Hope from the Ocean: 56

After a while of holding her in his arms, Bea finally pulled away from Ray, and sat back, sighing.  Her tears were under control; she had taken a tissue from his desk, and though it was crumpled in her hand, she proceeded to flatten it against her leg, and then use it to dry her face.  She took a few breaths, and they remained in silence as he walked back to the other side of his desk.  He sat, and waited for her.  She sniffed, sighed, and coughed.  Finally, she looked up, making eye contact with him.  He said, "Enough for today."

She shook her head "no."

His expression must have read confusion, because he could feel it all over his face.  "No?"

She shook her head again.  She just sat, pulling at the tissue, and he instinctively handed her the box.  She took another and weakly half-smiled.  He said, "Maybe it would be best if we started this again another time."

She responded in the same way:  a negative head shake.

He decided to wait it out.  The woman had kept these things inside her for over thirty years.  It would be her decision how and when it all came out.

***

"It's so boring in here," Sam said.  "When can I get my cast off?"

Jack, who was heading down the stairs to meet Jenna at the gym, stopped in Sam's doorway.  "Hey, Squirt.  Sorry you're laid up still."

"Can the cast come off, Jack, just for a minute?"

"No, it can't.  People can't put casts on and off."

"Well, it's annoying being trapped up here.  And being alone.  And not being able to play."

"That's what you get, you little runt.  You get what you deserve for jumping off the stupid roof."

Sam looked forlorn at best, and then said, "Can you get my other comic books, please?"

Jack, slightly irritated to be held up, gave in and smiled, "Sure, PeeWee, where are they?"

"In the drawer, I think.  Mom cleans up a lot in here."

Jack went and fished out the comics and handed them to Sam.  Before leaving, he said, "I have an idea," and went back to his room.

In a few moments, he returned with his tablet.  He said, "Here, look," and set up an app for Sam that had access to all of the Marvel Comics.

Sam smiled widely, "Wow, thanks, Jack.  You're really gonna let me use your tablet?"

"Sure.  I trust you.  You're my brother.  Besides, what can you do to it?  Just don't let Ray at it.  He's like a running machine and falls all over the place."

"And hides."

"And hides."  Jack went to the door.

"Jack?"

"Yeah, Sam."

"I love you for a brother."

"I love you, too, Sam.  Don't read too much, you'll get a headache."

Sam opened the application and downloaded his first comic, when Blair peeked into the room.  "Hey Little Man, how ya feeling today?"

"I'm good.  Just bored of being in the bed."

"How did you get a hold of Jack's tablet?"

"He gave it to me, to use.  He was real nice to me, Mom, look."  

He showed her the Spiderman comic he had on the screen, and she said, "That's really nice of him.  He loves you, that's why he's nice."

"Well, sometimes he's not that nice.  But yeah, he loves me.  He even said it."

"He's your brother."

"Yeah.  Good thing you and Dad dock-ded me, Mom.  That way, I'll always be with you.  And Jack will always be my brother."

"Yes, it is a good thing," she said, hugging her middle son to her chest.  "it really is."

"Mom, when can I get the casts off?"

"Well, that's still another week or two away, Sam."

"Oh," he looked down to the tablet.  "This sucks."

"Hey, where did you get language like that?"

"Jack says it.  You said it once.  Dad might."

"All right, I get the point, but it's not very nice, okay?"

"Okay."

"Your father and I might have to go away for a few days, I want you to know that.  We're not leaving you forever, or even for a long time.  Just a couple of days."

Sam's eyes widened.  "No, Mom, I don't want you to go."

"I know, Sweetheart, but we have to take care of something."

"Who's going to take care of me?"

"Sister Rebecca Katherine.  Jack, and Jenna."

"What about Aunt Tina?  And Ray?"

Blair thought it over, but still responded, "It will be all right, Sam.  Trust me, it will work out perfectly."  She kissed his forehead and got up.  "Need anything?"

"No, I'm okay.  I have all of the comics to read."

"All right, Sweetie.  I'll be downstairs.  Text us if you need something."

"Okay, Mom."

As she left his room and headed to the staircase, she wondered if he were right.  Sister Rebecca Katherine, all alone to handle Sam's needs, plus the baby, who was now a speed racer, and run interference with Jack and Jenna?  Someone would have to stay behind, either she or Tina.  She headed to the lower level of Courtown Demesne.

***

Finally, Bea reached across and took her pencil, and saw that the tip was broken.  She looked at Ray with questioning eyes, and he said, "You broke it when you were writing out what you last wanted to tell me."

He took it from her and sharpened it.  He knew she had an affinity for pencils.  She'd been offered pens on many occasions, but never took them, or took them and smiled, and tossed them unceremoniously into her pencil box, and got a pencil anyway.  She had once written to him that it was the sketcher in her that needed a pencil in her hand.  He smiled to himself, and brought back the pencil, sharpened.

She began to write, and then quickly turned the pad.

I'm ready.  I need to finish this.  If I don't, what good will it do?  I'll just go back to my room, and end up pushing it away, and you'll have to start again trying to get it back out.

He smiled at her assessment of things.  "All right.  I can see that happening.  I admire your drive to see this through."

It's for my son.  And his family.  If I get better, I can get to know them.  Maybe be normal.  Maybe live with them, like he said.  I would be able to watch Ray grow up, and the new baby, and Sam.

"That all makes perfect sense, Bea.  Whenever you're ready."

And with that, she began to write, stopping to rest and think, and then returning to her pad and pencil, scribing the words that she needed to present to him and to herself.  

After quite a bit of time, she handed the pad to him, but had torn off a small piece of paper, and handed that to him as well.  He read that first:

Thank you, Ray, for comforting me when I needed it, and for helping me.  I am very tired now, and I want to rest.  Can we talk about it all next time?

He looked down to the notepad, the page filled with her handwritten memories, and noticed that it continued onto the back of the next page.  He said, "If you're feeling all right, and that's what you want, then yes, we can."

She motioned to him as if to ask if he would read it.

"Yes, of course.  I'll read it right now, after you go, if that's what you'd like."

She nodded.  Smiling warmly, she extended her hand, and he took it.  She squeezed it in a feminine, soft handshake that said "thank you," and turned to go.

He said, "Barbara Manning, you're quite a strong woman."

She looked back and smiled weakly, and then simply shrugged.

***

"Todd, we just can't leave Sister Rebecca Katherine with all this.  Either Tina or myself should stay behind.  Ray's too much on his own, never mind Sam in the bed, and two teenagers who are in love.  That's a lot for her to handle."

"Are you saying you want to stay here, Blair?"  Todd said, looking into her eyes for her answer.

"I don't know what I'm saying, we just have to realize that this is a lot to ask anyone."

He thought.  "It is, actually. Ray alone could make Sister's 'blood pressure cry out like a banshee,'" he mocked her brogue.

Aiden said, "I hate to be the cause of the trouble.  Perhaps I can go alone."

Blair spoke up, "No.  If Todd had gone alone, back to his childhood home, he . . . well, he may not have been able to discover everything he did."

Todd looked at her, knowingly.  "Blair knows.  She's . . . Blair."

Tina said, "I could stay."

Todd saw both Tina and Aiden's faces, and said, "Well, I don't know that anyone wants anyone to stay, it just seems like it makes sense."

Dorian said, "Nonsense.  You have me, your father, and Sister Rebecca Katherine, plus Shaun and that helicopter man.  That's more than enough to round up a two year old, a boy who can't move, and two teens."

Todd raised an eyebrow.  "You'd have to move into the house."

"So?  What are families for?  Jack might not like it very much, but it is what it is."  Dorian said.

"Just be sure Jenna is not the one moving into the house," Blair said, smiling.

Dorian smiled back, "I'll explain to your father, Todd, I'm sure he won't mind at all.  More time for the grandbabies."

Todd said, "Jack should be expected to help, especially tracking Ray the Explorer."

"Fine, he will be."  Dorian said.  "You shouldn't change your plans.  This is all too important for that.  Todd, you shouldn't be separated from Blair, not in this situation at least, and it seems Tina here has come to be important to you, Aiden.  It seems logical."

Todd put his hand on Dorian's elbow, and said, "Thank you, Auntie Dorian."

"You're welcome, Todd.  Just take care of my niece, and make sure she and that baby come home safe and sound, will you?"

"I will.  You know that."

Dorian did know.  She had never been so certain that anyone would put their life first for Blair until recently.  "I do.  Let me go and tell your father the news."

Todd looked at Blair, and before either of them had time to speak, Tina said, "What the Hell got into her?  She hates you, Todd."

Blair said, "No, no she doesn't."

Todd changed the subject, "All this reminds me, I should call Llanview to check on my mother . . ."

Tina looked at her brother, puzzled.  

He said, in response to Tina's look, "She doesn't.  Not anymore, I guess.  Of course, the next time I screw something up, she'll be on the pitchfork trail, but until then, she's kind of softened toward me, I guess."

Aiden said, "I don't know much, but from where I stand, it's because she finally sees what everyone else does, eh?"  Everyone turned to him, and waited for him to complete his thought.  "Ya love Blair, more than y'ar life.  What else is there?"

***

Ray poured a glass of water, lifted it to his lips, and drank.  He'd not been in sessions like these in a long time.  Since Todd, why don't you say it?  You've not had things like this come up since you worked with Todd Manning in recovering memories from his torture and then, his past.  In recent days, most of the work had been with typical mental illnesses, helping patients through nightmares, counseling them on the importance of medication, enlisting them to follow doctor instructions.  And then it occurred to him; these things were because they would likely never be well.  There were no goals of getting them free of things; these patients were in Mountainview for a reason, and most of them would never live outside its walls again. 

Bea, however, was beginning to seem like an exception to that rule.

He lifted her handwritten pages, and began to consider the task of reading them, when he got a phone call.  "Hello?"

"Hey, Ray, what's going on?"  Todd said from the other end. 

"Nothing much, really."  He paused, then, "Actually, Todd, I don't know why I said that.  It's quite the opposite."

"Is she all right?" Todd said, some worry building in his gut.

"She's fine.  She's made a major breakthrough.  She's remembering how she became mute."

Todd swallowed.  "Is it bad, Ray?"

"Is it bad she's remembering?  No.  Is what she remembers bad, yes."

Todd closed his eyes, and Blair appeared behind him, slipping her arms up under his from behind, she rested her head on his back.  She'd heard his last comment, and she held him close.

Todd said, "What's going to happen to her?"

"Likely, she'll get well, Todd.  She may never speak again, I do believe there's damage to her speech center that prevents it, but she'll get emotionally well.  Like you, Todd.  You're cut of the same mold, somehow.  No relation, but still, you're her son."

He choked up, and stayed quiet a moment.  Blair, who knew what his tensing up meant, ran her hand on his head, and he turned back over his shoulder to look at her, handing her the phone.  As she answered, he walked away from her a few steps, and covered his eyes with his hand by perching it on his forehead.

Blair said, "Hello?  Ray?  It must be you."

"It's me, Blair.  Is he all right?"

"He was just overcome with feeling, for a moment.  Is everything okay?"

"Yes.  I was just telling him that Bitsy will be fine, likely, she will recover, like he did."

Blair knew where his heart was in hearing this.  She said, "Thank you, Ray, for everything you're doing for Todd's mother, and for what you've done for him, and us."

"You're welcome.  It's . . . well, it's what I do, Blair."

"Good night," she said.

"Good night," Ray set the phone back into the receiver.  He lifted Bea's papers and began to read.

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