The Mysterious Samuel Toddman: Chapter 57

Blair looked over at Tea. " I'm sorry. If you had talked to Todd when you saw me in ICU this might have been prevented. We didn't know who was involved and Bo agreed that it wasn't time for Todd to show himself. Can you forgive me? I was so worried for Todd. You saw him yesterday. He's battling his anger, his body and himself. Tea, it's tearing him apart. You've got to realize that from his point of view we all betrayed him. We believed an impostor. His anger almost got the better of him the other night. It's raging just below the surface. Yesterday all it took was a little push and Pete broke free. He knows how volatile Pete is and Todd's terrified for all of us. Pete wants revenge on all who betrayed him. Todd has earnestly started therapy with a counselor from a long time ago. You met him yesterday. Ray is working hard to help Todd find a way to control or eliminate Pete. Todd's finally facing some hard truths about his life. I only pray he'll survive the therapy.”

Blair paused as Tea’s eyes shifted once again to her husband.  “I don't know if I've helped or hurt you more by what we've talked about. You're in an entirely different position than I am. You're married to a man you believed to be Todd Manning. If it's any comfort I believe he truly thinks he is Todd Manning. You've both been deceived by Carlo. You love him and so do I and the kids. Vicki is also torn between her real brother and the man she's believed to be her brother all this time. This whole mess isn't going to get untangled easily. When the truth comes out, the shockwave will very likely disrupt the entire town." Blair got up and hugged Tea, "You take care. I'll check back later to see if he's improved at all."

Tea watched her leave, then reached over and took her husband's hand. "You're my husband and I love you no matter who you are. Just come back to me and then we'll sort it all out later."

Blair entered the penthouse to find the downstairs dark. She walked into the living room and saw him resting on the couch. She didn't want to wake him so she headed to the kitchen and found Starr and Hope having a late lunch. She realized she hadn't had breakfast so she joined them and ate some lunch. Starr told her Todd had been resting as ordered. She had been about to go wake him to give him some lunch but Blair said she'd do it. Blair fixed a tray and carried it out and set it on the coffee table. Then she sat close to him on the couch and carefully woke him.

Todd jerked awake and immediately regretted it.  "Damn Blair, next time you knock me out, how about using something like a pillow or marshmallow," he sat up gingerly, holding his head.

"HaHa, Todd I'll go design a Knockout Pillow just for you. I brought you some lunch and I've got some news. I think we have another connection to the Kipling Facility." Said Blair.

Todd's eyes found her's, "What happened Blair? Where have you been?"

“I've been to see Tea. I had to see how she was doing after yesterday's revelations. I filled her in as much as possible and tried to make her understand why we hadn't let her in on your return. I think she accepts the reasons for the deceit, but it's going to take time for her to come to terms with it all. It turns out she did do a little investigating on her own last night. She found where Walker kept his stash of portraits and by accident she found a prescription bottle for Walker from a Doctor Kipling. The doctor at the Hospital informed us that the pills in the bottle didn't match the label. I called Bo, he has the bottle and is having the medicine analyzed to find out what it really is. The Hospital is also doing their own checking because the doctor believes the medicine might have something to do with Walker's coma. There's a very good chance that Dr. Kipling works for the Kipling Neuroscience Research Facility. If the pills are harmful then Dr. Kipling just got more interesting in the part he's been playing in all of this." Blair smiled at Todd, glad she could bring him some good news.

Todd smiled at Blair's glee. She was so glad to be helping him, it kind of reminded him of the early days when the two of them had schemed to outdo Max and Luna, or when Blair had helped him get the Sun started. They had worked well together. Blair was right, the information she had just gotten did prove that Manning was involved with the Research Facility. He knew they were tightening the noose around Carlo's neck. He prayed that Carlo would soon be brought to Llanview so Todd could get his revenge.

The phone rang and Blair answered. "Yes, I understand. I'll ask him, hold on." Blair looked at Todd, "It's Ray, he can get the room tomorrow if you're up to another session." Todd nodded. "It's a go, Ray. What time tomorrow? Ten O'clock will be fine. We'll see you then."

Blair glanced at Todd after she hung up the phone. "Are you sure you're up to this? You could wait another day."

"No, I can't. Blair, yesterday opened my eyes to a number of things. The biggest thing was that I have to stop hiding. I got to get this done before Pete gets out and prevents it. Tell me you understand and promise me you'll be there next to me. I need the strength I get from you." Todd gripped her hand.

" I promise, Todd. We'll face it together."

Todd pulled her close, studying her face as she knelt on the floor in front of him. He cradled her face and slowly kissed her, then drew her up to his lap and thanked her properly.

****

Todd carefully rolled out of bed, standing up slowly when the room swayed a little bit. He made his way to the shower and let the warm water flow down easing the aching head and muscles. He walked over to the mirror and looked at his reflection. "Samuel, is Pete restrained. I can't afford another episode like the last one. Tell me you have him covered."

“Relax Todd, Ms. Perkins and I have things under control. We'll keep him that way I promise.”

"Thanks, Samuel" Todd turned and went downstairs to find out Starr's plans for the day. She had made plans to see Walker and then spend a portion of her day with James. He sat down and had a cup of coffee with her and told her about the prescription Walker had been taking. He informed her that they were in the process of analyzing it to see if it was the cause of the coma.

Todd's phone rang. It was the commissioner. He listened and then hung up. Todd looked over at Starr. "It appears that someone's been giving Manning hallucinogens while making him think he was taking pain medication. Although the dose was small, if he's been taking them for a while then they've built up in his system and could easily have changed his brain chemistry enough to be a cause of his coma. The Doctor is going to try to counteract the effects but it will be a while before they'll know anything positive. If you see Tea, tell her I'm sorry."

Starr agreed to deliver the message and bundled up Hope and headed out. Todd got back on the laptop to read up on the techniques for integration of personalities. He wondered if he would ever truly be integrated because he didn't want to give up his Alters, he just wanted to eliminate one. He was still reading when Blair arrived.

She greeted him with a kiss and asked "Todd, how's your head. You're sure you want to do this today."

"The answer is still the same as yesterday, Blair. I don't think I have a choice I need to be in full control and right now that isn't happening. Shall we go?" Todd got up and grabbed her hand. "Come on Chauffeur."

On the drive to Cherryvale Todd informed Blair of Bo's call and told her the results of the analysis. Blair was stunned and worried. "Todd, Carlo means business and if we're not careful he might come after you next."

"I'll take my chances. He already took eight years of my life. I'm going to get him Blair." replied Todd

They arrived at the clinic and headed to the sessions room. Ray was waiting with the doctor and nurse as he had promised. The Doctor checked out Todd's eyes to make sure he had no lingering effects from the concussion.  It was agreed that the nurse would stay and the doctor would be on call should an emergency arise. Ray waited till all were comfortably seated and said "Ok Todd, you and Tom had some horrifying stories to tell the other day. I want to know how it made you feel when Peter upped his abuse. You would agree that Peter abused you right."

Todd looked at Ray. " How did I feel? I don't know, I felt a lot of things. I was bewildered and scared and hurt. I couldn't figure out what I had done to make him want to hurt me that way. I would try to do what he wanted but that sometimes made it worse."

Ray inquired, "But didn't that make you mad? Didn't you want an explanation? He was hurting you, surely you deserved a reason? Why didn't you ask?"

"You didn't ask my father anything. You were supposed to accept whatever he chose to do or face the consequences. I told you I was scared, he loved to dole out consequences." said Todd, he reached over and took Blair's hand.

"Why did you just do that, Todd?" asked Ray.

Todd looked at Ray. "Why did I do what?"

"Why did you reach for Blair's hand ." Ray looked at Todd. he watched as Todd looked down and saw his bewilderment. Interesting. Todd hadn't reached, someone else had.

Todd didn't relinquish Blairs hand but he did look at her. " I didn't know I had grabbed it," he looked across at Ray "What's going on?" with his other hand Todd rubbed his eyes. He couldn't seem to focus. It was like he was seeing double. Then he heard Tom "Wow, This is cool. Hey watch Todd," Todd watched as the hand that was holding Blair's hand dropped it, then proceeded to wave in the air like he was conducting a band. "Tom, Stop that!" Todd's hand dropped. Todd concentrated and reached for Blair's hand, nothing happened. He looked back over at Ray who was watching with great interest. Todd said. " It appears Tom wants attention. I don't know how but he's got partial control of me. Any suggestions? This has never happened before. At least not that I remember."

Ray sat back.  This was simply fascinating. He could tell that Blair and the nurse were also intrigued. "Well Todd, if I had to guess, I'd say Tom wants in on the conversation. We can continue or you can listen to Tom talk for a while or you both can give me answers. It's your choice."

Todd looked over at Blair and she shrugged." Hey, it's your body, I don't know what to tell you."

"Tom, if we're going to do this, no more shenanigans. If you want to talk say so and you can put in your two cents worth. Agreed"

“Agreed Todd.” said Tom  “Can I say something now, you need to know this.”

"What is so important Tom?"

“It's about consequences Todd. You need to know more about the consequences.”

Todd looked at Ray "Did you just hear all that? I don't understand what he's talking about."

"Ask him, Todd." said Ray.

"Ok Tom, what is it about consequences? Like I told Ray I usually avoided them," said Todd

"That's just it Todd, you didn't avoid them. You let me avoid them. Come on, remember? said Tom "Remember when I asked him why he was burning me, come on Todd, you can remember, think. He said I had no right to question him and for that he was going to add to the test. So first he held the flame under my one hand, then under my other hand. When he was finished he usually would let me go put them under cold water but he didn't that day. What did he do Todd? "

Todd sat there for a minute then he looked at his hands, turned them over and looked at the palms. He saw the burns and then he was back to that day. He remembered. As if in a dream Todd stood up, reliving it. His arms went out to either side. "Dad, don't it hurts...I can't hold the buckets, it hurts Dad... I'm sorry... I won't do it again. No Dad, don't make them hotter. Dad, I promise, please!" he was crying but he couldn't lower his arms. Blair got up and went to him and lowered his arms.  Blair’s actions brought Todd out of his trance. He looked at her. "He made me stand there for an hour and wouldn't let me lower them. The buckets were filled with boiling water so I wouldn't forget the heat of the flame. I stopped begging after the first fifteen minutes because he started laughing. I had already sent Tom away so I had to stand there and listen.  At some point, I don't know exactly when the heat started churning deep inside me and I felt a calm come over me. The buckets became ice cold and a small portion of me froze with them."

Ms. Perkins spoke, " A little more froze each time Todd, With every consequence you took, your hate grew. You were determined to beat him at his own game. You decided then that he wasn't going to hurt Tom again and so you took on more and more of the pain."

Ray sat there, listening as Ms. Perkins talked to Todd. Todd was finally facing where the rage came from. Now they had to show him how to release it without letting Pete seize control.

Todd looked at Blair, he had heard Ms. Perkins but it had taken a moment to realize, so had everybody else. Ok, this is getting really weird. First Tom taking control and now Ms. Perkins, they were trying to tell him something. What was it Ms. Perkins said? That with each consequence he had taken, his hate had grown. Of course, why hadn't he seen it before? His anger that churned inside was the hatred for Peter that had been festering since childhood. He had always thought it was something that he himself had done that caused the anger but it wasn't. When he had raped Marty, he hated himself. He had known something inside himself had reacted to Marty's rejection and scorn. Now he realized his hatred for his father, which he had never been able to act upon, had caused him to lash out at Marty in Peter's place. He turned to Ray. "I need a mirror. I need to see them as they talk, I know that sounds strange because you're are hearing us all. Normally I'd just slip inside to talk but I'm guessing that I have to bring the conversation out for this to be effective."

Ray nodded and said "You need to confront them openly yes. Hang on," Ray spoke to the nurse and she left the room. "While she's getting you that mirror, why don't you sit back down and tell me what you're thinking about right now. I know you heard Ms. Perkins did it make any sense to you."

Todd and Blair sat back down. "Ray, I knew I hated Peter Manning. But I've always fought that hatred because I thought it was wrong to hate your father. I felt I was the one who was screwed up because I didn't understand how I could hate him. God Ray, he was my Dad. Why did he do those things? I've felt that dark place inside of me and thought it was there because of my sins. I've seen it grow and I can hardly keep it in check. I figured it was my punishment. Then when I found out I was the son of Victor Lord and heard Vicki's horror stories, it just confirmed for me that I was right. That dark angry place was my inheritance from my father. But it's not a curse or an unstable element in my genetic makeup. It doesn't have anything to do with Victor. It's there because of Peter. I couldn't act on it as a child and so I bottled it up."

Ray looked at Todd. "You're right Todd, Peter is behind your anger but I think there's more to the story. You've had periods in your life where that rage came out. Your rape of Marty and the subsequent attack on Nora. The anger popped the cork so to speak and spilled out. But there's a part of you, Todd, that detests that anger and you invariably find a way to contain it. You are more redeemable than you think. I've felt it all along. If you don't believe me, take a look at Samuel. He lived a relatively normal life for eight years. He didn't have your baggage so he just forged ahead. If you were truly as evil as you believe yourself to be, Samuel would have been corrupted too."

Ray paused to see if his words were getting through to Todd.  "You've lived with your Alters for a long time. Did you ever really ask yourself why they showed up when they did? You're familiar with the causes of DID. How do they apply to you?" asked Ray. He knew he might be lighting a powder keg, Todd had never liked talking about anything sexual. But so far all the abuse had been physical and mental. Ray was sure Todd was shying away from the true abuse. "You once told me Peter was a womanizer who had a new girlfriend every month or so. You also told me he hated women. Why did you say that about him?"

Todd stared at Ray and felt his heart begin racing. Ray knew he hated talking about Peter's sexual appetites. In some ways, he had felt sorry for the women who tried to hang on to Peter. Todd had known Peter wasn't going to give them what they really wanted, but he realized that as he had gotten older he hadn't treated women any better. Peter had beaten it into him 'Don't trust anyone!' and Todd had started living that way too. Todd's first ventures in sex had been disasters, he had tried to appear nonchalant with the girls but when it came time to perform Todd had always choked. He hadn't known why. After being humiliated several times Todd had been joined by Rodd who told him to sit back and watch, so he had allowed Rodd to take over.

"Ahh, but you never paid attention. You were always so rough with ze women. I kept trying to show you how to appreciate them but alas you were how-you-say hung up by something." Rodd said aloud. "You know Todd, since ah Samuel's shown up, you are much better in bed. Between him and I, you might yet make a good lover."

Todd buried his face in his hands, he was losing control all over the place. Now Rodd had jumped into the conversation, when was it going to stop. To hear Rodd talk, he had been a basket case a lot of years when it came to making love. It was humiliating, so what if he had been uncomfortable with sex. A lot of young men probably felt that way too.

Ray jumped on Rodd's Statement. "Rodd explain to me how Todd was in those situations."

"Ah Certainly. You must a see, Todd, he wanted control of the girls but his a body made him lose control. Todd, he no likes to lose control. And ifa the girl she would laugh, that would make Todd angry. I started helping so that Todd coulda keep better control."

"Rodd why do you think Todd had a problem with Control." asked Ray

"Why that's easy. Todd hada no control because of his father Peter."

"RODD STOP!" Todd had risen to his feet.

Ray sensed he was panicking. Todd was fearful of something he thought Rodd was about to say. "Todd, easy does it. Calm down."

Todd was pacing the room he seemed to be looking for a way out.  "I need some air, Ray.  It's getting awfully stuffy in here."

The nurse had returned with a mirror and Ray met her and sent her back out for the doctor. Todd was like a bird caught in a room. Blair went to him, trying to calm him down but he didn't seem to see her or hear her.

The doctor came back in and Ray moved to Todd. "Todd I want you to sit down," Ray and Blair got Todd back to the chair but they were literally holding him down. The doctor listened to his heart and shook his head at Ray. "Ok, Todd we're going to give you something to calm you down. Your breathing should ease up shortly." As soon as Todd started to relax in the chair Ray let him go. He indicated to Blair to take one of his hands and hold him in case he should feel the need to move again. Todd seemed unfocused, staring nowhere in particular. Ray pulled the doctor over for his opinion.

"His heart is beating irregularly and I'm concerned for the altered state he appears to be in right now. You're probably going to have to pull back from any more questions today. The sedative I just administered is a light one and hopefully he'll be coming out of this state soon. At this point, I don't know if he's in this state because of your questions or the concussion. Physically, I think he's done for the day. I don't like the heart rate and from his recent history he's teetering just this side of another attack." stated the doctor.

Ray thanked the Doctor and went back to Todd. "How's he doing Blair? See if you can bring him back."

Blair caressed his hands, it bothered her how cold they were. "Todd, come on, you've zoned out long enough. You're scaring me. You need to come back now. Rodd or Tom or Ms. Perkins do you see him? What's he doing?"

"My dear, He's alright but he's not talking to us either. He's by the door," said Ms. Perkins.

Ray knows he shouldn't push but he has to know. "Ms. Perkins. What door would that be?"

"Why the door to his secret. He's just staring at it. Wait something's happening. He's reaching for the knob." replies Ms. Perkins.

Todd jerks his hand and hisses "Damn that's Hot," he looks at his hand and was surprised that's it wasn't burnt. Then he notices everyone staring at him. "Ok let me guess, I disappeared again huh."

"Not exactly Todd, Do you remember where you were just now?" asked Ray.

Todd looks at his hand "I was standing in front of a door. There was something behind it I felt I had to see, but the knob was scorching hot. What's been happening out here?"

"You were unresponsive to anything we said but that happened after you had a panic attack Rodd was talking about your lovemaking techniques or lack thereof and said..." Ray trailed off as he saw Todd's face pale. His eyes had widened and he had looked at his hand again. "Uh, I think we'll save that for the next session. Todd, you might feel a little groggy soon, we gave you a sedative because you were so agitated. I feel we were making some progress but you're still recovering from the concussion and the doctor thinks you're pushing more than you should, so we'll stop here today.

With plans made to continue the sessions two days later, Todd and Blair headed home. Todd dozed off in the car and found himself in front of that door once more. No one was around so he decided to try the door again he reached for the knob. The knob was cold almost freezing, his hand felt so cold and then he watched as the cold started making it's way up his arm, No he had to let go but he couldn't, his hand was frozen to the knob and it continued to spread, the cold was covering his whole body then it crept toward his heart. Todd started struggling, trying to free his hand before the cold stopped his heart. He was desperate and gave one final pull the hand came off but the door opened wide and Todd saw what sat behind it. Todd sat up with a jerk he stared out the window. "Oh God Nooo!"

*** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***
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The Mysterious Samuel Toddman: Chapter 56

Blair looked at Todd and smiled. "We do, don't we. Come on, let's get you upstairs where you can rest. I need to find out from Starr how the boys are doing and I'm sure she's worried about you."

Starr rushed to meet her dad the minute he stepped through the door." What on earth happened yesterday. I came home, found a broken vase on the floor, the window curtain ties were lying on the ground along with several towels. What did you guys do? I don't want to know if it was something kinky. How did you end up at Llanview Hospital? I thought your session was at the Cherryvale Clinic. Dad, was it something so bad they transferred you from Cherryvale?"

"Whoa, catch your breath Starr, and give me a chance to catch mine."  Todd walked in and sat down in the first available chair taking a moment to shade his eyes. Blair quickly went to the windows and turned on the automatic blinds. The room got darker immediately. Todd relaxed back into the chair and closed his eyes for a moment. Starr looked on with concern. Then Todd looked at her and said, "Have a seat. Your Mom will fill you in." Once again he closed his eyes.

"Dad are you alright." asked Starr, she looked for her Mom hoping for some answers, but Blair had disappeared into the kitchen.

"I'm alright, just have a splitting headache," Todd answered still resting with his eyes close.

Starr was confused. "Mom. Dad.. will one of you tell me what happened."

Blair handed Todd a couple of aspirins and some water and took a seat on the couch. He took the aspirins quickly and set the glass down.

"I guess I'll start," said Todd. "I had a couple of visitors right after you left Starr. The first one was Tea. It seems she saw us at the hospital and followed us here. There was one big problem, she wasn't buying Samuel's story and for some unknown reason, she suddenly fainted. I came back out to wake her up but before you know it, we were arguing. That's when my second uninvited guest showed up. One minute I was angry then the next minute I was lost. Your mom will have to take over from there." he reach down and picked up the glass and rubbed the cool surface against his forehead. Starr looked over at her mom.

Blair had gotten back up and retrieved a towel and some ice cubes. She took the glass from Todd and laid the towel across his forehead. Then she looked directly at her daughter and said. "Pete was out when I got here. He was being vile to Tea. Then he decided to do worse. I stopped him."

Todd piped in. "Yeah, you could say my head had a collision with that broken vase," he chuckled.

Blair glared at Todd but he couldn't see because his eyes were still closed. She continued. "Tea and I tied Pete up and I called your dad's therapist. Ray brought Dr. Levin with him and they got Todd back. Tea left after we got your dad back. She's pretty confused right now. Your dad said he had a headache and since Ray was here, your dad decided to go through with the session. Unfortunately, as the session drew to a close, the headache got exceedingly worse and we headed to the hospital. Your dad suffered a severe concussion and that's why we spent the night. The doctor felt he should be observed to make sure no other complications showed up. I'm sorry I didn't explain it in full last night. I was pretty distracted."

"Oh my god, Dad! Mom, are you insane? How could you clobber Dad like that?" Starr couldn't believe her mom knocked out her dad.

"Yeah, Blair how could you hit me like that. My poor head..." Todd was enjoying this.  He smirked.

"Oh shut up, Todd. You know perfectly well why I did it. Starr, Pete was going to attack Tea. I didn't have a choice," said Blair hoping to make her daughter understand her actions.

"That's right Blair, you didn't have a choice. So stop beating yourself up. I don't blame you. I told you that yesterday, believe me."

Blair looked over at Todd. His eyes were opened, the laughter was gone. She knew from the tone in his voice he meant what he said.

"Starr, what your Mom did took a lot of guts. If it was you in that situation I'd want you to do the exact same thing. I never want Pete to hurt any of you."

Starr looked at her dad and knew he was dead serious. He didn't want Pete to come anywhere near her or Hope. It only took a moment to realize that he would give his life up if it meant getting rid of Pete once and for all. No wonder he was so desperate these last few days. He really was afraid that Pete was close to surfacing for good. "Dad, I understand. But you have to continue to fight. I don't think Pete can beat you. I trust you. You have to believe you're going to be the winner in this. Dad, you created him, you can destroy him. Remember that. Mom agrees with me. Right, Mom?"

Blair sat down next to Todd. "You listen to your daughter. You haven't gone through all of this to give up now. You might be willing to let your life go if Pete comes out, but I'm not and neither is Starr. So show me some of your backbone and get back in this fight. You'll feel more yourself when that headache wears off. It's just got you down right now. I don't want to think about what might happen anymore. I’m going to start planning what will happen when we get this resolved. We've a family to put back together and we're going to do it. Now, the doctor said to rest, so takes his advice. I've got some errands I need to run but I'll be back later. Take it easy."

Todd looked at Blair, then Starr, and knew arguing was a lost cause. His head hurt too much anyway. "Alright, whatever you say," he hoped that would get them off his case. They had no idea how strong Pete was, Todd did and that's why he had to make a decision soon. He could no longer put off this confrontation. Something about last night's nightmare had struck a chord. He needed to know what he had been hiding all these years. If his Nightmare was correct Tom knew and that meant that Rodd and Ms. Perkins also knew. Of course, Pete knew because that was where Pete was getting all his anger from. Todd hoped Ray would call with another session time. If he didn't call by two, Todd was going to call him. He felt that feeling of urgency coming over him. It was time. He leaned his head back trying to ease the pain and felt Blair's hand on his shoulder.

"I'll be back, I promise," said Blair brushing his forehead with her lips, she stood up and turned to Starr. "The doctor said 'rest' see that he does. I'll try not to be too long." She grabbed her bag and left.

Blair got down to the garage and sat down in her car then she made her call. " Hi, do you want to talk? How's he doing? I'll come to you. I'm headed there now. See you in a few."

At the hospital, Tea put away her phone. She looked over at the man she loved. It had been a long night. She had driven around for quite some time after leaving the penthouse. Her mind had been working to understand all that had transpired. Then she had gone to the Sun's offices and into his office just to look around. She didn't know what she'd hoped to find. It had just been a place to go. She'd noticed an envelope on Todd's desk from a Gallery in Paris. It had been sitting there probably since the day Todd had been shot. She opened it and saw an invoice for a portrait. Todd had purchased it recently judging by the date on the invoice. It was entitled "Lady in Red". Tea hadn't seen any new portraits at home and wondered where Todd had put this acquisition. Tea picked up the phone and called receiving and found out a package had been delivered the day after Todd was shot. It was down in the archives.

Tea had gone down to the Archives and walked around until she'd arrived at the vaults at the back where the microfilm and other temperature sensitive materials were stored. The crate was still standing where it had been delivered. Tea had one of the employees working in the area help her to open it. Then she had pulled the portrait free. Her heart had stopped when she saw the picture. Emotions raced through her as she set the picture against the wall. She saw that it was beautiful there was no denying that. But her heart was breaking. It was a portrait of Blair. Todd had purchased a portrait of Blair. Why? The portrait looked familiar like she had seen something like it and then another thought struck her she looked for a signature. There wasn't one. But there was a date. God, it was another of Samuel's portraits. But Todd had told Blair he knew nothing about her portrait. Why had he lied?

The crate had been left outside a vault. Tea saw the security lock and wondered if she could get in. She could spend all night trying to figure out the code or she could call security. She did the latter. As his wife and lawyer, Tea had the power of attorney while Todd was in the coma and so security unlocked the vault for her. She thanked them and sent them away. She opened the door and stepped inside. They were all lit by their own lights and there was a blank space for the new one. Tea sank into the chair that faced them. Todd hadn't just purchased one portrait, he already had four others. All of them were of Blair. This whole day had gotten worse by the minute. Tea knew in her heart that Todd loved her but it was obvious that he had never stopped loving Blair. She would have been alright if the four were all he had purchased, they could have been bought before Todd and she had gotten married but that didn't explain the latest purchase. Nor the fact that he had his own personal Gallery of Blair's portraits. It was obsessive. Who was the man she was married to?

Tea had put the latest portrait into the vault and locked the door behind her. As she was leaving she noticed a pill container laying against the wall. It was a prescription for Todd, written by a Dr. Kipling. She put it in her pocket and left. Then she had headed to the hospital. She remembered entering and sitting down next to him. All she had been able to do for the longest time was stare at him. She had dozed off and was awakened by the nurse who had come to check Todd's vitals. There was still no change, the doctors were a little concerned because they could find no clear reason for the coma. Suddenly Tea remembered the prescription bottle. She showed it to the nurse and the nurse made note of what Todd had been taking and said she'd let the doctor know. Tea put the bottle away again. She chose to go get some coffee stopping to say hi to Shawn. Tea had just gotten back to the room when her phone rang.

****

Tea looked over as Blair entered the room.

Blair pulled up a chair and sat down next to Tea. "How are you doing, Tea. I looked in earlier when I was taking Todd home."

"What did you just say? Why were you taking Todd home? Why was he here?" asked Tea in concern.

"Uh, you know that blow to the head I gave him. Well, it was more serious than we thought. Todd had a severe concussion and had to spend the night under observation. He's going to have a headache for awhile but he'll be alright. I left him at home resting." Blair glanced at Tea. " I know yesterday must have been pretty overwhelming. You got several shocks at once. Tell me what you're thinking."

"Blair, why didn't you say anything?" asked Tea. "You met Samuel in Paris. That was a couple of months ago. Not three weeks ago we met out at the nurses station and you told me he was just an acquaintance. You let me think he was just a distant relative. Why did you lie to me? I thought we were friends."

"Tea, I didn't know what to tell you at first. When I met Samuel, he had no idea who I was. He had been painting me but thought I came from his imagination. I was pretty sure he was one of Todd's alters, but I had no way to prove it. I was as shocked as you are now when I realized if Samuel was Todd, then all of us had been living with an impostor. I couldn't tell you about Samuel or Todd without proof. I remember thinking if I could get Samuel to come back to the States, his memory might return. I encouraged him to think about coming to the States and come home. I was shocked when Samuel called me and told me he was here in Llanview. Even more shocked when he told me to meet him at the penthouse. He told me his memory was coming back a little at a time and that he had met Todd and the rest of the alters. He explained that they had come home to free Todd and get back his life."

"You and Todd and Dani were just getting truly settled as a family. After what you went through at the hands of Eli. I couldn't rip your life apart. Samuel needed family around, he had been alone for eight years. Samuel wanted to see his daughter, he had recently remembered her so I arranged for the two to meet. I also suggested that Starr might want to move into her Dad's old penthouse. Their meeting was pretty bumpy to start and then Samuel experienced his first heart attack that night.  Of course, he refused to go to the hospital. So Starr and I bullied him into taking it easy as we moved her in. Things were going alright until Samuel insisted on going to the cemetery. That was the night Todd reappeared but he almost lost his life doing it. Todd's heart was damaged back in 2003, he flatlined a couple of times that night but we managed to bring him back. When you saw him yesterday he was here for his follow-up."

Blair paused and waited for any reply from Tea. Tea looked at her Todd and then back to Blair. "You're telling me Todd's not well on top of everything else. I don't know how much more of this I can take. My husband is lying in a coma because someone shot him. But now I find out he's not Todd. Wait a minute, are you sure your Todd is the real Todd?

"He is Tea and he has the DNA test to prove it. Vicki and he took the test together. Samuel told you of his memory loss. We believe that this whole charade was put into motion by Carlo Hesser. Samuel and Todd have been tracking down information that we hope places Hesser in the area the night Todd disappeared. Tea, we think there is a good chance Todd was experimented on and we think your Todd was part of that same experiment. Bo is working on getting the proof we need that connects Carlo with Todd but we're still looking for something to connects your Todd to the plan. At first we thought your Todd might have been a willing participant in this, you see he, along with Hesser, has been purchasing Samuel's portraits over the years. Then someone shot him. Now Todd thinks Carlo is trying to burn all his connections here. Tea, your Todd started acting more out of character around the time I received the Painting. You know what I'm talking about. He's been more erratic with his emotions and his paranoia. I'm wondering if the experiment is beginning to fail. Samuel's memories began returning around the same time. If the memories placed in your Todd were starting to unravel it might explain his behavior. If Hesser believes his house of cards is falling he'll disappear before that happens. Have the doctors told you what might be causing this coma?"

“The doctors can't figure out why he's in the coma. I don't know how I feel about everything you just told me.  I was so confused when I left the penthouse yesterday. First I had to wrap my head around the fact that Todd was back. Then I had to accept that his alters were real after all. It seemed so impossible. All this time, I've been so sure my Todd was Todd. How could he not be, he remembered so much of our past. Although there were a couple of times when he would look at me like he didn't know what I was talking about but I just figured he had forgotten stuff. I mean we all forget things. I went to his office last night and found out he had been buying the portraits, I was upset. Blair it wasn't like Todd to hide that from me. I found this outside the vault last night." Tea handed the prescription bottle to Blair. "I didn't even know he was seeing a doctor."

Blair took the bottle and read the label. There it was, the connection. "Tea this is the connection we need. Your Todd's been seeing Dr. Kipling. I'll bet Dr. Kipling is affiliated with the Kipling Neuroscience Research Facility outside of Philadelphia.  We're almost positive that's the same Facility where Todd was before being sent to Philadelphia General. Do you know that this drug is?"

“I have no idea. Like I said I just found it," replied Tea.

Just then the doctor came in to check on Todd, after checking his eyes, he turned to Tea. "The nurse informed me you found a prescription that belonged to your husband, may I see it, please? " Blair handed the bottle to the doctor. He looked at the label then opened the bottle and removed the pills inside. "This is not what the label calls for. I'd like to get these tested."

"Doctor, If you suspect something please tell me?" said Tea.

"Mrs. Manning I can't say anything for certain until the pills are tested but those might be the reason your husband is in a coma." said the doctor.

"Doctor, I'm Mr. Manning's ex-wife and I've been in contact with Commissioner Buchanan on a matter he is investigating. If you and Mrs. Manning don't object, I think the commissioner would be very interested in acquiring that bottle and any tests that you do on the contents. It could open wide a case he's working on for a friend of ours. If it's alright with you Tea, I'd like to take the bottle to him today. His lab, as well as the hospital lab, can be analyzing at the same time." said Blair, she looked eagerly at Tea who nodded. "In fact, just so there no question that the hospital and Bo are analyzing the same pills I'll call him and ask him to come here for the pills. Agreed?" The doctor handed the bottle back to Tea to hold onto until the commissioner arrived.

Blair made the call and told Bo what had just occurred, he agreed the bottle was indeed evidence and he would be over with an officer to make sure it was received and sealed until the lab got it. Twenty minutes later after talking to the Doctor, Bo left with the bottle and medicine in a sealed bag and the doctor took his sample to the hospital labs. The sooner they discovered what Todd had been taking the sooner they might be able to bring him around.

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The Mysterious Samuel Toddman: Chapter 55

Todd started to stand up but almost toppled over as the pain seared through his head,"Ahhh!" he collapsed into the chair grabbing his head.

Blair and Ray immediately rushed to check him out. He hadn't blacked out, but he was struggling through a fog and what sounded like a thousand anvils in his head to keep from passing out.  Finally, the pain receded.

"Sheesh Blair, what did you hit me with?" You could hear the pain in his voice underneath his attempt to lighten the mood. Then he saw the broken pieces of the vase on the floor. More pain came as Ray flashed a light in his eyes. "Ow watch the light, Ray." Blair handed him the towel and Todd held it against the back of his head.

Ray said. "I think you've got a concussion, Todd. Your pupils aren't equal.  Blair, he's going to need watching.  You might want to consider going to the hospital, Todd."

"How the hell am I going to explain this in ER?  Bo wanted me to keep a low profile. Showing up in an emergency is not 'low profile' to me.  I'll weather it out here.  Blair, get me some aspirin, please." Todd watched Blair head to the bathroom and turned his eyes to Ray. "Ok, how bad was it?  Be honest."

"It wasn't good, Todd.  Pete seemed to have a pretty good foothold.  If Blair hadn't injured him, we might not have succeeded in getting you back.  Blair is quite a woman Todd, she never hesitated in taking him out, even though she knew she was going to hurt you. That takes a lot of guts. Then, she called me immediately.   You're lucky to have her. I remember how she was there for you when you were up for attempted rape against Rebecca.  You never felt you deserved friends, but guess what Todd.  I think some people disagree with you.  Blair and I are two of them, and I have a feeling you have a few more out there.  Todd, it's time for you to talk to me about your childhood.  Tom came out for a reason and although I can guess the cause, you need to start facing it."  Ray stopped talking as Blair brought Todd the aspirin and a glass of water.

"Talk to me Todd, tell me more about your early life."

Todd moved over so that Blair could sit on the arm of his chair. She put her arm around his shoulder as he leaned into her. Through half-lidded eyes, he looked at Ray wincing because of the light.  Ray walked over and lowered the lights in the room then he sat down and waited for Todd to start. "I hate talking about Peter.  He was a bastard that stole from me and treated me like the dirt he walked on.  Things were alright when I was real little, but my mom was around then.  Then he started hurting her.  He didn't like women, but I told you that, didn't I?  I was probably eight or nine when she left. She just left. I didn't know why at the time.  It hurt because I thought I had done something wrong especially when she didn't take me with her.  In Peter's eyes, I was the reason she left, and since he couldn't take out his anger on her any longer, he started on me."

Todd took a breath.  "Those first few months after she left, I couldn't do anything right.  I tried. God, how I tried.  He liked to find different ways to 'make me strong' as he would say. For no reason at all, he would come and pull me out of bed then he would make me do something to prove my worth.  I remember telling Tea about the night he made me kneel on a pile of dry rice with my bare knees.  I wasn't allowed to move.  It didn't matter that the rice felt like shards of glass.  After about twenty minutes, he refused to let me up.  It was early in the morning when he fell asleep at the table, and I crawled somehow past him and got to my room.  I remember how my pajama legs stuck to my knees when I awoke.  I had to carefully take them off as they pulled free of the dried blood.  I hid them and walked them down to the washer so that he wouldn't know I had gotten blood on them.  After several more such nights, I stopped feeling anything.  I had found I could go someplace else."

He continued, "My fa...Peter, decided I needed the pain to prove myself, so he brought out his lighter.  He told me Hindu monks could withstand pain and he wanted to see how long I could last.  He lit his lighter and with the flame going, he had me put my hand over it.  I was about eleven then.  Suddenly, I found myself watching the whole thing from another angle.  I could see the flame, but could no longer feel anything.  I remember looking around for an instant, and I felt like I was in a large room but I couldn't see any walls or ceiling.  There was one other person with me, a woman.  I remember asking her where I was and she just said I was somewhere safe.  I asked her name and she told me it was Ms. Perkins.  The next thing I remember was how bad my hand hurt, I looked up at my da...my dad, and could feel the tears in my eyes.  He stood there smiling and just walked away."

Todd closed his eyes as he felt the tears burning there. Inside his head, he heard Ms. Perkins voice. " Todd, you can take a break, let Tom out; he can tell part of the story."

Blair had been near to tears as Todd had been reciting his story. She had known about the lighter from Todd's trial, but the other stuff was new to her.  When Todd stopped talking, she was afraid he had passed out.  Ray looked concerned too.  He started to check on Todd when his eyes opened back up.

"Owww!  Boy does his head hurt. Hi, Blair. I'm here to help. Ms. Perkins said you wanted to hear about my life.  What do you want to know?  Hey Blair, could I have a soda or something." He looked up and grinned. Then he looked across at Ray. "Oh hi, I'm Tom. Todd's not feeling so good right now, and so I'm here. Is that Ok?"

Ray looked at Tom.  From his demeanor, Tom struck him as a young boy.  Ray really wanted Todd to finish his story, but it was obvious that Ms. Perkins was doing her job.  Ray knew he would have to talk to Ms. Perkins next.  She was protecting Todd, but Todd needed to stop hiding, and Ray had to make Ms. Perkins understand that. Tom had experienced some of Peter's torture, so Ray decided to hear what Tom had to say. "Go ahead Tom, tell us about Peter Manning."

Blair brought Tom a soda and he draped the cold towel over his head. It was just something a young boy might do and Blair couldn't help smiling.  "Well let see.  Todd's dad was a really mean old man. The first time I met him he had Todd standing in a bucket of ice water and as the ice melted he kept adding more.  One minute I was watching, then suddenly, I was out.  Boy, I was cold, but he wouldn't let me move.  He kept saying that I needed to toughen up, that I couldn't show people my fear.  I thought he was nuts.  I just wanted to be warm, but he just kept adding that ice.  Suddenly, I fell over.  He got really mad and stood me up but I couldn't stand anymore.  I couldn't feel my legs from the knees down so he got mad and stormed off.  I reached with my hands and lifted my legs out of the water.  It was funny, they didn't feel like they were even there."

"I don't know how long I sat there rubbing them.  I just remember when they started to burn, they were hurting so bad,  I pulled the bucket over on them to make the burning stop and he came in and saw what I had done.  He made me clean up the floor, I didn't have any towels so I took my shirt off and tried to mop up the water all the while I was crying and scooting around on the floor, because my legs hurt so bad, then he told me since I had made such a mess of the kitchen, I didn't get dinner that night.  He left the room turning off the light and leaving me in the dark.  I was so cold.  Finally, I started feeling my feet and so I pulled myself up onto a chair and began rubbing my legs again.  I remember feeling very tired and laying my head down on the table.  I was back inside the next morning. Todd was getting yelled at because he was being so slow.  He was limping, and I knew why."

Tom looked at Blair and Ray and took a quick drink of his soda. "Poor Todd, we started switching places a lot then.  Not all the time, because Todd didn't want me going through it any more than he did.  But we helped each other.  If Todd had a real rough night with his dad, then I would come out and take over for him at school.  I really liked that.  That's how I got to meet Mr. Rappaport.  Todd and I were like twins.  Only no one knew about us.  Todd's dad just kept getting meaner.  If Todd came home with a bad grade, our 'dad' started beating us with his belt.  It got to the point that it didn't matter who took the beating, the next day was torture for both of us.  Either I got hurt taking the beating and Todd had to go through school all bruised and cut on his back, or he took the beating and I endured school all hurt. Our 'Dad' was fascinated with that lighter of his."

Tom paused and opened his palms and looked at his hands "The burns are still there just below the surface.  Some days, it was hard to get homework finished because the hands hurt so bad, I couldn't write.  I liked to write.  I would write stories to take my mind off my back or any other place.  At one point, I started a diary of sorts.  I put down my thoughts and then Todd would finish the entry.  One day, our 'dad' got hold of it.  He was furious when he read what we had written and that was the day the belt got turned around for the first time.  He tied Todd off the end of our bed with his head facing the pillow and then he started hitting Todd.  Todd was trying not to cry,  but then he started screaming and our 'Dad' started laughing.  I could see that Todd was going to keep taking the beating so I forced my way out and took the last of the beating for him."

Tom looked up and took the towel off his head and used it to dry his eyes. "It hurt so bad that night. We fell asleep on the end of the bed and sometime during the night our 'dad' untied us. One of us made it to the bathroom and then we turned on the shower.  I guess I was in charge because I remember looking down at the floor and watching the water turn brown from the blood on our back.  That was the one and only time we played hooky from school.  Todd pretended to be the housekeeper and called us in sick.  I remember we left and started walking.  We didn't care where we were going.  We just had to get away from that house.  We finally ended up outside the airport.  We climbed the fence and laid down on our stomach, on the grass at the far end of the runway.  We stayed and watched the planes zoom down and lift off in front of us; it was the coolest thing.  Todd had been keeping track of the time, so we headed back home before anyone found out we hadn't gone to school.

We got lucky that night because "Peter" had a date so he left us alone. We took another shower and this time, the water didn't sting quite as bad. Todd put on two t-shirts to keep the blood from getting on his pajamas and we went to sleep. After that day, "Peter" started dating more so Todd and I did everything we could to steer clear and not get him angry with us.  We got more involved with Mr. Rappaport and learned how to play football."  Tom stopped for a moment.

"Things didn't get any worse till Todd's fourteenth Birthday. Then, Pete showed up and everything changed.  Todd says he'll be right out, um, but before I go can I see Starr's picture and little Hope's too.  My head's feeling a little better.  Boy, this place hasn't changed too much since I was last here.  Except for all of Samuel's stuff over there."

Tom stood up carefully, started to sway and grabbed Blair's hand.  Then he stood straighter and said, "See, I'm better."  He walked to the studio and looked at Samuel's two pictures. "Wow, That's Starr.  She’s so old now.  Look at Hope, she reminds me of Starr. Hey, what's this picture?" Tom lifted the cover and said, "Wow, Blair, you're hot."  Then he lowered the cover and walked back towards Blair.  As he walked his gait changed and suddenly Blair found herself face to face with Todd.

"You're right, Tom. She certainly is." He took her hand and went to the couch and pulled Blair down on his lap and looked across at Ray. "I'm sorry I wimped out on you, but you see with Tom and me most everything were shared experiences.  I told you I hated Peter, and now you know why."

"I definitely see why you would hate your adopted father. Why didn't you ask for help?" asked Ray.

"Because at first I loved him and I had this overwhelming need to please him. I don't know why I let it go on.  You tell me, Ray.  You tell me."

Todd rubbed his forehead, he was starting to feel a little sick. "Ray I think you're right about the head. I'm not feeling too hot right now. I don't know if it's the blow, or what we've been discussing but things are getting a little blurry." Blair immediately got off his lap as Ray came back over to check Todd out.

"Easy Todd, lay your head back. This is probably going to hurt again." Ray once again used his flashlight to check Todd's eyes. "Blair we better get him to the emergency room. This might be more serious than a concussion, he needs some professional assistance now. Todd, do you think you can make it to the car? "

Todd grimaced and said, "With a little bit of help I think so."

Ray helped him up and supported him as Blair got the door. They made their way to the elevator and took it down to the garage. Todd was getting more unsteady by the minute. Blair opened her car doors and Ray helped Todd into the back then he and Blair got in the front and they headed out. It wasn't that long a drive to the hospital but Todd passed out right before they arrived. Blair stayed with Todd as Ray went for help.

They wheeled him in and the doctor went to work ascertaining the problem.

Blair waited anxiously praying she hadn't seriously injured Todd. "Ray, what if it's serious. I didn't want this to happen I was just trying to stop Pete from attacking Tea." Ray looked at her, "Blair at the time, you had no other recourse you couldn't have foreseen this. Let's not imagine the worse."

The doctor came out, they were going to take him down for a cat scan. The Xrays didn't show any fractures so they were checking for possible bleeds. The scans came back negative for bleeds. Todd had started to come around right before they got him back to the room. The conclusion was that Todd had sustained a severe concussion. The blow to the head had caused some minor swelling to take place which had resulted in his blackout. The doctors and Blair decided that he would stay the night for observation and if the night went alright he could be released in the morning. Blair arranged a private room so she could stay with him and keep an eye on him.

Blair and Ray joined Todd and informed him he would be spending the night. Todd didn't put up too much of a fight. He thought his head was going to explode. Looking at Ray, he said. "So much for weathering it out at home. Thanks for your help. Give me a couple days to recover and we'll continue our talk. I've got to do something about Pete, I don't think I'll survive any more of Blair's hits."

Blair punched him in the shoulder and he winced. "Oh God I'm sorry Todd," said Blair, her eyes were filled with concern, he reached over and took her hand.

"Blair, you did the right thing I couldn't live with myself if Pete had harmed Tea or you." He looked back at Ray. "Well, Ray?"

Ray walked over and said. "I should have insisted on bringing you in for a check before continuing today, especially with everything you've been through lately. We'll have another session Todd but we're doing it at Cherryvale again and this time, a doctor and nurse will be on hand. I'm not going to take any more chances with your health. Todd, you continue to amaze me. After hearing your tale this afternoon, I'm not surprised you wanted to have our session. You've endured so much and gotten through it, you've started taking unnecessary risks with your health. From now on, we work by my rules, I haven't lost any patients and I don't want you to be my first. Agreed?" he looked at Todd waiting for an answer.

Todd had been up against Ray's stubbornness before, so he knew better than to argue. "Agreed." Ray smiled and departed leaving Blair alone with Todd.

Todd was settled into a private room for the night. Blair called Starr and told her of the day's events and where they would be spending the night. Starr said she would get the information to Addie and the boys would be taken care of. Blair looked over at Todd, he was starting to drift off to sleep. She closed the door and climbed into bed with him. she was going to make sure he made it through the night without any complications. Soon they both were asleep.

A song was playing on the radio, breaking the silence like a band in summer. It was his birthday again, that he knew, even in a dream, he knew. The dream was a repeat; he had it throughout his life. It was the dream that always started with the same song before a knock on the door.

“Here comes that rain again . . .”

And the knock. The hallway leading to the door is congested with acrid fog. He walks to the door like every other time.

Opening the door, the smoke dissipates. Michelle stands at the door. Her hair is tied in a ponytail to one side of her head and she’s wearing a short skirt and white blouse with a black bolero jacket. Like every other time in the dream only, the jacket has Freddy Kruger slashes in it, but she does not seem to notice. In her hands, she cradles a cake, decorated with blue icing that says “Happy Birthday.”

Michelle walks into the house, and in the dream, he knows. He knows it and feels it. There’s dread, thick, gelatinous and coagulated: frightening. She walks into the living room and sets the cake down. “Aren’t you going to light the candles?” He reaches for her, to lean toward her to kiss her cheek in thanks and remembers the lighter. He needs the lighter to light the candles. He’s never had a birthday cake since . . .

Leaving her, he has to cross the hallway again, padded again with overpowering smoke, to get to his father’s room and retrieve the silver torch. Something about it felt good in his hand, cool and sleek, and at the same time, Todd wondered why it made his stomach quiver to touch it. Making his way back to her, he can see that in the dream, she’s gone. Her jacket is on the floor in a pool of congealing blood. He opens his mouth to scream, but can’t, and before he can try again, he feels the back of his shirt ripped up toward the ceiling.

In one swift move, he feels the sharp slice of the metal buckle against his back. It’s usual, expected, blunt and hot like a burn. He turns, and the lighter, extended in the hand of The Bad Man, in black, face hooded, is lit with a flame that flickers at three inches. And the routine, his hand grabbed by the wrist, held over the orange and white flare, he holds it there until he fades away for a moment, goes outside himself, and in the dream, he sees himself from the side and cheers himself on. Next, a shove and he’s down. No, not this. Who’s The Bad Man? He’s been here before, no. He struggles, like every other nightmare time, to stay on his back, because . . . no, not this. I won’t let him turn me. I won’t let him . . .

The song blares, "Tearing me apart like a new emotion . . .”

The Bad Man has superhuman strength and no matter how Todd fights, or how Tom fights, or how Ms. Perkins encourages the boys to fight, The Bad Man can just reach down and turn them over, rag dolls to a giant. The blood’s all over now, more than it was, covering everything and everywhere. Red is smeared all over the room like grease; his hands, face, and body bloodied and sliding, he can’t fight. He can’t. He’s facedown on the floor, his hands sliding into the scarlet puddles; he can’t get away, slipping as he tries, he just can’t get away. Who is The Bad Man? Who is he? And why does he do . . . this . . . ?

Todd sees his own hands make five-finger streaks, like Freddy again, across the floor through the clots and lakes of crimson as he’s dragged backward, and panic sets in. Scrambling, his feet pedal and his arms swim but the dragging, oh the dragging, no not the dragging. No, ‘cause when the dragging stops. . .

The dragging stops. His legs open and a pain shoots through him from his very core, through his heart, to his head and he’s gone. Tom, rushing to his side, pushes himself in Todd’s place. In the dream, Todd can see it all from the side, like watching a movie. And The Bad Man says bad things to Tom and laughs, a circus clown with murderous eyes. And Todd tries through enraged tears to see who The Bad Man is that has Tom, but only Tom knows, because Tom looks back over his shoulder and Tom sees the evil face looking down at him through the black cloth, and Tom knows.

The laughter echoes, pounding at him.

Todd walks into the choking smoke, down the hall, hearing The Bad Man and Tom behind him. He walks in a zombie gait to his room where he finds his bed, and his pillow, and covers his ears, making his birthday wish, and it is for sleep.

Todd jerked awake in a cold sweat. He reached, found Blair, and pulled her closer, getting comfort knowing he was not alone.

Blair felt Todd wake and pull her close. She could tell from his racing heart that he'd had another nightmare. After what he had revealed to Ray, she was sure the dreams were probably horrendous. She felt his heart slow down to a more normal rate as he fell asleep again. She felt so helpless. The more he opened up, the more her heart broke for him. Todd had done so many terrible things to a lot of people, herself included but in the end, he had been reacting with the only tool at his disposal. His survival instinct was so etched into his makeup that in his world you struck first or you died. He had faced death so many times and survived. It must have been a serious blow to him when he almost lost the game because his own body betrayed him. Now he was trying to regroup but the setbacks were disheartening.

She knew Todd was getting weary and losing hope that he could get everything turned around. He had always done things his own way by himself and had always felt alone. He just couldn't see that he had other people ready to step forward and help him. Blair had been trying to help Todd when she had knocked Pete out. It had never occurred to her that the consequences of her actions might have been detrimental to Todd.

Blair lay there thinking back to the moment when Todd had passed out in the car. She still reeled from the fact that she could have killed him. He said he didn't blame her but it scared her. When she walked in the penthouse and heard Pete insulting Tea, her first instinct had been to protect. Todd's personalities had become so real to her that she perceived a very real threat when she saw Pete and had forgotten he was also Todd. It was more imperative than ever to get rid of Pete. The thought of someone taking out Pete for some transgression with no thought to the fact that Todd was inside petrified her. Blair fell into an uneasy sleep.

Several hours later, the nurse came to check on Todd and see how he was doing. He still had some sensitivity to light, but the headache had diminished significantly. The doctor came by and said he could go home but advised that he rest at least one more day. Blair assured the doctor that he would do just that. Before leaving the hospital, Blair took a moment to go check on Tea. Blair looked in and saw that Tea was resting. She checked at the nurses station but there had been no change in Walker's status. Blair went back and got Todd and they left without encountering anyone they might know.

Todd looked over at Blair as they headed home. "You've been awfully quiet since we woke this morning. What's up?"

Blair glanced at him. "It's nothing. Don't worry about it."

"Blair something's bothering you. Did I do something or are you bothered by what you heard yesterday? Whatever it is I'll try to fix it. Just tell me." Todd couldn't stand it when Blair got moody because she usually got that way after he did something. And right now he couldn't think of anything that he could have done to get her that way. It was driving him crazy.

"It's nothing you did, it's something I did." said Blair

"Well, that really clears it up. Like no! Come on, what did you do?" asked Todd

"Todd, I nearly killed you. I was so intent on keeping Pete from hurting Tea, I forgot he was you. I realized last night how real your alters are. I'm scared for you. I remember at your trial when Pete showed up I thought it was you so it didn't bother me when you were acting cruelly. I couldn't understand why Vicki was so concerned that Pete was out. I saw her fear for you but it didn't register.  I understand it now. Pete terrified me yesterday, he was ready to hurt Tea without a second thought. My thought was to stop him and I did. All I wanted to do was get you back and I chose to use a violent method to do it. I didn't mean to hurt you but I did.  If he gets out again someone else might use a more lethal method to stop him."

She looked over at him again."Todd, I don't think you're ready to meet him but I'm afraid to wait till you are. I understand now why you've been so desperate to keep him contained." Blair pulled into the garage and stopped the car. "All those years ago when you were in love with Tea I put pressure on Tom, and Pete came out and made trouble for you. I accidentally cost you Tea, I'm sorry Todd. You fled rather then reveal that your alters were real and now you've had to expose yourself to disbelief. In fact, Tea's disbelief upset you so much that Pete escaped. How can you love someone who's done all that to you and almost killed you?"

Todd shrugged and said, "I just do. Just like I know that I'm the one for you. We fit Blair."

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