Failings of the Fathers: 16

Todd walked his mother to Ray's door.  "Are you sure you are going to be all right, Momma?"

She nodded, and was all smiles.  The door to Ray's office opened, and Todd followed her inside.

"Todd, good to see you, as always."  Ray said.

"Same here.  Momma had an attack at three this morning.  We thought she had a heart attack.  I rushed her to LH.  It was panic.  She's fine, just might need to talk a while."

Bitsy was already smiling and sitting in her chair, getting her pad out, and writing, not frantically or in desperation, something for Ray.  She looked up, coy, and smiled at Todd and gave him a small wave.  

He smiled back and awkwardly said, "Okay, then, Momma, I'll be outside working in the limo.  Be back in an hour."

As soon as the door closed behind him, Bea was up on her feet, and frantic.  She raced up to Ray, who had not even had a chance to sit down at his desk, and foisted the memo pad against his chest.  He took it, and she grabbed both his arms with both of her hands and gripped him in fear.  He read the pad aloud: 

He's alive, and he wants their children.

***

"Hey, you're awake.  It's dinner time, a day later."  Tina said.

Aiden tried to focus his eyes on Tina, who was standing by his bed.  She was leaning over and her hair, that had added length in the last few months, brushed against his cheek.  He said, "I'm here and I'm living, Dear Little Tina."

"I see that," she said, taking his hand and sitting down near him.

"What did they find, Pappy?"

Timothy was sitting as well, but further off.  He moved his chair closer.  "Several masses of scar tissue.  Most likely, they cause some of the pain.  But not the memory loss."

He looked to the ceiling. "Why do I feel my brother would understand more of this?"

"He might," Timothy said.

"Have ya spoken to him?  How's Blair?"

"Everything there seems to be fine.  Your aunt had a frightening knowing, not about ya, about what I suspect is Todd.  Otherwise, so far, Blair and baby are well."

"Maybe he can understand, then.  When all is done, and he's not worried about the new babby.  Maybe he can try and piece this together,"  Aiden said.  

"He may at that."

"How are the guys?"  Aiden asked.  He always had a penchant for friends and made them easily.

Tina answered, "They're fine.  They were all at snack last night, sitting at the next table.  In fact, the tall one bumped me with his chair."

"He's different, that one," Aiden said.  "Sort of a crabby old guy.  Has a lot of things to work out."

"Well, anyway, they were there.  Malcolm, Miguel and Calvin.  They don't miss a meal or snack, ever."

"That sounds like them.  I wouldn't be either, if I could.  Miguel would eat everyone's if they don't want it.  He's always hungry."

"They're bringing a light dinner, I know that," Tina said.

"I'll be ready for it.  Y'ar wasting your time here, with me.  Ya could be out there, doing other things.  Finding y'ar way.  Finding love,"  he said, tenuously.  

She smiled, tightening her grip on his hand lightly.  "Not interested.  I'm fine here."

***

"Bea, all right, calm down.  Come on," Ray said.  She was holding onto both of his arms for dear life, to the point of her knuckles turning whitish.  She so wanted to talk, and he could see it; her mouth kept opening and closing, over and over, and finally, he had to take his own hands and hold her arms to make her look at him.  "Bea!" he raised his voice, "I will help you.  I will listen.  You have to calm down first."

She, breathing heavy with tears racing down her face, let go of him, and wrung her hands.  She began to pace wildly.  "Bea, listen to me, please."

She stopped and looked at him, still twisting her hands in fear.

He said, "Sit down, please."

She did, still crying, and took her pad and furiously wrote.

At the same time, Ray went to his place across from her, and waited.  He said, "Bea.  Calm down.  It's all right, I'm not going anywhere.  You just had an incident, right?  You went to the hospital?  Do you want to go back there?"

She looked up and shook her head against the idea.

"Then please, calmly.  Calmly."

She finished writing and handed it to him.

Blair.  She went to the doctor and was told the baby is tiny but will live outside her and will be born soon.  That goes with my dream.

"Ah, is that was this is about?"

She vehemently shook her head "no."

"All right, then what is it?"

I had another dream, last night.  It was with Peter.  He is alive.  He wants to come and take Todd's sons away and teach them how to be men.  That means he will hurt them with his body and his baseball bat and his lighter.  That means he will hurt my Jack and Sam and Little Ray.  I can't let this happen.  I have to find him, and I know what I must do.

Ray was lost in a sea of both confusion and disappointment.  Bea had come so far where her delusional thinking was concerned, and a few weeks out of Mountainview and she was back there, not where she started necessarily, but getting dangerously close.

"No, Bea.  Dreams are not predictions.  Even if the dream about the baby is true, it doesn't mean all of your dreams are true."

He's out there.  He is coming.  He wants the children.  THE CHILDREN!  Please, you have to help me.

"I'm trying, Bea.  You have to calm yourself, please.  Or I will have to give you some medication.  Please, don't let me have to do that."

She broke down, crying into her hands, silently.  

Ray's heart went out to her.  "Bea."  He leaned over gently and took her hands, and moved them off her face.  "Have you ever had dreams before?"

I don't remember many.  I started having dreams again, that I remembered, about two months ago.  I don't remember many others.

"Did any of the other dreams in the last two months come true?"

She shook her head, "no."

"All right.  Then, you do see that there is a chance that this one won't either?"

She looked broken.  He was not sure how to proceed, but he let his question stay on the table.

She pulled back inside herself.  He could see her eyes retracting.  She hugged herself, just as her son often did.  She pulled her legs up onto the chair under her.  

He softly said, "Bea.  I will call for Todd, will that help?"

She looked at him with terror in her face.  She did not resist, or shake her head.  She just looked away and dazed off.  Silent.

He called Todd's cell and quickly conveyed the message to him, and went to her chair, crouching in front of it.  "Bea, it's all right, it was only a dream."

Todd was there in minutes, and pushed the door open.  "Ray, what's . . . Momma?"  he went to the chair, and saw her dazing off, "Momma, what's wrong?"

She went immediately into Todd's arms.  "It's all right, Momma," he said, and could feel her shaking.

"What is this about, Ray?"  he asked, with her cowering.

"She's had a dream, and it frightened her."

She shook her head "no," as to tell Ray to stop.

"Bea, Todd will understand."

She broke free of Todd's arms and shook her head more, and took the pad and wrote NO! in large lettering.

Todd said, "Momma, it's okay.  Ray does not have to tell me anything.  I know what this is about.  I had a dream, the other night.  It was spooky, been recurring, the same one I told you about."

With Peter?  she wrote. 

"Yes.  Well, in trying to keep Blair from being disturbed, I went into the hall, Momma found me and comforted me.  I told her what my dream was about.  I think it affected her poorly.  This is my fault, isn't it?  This is because of my dream."

She shook her head again.  She pointed to the NO! on her pad.

She took the notepad and tore it from Ray's hand.  Not wanting her son to have guilt, she decided instead to let him read.  He did, and said, softly, "Momma.  This is because of my dream, I had the same one, remember?  I had that dream, Momma, and then you did."

Her frustration was so palpable, that both Ray and Todd became more concerned.  She seemed frantic to make them understand, and somehow couldn't.  "It's all right," Todd said, "Momma, it's okay."

"Todd's probably right, Bea.  You just felt so sorry about Todd's dream that you had one, too."

She went to the chair and back into herself.  Todd went in front of her, and said, "No, Momma, don't leave us."

She touched his hair, and then removed her hand, hugging herself again and drifting off.  He said, "Momma?"

Ray examined her.  "She's not catatonic.  She's just giving up.  She can't communicate to us what she wants to, and she just gave up.  For now."

Todd was beside himself and stood up.  "What can we do?"

"I'm not sure.  She's convinced Peter is coming back to get your kids.  That he's alive."

You thought you could hide from me?

Todd shook it loose from his head.  "He, uh, died in front of me."

"I realize that."

"She's afraid.  She's afraid that if he comes back he'll hurt the boys, like he hurt . . . us."

Ray knew Todd was also talking for himself.  "Bea, Peter is not alive.  Todd knows that.  Todd saw him die."

"Momma," he went back to crouching in front of her chair.  "Please, Momma, it's all right, look at me."

She lifted her head and did.

He said, "Momma, he won't hurt anyone.  I can promise you that."  She leaned forward until her head was on his shoulder.  He patted her back.  "He won't hurt us anymore.  I know he won't."

She moved back into the chair, and stared off again, with her arms around her own chest.  Her tears were steady and quiet.

Ray motioned Todd to step outside the door.  As they did, the doctor said, "Todd, I think she needs to stay here with us, at Mountainview, for a few days."

"No.  Absolutely not.  She lives with us now."

"Todd, I'm advising you against taking her home.  She's fragile.  Another near miss could mean a lot of damage.  She's teetering between reality and fantasy right now."

"Then we're both crazy, because so am I."

"What are you saying?"

"I think someone burned me.  My mother's dream was right about our baby.  Okay, it's not right about Peter, but it makes sense she'd think so.  And since I'm the one who put the idea there, I'm the only one who can take it away.  She needs to be with the family, Ray."

"Todd, I'm advising you again, to let us care for her.  For a few days."

"No, I'm taking her home.  She belongs with us.  She'll be all right, I just have to . . . let her know that."

"How would you ever do that?  She's convinced otherwise."

"Because if that fucker is alive, for any reason, in any way, I'll kill him dead.  No questions, no passing go, and no $200.  Dead.  So she has nothing to worry about, does she?"

Ray raised his eyes skyward, as Todd pushed past him into the room, and got his mother into her coat. "Momma, it's going to be all right, trust me.  Thanks, Ray.  We'll see you soon."

"I'm telling you not to do this, Todd,"  the therapist called after him.

"You're wrong, this time, Doc,"  he called back.

He ushered her out of the building and into the cold air, down the slate path, and into the limo.  Once inside, he handed her a pad.  "Don't be afraid, Momma.  Tell me everything."

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