Todd's Saga 15: Concerns

        Blair came out of the shower.  One towel was wrapped around her, and she had a second in her hand to dry her hair. She smiled as she looked around the bungalow.  It was a far cry from the “charming” Key West honeymoon suite they had stayed in after they had gotten married the first time.  This one was elegant and tastefully decorated in creams and pale blues. Plump cushions graced the wicker chairs that sat around a glass and wicker table under a large ceiling fan.  The bed was covered with a multitude of pillows.  She laughed as Todd entered carrying two large glasses with little paper umbrellas and orange slices sticking out.  “My, my, what have we here?  A fruit drink.” 

       Todd smiled, remembering the conversation from nineteen years earlier. “While you were taking your shower, your husband was busy.  I figured you could load up on the mixer and pretend.”  He handed her the drink and took the towel from her hand.  He said, “Sit and let me do that.”  He placed his own drink down once Blair was settled at the table.  Standing behind her, he carefully began to gently rub her hair dry. 

       Blair sipped her drink and watched Todd in the mirror as he worked.  In his white slacks and tight fitting sea green tee, he looked fantastic.  He dropped the towel and began to run his fingers lightly through her hair.  She couldn’t suppress the shiver she felt as his fingers came into contact with her bare shoulders.  She intertwined her fingers with his as he lightly kissed her neck.  

       Todd reached around and took the glass from her other hand and placed it on the table, then he drew Blair up and into his arms.  He stood there a moment looking at her.  Sunlight from the window glinted off her shining hair, and her eyes seemed like brilliant green emeralds.  He could see a few faint laugh lines around the eyes, but they only added to her beauty as far as he was concerned.  “You’re so beautiful.  When I’m with you, all the insanity takes a backseat, and I can breathe for a while.”  His hand reached and he took a strand of hair and tucked it behind her ear. “But it’s not enough for me anymore.  I want you with me all the time.  I’m not sure I can keep holding on to just these little snippets of time we have together.”

       Blair felt overwhelmed by Todd’s declaration.  She heard the underlying desperation in his voice, and it worried her.  She had known something was wrong when he had sent the ticket to her, but now seeing him in the clear light of day, she saw what she had missed the night before.  The shadows under his eyes were a clear sign he was having trouble sleeping again.  She thought back to the previous night and Todd’s first kiss when she got off the helicopter.  It had been a little unexpected because Todd had never been one to put their love on display.  Other than their marriages, the only other time he had kissed her in front of someone else had been the premiere.  He had been desperate then, too.  She reached for his face. “Todd, talk to me.  What’s the matter?  This is a lovely surprise, but it was ahead of schedule.” 

       “What, you didn’t like my impromptu present?’

        “I loved it...but you’re evading my question.  You’re upset, and I want to help.”

        “Blair…” He saw her face and knew she’d keep pestering him.  “Look, I’ll tell you, but you’re far too distracting like this.  All I want to do is lose myself in you and forget the outside world.”  He started to pull her close again. 

       Blair blushed at his words, but when he went to pull her in close again, she knew she’d have to be firm.  She stopped him.  “Whoa.  You just said you’d tell me what’s going on.  The ‘in me’ will have to wait.”  She reluctantly pulled free of his arms and headed to the bed where her clothes resided.  

        Todd’s eyes followed her, and he watched as she dressed.  She had asked him to stop and he had, but it was difficult.  She was his other half, and not even all the years held captive by his mother could change that fact.

       Blair finished dressing and walked back over to Todd, holding out her hand.  “Come on let's take a walk on the beach and you can tell me why we’re really here.” 

****

Baker entered the room holding Clint Buchanan.  Clint was sitting in the chair bound by straps.  His head was hanging down, and he was breathing hard.  Baker walked over and raised his head. He flashed a light into his subject’s eyes and let the head drop.  “Yes, I think it’s time for some more training.  Sit up, Mr. Buchanan.  You will give me your undivided attention.”

Clint slowly raised his head.  His eyes stared vacantly ahead.

“Now then we shall start.  Repeat after me.  The organization is to be protected at all cost.”

Clint repeated the phrase. 

“Excellent, now again.” Baker continued drilling the phrase into Clint’s head until his words and voice sounded stronger.  He then switched to a second phrase.  “My duty as a member is to back anything the organization asks of me.”

Once again, Clint parroted the words over and over until Baker was sure they were drummed into his subconscious.  For the next hour, Baker worked with Clint.  He then removed a hypodermic needle from his coat pocket and injected it into his subject and waited for it to take effect.  While he waited, he put on a white lab coat and name tag.

Clint came to, sitting in the chair.  He was confused that he was bound to the chair but noticed a doctor standing reading a chart by the door. “What in the Sam Hell is going on?  Untie me this instant.”

Baker turned to Clint as if surprised. “Ah,, you’re awake.  Take it easy.  You are quite safe here.  You’ve been through a stressful time, and I must check you out.   Please
don’t be alarmed at the restraints.  It was necessary to tie you this way so you wouldn’t hurt yourself or others these last few months.  I assure you, they’re for your own good.”

“There’s nothing wrong with me.  Let me out of the bloody things.” Clint shook his arms attempting to free himself, but to no avail.

“Tsk, tsk.  I see that I’m going to have to sedate you again.  I had hoped you would be reasonable this time.”

Clint, seeing the doctor pull a syringe from his coat, realized he was about to be drugged.. “No, wait.  I’ll be calm.  Where am I and what did you mean by months?”

Baker smiled and put the empty syringe back into his pocket. “Ahh, That’s better.  You’ve been here for several months.   After your breakdown, you became completely deranged and threatened to kill anyone who touched you, it was necessary to remove you from Llanview and bring you here where you could be treated safely.  You’ve slowly been responding to the new drug protocol we put you on.  Now, let me ask some questions.  Do you know your name?”

Clint was dumbfounded.  “Of course I know my name.  It’s Clint Buchanan, but wait, where is here?  This looks nothing like St. Ann's.”

“That’s because this isn’t St. Ann's, you were much too violent for St. Ann’s. This is the Peterson Institute. We handle more touchy subjects like yourself, whose family wants privacy.”  Buchanan had no reaction to the name of the institute.  It was going well so far.  “It’s excellent that you remember your name. Now I’m going to show you some pictures, to check your overall memory.  Just tell me what they are.”  Baker took the pictures out of the file and began to show them.

“This is ridiculous.  I’m not a blubbering idiot.  Is this really necessary?”

“Please Mr. Buchanan, look at the pictures,” Baker ordered. The drug still residing in Buchanan’s system would make it impossible for him to resist the order. 

Clint shook his head for a moment, the room went out of focus and then he found himself looking at the pictures.  One by one he began identifying them.  As Baker continued to show him pictures, Clint began to feel uneasy.  I’ve done this before.  I know I have.  The next picture is going to be a church.  Sure enough, as he looked, the doctor flipped to the next picture, and it showed a church.   I knew it.  What’s going on?  After several more pictures, Clint could feel his heart beginning to race.  Something was coming up he didn’t want to see.

Baker had been watching his subject intently and could see his breathing increasing.  The defining moment was almost here.  He flipped to the next page and waited.

Clint found himself staring at a picture of a symbol.  He knew it like the back of his hand.  In his mind he heard himself saying. “The organization is to be protected at all cost.” He opened his mouth to tell the doctor about the symbol, but found he couldn’t get the words out.  Instead, his head began to pound, and the words of his oath seemed to reverberate like thunder. You can’t tell anyone about that symbol. You know it.  He looked up at the doctor. “Look is this really necessary.  I’ve got a splitting headache, and now you’re showing me some weird artwork and expect me to know what it is.  Give me a break.  Help me out, Doctor.  I’ve surely satisfied you enough.”

Baker closed the file.  The programming was working.  For one brief moment, it had looked like Buchanan was going to identify the triskele, but he had stopped.  A few more sessions would ensure he never again wanted to expose the organization.  “Very well, Mr. Buchanan.  I know you must be exhausted, therefore we’ll continue this discussion later.   An attendant will be in here shortly to release you.  He’ll give you something for that headache, I want you to rest.  If you continue to improve like this, I’m sure we’ll be able to allow you to have visitors in no time.” 

Clint was frustrated, but he suddenly felt tired.  Maybe the doctor was right.  Maybe he should rest.  You‘ve been here for months.  If you continue to improve, they’ll let you see Viki.  “Thank you, Doctor, I promise I’ll rest.  I want to see my family.  I’ll do whatever you say.”

Baker walked from the room and spoke to the guard standing outside.  “He’s responding to suggestions and things appear to be going our way.  Give him the sedative.  He believes it will be for his headache and then put him in the bed.  I’ll return before he awakes, and we’ll have another go-around.  The programming just needs a little more reinforcement.  I don’t believe we’ll have any more trouble with Mr. Buchanan.”

**** 

       Todd let Blair pull him outside the bungalow and watched as Blair plucked a hibiscus and put it in her hair. “You have it on the wrong side,” he said, moving it.  “Still as beautiful now as you were that evening.”  He moved in and followed up his words with a gentle kiss.

       Blair was surprised by the compliment and the kiss.  Todd seemed so subdued and introspective.  She tucked her arm into his elbow, and they began their walk down to the beach. Todd was quiet, and Blair again tried to get him to open up. “All right, I’m dressed, and we’re having a nice easy walk, talk to me.” 

       “You remember when I headed down here to get away from everything in Llanview?” 

       “Of course.  I tried to talk you into coming to work for me, but you refused.  I even made you sign that note, promising to visit me.”

       “Right.  Well, the night you found me on this beach, my mind wasn’t here.  It was back in Llanview thinking about a tall leggy blonde with Cord Roberts issues.  I was shocked when you tracked me down. There you were, telling me I had gotten you pregnant.  I didn’t react well because you no sooner told me that and then you talked about telling Cord it was his.”

        Blair listened, letting Todd talk. She had no idea he had feelings for her that early.  He had always just called her his friend, and she had thought of him in much the same way.  She had been desperate when she decided to trick him, and she lied to him, but it had taken Cord to make her realize she was in love with the man she tricked into marrying her. “Todd, I..”

       “Shush, I’m not telling you this to bring up all the old hurt.  You hurt me, and I retaliated.  It’s over.  I’ve made so many mistakes I can’t even keep count anymore.  The thing about this place was it reminded me that there was a time in my life when I had resolved to stop manipulating and turn over a new leaf.  I came here with every intention of doing that, the only thing was, I missed you.  After you told me about the baby, I let you leave, but all I could think about was that you had given me an opening.  You were carrying my kid and I had a way to make you mine.  That night my eyes were opened.  For the first time, I realized what I wanted most in this world was a family, and strangely enough, I wanted it with you.”  He led Blair over to the rock they had sat on that night.

       “I didn’t know.  I had no idea you felt that way about me.”

        He laughed ruefully.  “I didn’t want you to.  I knew you were still hung up on the White Knight, and after Rebecca, I decided to protect myself from that kind of heartache.  I figured once things were more solid between us, I might be able to bring it up.  Then Addie blurted out to Cord that you loved him, and I blasted you and said all those awful things, and we lost our baby.  But I don’t want to go over all that.  I’m not saying this at all well.”

       “Todd, you said last night that you wanted to start fresh.  What’s the real reason behind this.”

       “I’m scared, Blair.”

       “Of what?”

       “I think I’m losing my mind.  I know I was having trouble in Port Charles, but things seemed to get clearer when I got back home.  Life was just beginning to make sense and then everything was upside down again.  The dreams are back and getting worse.  They feel like they’re so real.  That’s why I brought us here…. I don’t know, I was looking for clarity, something that would make sense of everything that’s been happening..   I achieved that when I left Llanview all those years ago.  I was hoping I would find it again. What’s going on with me, Blair?” Todd saw the look in Blair’s eyes.  She was afraid for him, too.  He didn’t want to see that look, so he got up and walked toward the water.  If she was worried, then something must really be wrong with him.

       Blair got up and followed him.  She wrapped her arms around his shoulders. “Todd, you were put through some terrible things when Irene held you.  The doctors told you that you suffered from PTSD.  I know you; you thought it was just a convenient excuse to get you off of Victor’s murder.  I think the doctors were right, and I think the dreams are part of that.” Todd’s hand reached up and covered hers. She continued, “You never got help.  Starr told me that even though the court ordered that you get seen by the doctors, they only checked to see if you were truly mentally ill.”  

       She felt a tremor run through Todd.  Oh, God, that’s exactly what he thinks.  She turned him to face her and her hand went to his cheek. “You’re not crazy.  Believe me.  But that doesn’t mean you’re not tormented. Those dreams mean something.  All this time you’ve been living so close to where they held you.  It has to have some effect on you.”

       He looked into her eyes.  He didn’t see the worry he had seen earlier; instead, he saw her love.  “How do you do it?  Here I am doubting my very sanity, and you stand there believing in me anyway.”

        Blair smiled up at him. “I know you.  You’ve always thought the worst about yourself.  You have a blind spot when it comes to your own worth.  You were right when you said things had turned around when you returned home.  They did.  I saw the change in you.  You walked away, for all of us, and that isn’t crazy.  You’re doing things daily to find Victor and help Viki.  My God, you’ve even reinvented yourself to stay in my life.  Those aren’t the actions of a crazy man.”

       Todd smiled down at her.  “All right, when you put it that way, I‘ve got to believe you.”

       Blair moved her hands to both sides of his face. “You do that.   Now I want to know more about the dreams.  Are they like the one you had with me, the one where Baker was with you in the compound?”

 Todd nodded. “He’s there, but it’s like I’m remembering some of the things he did to me and at the same time the dreams turn bizarre.  In one, Baker was working for my mother. In another, I think he was working for Alison.”

 “Yes, I knew it.  Maybe your dreams are your subconscious trying to tell you something.  How can you even trust the guy after what he did to you?  What if he’s playing you and he’s has gone over to Alison?”

“I don’t know Babe.  The guy’s been in it with me from the start for the money.   If he were working for Alison, why hasn’t he given me up.”

“Todd, maybe you just answered your own question.  What if he’s working for both of you?  Have you been in touch with him lately?  He still hasn’t told you if Victor is at the Compound.  Surely he would know by now.”

"I talked to him shortly before I made plans for this trip.  He told me Alison has a brother.  I’ve got Sam Vance looking into that.  He said he found out two people being held have been undergoing treatment.”  Todd shuddered and closed his eyes.  In his mind, the image of Baker standing over him flashed again.

“Stop, look at me.  Don’t think about them.  Todd, you’re not there, and you’re free.  Don’t let Irene and your imprisonment get back into your head.  Did one of your dreams follow your talk with Baker?”

        Todd opened his eyes as Blair's fingers caressed his ears and his body responded immediately. She was right, he was free, and he was on a beautiful beach with his one true babe.  What the hell was he doing?  He shook his head. “Ahh, I’m an idiot.  Let’s forget this talk. I don’t want to mess with it anymore.  You could be right about Baker but right now I want to think about us.” His arm wrapped around her, and he began pulling her down the beach.  

At first, Blair was afraid Todd was going to rush straight into the water but instead he pulled up just short of the waves, slipped his shoes off and started to roll up his pants.  She joined him, kicking off her sandals.  Todd knelt down in front of her and rolled her pant legs up.   Grabbing up both pairs of shoes in one hand, he held out the other.  Blair took it, and they waded into the surf.   

After walking for space, Todd kicked up some water and stopped in his tracks. “You know, I hated water when I was shipwrecked on that island because it came between me and you.” 

 Blair was about to say something, but Todd kept going.

“I know it wasn’t exactly this particular water, but you know what I mean.  I was stuck, and all I wanted to do was get home to you.  Today I’m here with you and it’s just something nice to walk in on a hot day.  It’s no longer the enemy.” Suddenly, Todd reached down and splashed water all over Blair.

         He laughed at her expression and was equally surprised when she responded in kind. Soon they were more wet than dry. Blair finally called a truce, and she flopped down on the sand and removed her top.  

         Todd joined her on the sand, slipping out of his tee shirt. He dropped down on his elbow and admired her as she closed her eyes to the sun and tried to dry off.  She was resting her head on her blouse, and he reached and moved a strand of hair from her face.  Blair looked up at him. She didn’t say anything just waited.  Todd leaned over and kissed her, tasting the salt from the water on her lips.  “Thank you.”

         “For what?”

         “For believing in me.  For trusting me again.  For letting me back into your life.  All of it.”

          She reached up and touched his scar.  “Your welcome, I wouldn’t have it any other way.” She brushed some sand off his chest and off of her arms.  “Looks like I’m going to need another shower, care to join me, Mr. Manning?”

        “Wouldn’t miss it.” He stood and helped her up, gathered their clothes and together they walked arm in arm back to the bungalow.

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