
"What, drinking in a helicopter? High school?"
"No, I'm serious. Does it make you remember anything?"
She played coy, "I don't know, what does it remind you of?"
"It reminds me of the day I asked you to marry me. We were in my jet."
"I know, I was teasing you. I thought of it, too. Except, I couldn't drink then, I was..." She stopped, and he did, too. Her face twisted a bit, and then she gulped her champagne. "To the future."
"You're supposed to toast first, then drink." He softly reminded her. The pain still hung in the air, for both of them. He said, "I'm sorry."
She said, "That's a good thing. If we forgot about it, for a while, then it means we can forget about it for a longer while."
He put his hand under her hair on the side of her head and kissed her, deeply. Looking into her eyes, he said, "How did I get this lucky?"
She said, "You earned it. Every last bit." She kissed him back, even more passionately. She played with a strand of his hair that had fallen loose from the ponytail. She said, "Todd, you know I adore you. Always have."
"I know, same here. It's always been us. You and me."
She nodded. A bit misty, she turned to the window. "There's the Country Club."
"Yep, and the stables. We're going to land over there." He pointed.
She snuggled close to him. The wind was whipping against them, and the sun was in and out of clouds. It made for a cooler ride than she expected. After a leisurely lunch, he told her he had to use the restroom, and a waiter approached her. "Mrs. Manning?" He said, and when she nodded, he handed her a note. "See a man in the stables," she read aloud. She smiled to herself, and rolling her eyes, she picked up her sweater and purse, and headed out.
When she got there, the stables were very quiet. She called to someone, but no one responded. She looked up, and there were arrows pointing to the left. She followed them, for a long distance, until she was at the last stall. When she walked in, there in front of her was a beautiful black horse, with shining eyes and sleek jet black hair. She gasped at the sight of him, knowing he looked precisely like Araby used to. A note hung off his neck, like a pendant. She took it, and read it, "To the unpredictable love of my life, nothing, not even wild horses, could keep me away from you." Tears formed in her eyes as she reached up to touch the nose of the beautiful stallion. As she talked to him, Todd approached from behind, and she heard the crunch of the straw under his feet. She turned, "Oh, Todd," she said, hugging him.
"He's yours."
"He's the most beautiful horse I've seen in years. He's so gorgeous, Todd."
"He was made for you. Believe it or not, I called the same exact guy. He's still in the business."
She could not stop looking at her gift. She threw her purse and sweater down, and climbed on. He was not like Araby, mostly because he was much tamer, but in appearance, he reminded her of him so much.
Todd admired her, from the ground below. Her hair was cascading around her, shining, and her smile outshone it. He said, "The surprise is not over."
She said, "I can't imagine anything more perfect than this."
"Well, remember back in the day..."
"Yes, back in the day," she repeated, laughing. "When we're old and gray, many years from now..."
"You always wanted me to ride?" he finished, "I am going to try. That's the surprise. You didn't notice this lovely girl back here, did you?"
There was another horse, and she was shocked that she never noticed her. "No, I didn't. I couldn't take my eyes off him."
"Well, her name is Maybel. She's very tame, the easiest horse they have. So, I get her, and you get him. But you have to name him first."
"Oh I don't know, Sheik?"
"I like it. Let's go, show me the ropes," he said. She got off her horse and moved to the other, bringing it out and showing him how to get to know her. Within a few moments, he was mounted and looking down at her. "It's going to take some getting used to."
"Todd Manning, you've battled just about everything, you can surely handle a sweet old horse like Maybel." She mounted Sheik, and showed him how to start, and soon, he was walking Maybel along perfectly, as she did the same.
Once outside, Blair asked him, "Are you ready?"
He said, "If you can fly in that copter, I can do this."
She told him how to make Maybel canter, and took off, him following her at a decent but not overpowering pace. As they crossed the meadow, he sped up, passing her, and looking back at her, smiled a huge grin. She gave Sheik the nudge he needed and passed Maybel, looking back a bit with her hair blowing. His was coming loose from the tie, and blowing in the breeze as well. They rounded the field, and went through, at a slower pace, the trail she was familiar with. It had stood the test of time, and was clear and accessible. Following it at a slower speed, she lead, and he followed, and soon, they had reached the grove. She said, "It's still here."
He hadn't seen anything like it. In the middle of the woods, there was a clearing, surrounded by trees, with a small pond, covered in lilypads and algae, and weeping willows around the edges, with their branches skimming the water. The sun was coming through the clouds, with the rays splaying apart. He looked up, and then looked to her. He said, "This is beautiful, Blair."
"I know, isn't it, Todd?" She dismounted. "When you were in Ireland, I used to dream about this spot. I used to dream about seeing you alive, right here." She saw him opening a bag hanging from Maybel's side. He extracted a blanket, and shook it out, lying it on the grass near the pond. She walked over to it and sat, putting her hand out from below him. In that moment, he flashed on her holding her hand out to him in Dorian's penthouse, in her Christmas off-the-shoulder dress, and saying, "Merry Christmas." Overcome, he took her hand and sat beside her. She tilted him toward her, and put his head into her lap. Remembering the words of Sister Rebecca Katherine, she wanted to spoil her husband and let him know he could count on her. He had been strong for her for weeks, and as guilty as it made her feel, she was ready to be there for him.
She loved how he looked, his hair coming loose of the elastic in places, and strands falling before his face. She brushed them back, and said, "What are you thinking, Todd?"
He had his eyes closed, and then opened them, saying, "I'm thinking about what kind of man I am to deserve this. A family, you."
His response was nothing she expected. She said, "You're a man like anyone else, Todd. It's not about that."
"I'm thinking of...I'm thinking about...when I got back from Ireland. I was so...bitter. Remember?"
She smoothed his hair, "Of course. How can I forget? Things were never quite the same, until last year, finally."
"I regret doing all that to you, Blair. It makes no sense, when I think of it now. You always 'got me.'"
"Yeah, I 'get ya.' I feel the same. Remember Max?"
"Yeah, too bad your aim wasn't better." He paused, "But when you mentioned Ireland, my mind of course went to Hesser. How long is that guy going to haunt me?"
She swallowed, "I don't know. What were you thinking about him?"
"I realized, after that Finn woman killed herself, that I am a lot like Carlo. I did what he did, Blair. He took her child, and told her it died. And I did that, to you. I did a lot of terrible things. That's why I don't see myself deserving all this."
"We don't know he took her child, Todd."
"How else did Zeus get to Greece? He was a baby, he certainly didn't call up for travel arrangements."
"Does it really matter? It's all over. And you're nothing like Carlo."
"I've been dreaming, again, Blair. I didn't want to bother you with it because of Sommer. I keep seeing myself as him. In the dream, it repeats. I look into the mirror and his face is what I see."
"It's wrong that you think you can't tell me, Todd. I want to be there for you. But, that one's easy. Carlo was a man consumed by revenge and hate. You're afraid that you're like that or that you'll end up that way."
He paused, "That actually makes sense. How do you know me this way? I mean, just know me?"
"How can I not know you, I love you. And, I make sense most of the time. He and Leona, two of a kind." She said, and he felt her shake. "You're nothing like them, Todd."
"I was a rapist. A liar. Heck, a kidnapper."
She stopped, and moved his hair aside, and looking into his eyes with her deep green ones, she said, "Those things were a lifetime ago."
It was suddenly quiet between them. After a long pause of letting her play with his stray strands of hair, and closing his eyes to feel her fingers gently touching him, he said, "Blair?"
"Hmm?"
"Did he rape you? Michael Leona? Did you hide that from me? I've always been afraid of that, because when I saw you, in that room, with your nightgown in shreds..."
She stopped him, "Oh, no, Todd, he didn't. It was close, but you stopped him. He would have, if you didn't come home, right then, but he didn't." She stopped a moment, and then pushed on, "I was more scared than I ever was in my life that night." He could feel her shaking again, and pulled her onto the blanket, next to him. She moved against him, and rested her head on his chest, and said, "You're afraid of that because of what he did...to you?"
He closed his eyes a moment, and brought her closer. It was her turn now to feel him shaking. She said, "Todd? Are you all right?"
He opened his eyes, and said, "It's hard to let go, Blair. When I think about it, I just want to smash something. I want to hurt someone. I have to fight not to."
She propped up on her elbow. "Well, you haven't smashed anyone or anything. But I think you might need to talk to Ray, Todd. You really didn't deal with this very much. You tried, and then everything when haywire..." she stopped, and then said, "with me and the baby."
He said, "You and the baby came first. That's how it should be."
"You're still dreaming of being Carlo, questioning what kind of man you are, worrying about me hiding things from you. It's not over for you, and I just want to say..." she choked up, "You did everything for me, Todd. You were my rock, you were my direct line to sanity. I never could have made it through all this without you. I want to be there for you, now. Please, let me do that."
When she said these words, everything rushed toward him in a spiral that he could not stop. He seemed to stare off, as if looking at an imaginary screen. Fight as he did, the images continued to swirl toward him in vivid clips of his life: No, Dad, don't! He stared at the lighter...Pushed to his knees, and kicked over onto his back, he could feel Peter hoisting him onto his stomach by his legs...he was on top of Marty, and she bit him, on the neck, and he laughed, ignoring her cries...."This is my house, and you are my wife. You don't tell me what to do." Throwing Blair on the bed, and undid his belt....pain seared through his back, as he grabbed the silver Celtic cross in his hand, and tearing it from his neck, called out her name, "Blair"...he paid Zeus to help him take Starr away, to hurt her, to pay her back for sleeping with Patrick, while he was away...."I wanted to say I'm sorry. 350 years in prison clouded my judgment." Viki's face was holding back tears in response..."Get rid of him," he studied the little beautiful baby boy's face, and repeated his directions to Paloma...Trapped. He was inside the tomb, his father's corpse lying beside him, he couldn't breathe, he was bound....He woke up, his hands fastened to the chair, he was in white, and the pain, the pain. Don't push that button again! He disappeared into his safe place, catatonic...no one could hurt him... Can't feel him cutting me. He's peeling me, it probably hurts...I'll fade away....he cut me, he burned me and he raped me, Blair....my little girl is dead...
He jumped, covering his ears, "Stop!" he said, aloud, and clung to her like a child.
"Shhhh, it's okay," she said, holding him. The sun warmed them, and she undid his ponytail, letting all of his hair flow freely. She moved her fingers through it, and noticed its appearance was of spun gold in places and chestnut silk in others. Her heart broke for him, but at the same time, she knew he needed this emotional release and comfort that only she could give him. He had been so focused on her, and so caring for her needs, that she almost forgot what he had been through. She caressed every part of him, starting at his hair and working down. She massaged his shoulders and told him softly all of her promises, that she was there, and not going anywhere. She kissed his forehead, and moved herself across from him on the blanket, and kissed his eyes, then his scar and his mouth, gently.
After what seemed a long time, he caught his breath, and let go of her, pulling back. "I don't want to be like this, Blair. Not anymore." He wiped his eyes on his sleeve.
"You won't. We'll face it, together. You told me I'd heal. You will, too."
He suddenly thought of Timothy, who had been consumed by rage enough to betray the love of the new family he had found. He wondered how he would ever find the words to tell her about their 'surrogate father.' "I don't want to end up all hate and nothing else."
"You can't. You love too deeply for that."
He looked into her eyes, facing her on the blanket, and said, softly, "Help me, Blair. You always clear the voices in my head. Don't leave me, though God knows, you've had enough reason. Don't let me be like them."
"I don't have to help you, Todd. You're not like them, I promise you. Now, come here," she said, slightly opening her mouth and bringing it to cover his.
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Thursday, August 23, 2012
The Fourth Life: Chapter 61
Timothy had his two leather suitcases on his bed. Both had seen better days; one had large areas where the leather was rubbing through and worn, the other had a plethora of stickers on it from the various journeys it had taken. He said aloud, "Both of ya are my loyal comrades. It's been quite a life."
He was tossing clothing, books and other things into them at a quick pace. He had also already packed two large boxes full of books, that he was having mailed overseas. That was all he needed; his books, his clothes, and a few good bottles of bourbon or scotch.
Of course, he would take the box. The box had his little boys first lost teeth, a lock of his hair, his wife's ring, and the same photo that Todd had discovered on the net, only it was the sharper original, not a copy, and had some color, though it was faded. He traced a finger along her hair, and said, "You go with me, everywhere." He placed the box into his suitcase, first binding it closed with a long elastic band. It was then that he heard the door.
He opened it, and Todd was standing there, hands in his front pants pocket. "Timothy. May I come in?"
Timothy walked away from the door, leaving it open, and Todd followed. "I don't have much time, Todd. You and I both know why you're here."
"Do we?" Todd said, and his ire was evident in his working jaw.
"We do." He closed the top of the suitcase, and turned. "Do you want to kill me? Because if you do, Lad, just do it now and let's not waste more time."
Todd's anger was festering in the form of tears that burned both eyes. He blinked them back, and said, "Yeah, I want to kill you, and you're lucky I won't."
"Perhaps. Perhaps not. Either way, what's done is done."
Todd suddenly grabbed the older man by the shirt, and said, "That's not enough, Broderick. You were going to let Blair burn for your sins."
"Why, is she? Has she been arrested?"
He let go of him, and pushed him a bit, and the older man fell back a few steps. "No. You know she hasn't. You know Finn has taken the blame. But I started thinking, when this all came to a head, that if you saw Blair there, at Hesser's bedside the day he was killed, why you didn't tell me about her breakdown and the scene she caused? And I could only think of one thing."
"And if she were arrested, I'd have come forward. That was always my in plan, boy."
"And say what? What would you have said, Timothy? Would you have said that she was innocent? How long before you saved her? How many nights was she going to be tormented with fear, and memories, and aching to know the truth?"
"I'd have told the truth," he said, putting both suitcases by the door. "I'd have told the truth, if Blair was in peril. I'd never have let her go to jail for this."
"What's the truth, eh, old man?"
Timothy's eyes grazed over Todd's irate expression, and turned away from the fire in his eyes for a moment. Then he said, "Your wife was standing by Hesser's bed. Her hands were balled into fists. She had a blood stain, on her nightgown, I believe she had opened her stitches. She stood by him, and they exchanged words. I could not hear what was being said, as I was hiding my presence. I saw her get up onto the bed, and put her knees onto his chest and begin to push a pillow down onto his face. His good hand swung toward her head. He hit her, at least two times on the side of the head, and she didn't react. It was as if something had taken her over."
"Then what. Don't stop now, Broderick."
"Then, the nurse noticed, called the orderlies. The guard, who was off doing whatever he was doing ran back, and all of them tried to restrain her. She'd thrashed and fought them, with the strength of a man. The poor thing, she was in such pain."
"Don't. Don't pretend that you care about what happens to her. You didn't even tell me what she went through, or that she wasn't guilty. You let me believe she'd done it. If I knew, I could have protected her, freed her from that guilt."
"I had to. Couldn't take the chance. Self-preservation. If it had come to it, I'd have stood up for her. But that doesn't matter much now, does it, Lad?"
"No. It doesn't."
Timothy walked to his chair and sat, pouring more scotch. "She was taken away, by the staff and the guard. Carlo was recovering from what she had done, which had tired him, since he was so badly injured by your beating. He was alone, and so was I. No one was around, I looked, and it seemed the area was a wasteland. It was late in the evening, and particularly quiet. I saw my chance. To finally see him get what he deserved."
Todd watched the man's expressions as he related the story. "I went into his room, quickly, without being seen. He said, 'you?' and I just nodded. I put a needle into his IV, and injected him with a drug used in surgery, to arrest all muscles. He suffocated while lying perfectly still. He was dead before they returned. And I am not afraid to tell you that he died the most torturous death in those few minutes of silent stillness. Just what he deserved." He downed the scotch. "This is what you'll be, Lad, if ya don't move on. If you let your rage consume ya, if ya allow it to take over your life, and your senses, this is who ya will become. A bitter, lonely old man, and a ruthless killer."
Todd, overcome with sadness for the man who he had come to see as a father figure, relaxed his posture, and let a tear spill over to his cheek. "Timothy Broderick, I never want to see you near my family again." Todd brushed the tear off his own cheek. "I can't forgive you for lying to me about this. You don't know what it has done to Blair."
"I know this, Lad. Why do ya think I'm packing? I'm going back home, to Ireland. This world's not long for me, ay? I've seen my day. My drinking's taken the life from me, and my lust for revenge has left me an empty hull. My liver is not doing well, and I am pretty certain I'll be long gone soon. I only ask ya one thing, my boy."
"You don't have a right to ask me anything."
"I know, but I'm asking. Please, don't tell my sister what I've done."
Todd squeezed his eyes shut, thinking of the sweet, holy, little woman. "I never planned on that. I'd never hurt her this way, even though you didn't seem to care she'd be hurt when you did it."
"And please, don't let that little boy of yours think ill of me. He would be hurt by it, Lad, he called me grandpa the other day." The older man's voice caught. "I'm asking ya to consider his feelings. Don't break his dreams."
Todd's heart broke imagining Sam dealing with the knowledge of the truth about Timothy, and he said, "I'd never hurt my boy. You don't have to tell me that."
"This I know, Todd. You're a good father. I'll never know what kind of father I would have been. That was taken from me. You were the closest I got to that."
Todd, feeling a twinge of pity for the man, pushed it away, and stepped backward, toward the door. "What are you telling your sister?"
"Leave that to me, Laddy, I'll do what needs to be done. I'm leaving tonight, ya won't have to see me anymore. I've left all of the work I owed to ya on your desk at The Sun. I won't be a bother to ya ever again, eh?" And then, he stepped toward Todd, and put his arms around him, patting the younger man's back.
Todd, overcome, said, "You're lucky, old man," and his voice cracked.
He gave in to the embrace for a brief moment, as he heard Timothy say, "I know my boy, I was lucky, but t'was to have known the likes of you."
*** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***
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He was tossing clothing, books and other things into them at a quick pace. He had also already packed two large boxes full of books, that he was having mailed overseas. That was all he needed; his books, his clothes, and a few good bottles of bourbon or scotch.
Of course, he would take the box. The box had his little boys first lost teeth, a lock of his hair, his wife's ring, and the same photo that Todd had discovered on the net, only it was the sharper original, not a copy, and had some color, though it was faded. He traced a finger along her hair, and said, "You go with me, everywhere." He placed the box into his suitcase, first binding it closed with a long elastic band. It was then that he heard the door.
He opened it, and Todd was standing there, hands in his front pants pocket. "Timothy. May I come in?"
Timothy walked away from the door, leaving it open, and Todd followed. "I don't have much time, Todd. You and I both know why you're here."
"Do we?" Todd said, and his ire was evident in his working jaw.
"We do." He closed the top of the suitcase, and turned. "Do you want to kill me? Because if you do, Lad, just do it now and let's not waste more time."
Todd's anger was festering in the form of tears that burned both eyes. He blinked them back, and said, "Yeah, I want to kill you, and you're lucky I won't."
"Perhaps. Perhaps not. Either way, what's done is done."
Todd suddenly grabbed the older man by the shirt, and said, "That's not enough, Broderick. You were going to let Blair burn for your sins."
"Why, is she? Has she been arrested?"
He let go of him, and pushed him a bit, and the older man fell back a few steps. "No. You know she hasn't. You know Finn has taken the blame. But I started thinking, when this all came to a head, that if you saw Blair there, at Hesser's bedside the day he was killed, why you didn't tell me about her breakdown and the scene she caused? And I could only think of one thing."
"And if she were arrested, I'd have come forward. That was always my in plan, boy."
"And say what? What would you have said, Timothy? Would you have said that she was innocent? How long before you saved her? How many nights was she going to be tormented with fear, and memories, and aching to know the truth?"
"I'd have told the truth," he said, putting both suitcases by the door. "I'd have told the truth, if Blair was in peril. I'd never have let her go to jail for this."
"What's the truth, eh, old man?"
Timothy's eyes grazed over Todd's irate expression, and turned away from the fire in his eyes for a moment. Then he said, "Your wife was standing by Hesser's bed. Her hands were balled into fists. She had a blood stain, on her nightgown, I believe she had opened her stitches. She stood by him, and they exchanged words. I could not hear what was being said, as I was hiding my presence. I saw her get up onto the bed, and put her knees onto his chest and begin to push a pillow down onto his face. His good hand swung toward her head. He hit her, at least two times on the side of the head, and she didn't react. It was as if something had taken her over."
"Then what. Don't stop now, Broderick."
"Then, the nurse noticed, called the orderlies. The guard, who was off doing whatever he was doing ran back, and all of them tried to restrain her. She'd thrashed and fought them, with the strength of a man. The poor thing, she was in such pain."
"Don't. Don't pretend that you care about what happens to her. You didn't even tell me what she went through, or that she wasn't guilty. You let me believe she'd done it. If I knew, I could have protected her, freed her from that guilt."
"I had to. Couldn't take the chance. Self-preservation. If it had come to it, I'd have stood up for her. But that doesn't matter much now, does it, Lad?"
"No. It doesn't."
Timothy walked to his chair and sat, pouring more scotch. "She was taken away, by the staff and the guard. Carlo was recovering from what she had done, which had tired him, since he was so badly injured by your beating. He was alone, and so was I. No one was around, I looked, and it seemed the area was a wasteland. It was late in the evening, and particularly quiet. I saw my chance. To finally see him get what he deserved."
Todd watched the man's expressions as he related the story. "I went into his room, quickly, without being seen. He said, 'you?' and I just nodded. I put a needle into his IV, and injected him with a drug used in surgery, to arrest all muscles. He suffocated while lying perfectly still. He was dead before they returned. And I am not afraid to tell you that he died the most torturous death in those few minutes of silent stillness. Just what he deserved." He downed the scotch. "This is what you'll be, Lad, if ya don't move on. If you let your rage consume ya, if ya allow it to take over your life, and your senses, this is who ya will become. A bitter, lonely old man, and a ruthless killer."
Todd, overcome with sadness for the man who he had come to see as a father figure, relaxed his posture, and let a tear spill over to his cheek. "Timothy Broderick, I never want to see you near my family again." Todd brushed the tear off his own cheek. "I can't forgive you for lying to me about this. You don't know what it has done to Blair."
"I know this, Lad. Why do ya think I'm packing? I'm going back home, to Ireland. This world's not long for me, ay? I've seen my day. My drinking's taken the life from me, and my lust for revenge has left me an empty hull. My liver is not doing well, and I am pretty certain I'll be long gone soon. I only ask ya one thing, my boy."
"You don't have a right to ask me anything."
"I know, but I'm asking. Please, don't tell my sister what I've done."
Todd squeezed his eyes shut, thinking of the sweet, holy, little woman. "I never planned on that. I'd never hurt her this way, even though you didn't seem to care she'd be hurt when you did it."
"And please, don't let that little boy of yours think ill of me. He would be hurt by it, Lad, he called me grandpa the other day." The older man's voice caught. "I'm asking ya to consider his feelings. Don't break his dreams."
Todd's heart broke imagining Sam dealing with the knowledge of the truth about Timothy, and he said, "I'd never hurt my boy. You don't have to tell me that."
"This I know, Todd. You're a good father. I'll never know what kind of father I would have been. That was taken from me. You were the closest I got to that."
Todd, feeling a twinge of pity for the man, pushed it away, and stepped backward, toward the door. "What are you telling your sister?"
"Leave that to me, Laddy, I'll do what needs to be done. I'm leaving tonight, ya won't have to see me anymore. I've left all of the work I owed to ya on your desk at The Sun. I won't be a bother to ya ever again, eh?" And then, he stepped toward Todd, and put his arms around him, patting the younger man's back.
Todd, overcome, said, "You're lucky, old man," and his voice cracked.
He gave in to the embrace for a brief moment, as he heard Timothy say, "I know my boy, I was lucky, but t'was to have known the likes of you."
*** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***
Your comments are 'payment' for the work of the authors. Our writers like to hear your feedback. Please leave a comment when you read.
The Fourth Life: Chapter 60
Zeus finally found his senses, and ripped the blanket off the bed inside the room that lead to the balcony, and made his way down the staircase. Rushing out the patio doors, he put the blanket over her and knelt down. He said, "Mother." then he looked to the darkening sky, "You didn't give me a chance, oh God." He sat by her, and her hand was coming out from below the blanket he had thrown over her. He touched her fingers, with his. They were cold and did not respond to him. He said, "Mother, I'm alone, again. I'm so alone," and bowed his head.
As John drove up, he could see Zeus, sitting next to a heap that was covered in a blanket. His knees, were bent up and his wrists rested on them. John walked up slowly to the man, whose head was hanging, and said, "Zeus. I'm sorry."
He looked up. The strain was visible all over his tear-stained face. "I didn't know....she's gone."
John crouched beside him, and said, "I know this is hard, but can you talk to me about what happened? We can go for a walk, or go into my car."
Zeus stood up, not moving his eyes from Kathleen Finn's body on the stone patio. "I'm okay. What do you want to know?"
"What happened here?"
"She killed herself, in front of me. I didn't know she was thinking that way, she was talking to me, and then just...I tried to grab her but it was too late."
John said, "I'm sorry."
Zeus' pain turned to anger. "She set up a table for us, made food. She let me ask questions, then she started talking. I know what you want to hear, John. Yes, she knew about my shooting, and yes, she killed Carlo Hesser."
John was shocked at Zeus' words. He said, "Calm down, now, tell me the rest."
Zeus cried a moment, and then said, "She was talking to me, telling me everything. I just wasn't thinking she was going to....she was in so much pain, emotionally. It seemed like she was for years."
"That's sad, and I'm sorry. I'm going to call Tea."
"I called her already. Believe me, she rates over you."
"I'm sure she does."
"My mother...she confessed everything to me, and I thought she was just asking for my forgiveness, so I gave it to her, for everything. I just wanted to...you know...get to know my mother." His voice cracked and he put his forehead against the fingers of his right hand and wept.
"She confessed to Hesser's murder?"
He nodded, unable to speak. Then, attempting to compose himself, he said, "She confessed to everything. She's been wracked with guilt for years. She said she saw him dead in his bed at the hospital. She said she took lives. The next thing I knew..." he stopped, trying to control his sobs, "She said something about the sky, and hopped over the rail and then let herself fall."
John put his arm around Zeus' shoulder, and walked him away from the body, giving Natalie and her team chance to get closer and begin their work. As they neared the squad cars, Tea's BMW screeched to a halt and she raced out of the driver's side. Zeus fell into her arms, and John could hear her repeating, "Lo siento, mi amor," and saw her stroking the back of his head over her shoulder.
The Lieutenant made his way to his car radio, called in to the precinct to cancel the arrest of Blair Manning. Returning to the scene, Natalie said, "Everything is consistent with what Zeus reported. From what I can see, she committed suicide."
He said, "I was an inch from arresting Blair."
"I know," Natalie said, "But that's over now."
Tea was still holding Zeus in her arms, and turning, began to walk him to her car to get him home. He had started trembling all over, and looked pale. John realized they were the symptoms of shock. He called to her, "Tea, he may need a doctor."
She helped her husband into the driver's seat, and Tea made her way back over to the cop. "He had so many dreams and hopes tied up in finding this woman. If you had heard the things he had already planned she would be part of, you would understand. He doesn't need a doctor, he needs to be home with his babies. He's been through enough. Do you need him for further questioning?" He saw her lawyer hat come out of her closet.
"No, he's done. If I need him, I'll come by in a few days. It seems to be pretty open and shut."
"It's a life, John. Another life lost in this Todd Manning mess," And she turned to go.
He watched after her, and said aloud, "and at least one saved."
***
Todd and Blair were in the hot tub, and had just finished making love. They were resting in the water, with the temperature and jets turned up high, and Borodin being piped in through the sound system he'd had put in when Unforgettable was built. She was close to sleep against him, and he was lost in thought. He had a plan. If anything were to go wrong, he would say that he was the murderer, by proxy, and that he sent someone to off the bastard. He would never watch her go to jail, ever again. He would never let her children be without her. He'd rather die.
He started to drift off, when he heard the siren in the distance. Slightly alarmed he jostled her to alertness and both of them got out of the tub, and hurried to dry off. He told her, "Stay here, until I tell you it's okay," and put on some lounge pants and a tight-fitting t-shirt. He bounded down the stairs, and said, "Is this official, Lieutenant," to John, leaning against the door frame as he opened the door.
John said, "No one else here?"
"Blair's upstairs. What can I do for you?"
"You're not going to ask me in?" John said.
Todd realized this was the same man who had eaten barbecued food in his yard not long ago. "Sorry, come in. You had the siren on, I just thought..."
"You just thought I was coming to arrest her," he said.
Todd didn't respond. Instead, his eyes became slits and he said, "What is it, John?"
"The Hesser Murder Investigation has come to a close. Kathleen Finn committed suicide this evening after confessing."
Todd flopped onto the couch. "Whoa, okay."
"She confessed to Zeus. He had just found out she was his mother, as you predicted, and went to meet her for the first time. She killed herself in front of him."
Todd winced. "That's a tough break."
"More than that, the guy is shattered."
"He just wanted a family. He's always wanted that, from way back when I first met him."
John nodded. "Blair was going to be arrested tonight. All the signs pointed to her, and to a certain incident that one of my hospital guards related to me. These last 24 hours have been pretty hectic. He told me that Blair had some kind of breakdown right in Carlo's room, the same night he was discovered dead."
Todd sat up, "What do you mean, breakdown?"
"He just said that he was off getting coffee for a few moments, and asked the nurse's desk to keep watch. It was very late, so he assumed no one would bother. When he came back, two orderlies and a nurse were trying to pull her away from Carlo, and she was screaming various obscenities and, frankly, delusions. She was literally on his bed, with her knees on his chest. Anyway, he helped remove her and bring her back to her floor and room. She fought like you know she can, and it took them a great deal to get her restrained. After hearing this, I was almost certain she had somehow already killed him, because by the time the guard got her settled, helped restrain her, and reported it to his immediate supervisor, they returned to find the remaining staff in an uproar. Carlo had been killed. Within those few minutes that they tended to Blair, someone had done the deed or....it could have been Blair herself."
Todd didn't say anything, he just listened. John said, "So, I started to believe that Blair had actually killed him. The forensics report said suffocation, and with Blair on his chest when seen, we believed she was the killer and that the staff and guard were just too late. Along with the obvious other factors, her grief, her mental state, I was pretty certain it was Blair. Until the ex-Mayor told Zeus that it was on her hands. She killed him. She also was part of the plan to get Carlo out of Statesville, and unwittingly, the killing of Zeus that lead to the death of your child."
Todd took a while to soak it all in. Blair crept toward the stairs, and from the top said, "Can I come down, now?"
"Yeah, go ahead, Blair." She walked into the sitting room, and sat by her husband.
John quickly related the main details, and Blair, sitting on the arm of the chair, wobbled and said, "I feel lightheaded. It must have been that hot tub, maybe we were in it too long..." and keeled over onto Todd. Todd rested her on the couch. "She'll be all right, she's been under a lot of stress lately. She'll be fine. I think the shock of hearing who killed him, and the idea of the woman killing herself, just overwhelmed her."
"With good reason," John said, "she's been through a lot. I'm relieved I don't have to take her in."
She stirred, "Todd?"
"Right here, Babe."
"It's so terrible, for Zeus."
He looked at John, and back to her, "I know. He'll be okay, he has Tea, like I have you."
She sat up, "I don't know what came over me."
John said, "Well, the case is closed. You can put it behind you, and move forward. Sorry for your loss, again. I'll see myself out."
Todd turned to Blair, "Well, I guess that's it."
She got up, wringing her hands, "No, it's not."
"Why, Blair, what is it?"
"I remember. I was kneeling on his chest, Todd, I was holding a pillow over his face. I can see it. Finally."
"She admitted she did it, Blair. You wanted to, heck you tried, but they stopped you. She must have gotten in there and done the deed. It only takes a few minutes, maybe one or two, to inject something into an IV. With his airways partially blocked, he was done for. Did the monitors beep and did he flatline while you were there?"
She thought about it, "No. No it didn't. I remember everything, Todd, I do. I remember flipping out, they grabbed me, I fought, I thought I heard him, moaning, still, while I was fighting them. They dragged me out of there! I see it. I wonder why I couldn't remember before?"
"I don't know, but it doesn't matter now. You're not guilty. It's over." He wasn't sure, but one thing was certain. Timothy had left out some very important information and Todd was determined to find out why.
***
By the next morning, all of the airwaves were filled with stories of the ex-Mayor Finn's death and Zeus' story of gaining and losing his family within twenty-four hours. Sister Rebecca Katherine, who was eating breakfast across from Marty Saybrooke, said, "My goodness, it's over at last. The poor Mr. Zeus. He has lost his parents once again. Sad, really. He will need some support and help, that one."
Marty, who had little sympathy for the Todd-impostor, said, "I suppose. At least the nightmare is over for Blair. It was enough to lose her baby. Maybe they can move on, once and for all."
"Yes indeed, they've had a rough run of it, I'd like to see things go better for them."
Marty said, "Will you excuse me?" and got up, heading for the door to the cafeteria.
Sister Rebecca Katherine took a few moments to put everything together in her mind, and realized why Marty was upset. "Oh Rebecca, Timothy would say, 'Creena, your mouth has run off without your shoes. Can you learn to be quiet sometimes?'"
She would go to Marty, later, and express her sorrys, but at the moment, she wanted to see Todd and Blair and hear about the finale to this horrible ordeal. She made a call to her driver and planned an outing to Unforgettable.
When she arrived, she rang the doorbell, and when it opened, she said, "Jack, dear, you're looking out of practice. We must have a miniature boxing match later. Are your parents at home?"
"Just my mom, come in, Sister." He called to Blair, "Mom?"
Blair came down the staircase, "Sister! How good to see you!" She hugged her, and they walked into the sitting room, arm in arm.
"Blair, dear, how are you doing?"
"I'm okay, sister. I think it's better now, what with the news about Kathleen Finn being the killer. It's sad, how this ended, but at least we can try and move forward."
"Where's Todd? I was hoping to see him."
"He's not here right now, he may have gone to work, I am not sure. He'll be back soon, maybe you can stay for lunch with us?"
"That will be delightful, dear. But I must say to ya, I was worried about both of ya, for a while there."
"I think we are going to be okay, Sister."
"You will, but you must not forget two things, Blair. First, both of ya have not totally grieved for Sommer, mostly because you have been thrown in and out of these criminal proceedings, and Todd's arraignment, and the accusations about the murder. And, second, I must remind ya, as his wife, that he has not fully recovered from his memories of Leona's abuse. That got completely ignored once the trial got under way. He's going to need you, still. He's most likely still fighting those memories, and will be for some time."
Blair paused, "I've been so worried about myself," she said, "I...I know you're right. Those terrible things that happened to him. We've been through so much."
"Yes, and this is why the cruise is the best idea for the boys. Ya need time together to deal with everything you have endured."
"I never thought of it that way."
"Perhaps Starr can care for the baby, and I'll help."
"I think it will be just what we need. Thank you, Sister, you're a blessing to us."
"As you all are to me, dear."
*** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***
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As John drove up, he could see Zeus, sitting next to a heap that was covered in a blanket. His knees, were bent up and his wrists rested on them. John walked up slowly to the man, whose head was hanging, and said, "Zeus. I'm sorry."
He looked up. The strain was visible all over his tear-stained face. "I didn't know....she's gone."
John crouched beside him, and said, "I know this is hard, but can you talk to me about what happened? We can go for a walk, or go into my car."
Zeus stood up, not moving his eyes from Kathleen Finn's body on the stone patio. "I'm okay. What do you want to know?"
"What happened here?"
"She killed herself, in front of me. I didn't know she was thinking that way, she was talking to me, and then just...I tried to grab her but it was too late."
John said, "I'm sorry."
Zeus' pain turned to anger. "She set up a table for us, made food. She let me ask questions, then she started talking. I know what you want to hear, John. Yes, she knew about my shooting, and yes, she killed Carlo Hesser."
John was shocked at Zeus' words. He said, "Calm down, now, tell me the rest."
Zeus cried a moment, and then said, "She was talking to me, telling me everything. I just wasn't thinking she was going to....she was in so much pain, emotionally. It seemed like she was for years."
"That's sad, and I'm sorry. I'm going to call Tea."
"I called her already. Believe me, she rates over you."
"I'm sure she does."
"My mother...she confessed everything to me, and I thought she was just asking for my forgiveness, so I gave it to her, for everything. I just wanted to...you know...get to know my mother." His voice cracked and he put his forehead against the fingers of his right hand and wept.
"She confessed to Hesser's murder?"
He nodded, unable to speak. Then, attempting to compose himself, he said, "She confessed to everything. She's been wracked with guilt for years. She said she saw him dead in his bed at the hospital. She said she took lives. The next thing I knew..." he stopped, trying to control his sobs, "She said something about the sky, and hopped over the rail and then let herself fall."
John put his arm around Zeus' shoulder, and walked him away from the body, giving Natalie and her team chance to get closer and begin their work. As they neared the squad cars, Tea's BMW screeched to a halt and she raced out of the driver's side. Zeus fell into her arms, and John could hear her repeating, "Lo siento, mi amor," and saw her stroking the back of his head over her shoulder.
The Lieutenant made his way to his car radio, called in to the precinct to cancel the arrest of Blair Manning. Returning to the scene, Natalie said, "Everything is consistent with what Zeus reported. From what I can see, she committed suicide."
He said, "I was an inch from arresting Blair."
"I know," Natalie said, "But that's over now."
Tea was still holding Zeus in her arms, and turning, began to walk him to her car to get him home. He had started trembling all over, and looked pale. John realized they were the symptoms of shock. He called to her, "Tea, he may need a doctor."
She helped her husband into the driver's seat, and Tea made her way back over to the cop. "He had so many dreams and hopes tied up in finding this woman. If you had heard the things he had already planned she would be part of, you would understand. He doesn't need a doctor, he needs to be home with his babies. He's been through enough. Do you need him for further questioning?" He saw her lawyer hat come out of her closet.
"No, he's done. If I need him, I'll come by in a few days. It seems to be pretty open and shut."
"It's a life, John. Another life lost in this Todd Manning mess," And she turned to go.
He watched after her, and said aloud, "and at least one saved."
***
Todd and Blair were in the hot tub, and had just finished making love. They were resting in the water, with the temperature and jets turned up high, and Borodin being piped in through the sound system he'd had put in when Unforgettable was built. She was close to sleep against him, and he was lost in thought. He had a plan. If anything were to go wrong, he would say that he was the murderer, by proxy, and that he sent someone to off the bastard. He would never watch her go to jail, ever again. He would never let her children be without her. He'd rather die.
He started to drift off, when he heard the siren in the distance. Slightly alarmed he jostled her to alertness and both of them got out of the tub, and hurried to dry off. He told her, "Stay here, until I tell you it's okay," and put on some lounge pants and a tight-fitting t-shirt. He bounded down the stairs, and said, "Is this official, Lieutenant," to John, leaning against the door frame as he opened the door.
John said, "No one else here?"
"Blair's upstairs. What can I do for you?"
"You're not going to ask me in?" John said.
Todd realized this was the same man who had eaten barbecued food in his yard not long ago. "Sorry, come in. You had the siren on, I just thought..."
"You just thought I was coming to arrest her," he said.
Todd didn't respond. Instead, his eyes became slits and he said, "What is it, John?"
"The Hesser Murder Investigation has come to a close. Kathleen Finn committed suicide this evening after confessing."
Todd flopped onto the couch. "Whoa, okay."
"She confessed to Zeus. He had just found out she was his mother, as you predicted, and went to meet her for the first time. She killed herself in front of him."
Todd winced. "That's a tough break."
"More than that, the guy is shattered."
"He just wanted a family. He's always wanted that, from way back when I first met him."
John nodded. "Blair was going to be arrested tonight. All the signs pointed to her, and to a certain incident that one of my hospital guards related to me. These last 24 hours have been pretty hectic. He told me that Blair had some kind of breakdown right in Carlo's room, the same night he was discovered dead."
Todd sat up, "What do you mean, breakdown?"
"He just said that he was off getting coffee for a few moments, and asked the nurse's desk to keep watch. It was very late, so he assumed no one would bother. When he came back, two orderlies and a nurse were trying to pull her away from Carlo, and she was screaming various obscenities and, frankly, delusions. She was literally on his bed, with her knees on his chest. Anyway, he helped remove her and bring her back to her floor and room. She fought like you know she can, and it took them a great deal to get her restrained. After hearing this, I was almost certain she had somehow already killed him, because by the time the guard got her settled, helped restrain her, and reported it to his immediate supervisor, they returned to find the remaining staff in an uproar. Carlo had been killed. Within those few minutes that they tended to Blair, someone had done the deed or....it could have been Blair herself."
Todd didn't say anything, he just listened. John said, "So, I started to believe that Blair had actually killed him. The forensics report said suffocation, and with Blair on his chest when seen, we believed she was the killer and that the staff and guard were just too late. Along with the obvious other factors, her grief, her mental state, I was pretty certain it was Blair. Until the ex-Mayor told Zeus that it was on her hands. She killed him. She also was part of the plan to get Carlo out of Statesville, and unwittingly, the killing of Zeus that lead to the death of your child."
Todd took a while to soak it all in. Blair crept toward the stairs, and from the top said, "Can I come down, now?"
"Yeah, go ahead, Blair." She walked into the sitting room, and sat by her husband.
John quickly related the main details, and Blair, sitting on the arm of the chair, wobbled and said, "I feel lightheaded. It must have been that hot tub, maybe we were in it too long..." and keeled over onto Todd. Todd rested her on the couch. "She'll be all right, she's been under a lot of stress lately. She'll be fine. I think the shock of hearing who killed him, and the idea of the woman killing herself, just overwhelmed her."
"With good reason," John said, "she's been through a lot. I'm relieved I don't have to take her in."
She stirred, "Todd?"
"Right here, Babe."
"It's so terrible, for Zeus."
He looked at John, and back to her, "I know. He'll be okay, he has Tea, like I have you."
She sat up, "I don't know what came over me."
John said, "Well, the case is closed. You can put it behind you, and move forward. Sorry for your loss, again. I'll see myself out."
Todd turned to Blair, "Well, I guess that's it."
She got up, wringing her hands, "No, it's not."
"Why, Blair, what is it?"
"I remember. I was kneeling on his chest, Todd, I was holding a pillow over his face. I can see it. Finally."
"She admitted she did it, Blair. You wanted to, heck you tried, but they stopped you. She must have gotten in there and done the deed. It only takes a few minutes, maybe one or two, to inject something into an IV. With his airways partially blocked, he was done for. Did the monitors beep and did he flatline while you were there?"
She thought about it, "No. No it didn't. I remember everything, Todd, I do. I remember flipping out, they grabbed me, I fought, I thought I heard him, moaning, still, while I was fighting them. They dragged me out of there! I see it. I wonder why I couldn't remember before?"
"I don't know, but it doesn't matter now. You're not guilty. It's over." He wasn't sure, but one thing was certain. Timothy had left out some very important information and Todd was determined to find out why.
***
By the next morning, all of the airwaves were filled with stories of the ex-Mayor Finn's death and Zeus' story of gaining and losing his family within twenty-four hours. Sister Rebecca Katherine, who was eating breakfast across from Marty Saybrooke, said, "My goodness, it's over at last. The poor Mr. Zeus. He has lost his parents once again. Sad, really. He will need some support and help, that one."
Marty, who had little sympathy for the Todd-impostor, said, "I suppose. At least the nightmare is over for Blair. It was enough to lose her baby. Maybe they can move on, once and for all."
"Yes indeed, they've had a rough run of it, I'd like to see things go better for them."
Marty said, "Will you excuse me?" and got up, heading for the door to the cafeteria.
Sister Rebecca Katherine took a few moments to put everything together in her mind, and realized why Marty was upset. "Oh Rebecca, Timothy would say, 'Creena, your mouth has run off without your shoes. Can you learn to be quiet sometimes?'"
She would go to Marty, later, and express her sorrys, but at the moment, she wanted to see Todd and Blair and hear about the finale to this horrible ordeal. She made a call to her driver and planned an outing to Unforgettable.
When she arrived, she rang the doorbell, and when it opened, she said, "Jack, dear, you're looking out of practice. We must have a miniature boxing match later. Are your parents at home?"
"Just my mom, come in, Sister." He called to Blair, "Mom?"
Blair came down the staircase, "Sister! How good to see you!" She hugged her, and they walked into the sitting room, arm in arm.
"Blair, dear, how are you doing?"
"I'm okay, sister. I think it's better now, what with the news about Kathleen Finn being the killer. It's sad, how this ended, but at least we can try and move forward."
"Where's Todd? I was hoping to see him."
"He's not here right now, he may have gone to work, I am not sure. He'll be back soon, maybe you can stay for lunch with us?"
"That will be delightful, dear. But I must say to ya, I was worried about both of ya, for a while there."
"I think we are going to be okay, Sister."
"You will, but you must not forget two things, Blair. First, both of ya have not totally grieved for Sommer, mostly because you have been thrown in and out of these criminal proceedings, and Todd's arraignment, and the accusations about the murder. And, second, I must remind ya, as his wife, that he has not fully recovered from his memories of Leona's abuse. That got completely ignored once the trial got under way. He's going to need you, still. He's most likely still fighting those memories, and will be for some time."
Blair paused, "I've been so worried about myself," she said, "I...I know you're right. Those terrible things that happened to him. We've been through so much."
"Yes, and this is why the cruise is the best idea for the boys. Ya need time together to deal with everything you have endured."
"I never thought of it that way."
"Perhaps Starr can care for the baby, and I'll help."
"I think it will be just what we need. Thank you, Sister, you're a blessing to us."
"As you all are to me, dear."
*** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***
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Wednesday, August 22, 2012
The Fourth Life: Chapter 59
She stood, and walked from the table. She hugged her own arms, and looked into the sunset. "This is my favorite time of day."
He watched her, from behind. For a moment, he thought, "I'll have a lot of time to get to know her, later." His mind flashed on visits with Tea and the children, and holidays, with her there.
Then, she said, "Do you know how you got to Greece?"
He said, "No. I don't know much. I know I was left at an orphanage in a very small town somewhere in Greece. I grew up there. He contacted me again when I was a young adult. He used my weakness against me."
"He was not a good man."
He was as confused as she was, by her fluctuations between adoration and total disgust. "No, I guess he wasn't."
"He was once, even when he was involved in organized crime, he was a gentle and devoted man, then." He didn't answer her, as he flashed on him pushing the button on the remote that sent electric current through him. His hands shook, and he folded them to get it under control. "I was a call girl, trying to make it through college." Her back was still to him. "He was a client, who turned out to be my knight in shining armor. He paid for school, so I could finish, and he took me in. We fell in love. That was also Carlo. Aside from the hateful, vengeful terrorist he became, he was also this man."
He thought about what to say and decided on, "You loved him."
"Yes. Even at the end. Even as he lay in that hospital bed. Even after he ordered you dead." She finally turned. "If you hear the rest and never want to hear more, that would be expected."
He said, "Go on. What about ordering me dead?"
"What do you want to hear? That he randomly selected Mac to do this to you?"
He said, "I don't know. What I want to hear, frankly, is the truth. Then, maybe we can heal."
"Heal?" She laughed, despite the tears that were falling on her face. "How do you heal from something like this?"
"You do. I guess. I did. I was brainwashed, tortured, made to think I was someone else, stole a life, killed someone, lost everything. And here I am, trying to piece it together. Trying to get to know my mother, after 41 years."
She turned her back to him again. "You won't want to know her. Your mother had a role in your own shooting."
He swallowed. Knowing the torment she was enduring, he kept his own ire and disgust silent. "How?"
"I was just about to be released from prison. After hearing the things he'd done to you and to Todd Manning and his family, I wanted to get as far away as I could from Carlo. I knew he would suck me in, like a disease, and I'd be right back at his call. I'm addicted to him, I suppose, but it doesn't matter now. I sent Mac," she broke down, "who actually loved me. The man I actually could have depended on, got taken down by Carlo as well."
She pulled herself together, and still with her back to him, she said, "Mac went to him, in prison, made a deal with him to help Carlo escape during that trial in exchange for getting us out of the country and giving us unlimited wealth. The greed in me, and my fear, motivated me to use Mac. Mac loved me, truly. When Carlo turned on us, and required the shooting of you, Mac went with it. Carlo had threatened to have me tortured and killed, and Mac....he just could not accept it and agreed to kill you."
Tears stung his own eyes, as he realized her deep desperation and selfishness, and how it had overcome her. Perhaps it was his own therapy that helped him find pity for her, but he did. "You didn't know I was your son."
"I know that. It doesn't exonerate me. I am responsible, second hand, for the injury you endured. And, I am party to the death of that baby. That innocent life." She broke again, and put her face into her palm for a moment. Zeus let her cry, and waited, patiently.
He said, "I forgive you. I understand what you were trying to do. I know the desperation. I was in that same place. Before the torture and brainwashing, I did things for him, that I knew were wrong. We all have our demons."
"Yes," she said, sniffing, and becoming upright again. "Neither of us planned for you to die, or that baby to die. The worst thing that ever happened to me was the death of my child, and now, I've put it on someone else."
He said, "You didn't know. You didn't plan that."
"Still, it happened. The blood is on my hands." She turned to him, and held her hands out, "Do you know I can see it? I see the blood sometimes, on my hands?"
In his struggle to understand her, a voice of alarm spoke to him. He said, "No, there's no blood there, your hands are clean, see them?"
"I see them, and sometimes, I look, and they are covered in Blair's blood, and the baby's blood. She was innocent."
He looked at the woman, and said, "Even Blair wouldn't blame you for this. I know that."
"Wouldn't she? I know how it feels. It's the worst pain anyone can have."
He said, "I'm sorry. But your pain is over, your child did not die. You can start again, and get to know me. We can make up for lost time. I...I could have a family, like I've always wanted."
She turned her back again. After a few moments of silence, she said, "You have hope. I don't. I've....there's too much. Too much done and said and passed."
"All of it can be forgiven. I'm living proof of that. Todd forgave me."
"Who can forgive me?"
"I can. I will. I already have."
She did not turn. Instead, he saw her move to the edge of the balcony and lean against the black wrought-iron railings. She breathed in deeply. "You forgive me. That means...everything. It's all that was left." Then she said, "I love this. This view. It was worth every penny. It's in foreclosure, you know. Another month or two before it's gone. I deserve that. I deserve whatever comes. I've done...let's just say, you don't know the half of it."
He said, "None of that matters to me. You can get help, I know someone who can help you. If I talk to Todd, I am certain he'll help me buy this place, and you can live here as long as you like, with us." These were the things he dreamed of, imagined, and longed for, most of his life.
"With us?"
"Tea, Daniella, Isabella and I. All of us."
"You dream. You dream very big, and colorful and in picket fences. That's not reality. Blair on the floor bleeding - that's real. Todd and Blair, on their knees, mourning, beside a rose-quartz statue of a little girl - that's real. Carlo, dead, in the hospital bed, the life squeezed out of him - those are real. That is reality."
He stopped, confused by her words, and the first thing he thought of was, "You were at the funeral?"
"I was watching, from a distance. I saw it all. One thing you must say about Todd Manning, he's a total romantic, even in death."
Zeus said, "You saw Carlo, dead?"
She did not answer. Instead she said, "The sun is almost gone. I've done it all, you realize. I've cheated, slept with men, sold myself, lied, prostituted, betrayed people, turned my head to atrocities, and now killed. I've taken lives."
"That baby's death is not your doing. Anyone can see that. I see that. None of that matters anymore."
It was as if he were not there, "Just look at it, how the sun falls behind the mountains like that. In a few minutes, just like love, it will be gone. Just like life."
He looked at the sky, and for a moment, shared the awe that she felt. The clouds were small lines across the horizon; the sky was a blend of purples, oranges and pinks. The rim of the sun was just touching the mountains and was slowly fading behind them as they watched together. As strange as the reunion was, he was with his mother, and she was with her son.
Without warning, she hopped herself onto the railing and swung her legs over. He was up, out of his seat, and running, grabbed the sleeve of her sweater, which hung there, dangling from his hands, as she dropped to the ground so far below. She was lying, crumpled, three stories down, her legs twisted in an unnatural way, and blood was pooling under her head. He turned away, and cried out, "No!"
He gripped the sweater, soft and smelling of perfumed flowers, once again an orphan.
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He watched her, from behind. For a moment, he thought, "I'll have a lot of time to get to know her, later." His mind flashed on visits with Tea and the children, and holidays, with her there.
Then, she said, "Do you know how you got to Greece?"
He said, "No. I don't know much. I know I was left at an orphanage in a very small town somewhere in Greece. I grew up there. He contacted me again when I was a young adult. He used my weakness against me."
"He was not a good man."
He was as confused as she was, by her fluctuations between adoration and total disgust. "No, I guess he wasn't."
"He was once, even when he was involved in organized crime, he was a gentle and devoted man, then." He didn't answer her, as he flashed on him pushing the button on the remote that sent electric current through him. His hands shook, and he folded them to get it under control. "I was a call girl, trying to make it through college." Her back was still to him. "He was a client, who turned out to be my knight in shining armor. He paid for school, so I could finish, and he took me in. We fell in love. That was also Carlo. Aside from the hateful, vengeful terrorist he became, he was also this man."
He thought about what to say and decided on, "You loved him."
"Yes. Even at the end. Even as he lay in that hospital bed. Even after he ordered you dead." She finally turned. "If you hear the rest and never want to hear more, that would be expected."
He said, "Go on. What about ordering me dead?"
"What do you want to hear? That he randomly selected Mac to do this to you?"
He said, "I don't know. What I want to hear, frankly, is the truth. Then, maybe we can heal."
"Heal?" She laughed, despite the tears that were falling on her face. "How do you heal from something like this?"
"You do. I guess. I did. I was brainwashed, tortured, made to think I was someone else, stole a life, killed someone, lost everything. And here I am, trying to piece it together. Trying to get to know my mother, after 41 years."
She turned her back to him again. "You won't want to know her. Your mother had a role in your own shooting."
He swallowed. Knowing the torment she was enduring, he kept his own ire and disgust silent. "How?"
"I was just about to be released from prison. After hearing the things he'd done to you and to Todd Manning and his family, I wanted to get as far away as I could from Carlo. I knew he would suck me in, like a disease, and I'd be right back at his call. I'm addicted to him, I suppose, but it doesn't matter now. I sent Mac," she broke down, "who actually loved me. The man I actually could have depended on, got taken down by Carlo as well."
She pulled herself together, and still with her back to him, she said, "Mac went to him, in prison, made a deal with him to help Carlo escape during that trial in exchange for getting us out of the country and giving us unlimited wealth. The greed in me, and my fear, motivated me to use Mac. Mac loved me, truly. When Carlo turned on us, and required the shooting of you, Mac went with it. Carlo had threatened to have me tortured and killed, and Mac....he just could not accept it and agreed to kill you."
Tears stung his own eyes, as he realized her deep desperation and selfishness, and how it had overcome her. Perhaps it was his own therapy that helped him find pity for her, but he did. "You didn't know I was your son."
"I know that. It doesn't exonerate me. I am responsible, second hand, for the injury you endured. And, I am party to the death of that baby. That innocent life." She broke again, and put her face into her palm for a moment. Zeus let her cry, and waited, patiently.
He said, "I forgive you. I understand what you were trying to do. I know the desperation. I was in that same place. Before the torture and brainwashing, I did things for him, that I knew were wrong. We all have our demons."
"Yes," she said, sniffing, and becoming upright again. "Neither of us planned for you to die, or that baby to die. The worst thing that ever happened to me was the death of my child, and now, I've put it on someone else."
He said, "You didn't know. You didn't plan that."
"Still, it happened. The blood is on my hands." She turned to him, and held her hands out, "Do you know I can see it? I see the blood sometimes, on my hands?"
In his struggle to understand her, a voice of alarm spoke to him. He said, "No, there's no blood there, your hands are clean, see them?"
"I see them, and sometimes, I look, and they are covered in Blair's blood, and the baby's blood. She was innocent."
He looked at the woman, and said, "Even Blair wouldn't blame you for this. I know that."
"Wouldn't she? I know how it feels. It's the worst pain anyone can have."
He said, "I'm sorry. But your pain is over, your child did not die. You can start again, and get to know me. We can make up for lost time. I...I could have a family, like I've always wanted."
She turned her back again. After a few moments of silence, she said, "You have hope. I don't. I've....there's too much. Too much done and said and passed."
"All of it can be forgiven. I'm living proof of that. Todd forgave me."
"Who can forgive me?"
"I can. I will. I already have."
She did not turn. Instead, he saw her move to the edge of the balcony and lean against the black wrought-iron railings. She breathed in deeply. "You forgive me. That means...everything. It's all that was left." Then she said, "I love this. This view. It was worth every penny. It's in foreclosure, you know. Another month or two before it's gone. I deserve that. I deserve whatever comes. I've done...let's just say, you don't know the half of it."
He said, "None of that matters to me. You can get help, I know someone who can help you. If I talk to Todd, I am certain he'll help me buy this place, and you can live here as long as you like, with us." These were the things he dreamed of, imagined, and longed for, most of his life.
"With us?"
"Tea, Daniella, Isabella and I. All of us."
"You dream. You dream very big, and colorful and in picket fences. That's not reality. Blair on the floor bleeding - that's real. Todd and Blair, on their knees, mourning, beside a rose-quartz statue of a little girl - that's real. Carlo, dead, in the hospital bed, the life squeezed out of him - those are real. That is reality."
He stopped, confused by her words, and the first thing he thought of was, "You were at the funeral?"
"I was watching, from a distance. I saw it all. One thing you must say about Todd Manning, he's a total romantic, even in death."
Zeus said, "You saw Carlo, dead?"
She did not answer. Instead she said, "The sun is almost gone. I've done it all, you realize. I've cheated, slept with men, sold myself, lied, prostituted, betrayed people, turned my head to atrocities, and now killed. I've taken lives."
"That baby's death is not your doing. Anyone can see that. I see that. None of that matters anymore."
It was as if he were not there, "Just look at it, how the sun falls behind the mountains like that. In a few minutes, just like love, it will be gone. Just like life."
He looked at the sky, and for a moment, shared the awe that she felt. The clouds were small lines across the horizon; the sky was a blend of purples, oranges and pinks. The rim of the sun was just touching the mountains and was slowly fading behind them as they watched together. As strange as the reunion was, he was with his mother, and she was with her son.
Without warning, she hopped herself onto the railing and swung her legs over. He was up, out of his seat, and running, grabbed the sleeve of her sweater, which hung there, dangling from his hands, as she dropped to the ground so far below. She was lying, crumpled, three stories down, her legs twisted in an unnatural way, and blood was pooling under her head. He turned away, and cried out, "No!"
He gripped the sweater, soft and smelling of perfumed flowers, once again an orphan.
*** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***
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