Hope from the Ocean: 55

Todd and Blair came down the stairs, holding hands, and rushed faster when they heard commotion coming from the morning room.  Stepping inside, they realized quickly what had happened.  Aiden was leaning against Tina, whose face was forlorn and worried, and Dorian was examining him.  Todd moved closer.  "Aiden, you okay?"

"I don't know.  I was looking through the albums, and was working on Spiderman Junior's.  And, I suddenly got the pain, so strong, I collapsed onto the floor.  Tina came in and found me.  I feel like an invalid, or a decrepit old elf."

Todd leaned down and put his hand on the man's shoulder.  "You're not old," Todd said, smirking.

"Ah, but I'm a decrepit elf, then, eh?  Ya Americans, such smart alecks all the time."  He closed his eyes, and was white as a sheet.

Todd said, "Hurting?"

The man nodded.  Tina, whose fingers were in his hair, sniffled a little, and wiped a tear with her knuckle.  "He was just lying there, and trying to get up."

"I'm afraid, Blair, that I've made a mess in your home," he said.

"No, no bother, Aiden.  It's nothing we can't fix."  Blair said.

"I was just looking at the photos of Sam, and came to the more recent ones, and the next thing I knew, I blacked out and was on the floor."

"Well, you're doing all right now, but your blood pressure was off when I got here," Dorian said.

"Ah, blood pressure.  It might be up, right now," he said, smiling into Tina's face.

"How can you joke?"  She said, a bit flustered and slightly angry.

"I'm used to it, My Lady.  It's something I've come to live with.  It's all right, precious."  He reached up and drew a line through the hair on the side of her face with his finger.  "Ya mustn't cry or worry.  It's something I have grown up with.  I'm sorry if it upsets ya.  Besides, who's joking?"

"I'm not worried about me," she said, turning to Todd.  "Are you going to help him?  Can you?  Please?"

"I plan on it.  Which is a good discussion I guess.  Aiden, Blair and I are going to go with you to Innishcreg.  We'll help you find your family again.  We'll be there for you when you start to uncover the truth, whatever it is."  Todd added.

"Ah, Blair, ya agreed to this?  Ya must hate the thought of Innishcreg."

"To be honest, I don't love the idea of being back there, but wherever my man goes," she said, slipping her arm through his, "I go.  No more of that separation stuff."

Aiden said, "Innishcreg could always use the beautification, but . . ."

Tina interrupted, "I'd want to come along.  If it would be okay."  This brought all eyes to her.

"I suppose, if Aiden doesn't mind, you could.  We could ask Sister Rebecca Katherine, Jack and Jenna to watch the kids."  Todd said.

"Hold it, all of ya," Aiden said.  "I'm not entirely sure I'm going to be heading back to Innishcreg right now."

Todd turned quickly, as did Blair.  Todd said, "Aiden?"

He propped himself up on his elbows, and his color returned.  "I think I'll just deal with what I've got.  Seems when I get close to thinking about the past, this happens.  It's worse the more I try."

Todd looked to Blair, and her expression was one he'd seen at times, in her eyes, toward him.  Sympathy.  He read it clearly.  He said, "Well, Tina, why don't you and Blair go on into the kitchen and make something for us to drink, maybe some tea or  . . ."

"Irish coffee!  That's what I'd like the best, if ya please."  Aiden said.

"I can arrange that," Blair said, taking Tina by the arm and helping her off the ground.  "Let's go, sister-in-law.  Let's do this," she led her out of the room.

Dorian began to get up from the floor, and Todd offered his hand and she took it.  She stood, facing him.  "Physically, he's pretty much all right.  Whatever it was, has passed."

Aiden was still on the ground, now attempting to get up.  Todd reached down, and supporting him under both arms, he helped Aiden to standing.  "See, I'm in the best of health, Pal."

"We need to talk," Todd said.  "You've changed your mind?"

"I . . . I'm not sure what to do, Todd."  Aiden's face was stricken, and Todd recognized it as fear.  "Maybe things are well enough left alone, or should be."

"I've been where you are.  And as hard as it was, it was worth it in the end.  I feel . . . free."  Todd said, and Dorian, who was still in the room, stood, motionless, listening.  Todd continued, "I feel different.  Yeah, it was hard.  There were nightmares, cold sweats, flashbacks.  It wasn't simple.  But now, I'm glad I did it."

Aiden sat on the sofa, and Todd did, too.  Dorian turned to go, but instead, she said, "Aiden, if I may?"


"Dear Lady, what could I lose by hearing ya out?  Ya just tended to my pains."

"Todd's been through many things.  For the most part, he has discovered the darkest and most terrible things about his life, and the abuse he has suffered at the hands of a very sick man, his adoptive father."

Aiden swallowed; Todd could see his Adam's apple working in his throat.  

Dorian continued, "Did your parents burn you?  Or hurt you?  Beat you or lock you up in a cellar?"

Aiden looked to his hands, assuming the worst about his new friend.  "Todd, is this what ya meant when ya said your past . . ."

Todd interrupted, "Yeah, that's about the size of it.  Throw in a little perversion, and you've got it covered."

"I'm sorry, I don't know what to say, Mate."

"There's nothing for you to say.  I think Dorian brought it up for a reason, which I'm sure she'll enlighten us with . . ."

"You know your childhood, the part you remember, was it anything like that?"  Dorian asked.

"No.  Nothing like it.  Everything I remember with my parents, was just loving, regular family.  Early morning Irish breakfasts, the sheep, the farm, the green hills.  That's all."  Aiden said.

"Then it's worth going back to see them.  You won't be opening any doors to any chambers of horrors, you'll just be trying to bridge the gap between times.  It might be hard, but as a doctor, I can tell you that Todd's right.  Facing it head on is best.  Later, you will be liberated."

Aiden stood.  "I'll go.  Y'ar right, there's nothing to fear.  Nothing that I can't handle."

***

"What's happening, Bea?  What are you remembering?"

Through her sobbing, she continued to write:

He took me away.  From Mitch.  From home, from Todd.  From everything I knew. He came and got me, from Mitch's camp.  I didn't want to go.  Mitch had promised me we would get my baby back, my son.  Peter said no, and made me leave with him.  He put me into the car, and drove off.  I asked him, over and over, I asked him to bring me home, and to let me get my son, and let us go away.  He wouldn't.  He just WOULDN'T stop.  We drove and drove.  I tried everything, begging and crying and he just kept going.  He didn't even talk to me, he just drove.

"It's okay.  I'm right here.  Take all the time you need.  If you want to stop, we can.  You just say so.  We can wait, you can take a break."

Ray had never seen Bea so distraught.  Her tears flowed, and her eyes and nose were beginning to redden and swell.  Her breathing was close to hyperventilation, so he suggested she stop and try and breathe through her nose.  She did, bringing herself to a calmer place, considering.

Bea hugged herself, as her son often had in the very same room and the very same chair, and rubbed her arms.  Ray said, "Are you cold, Bea?"

She shook her head "no," and continued rubbing up and down her own forearms, her expression pained and tired.

"Are you finished for today?"

She shook her head "no," again.  She hesitantly picked up the pencil, and wrote.  After a while, she turned it toward him, and collapsed back against the chair, her head lolling to the side, her gaze staring off past him.  He noticed that her tears were continually streaming.

He read it to himself:  

He'd found the letter.  It was on the seat, in the car.  Peter had found the letter from me to Victor, asking for his help.  He had never been so angry, not that I could remember.  He drove us so far, into the deep forest.  I was so scared.  That was when he started to talk to me.  He said terrible things.  He said he was going to kill me.  He said he was going to hurt me, with his body, again.  And then, I was almost ready to just let it happen, once and for all, until he said that once I was gone, Todd would be all his, and he could do whatever he wanted to him.  

I screamed and kicked and begged, and nothing worked.  He didn't care.  He came around to my side of the car, and when he went to open the door, I had to do something.  I grabbed what I could find, and it was a long flashlight.  When he yanked the door open, and pulled me out, I swung and it hit him in the side of his head.  He was angry, but I ran.  I ran and ran as fast as I could to get away from him.  I headed into the woods, and my legs and arms were bloody from the branches against me.  I didn't care.  I ran faster and more to get as far as I could away from him.

When I came to a grove, I stepped into a marshy natural pool, and sunk above my ankles.  I fought to go on, but in my struggle, I kept sinking more and more.  I'd stumbled into a swamp, and it slowed me down.  I looked back and saw him coming at me, and his face was . . . it was so bad.  It was so full of hate and rage, I knew it was the end for me.  And all I could think of was that after he did it, after he hurt me and killed, me, he would go back and hurt my boy.

He came to the swamp.  He called me a whore, and asked me to come to him.  I said no, and by then, I was up to my waist in swamp water.  He reached out and after setting his foot at a good strong part, he grabbed me by my hair and dragged me out.  He pulled me to my feet, and he stood me in front of him, standing me close enough that I could almost feel the heat from him against me.  That was when he threw me to the ground and hurt me, the way he always did, and Ray, I can't say more today, I can't.  It still hurts me; I feel it.  

I need to stop now, or I feel like I will never be able to go on and get to the rest of the truth.

After a few moments, Ray looked up.  Bea was quietly crying, still hugging herself.  Her salt-and-pepper long hair was disheveled, and strands fell in front of her face.  It struck him just then that she really had been Peter Manning's most vulnerable and most traumatized victim.  Todd, even though he was a child when it all began, was actually stronger.  He'd been more resilient, and though it had devastated his life in other ways, Ray could see that the road was going to soon be very much clearer for Todd than it would for her.  Her features were fine and petite; her skin was not ravaged by time.  In fact, she looked much like a porcelain doll, the way she was leaning in the dim light of evening in his office.  He said, "Bea?  Are you all right?  Please let me know you're okay."

She didn't move at first, but after a few minutes, she lifted her head, and then put it back down where it was.  Ray got up, and went in front of her chair.  Crouching, he put his hands gently on her arms.  "Bea, I'm sorry for what you have been through.  It will get better."

She lifted her head again,and slowly leaned toward him, until it rested on his shoulder.  He wrapped his arms around her and told her the truth:  she was brave, and she would be all right.

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