The Mysterious Samuel Toddman: Chapter 42

Blair rolled over out of his arms, still asleep. He lay next to her watching her breathe. His thoughts were all over the place this morning. So much took place yesterday he felt like he had been through the wringer. He had asked a lot of his body. It was just yesterday that he had taken his first steps out of bed since the heart attacks. Now that seemed like a million years ago. All the revelations from Starr had stirred up feelings he had hoped were long dead but now he knew they were very much alive. His hate list came to mind and two new people had taken the top. Cole and Manning, with the top spot going to Manning. There was no way he could allow him to live after what he did to Blair. Todd carefully moved some strands of hair off her face. She had appeared last night when he had been so close to snapping, it was because of her that he was there.  Todd could feel Pete lurking, just waiting for the opportunity to come out. If Samuel hadn't stopped him from hurting Starr, he would have let his rage take over and Pete would have followed.

Sometime in the night he and Blair had moved to the bedroom. She was so beautiful lying among his sheets. She was where she belonged, but he had to figure out how to get her to settle with him permanently and they couldn't do that until he was able to show Llanview he was back. Todd wasn't sure what his next step was going to be. He was barely keeping the anger at bay. He turned away from Blair and was starting to get up when she caught his wrist.

Just where do you think you're going." Blair said smiling up at him.

He looked at her and said "I've got things to do Blair " he tried to shake loose, but Blair refused to let go.

"Todd stay, whatever it is it can wait.. " She wrapped the sheet around her and sat up. She looked serious. "Todd we need to talk about last night."

"I didn't hurt her. I swear Blair" Todd tried once again to free his wrist.

"You didn't hurt who, Todd?" asked Blair.

"Starr. I didn't hurt Starr, You've got to believe me. I was just so angry when she told me. I got a little crazy.  I mean, that's why you came last night, she told you. Right?" He had turned to her and was begging her to understand.

Blair let go of his wrist and grabbed his hands and said. "Starr called me but not because you did anything. She called because she had done something and she needed my help to correct her mistake. I'm here because you didn't hear the whole story and you need to. First and foremost you need to understand one important fact. Todd, listen to me. I was never raped. Walker did not rape me." Blair watched his face waiting to see if the words registered.

“But Starr said he went to jail for raping you. If he went to jail that meant he was guilty. Now you're telling me you weren't raped. Why are you lying to me? You're just telling me that so I won't try and kill him. You still care for him, after what he did to you!" Todd tried to free his hands all he wanted to do was get away from her at that moment.

Blair clung to his hands, if he got free she'd never be able to get him to hear the rest of the story. "Todd please, you have to hear me out. I don't still care for him. I love you. You have to hear all the story. Please, for the love you told me you had for me, don't pull away." Todd had broken free and moved away from the bed. Blair followed and wrapped her arms around him praying she could get through to him. "Oh God. Please listen. Walker went to prison yes, but I was wrong, he didn't do it. Todd, I had a brain tumor. It affected how I saw things, I misinterpreted the events of that night and in my mind I saw him rape me. Do you understand?   I was sick and I saw it wrong. Todd, I'm not lying. I swear it. you've got to believe me!"

Blair clung to him hoping he was still listening. "I wanted to be the one who told you of that night because I knew how you would take it. But I didn't want to protect him, I wanted to protect you." She was crying, holding on to her last chance at happiness with him. He was so rigid and she feared she had lost him. Once again he had blocked her out and put the wall around his heart.  Then she felt him take her hands and remove himself from her embrace. She turned away sobbing uncontrollably. Just that quickly it was over. She started to go back to the bed to find her clothes but collapsed at the edge burying her face in the sheets.

When he had moved away from the bed all the anger from years back had surged to the front. He was barely containing it when Blair had moved to embrace him. He remembered how she had pleaded with him after he thought she slept with Max. She had insisted it hadn't happened and he had hardened his heart to her pleas only to find out she had been telling the truth. As he stood there he realized she was more vulnerable than ever before. She was pressed against him with nothing between them, their bodies touching one another.   It was hard to hear her because of the feelings running through him, but then he heard two things. She had had a brain tumor and she came last night to protect him. Todd realized he was going to lose her again and he couldn't let it happen. With the realization came a sense of peace and the anger melted away. He had broken her embrace and stepped away to get himself under control. He turned back to her and saw that she had misinterpreted his actions. Todd wasted no more time. She was the most important person in his life and he had to let her know that. He went to the edge of the bed, reached down and drew her into his arms. With his lips he gently kissed away her tears and then found her beautiful lips, she was his once and for all and the rest of the world be damned.

Blair couldn't believe it when he came to her. She had been convinced he wanted no more to do with her. She couldn't have been more wrong. She was still crying, but they were tears of joy as she returned kiss for kiss, needing him so bad and realizing that he believed her. He had dropped his wall and was letting her in. "Oh God Todd the things you make me feel, my heart is beating so fast it wants to take off and fly. Don't ever stop loving me, you're my drug of choice and I don't want this to end," he covered her mouth with his, then rained his kisses down her throat and over her breasts taking the moment to enjoy each before moving back to her mouth. She quivered with delight then showered him with her own kisses. Lightly flirting with his scars before meeting his mouth again. While she had captured his lips, his hands were exploring all her intimate places and making her insides melt. God what he was doing to her was carrying her to the stars until she screamed in pleasure. They joined as only two people in love could truly join together riding above the clouds in their own universe. Finally sated they came back down to earth content in merely holding one another.

As she lay there he raised his head above hers and looked down into her eyes, then he smiled and said. "Thank you for coming to protect me." and gave her the gentlest kiss imaginable.

Todd had never been happier when he had chosen to believe her and give himself to her he had felt another band release inside. It was getting easier and easier to open up. There might really be an end to his cursed life after all. All he had to do was find a way to conquer his anger. He gave her one more kiss then released her. He rolled off the bed before she enticed him into another round on the bed. There were things he had to do to prepare for his coming out. It was time he met his son again. "Blair I've put it off long enough. I need to see Jack. Can you bring him by this afternoon after school." he asked.

Blair looked up alarmed. "Todd I don't think this is the time yet. Please don't be angry but Jack doesn't know you. You can't just set him down in front of you and say 'Hi, I'm your dad.  He'd think you were nuts. The only dad Jack has known is Walker and they have a pretty strong bond. If you force the issue right now, you could lose him forever. I know you want to connect with him, but I know from experience that if pushed, Jack might choose to cut all ties with you and give his loyalty to Walker, the man who raised him. You'll have to trust me on this. Can you do that?"

"I've missed so much of his life. He's my son and he doesn't even know me. Oh, he knows about me because he thinks Manning is me, but I think Manning and I are different. I want him to know the real me, is that so wrong?" Asked Todd.

Blair thought of something just then. "That's it, Todd, you need time to get to know each other. I'll bring him here, he should meet Samuel and get to know his distant cousin. Maybe it's time for him to have another man in his life. Walker's been pretty busy with his new wife that he hasn't been around as much as he used to. Samuel doesn't have to be out. We'll just introduce you as Samuel that's all. Since Starr is living here, he'll have an excuse to come over occasionally. Get to know your son without having him be forced to choose right now. When the time is right, we'll introduce you properly. Will that work for you?"

Todd looked at Blair and knew she was right. For the time being, he would have to be a distant cousin. With luck, he and Jack could become friends. "Alright, we'll try it your way. For now I'll be Samuel with Jack but Starr will have to agree that when Jack is around she calls me Samuel or it will be over before we even get started." Todd finished getting dressed and waited for Blair to join him then they went downstairs to see what was available for breakfast.

Starr was entering the living room with Hope when they came down the stairs. She had left her dad with her mom the night before, knowing that he had needed Blair more than anything else. She looked at her dad and he seemed pretty relaxed. She breathed a little easier. It appeared as if her mom had managed to erase the damage she had caused with her statement.

"Well, I guess you decided to get up before the morning was over. Are you feeling alright Dad? I was pretty worried about you last night. I never meant for you to get upset. Mom told you about my mistake right. Back then things were pretty dramatic especially when they discovered Mom's tumor.  You did tell him about the Tumor, didn't you Mom, I certainly hope I didn't stick my foot in my mouth a second time." she said looking at them both.

"Relax Starr, I told him about the tumor. I just didn't get a chance to tell him the rest of the story." Blair turned to Todd and realized he had forgotten about the tumor. From his face she knew he was suddenly worried for her. "I had an operation and they removed the tumor. I've had no recurrence, Todd, I'm fine." She looped her arm in his and said. "Come on, I'm starving. Let's find some breakfast."

Blair and Todd ate and talked quietly about the previous evening as Blair filled in the remaining gaps about the rape trial and how it all ended up. Todd took it all in stride now that he and Blair seemed to have come to an understanding. In his own mind, he put an asterisk beside Manning's name on his list. As far as he was concerned, Manning still had to answer for pushing Starr down the stairs. They made plans for Blair to bring Jack and Sam over to see their sister's new digs and to meet their cousin Samuel Toddman. Todd figured he would wait and see how he felt, before deciding if he was going to play Samuel or actually let Samuel out to meet Jack. For his own part, he was curious to meet Manning's son, Sam. How was the little guy different from his own kids? This was such a strange set of circumstances. The kids had all believed they were related through their father Manning, but that wasn't the case. Todd was father to Starr and Jack, and Manning was father to Sam. After all these years, they weren't related at all.

As he sat and thought about it, he wondered if maybe he shouldn't forget it all. He was going to tear those kids apart and he had no wish to hurt innocent kids. Maybe Blair and Starr had been right, if he just remained a distant cousin, no one would get hurt. He could have Blair, Starr, and Hope and with Samuel's help he could make a good living. Ha! It was a beautiful fairy tale, but it wouldn't work, he and Manning couldn't live in the same town together. He knew the truth and so did other people, he wasn't going to live a lie. He had been doing that most of his life and it was finally taking its toll on his heart and his mind. Piece by piece Peter Manning had stolen his life from him and all he had to show for it was a body full of scars and personalities.

Every one of his personalities was an individual with likes and loves, but he felt closest to the personality that had just surfaced. He was comfortable with Samuel. Tom was his younger brother so to speak and as Todd had grown older, he had protected Tom more than Tom protected him. Todd had also outgrown Rodd. Rodd had showed Todd ways to please the ladies, but Rodd couldn't help Todd get over his fear of commitment. Todd had to stumble through his relationships on his own. Todd felt like he finally made a breakthrough in that department this morning when he got past the fear that all women were liars and had decided to trust his heart to Blair. Then of course there was Pete. Todd had always tried to keep his rage at bay, but Pete gloried in it. Pete protected him from a secret he didn't want to face, but Pete also held it over his head like an ax. Pete relished the idea of getting even and last night had been no exception. Pete had been right there ready and waiting to take over and he had almost succeeded until Samuel had intervened. Samuel's composure and his insight into Todd's feelings for his daughter had kept Todd from making the biggest mistake of his life. Samuel really did know more about Todd's true self than he did. Starr had said it.  Samuel was the one who had kept the 'real' Todd alive and that's why he was now sitting with the woman he loved. He looked across the table and realized Blair was watching him.

She smiled and said. "You've been a million miles away. Are you alright?"

He nodded but then smiled ruefully. " I was thinking about the kids and the turmoil that is going to take place when the truth come out that I'm the 'real' Todd Manning and Manning is an impostor. I've also been thinking about my alters. It's funny, but they've been coming to mind more and more. Lately, I've been feeling the strain of hiding them. The other day Pete almost hurt you and it was all I could do to take back over. I fear I'm losing my control over them and I can't let that happen. I think I need to have a long chat with my sister. I don't want to lose you or my sanity, but I'm beginning to doubt if I can beat Pete. There's a place in me that's wrong and it is hiding something. Pete is tapping into that and it's making him stronger. I need a promise from you. If Pete succeeds in taking over, you have to promise to take the kids and get as far away from him as you can. He'll hurt you and I wouldn't be able to live if that happened."

He was dead serious and Blair felt that chill again. There had to be a way to make Pete harmless. She would not leave Todd without a fight even if that meant taking on Pete once and for all.

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