Hope from the Ocean: 24

"Mom?  Dad?"  Jack said, tossing his bookbag against the foyer table.  

Todd was in the family room, staring into the fireplace.  Jack, spotting him, at first thought he might be napping.  "Dad?"

"Yeah, Jack."

"Dad, why are you in here by yourself?"  He looked down, and saw his father's hands, now scabbing over, holding a glass of Scotch.  "It's early.  I'm not used to you drinking at this hour.  Dad, what's up?"

Todd put the glass down, realizing it was not a good image for Jack to see, considering what he had been through.  "I didn't really drink it, I just poured it."

"It's no big deal, Dad, you're a grown man."

"Then why do I feel like a little boy?"

"Dad?  What's going on?  I don't understand."  Jack looked confused and slightly alarmed.

Todd looked at his son, and then scrambled to grab control.  "I'm . . . just having a moment, Jack.  It will pass."

"All right.  Where's Mom?  I can call her, she always . . ."

"No, not right now, Jack."

"Okay something's definitely messed up.  You don't want me to call Mom, you're alone in the family room and not drinking but pouring in the afternoon."

"Pretty perceptive, aren't you?"

"I guess.  I just know you, well, I mean, now."

"Your mother . . . she left me."

Jack just about laughed aloud.  "Come on.  You're totally full of it, Dad."  Todd looked at Jack without even hinting at a smile, and Jack stopped laughing.  "Dad?"

"She's . . . having trouble right now, Jack."

"Wait, she left?  Why?  Let me call her, Dad.  She loves you so much.  I saw her.  I saw her when you first got back and went missing, I saw her fall to the floor like someone shot her.  I saw her, like, almost die when you gave yourself for her and Ray.  She's not going to leave you.  That can't be right."

Todd put his hand on Jack's shoulder.  "She loves me, I know.  She did leave though.  She's suffering.  I can't seem help her right now."

"Let me talk to her."

"No, not now.  Aunt Dorian is going to work on it, and I'm going to let her try."

"Aunt Dorian?  She's against you two."

"Not anymore.  She's really changed toward me.  I don't even know why.  But it's true."

"I guess she finally woke up.  I mean, isn't it obvious that you two are like, I don't know, everyone sees it."

"Well, she sees it now.  Whatever that's worth."

"What happened?"

"It's complicated."

"Did you do something wrong?"

"I am actually doing something I wasn't sure she'd like, but she doesn't even know it yet.  So no, it's something inside her.  She's very afraid.  She doesn't want to lose the baby.  And I am starting to think she's just deathly afraid of losing me."

"That doesn't take a rocket scientists, Dad.  She is.  She's told me that before.  I know she is.  I just don't get why she'd pick now to leave.  I mean, is she coming back?"

"Of course.  I'm going to go and get her."

Jack laughed.  "Oh, okay.  What if she doesn't want to come home?"

"I'll do what I have to, Jack."  He lifted the glass and sipped the Scotch.  "I can't live without her.  You know that.  She'll be back.  She's just . . . in pain.  Or fear.  In truth, she can get me to do just about anything."

"Why won't you let me call her?"

"You know, you've asked me that about three or four times.  Go ahead.  I don't think it will help.  But one thing, Dorian wants you all to stay here, at least tonight, and let her work on your mother alone.  So don't offer or agree to go to La Boulaie."

"You might be okay with Aunt Dorian, but I'm really not.  Don't worry about me wanting to spend any time there."  He held the phone to his ear.  "Mom?  Where are you?  Huh?  Mom, you're crying.  He's fine.  He's drinking at four o'clock in the afternoon, but he's fine.  No, we're fine.  We're staying here, at least for tonight.  I think Dad needs us.  Mom?  You're making a big mistake leaving us.  Dad loves you, we love you.  What's the matter and why did you leave?"  There was a very long pause, and Todd watched his son's face.  Jack became serious, and then said, "Did he say that?  Then how do you know?"  He pulled the phone away from his ear, and then lowered it.  "She hung up.  She was crying, really badly.  Dad, something's wrong."

"I know, Jack."

"She said you're going to leave her again, and she's not going to let it happen.  She said she had to get out of here first.  She can't have you leave her again.  What does she mean?"

Todd was sure he usually understood where her head was, but he couldn't quite put his finger on what was driving her this time.  He said, "I don't know.  Let her be tonight.  I'll go get her tomorrow."

"Dad?"

"Yes?"

"Why did she ask me if you were all right?"

"Nothing.  A call from Ray, about Grandma Bitsy."

"Is she okay, Dad?"

"She's fine.  Just . . . he had to ask me about a memory.  See if it were true or a dream."

"That must have been hard."  Jack looked carefully at his father, and noticed that his hands were shaking.  "Wanna talk about it?"

"It's . . . no.  Too hard.  I'll just let it go for now."  His voice was husky, and he sipped his drink.

Jack waited, and the room was quiet.  Finally, Jack said, "You miss her.  That much, already."  He said it as a statement, not that he was asking.  He already knew the answer.

Todd looked into the fire.  "Yep."

"Whenever I get married, I hope I love her as much."

"Me too, Jack."

***

"Blair, please, we've talked about this before.  It's not good for the baby.  You've been crying too long."

"Dorian, please, will you call Todd?  I am worried about him.  There was a call, from Ray.  Something about when he was three.  Please?"

"Oh Dear God.  Yes, I will call, if you just calm down.  Please, honey, it's not good."

"Dorian, don't you see it?  I am so alone."

Dorian sat next to Blair, and held her, trying to soothe her any way she could.  Starr, hearing the sounds from the living room, walked in, and saw her mother.  "Mom?" she said, running to her other side and sitting.  She placed a hand on her mother's back.  "Mom, what is it?  Is it Dad?"

"Yes, it's Dad.  I left him."

"You left him?  Why?"

"I left him, because," she sniffed, "I can't go through this again.  He is going to leave me.  Again.  He always does, Starr.  I can't do it.  Not again."

"Mom, no, he won't.  Ever.  He won't."  Starr said, soothingly.

"Starr, don't you see?  Dorian, please?"  Blair was pleading.

"Tell us, Blair.  Tell us what we don't see?"  Dorian said.

"The mirror.  It shattered.  I was pregnant, with you, Starr.  Your father and I had it all.  All the barriers were broken between us.  We had trust.  We loved each other, and we had everything.  And the gold balloons fell around us, and everything was perfect.  Until, he picked up the mirror," Blair was bordering on hysteria. 

Starr said, "And he dropped it.  And he said you would make your own luck."

"But we didn't.  Oh, God, we didn't.  We never did.  Not ever again."

"I know where this is going," Dorian said, softly.

"The next day, the day after we were married, he went off to Ireland to try and help Marty Saybrooke.  Patrick was missing.  He stayed to help find him.  And he was shot."

Starr was beginning to feel uneasy, and said, "Mom, it's so long ago.  It's over now."

"We were never the same, Starr.  Never until now."

"And you think because you're pregnant again, with his child, the same number of months you were with Starr, and you have everything . . ." Dorian said.

"And he's going to go to Ireland to find Patrick, and he's going to die, and leave me.  Can't you see it?  It's all the same.  We have everything, and when you have everything, you run the risk of losing it all.  All this bad luck, all these years.  And I have his daughter growing inside me again, and I'm going to lose him.  And I can't just sit there and do it!"  She fell into tears again, this time against Starr.

Starr said, softly, "Mom, let me call him.  You need him right now."

"No, Starr, I can't.  I made a decision.  That's it.  I just can't.  I can't give in.  He can't go to Ireland, and I can't give in and let him.  Not this time."

Dorian and Starr caught eyes with each other over Blair's head.  Dorian said, very softly, "Blair, Dear.  Let's go upstairs and get you into a warm bath, and relax, and maybe some herbal tea.  You really have to calm down and rest yourself.  You have that little girl to think of."

Blair continued, as they brought to her standing, and started her toward the stairs, "Can't you see it?  It's happening again, all of it.  It's repeating, it's happening again."

"Now, come on, let's go.  Starr is going to run up and start the bath.  You love that tub, remember?  How calming the colors are, and my good bath salts, that I can share with you, let's get up the stairs, all right?"

Somehow, Blair had gotten very quiet, and went along with their prodding until she was upstairs, stepping out of her clothes, almost appearing drunk with despair.  She stepped into the bath, and said, "My God.  I miss him so much, Starr."

Starr took her hand.  "It doesn't have to be this way, Mom.  Go home and talk to him."

"I can't.  Please understand.  I just can't let him walk away from me again.  Not now.  Not ever."  Her voice trailed off, and she sank down, letting her head rest against the back of the tub.  Starr looked up, and Dorian was still standing in the doorway, when Blair's head snapped back up and she said, "Dorian, you promised.  Please.  Make sure he's all right."

"I will."  She left the room.  

Starr said, "Mom?"

"Yeah, Starr?"

"Mom, he loves you.  You love him.  He won't leave you."

"You don't know your father where Marty Saybrooke is concerned.  He feels he owes her, and that he will, until one of them leaves the earth.  He feels that he has to make everything right, for what he did to her.  That's why he left when you were in my belly.  He left us, and was presumed dead.  And it's all happening again.  Right before my eyes."

The sound of her voice, so tormented and sad, left Starr speechless.  She just stroked her mother's hair and hummed, and Blair slowly calmed, taking in the fragrance of the bath and the tranquility of the warm water.

Dorian, on the lower level, picked up the phone.  Dialing, she said, "Now what, Dorie?"  Then, "Hello, Todd?"

"Yeah, hi.  We're just putting Ray down for the night.  Let me give him his kiss and hug, and I'll be right there."

Dorian listened to what she could hear in the background, which were the sounds of a loving father and his son.  Then, Todd returned and said, "Hi, Dorian."

"Todd, she's completely despondent."

"What's wrong with her?  Is she all right?  Is she cramping?"

"No, nothing like that.  She's convinced herself that history is repeating itself and that you're going to leave her, pregnant, and run off to help Marty and die."

"Great."

"Sorry, but it's true.  We just got her calmed down.  She wanted me to call and check on you.  Something about a call from Ray Martino."

Todd closed his eyes.  "Yeah, he uh, needed information."

"She's concerned.  She wanted me to check on you.  Frankly, she was hysterical."

"I'm all right," he said.  He felt queasy thinking about it, but he knew he was past falling apart.  But, he still felt the need for his one true babe, and she was not coming home.

"She has the idea that there's bad luck, and that the whole thing is happening over again to her and you.  She has a point.  Some of the coincidences are a bit disconcerting."

"Is she going to be okay?"

"I'm hoping that she stays calm and stops this.  And Todd, be honest with me.  Though I say that with trepidation."

"All right, I'll do the best I can."

"Are you leaving her to go off to Ireland?"

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