Failings of the Fathers: 28

"Mom, come quick!"  Sam yelled in her room, running to her, and pulling on her sleeve.

"What, what is it, Sam?"  Blair said.  The baby was next to her, in the basket, and she knew Ray was already down for the night.  "What's the matter?"

"It's Grandma Bitsy, she's acting all weird, Mom."

Blair grabbed the basket as Sam pulled her along.  Jack was sitting on Bitsy's bed, holding her hand.  She was curled up, against the headboard, with her knees tucked up.  She was crying, and rocking and not responding to the children.  Sam said, "See?"

"Jack, get her a blanket.  Sam, run down and get Shaun."

Blair moved to the bed, putting the basket near them both.  "Momma, can you hear me?"

She did not answer.

"Oh, God, Momma, can you hear me, come on, now.  It's all right.  Momma?"

Jack returned with the blanket, and took the basket, tending to Jewel.  Blair said, "My God, I think she's in shock."

Shaun stormed into the room with his gun drawn.  Blair said, "Shaun!"

"Blair, I didn't know.  Sam made it like the world was ending up here."  He put the safety on and stowed it in his belt.  "What's going on?"

"She's unresponsive.  I'm scared, Shaun.  Sam, we need you to tell us what was going on before this happened."

"She was sitting there, drawing.  Then she fell asleep, and then, I looked up, and she was crying like that."

"That's all, Sam?"

"Yep.  I went to get Jack, and Mom, is she going to die?"

"No, honey.  She's just . . . sad."

"She needs Dad.  Is he coming, Mom?"

"Yes, he is, but I am not sure what time he will be here."  She looked at Shaun, almost agreeing with Sam.

Jack said, "She was fine until she slept.  Then, Sam just saw her like that."

Blair put her hand on her mother-in-law's cheek.  "Momma, it's all right.  Please, write me a note," she handed her the pad.

Jack said, "Mom, I think you had better see this."

She looked at Jack, who handed her the sketch pad that had fallen off the bed.  The first page was the picture of Todd's hand with the baby in it.  The next was a similar picture to the one she had shown Blair, of Todd's abuse.  As she looked through the pad, each page had a caption.  The dream about Peter and the bat.  The dream about Peter hurting me in the chamber.  The dream about Todd's cat's neck being broken.  The dream about Peter hurting Sam.  The dream about Peter killing Todd.  The dream about Peter hurting Blair with his body.  The dream about Peter coming back.  Each page was worse than the one prior.  She was glad that Sam had not seen it; she was slightly unnerved that Jack had.  She said, "My God," and put her forehead into her hand.  "She must have had a dream that overwhelmed her."

"Go to the last page," Shaun suggested.  "Maybe she was drawing it."

Blair carefully went to the last page of the art, and looked at it.  The drawing was not complete, but it was evident she had been working on it.  She read the caption:

The dream where I killed Peter - dead.

"Oh, Shaun.  We have to call Ray, right now."  Blair said.

"All right, what else can I do, Blair?"

"Nothing, just take Sam out of here, and let me call Todd, also."

"Call Todd?  I hear the copter."  Shaun said.

"What?  Can it be?"  She ran to the window.  "It's dark, I can't see.  He's been through a lot, too, I'm sure.  Is that him, Shaun, over there?"  She pointed.

"I think so."

"I'll go to the helipad and wait for him," Jack said, putting the basket, with Jewel in it, back on the bed.

"Take Sam with you," Blair said.

"Come on, Squirt," Jack said, and his brother obliged.

"Momma," Blair said, tenderly, "I know the dream upset you.  And I know you went inside yourself to be safe.  I understand that, but we want you here with us.  It's all right, no one is going to hurt you.  Momma?  If you can hear me, will you squeeze my hand?"  she said, putting her hand into Bitsy's.  The woman did not move.

Time passed slowly as they waited for Todd's copter to land, and even then, Blair wasn't sure he could do anything to help.  She was fairly certain they would be bringing her to Mountainview before morning, unless . . .

"He's here!"  She could hear the boys yelling from her bedroom.

Within a few minutes, Todd burst through the doors to his mother's room, and came toward the bed.  Shaun took Jack and Sam to the lower level to make them a snack.  Todd walked to the side of the bed where Blair was, and she got up, clearing the place for him.  He didn't even take his coat off before sitting close to his mother and saying, "Momma, hey, it's me, it's all right.  Can you hear me?"

She didn't respond to his voice, and Blair was standing, wringing her hands.  She said, "Todd, it's her dreams, she was drawing them and she . . . she just went away."

"I know what she's doing."  He looked at his wife.  "I've been here before.  She's . . . she's just scared."

Blair put her hand on Todd's shoulder, and absently played with the edge of his hair.  He took his mother's face in his hand and turned it toward him, "Momma?  It's all right.  I went to Chicago.  Peter is dead, he's never coming back.  We're all okay, we're just worried about you.  I know you're scared, but I want you to come back to us, okay?  We want you with us."

Her eyes did not connect.  Blair said, "I think we have to bring her to Mountainview."

"No, we're not bringing here there.  We're not," he said, and she hadn't noticed how agitated he was, until then.  Jewel woke, and yawned, and then started to fuss.  Blair picked her up, almost forgetting she was in her basket, and put her over her shoulder gently.  Todd was focused on Bitsy, and said, "Momma, please?  Peter is dead, he can't hurt us.  Please, Momma, we need, you.  Me, especially."  He hung his head and Blair sat beside him, cradling the baby against her chest, and touched his cheek.  He put his hand over hers, but did not look up.  

Blair said, "Let me try, one more time," and he moved aside, rubbing his hand down his face, and shaking his head.

She gently took Jewel and placed her on Bitsy's chest, and cradled her there with her own hand.  "Momma, Jewel needs you, and all of us, and Todd.  Please come back.  You're safe."  The baby began to softly coo against Bitsy's neck, and Blair saw her move her hand.  Both Todd and Blair watched her slowly move her hand to the baby's back and pat her gently.  Jewel soon slipped off to sleep, and Blair, tears streaming, turned to Todd.  "She's all right, Todd."

He looked up, and in that moment, Blair was frightened at how tired and pained he looked.  He moved closer to his mother as she came out of herself and held the baby, now looking into her little face, and patting her, then smoothing her little head with her palm.  Bitsy looked up and caught Todd's expression, and handed Jewel off to her mother.

She put her arms out to Todd, and mouthed what he thought was "Angel."  Blair stood and let Todd go to her, and she held him in her arms.  He said, "Momma," and Blair saw him struggle to keep his composure.  He pulled away from her embrace and said, "You're back."

She nodded.  She was still crying, and put her hand on his face, as if in pity. 

He said, "I'm fine, Momma, just tired.  I want you to stay with us.  Everything is all right, now."

She shook her head "no" slightly, and then took his hand.  She put it on Blair's arm, and motioned for them to leave.  She used her hand to tell them "go" and then wrote on her notebook.  I'm all right.  The baby helped.  I was just in the dark, and I could not get out.  I am okay.  You need to talk, and be together.  Go now, I'm fine.

She was right, they needed to talk.  Blair took the baby and the basket and headed to the bedroom.  Todd lingered.  He said, "Momma, please, listen to me.  You can fight that dark.  I did it before, I know."

It's better there.  Peaceful.  A special, beautiful place.

A tear fell from him.  He said, "I know.  I had that, too.  But I don't want to leave my kids and Blair, and you, so I fought it.  I don't go anymore.  I let it go."

I will try.  But Todd, it's too ugly out here.

He swallowed, "Not the babies."

No, not the babies.  Now go.

He leaned over and kissed her cheek.

***

"What happened to Grandma?"  Sam said, eating his ice cream sundae.

"She just got upset.  She was too upset to move."  Shaun said.  It was the best he could do.

"I knew she needed Dad," Sam said.  "He always makes me feel better.  And Mom."

Todd came down the stairs, and headed to the kitchen.  Taking two bottles of water, he looked at the boys, and went to each one, in turn, and kissed their foreheads.  "Guys, everything is okay.  Grandma Bitsy's back to herself."

"See?"  Sam said, to Jack.

"I'll see you guys tomorrow.  It's Saturday, right?  We'll play ball in the morning, or do something, some guy stuff.  Right now, me and your mother have to talk."  Todd said.

"Oh brother, mushy stuff again," Sam said.

"Maybe, Sam.  Goodnight, and love you both."

"Goodnight, Dad."  Jack said, and he turned to Shaun.  "Something's wrong with Dad."

"He's just tired, and probably had a hard day in Chicago."

"Chicago?  He went back there?"  Jack was concerned, and had stopped eating his ice cream.  It was becoming a pool in his bowl.

"He did.  He . . . wanted to put something to rest."

***

He handed her a bottle of water.  The baby was sleeping in her basket, on the end table on Blair's side of the bed.  She took the water, and threw it down, kneeling up on the bed and throwing her arms around him.  "Todd, that was the worst way for you to have to come home from that kind of trip."

"It's all right," he said, holding her close.  She felt so good and warm to him.

"You still have your coat on," she said, helping him off with it.

"I didn't have time to think," he said, leaning back onto the pillows, as customary, and then extending his arm to invite her to her usual place on his chest.

"I know.  I was very afraid, Todd.  She was . . .  gone."

"She's all right now.  I know what she's dealing with.  It's . . . like black ink.  It seeps in your vision.  And you want it.  Because if it covers you, you go somewhere beautiful and safe."

Blair was speechless, listening to him.  "When you went inside yourself?  That's what it was like?"  He nodded.  She said, "Things must have been horrific if you wanted to get away that badly."

"That sums it up, yeah."

The room was very quiet.  Jewel's small, shallow breaths were all they heard for a minute.  Blair said, "So, what about the trip?  Do you want to talk about it?"

"It's over, Blair.  He's dead.  He's in an urn.  On the mantle at Connie Bensonhurst's sister's house.  She saw him burned."

"That's . . . a little creepy."

"Well, he's gone.  I'm free of it.  I want the same for Momma."

"She'll have it.  It will take her some time.  It took you some time, remember?"

"Yep.  It did."  He pulled back from her a bit to see her face.  "We're on our way to Manning Monotony."

"Yeah, I guess we are.  But I'm so relieved we are, Todd."

"Me, too.  It's been a long time coming."

"Mhmm."

"She didn't believe me, Blair."

"What do you mean?"

"She was in complete denial.  She didn't believe anything I said about what he did to me, or to Momma."

"Maybe she can't face it.  That's her special place."

He touched her nose, and dragged his thumb across her face.  "I have mine, right here.  And she's real, and warm," he kissed her mouth, "and she's my one true babe."

"I like that," she said.

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