Failings of the Fathers: 17

Todd threw his keys on the small table at the door, and helped Bea off with her coat.  "Come on, Momma.  Let's go up and see Blair."

They ascended the stairs.  It was moderately quiet, Ray must have been napping early.  They went into the bedroom, and Blair was napping as well.  She woke up and looked at them.  "Hello," she said.

Bea waved.  Todd said, "We've figured it all out.  She had a bad dream about Peter.  And I told her not to worry.  If he's alive, I'll kill the son of a bitch dead.  She thinks that's fine."

Blair's eyes bulged a little.  "Okay, that surprised me."

"Well, it's a done deal.  Here's the dream she had, written out," he handed her the paper.  "And, the answer's simple.  If he is alive, then he dies, no matter what, before he touches one hair on anyone's head."

"A bit violent, isn't it?"  she said.  She continued reading.

"No. Not for him."

Blair looked at Bitsy, who shook her head "no" as well.

"All right, then I'm in.  Seriously."  She looked at Todd, and he nodded once, encouraging her. 

"Momma, don't let Blair fool you.  She's a tough one."  Todd said.  

"Well, now that this is settled, what shall we do for dinner?"  Blair said, acting as if everything was fine and leaving the stress of Bitsy's current emotional condition behind.

"Let's let Momma pick," he said.

"Sure!"

Bitsy took her pad and pen and wrote.  I don't mind.  Anything is fine.

"How about Sister Rebecca Katherine's fave?  That smelly stuff?"  Todd said.

"Do we have things to make the smelly stuff?"  Blair said.  "It might smell, but it's so good."

Bitsy looked from one to the other, enjoying their banter.  Finally, Todd said, "I'll go get it then, if we don't.  I'd have Perzno get it on the way home with the boys, but that wouldn't make much sense with a copter."

"No, not much at all."

"I'll scope out the kitchen,"  he said.

Bitsy sat by Blair, and looked at her belly.  Blair took her hand and put it where the movement of Jewel had been the last hour.  She smiled, when she felt the little girl moving.  "She's very active," Blair told her.

Bitsy smiled, and wrote:  I've never had a baby.

"I know, but you're still a Momma.  I am to Sam, too."

I wanted to . . . be Todd's mother, so much.  I loved him the moment I saw him.  They brought him to me, all in white, he almost glowed.

"I love him, too.  Very much."

Everyone knows.  I can see it, so much.  He's so happy with you.  Like he's complete.

"I feel the same.  Don't worry about anything, Momma.  Everything will be fine.  Um, Momma, do you remember anything about the dream with the baby?  Like, when did it take place, or where?"  She couldn't help herself.  She just had to know.

She shook her head "no."

"Well, that doesn't matter.  Would you like to see my list of baby things, and look through the catalogs with me?"

She became happily excited, and shook her head affirmatively.

***

"Dr. Martino, ya wanted to see me?"  The nun made her way into his office.

"Yes, I did, Sister.  As part of the internship, I would be teaching you about consults, and things like that.  In this case, I want to consult with you, not only as a learning experience, but because you know the parties involved and may be able to shed light on it."

"Certainly."

"It's about Todd and his mother."

"Ah, yes," she said, and flashed on her nightmare.  Reminding herself she was working, she pushed it aside.

"Yesterday, Todd brought Bea for a visit.  She was completely unhinged.  Seems she had a terrible nightmare, and it blurred the lines of reality for her."

"Nightmare?"  the clergywoman heard her own voice waver.

"Yes.  It was clearly put there by Todd's previous nightmare, the night before, that she comforted him about.  She took those images and they became a nightmare of her own."

"Really.  That's to be expected, I'd think."

"Well, yes.  However, here's where it gets a bit sticky.  Todd shared his dream, she then had one.  She had a complete panic attack and was rushed to the hospital.  He brings her here, she is nearing a breakdown in my office, because I cannot convince her it's not real.  I call for his help, and he comes in, and . . . "

"He agreed with her, eh?"

"Well, not exactly.  I think you might need to know about the dreams first."

Her breath caught.  "Peter Manning?" she said, absently.

"Yes.  But not the way you'd think."

"Alive?  Wanting to take their children?"

He put his hands through his hair.  "Yeah, that's right."  He was puzzled.

"Oh Dear," she said, getting up and walking to the window.

"Sister?"

"Go on, Doctor."

"Nevertheless, he ends up telling her that she hasn't got to worry because if her dream comes true, and Peter is alive, he'll murder him.  And then, takes her home."

She was silent for a moment.

"His pathology, which I felt I was instrumental in repairing, is now feeding off her pathology, and he is feeding into her delusions as well.  I advised him not to take her home, but he did anyway.  He claimed she needed her family.  Now you know how I feel about Todd, but this was not ordinary, to say the least.  Sister?  Sister Rebecca Katherine?"  Ray attempted to bring her back to earth.

"Doctor, do ya believe there is any spirituality in the world?  In other words, do ya put any stake in God, or spiritual matters?"

"Does that relate to this, Sister?"

"Yes, I'm afraid it does," she said, walking back to the chair and sitting again.  "It matters greatly."

"I'm all ears, considering I'm feeling a lack of answers right about now."

"The two of them are having similar dreams.  Why can't there be something more to it?"

"More as in what?  It's clear he planted the ideas in her mind for her."

"Possibly.  But when she comforted him, what did she say?  Did she say that she believed Peter was alive?  Or did she counter his fears with the fact that he must be dead?"

"I don't know that, Sister."

"Well, likely, she told him Peter was dead.  She told him that the man could never come back and hurt his family. I'd bet on that."

"Your point?"

"My point is that there could be a different reason or explanation as to why she had the dream, eh?  Not that she just copied ideas from Todd and integrated them."

"What in the world makes you think this, Sister?  It's obvious he gave her the ammunition to develop this nightmare."

"Well, Doctor.  God tests our faith.  What would you say if I told ya that I had the same dream last night?"

His face went completely blank.

She continued, "That I also had a dream, of a tall, ominous figure, who was threatening to take the Manning children."

"I don't know how to take that, Sister," he said.

"I don't either, Dr. Martino."

"Ray, please.  Ray is fine."

"Ray.  Ya know, that little boy, y'ar namesake, is the age at which Todd began to feel Peter's wrath.  Ya realize that?"

"Yes.  But back to this topic, perhaps Todd's comments to you fueled your nightmare as well."

"That's just it, Doctor.  Todd has not spoken to me in days.  And Bea certainly couldn't."

"You had the same dream as Bea, the same night?"

"I am not sure it's exactly the same dream, but the characters and the meaning are identical, aren't they?  This is playing with y'ar sense of logic.  I realize that.  But I can tell ya, in my work, throughout my life, there have been many times like this, that cannot be explained away with a book or a diagnosis."

He half smiled.  "Was this my teachable moment, or yours, Sister?"

"I think both, Doctor.  In my life, I've had things, I call them knowings, where I have feelings about events happening.  I ignored it for years, prayed about it.  The Lord has seen fit to keep me having them.  My most recent was that Aiden O'Farrell, a man in the RA21 that helped saved Todd's life as well as Patrick Thornhart's, was the biological son of one of my brothers."

"And?"

"He was.  He is Timothy's son."

"I've heard about that reunion.  I'm . . . rather stunned, to say the least, Sister."

"I understand.  I've had knowings other times, Ray.  And this nightmare, I am not sure of.  Because it's a dream, I am not ready to completely accept it as a knowing, however, because of Bea . . ."

"She had a dream about the baby," Ray offered.  "She had a dream it was tiny enough to be in a basket."

"And now, Blair knows the baby will be born early.  And it will be small, won't it?"

"Yes.  According to Bea and Todd, that's accurate.  But this still does not mean . . ."

"Bea has lost the ability to speak., and pardon my interruption.  Sometimes, the brain finds other ways to succeed.  Ya know this to be true.  Ya also know that science proves only a small portion of our brains are actually used."

"I'm familiar."

"Well, I am only saying not to discount what they are experiencing.  The two of them, Todd and Bea, have experienced horrors neither one of us can imagine.  That is a bonding of deep proportions.  There is logic to the belief that they are more connected than most people, by virtue of this trauma they shared.  Am I correct?"

He sat back and folded his arms.  "Yes, I suppose you are."

"Then throw in a bit of God's warnings, and what Todd's done is not to be questioned quite as much, eh?"

"I'm not sure what to say, honestly."

"That's all right," she said, getting up to leave.

"Sister, in your dream . . ."

"Mine?"

"Yes."

"He was black as The Devil, Doctor.  Is that what you wanted to know?"

"Could you see him?"

"Barely.  But I knew I'd never seen him before in my life, I did."

"I've done research on one Peter Manning, as part of my work with Todd."  He went into the desk drawer.  Bringing out a folder, he opened it and fished out a photograph.  "Is this the man you saw?"

In seeing the photo, she felt a strange pressure in her chest.  "I can't be sure, because the face was not clear.  But the rest of it could be.  The height, the shape of the head and face, the stature.  And, the vibe," she handed it back.

"I see."

"Y'ar doubting.  St. Thomas was also a doubter, and he doubted The Lord.  Y'ar looking for answers, which we all naturally do.  But, Ray, there may not be one, right now, for this.  Y'ar seeking an explanation, something based in logic.  I say there is none."  She headed to the door.  "I trust ya won't mind that I have a few hours off, then?"

"Not at all, but you don't have to, Sister.  I'm not disciplining you, in any way."

"I know, Doctor.  I have to see Todd.  Ya understand.  As a human being, not an intern, I have to let him know that I believe something terrible may happen."

She flounced out of the room in a whirl of black and white material.  Ray was left behind, with the photo of Peter Manning on his desk, staring up at him.  "If you are alive, you sick, sick man, what does this mean for Todd?"

***

Todd called upstairs, "Momma, Blair?  As you can smell, I found the stuff to make that meal that Sister Rebecca Katherine always makes!"

The doorbell rang just as he said the last word, and he added, "I'll get the door."

When he opened it, she was standing there, in her usual garb.  "Hello, Todd, good to see ya," she said, hugging him.

"Well, Sister, nice to see you, too.  How did you get here?"

"Are ya forgetting that ya gave me my own driver?"

"Oh, that's right.  I did almost forget.  What's up?  Is it my bro?  Aiden?"

"Eric is fine.  Finished his second exploratory surgery.  Todd, I have to talk to ya.  It's important."

"Well, come in.  You might smell something terrible.  It's your recipe."

"I do recognize it, yes.  Seems ya did it just right.  Smells exact, Dear One."

She sat in the family room.  He said, "Do you want something, tea or something?"

"No, Lad, just sit with me."

"All right," he said.

"Todd, I had a strange experience today."

"Well, you work at Mountainview, that's to be expected."

"I had a conversation with Dr. Martino."

Todd became uneasy.  "I'm not putting my mother back there.  She doesn't belong there anymore."

"Todd, no, I didn't come here for that."

"Then what?"

"In talking with the doctor, it seems, well, that I've had the same dream that ya and y'ar mother have had.  In fact, I dreamed mine the same night that Bea did."

He didn't move.  "So?"

"Ya told y'ar mother that if Peter Manning were alive, ya'd kill him.  Ya believed her."

"No, I didn't,"  he said, getting up.  "I told her that, yeah, but I didn't believe her.  I said it to calm her.  I figured if she knew he couldn't hurt us, she'd get over it."

"Todd, I am telling ya, Lad.  I had the same dream as your mother.  And I don't know Peter."

She watched him, pace across the room, and run his hand through his hair.  His movements had become jerky and awkward; he seemed confused.  "So?  If you don't know Peter, it could have been anyone in the dream."

"Lad, come, and sit . . ."

"No, I'm not going to sit.  I'm . . . fine right here," he said, with his back to her.

She spotted it like a black ink mark on white.  He was terrified.

"Please, I only came to say that perhaps ya might look into this.  Is there a way, somehow that he . . ."

"No."

She knew she had to stop.  He can't handle the thought, Rebecca Katherine Broderick, stop now, enough.

"All right.  How is Blair doing then?"  She changed the subject.

"She's fine, she's on bedrest."

"Ah, trying to keep the babe at home a bit longer?"

"Yeah, the doctor said the baby's ready to live outside Blair, but very . . .  small."  

She could tell he was lost in thought.  She said, "As long as she's healthy, that is what matters."

"Yep," he crossed the room to the chair opposite her, and finally sat.

"I'm glad she's doing so well.  And Bea, is she adjusting to life with the children around?"

He sat forward.  "Peter can't be alive, Sister."

"All right, Todd.  I heard ya, Dear."

"He died."

"I know that."

"In front of me, of a heart attack."

"Yes."

"He's not alive.  Right?"

She didn't answer.  Instead, she said, "Todd, it's all right.  I understand what y'ar feeling."

"I don't think you do," he said, leaning back in the chair and gazing up.

"I might, but ya could try me," she said.

"He can't be alive.  He died, and I watched.  If he's alive . . ."

"If?"

"I'm not saying I believe it.  If he is, my sons . . . Jack, he's a teenager, my little boy, Ray, is . . ." he couldn't go on.

"They're not ya, Todd."

"I know, I know that, thank God."

"They're not because they have a loving father."

"No, Sister, this isn't about that."

"But it is.  Y'ar not y'ar father.  Ya have a deep love for those children."

His eyes were brimming.  He said, "He is not alive, Sister."  With resignation, but barely able to utter it, he added, "He's never coming back to hurt us."

She realized it was too much for him to bear.  "Ya're right.  Just remember, those boys are not facing what ya did.  They have a caring, devoted father.  He will protect them at all costs."

"I will," he said, staring back at her.  He wiped his face on his sleeve.  "Sister?"

"Yes?"

"The dreams.  They're coincidences, put there by fears."

"That's as good an explanation as any."

"I caused my mother's dream."

"Very likely.  She was there to comfort ya, and then she had the same."

"That was my fault."

"Not intentionally, but perhaps."

He stopped.  "But what about yours?"

"What about it?"

"What caused it?"

She stood, "I'd guess my old lady nonsense and wild imagination.  With everything that has happened, it's likely what you are saying.  Fear.  Fear can get the best of us."

He looked up at her, and the way the light was hitting his face, he looked so young, like Jack, and his hazel eyes were slightly bluish.  "You don't believe that, do you, Sister?"

"My Boy, I don't think it matters what I believe, eh?  It matters what ya believe, and what ya can accept and what ya cannot.  Either way, ya know it will show itself, with time.  I only wanted ya to know that I had that dream.  It can mean nothing but a reflection of my own fears.  I didn't even see the man's face.  It could have been anyone, it could have been symbolic.  It could have meant many things."

"What exactly happened in the dream?"  she could see he was venturing out beyond what he wanted to hear.  "What did this man say?"

"He said 'he wanted the children.'  Nothing much more than that."  She had already decided that she was not telling him that he wanted their souls.

"What children?"

"He didn't name them."

"Okay.  Where were you, in the dream?"

"On the cliffs."

"Let me guess.  Ireland."

"Yes.  So you see, could have meant anything.  Nothing specific."

"And it's totally different from our dreams.  He's always by the bed."

"A matter of coincidence," she said, heading to the foyer.  "If ya need me, Todd, ya do know how to reach me."

"Yep, I do.  Do you want to stay for dinner, Sister?"

"I can't, Dear, I'm needed back at Mountainview.  I love ya, and the family.  And Bea.  I hope to see ya all very soon.  My best to Blair, Dear Heart."  She kissed his cheek.

He opened the door, and she stepped into it.  Turning back, she said, "And take care of that blasted smell," and headed off.

He closed the door after her.  

I want everything you ever loved.  

The lighter flamed.  

That scar.  

He took the stairs, two at a time, to get to Blair.

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