The Mysterious Samuel Toddman: Chapter 49

Todd looked at Blair and nodded. The rest of breakfast ended quietly as Todd and Blair both encouraged Hope to finish eating. Blair put Hope in her playpen and Todd walked over to the Fireplace to inspect the portraits and make sure he hadn't damaged them. Luckily none had been hit directly with the alcohol but they still smelled like they had been hanging in a distillery. He would have to get them professionally cleaned and reframed. He stood there gazing on them remembering how all the frustration and anger had built up the day before. The anger was still there, but it seemed to have lost some of its strength since his outburst.

Blair walked up and embraced him from behind, "Todd, it's my turn to say I'm sorry. You have every right to be angry. I'm surprised it took this long for you to show it." She felt him tense up as she spoke about his anger, but he didn't leave her arms. "It's no excuse, but we've been all-absorbing the fact that you're really here, then we've been worried about your health. It never occurred to me or to Vicki or Starr either to ask how this must seem to you," at that Todd pulled away. Blair let him go, waiting to see what he was going to do or say next.

Todd knew Blair wanted to explore what they had spoken briefly about at breakfast, but she was moving way too fast. The anger was under control but just barely and he was afraid if he started to talk about it right now it would take over again. He needed more time and space so he could get the proper perspective on it and be able to talk about it without it rearing its ugly head. " Blair I can't do this right now. It's too soon. I don't want to be like this, but I can't help myself. What happened last night was a warning sign, I'm this close to blowing. Do you get that?" he could feel her eyes on him. When she didn't say anything he decided to change the subject. "I need to talk about something else. I told you Nora was here, I didn't tell you that she believes I didn't have anything to do with Manning's shooting and she's going to help."

Thinking back to yesterday, Todd had to chuckle, "Huh it was kind of funny really, we actually had coffee together like we were friends. Imagine that. The two of us friends, that would sure turn some heads here in Llanview." he looked over where Blair was standing, just watching him. He continued because she was making him a little nervous. "Yeah, it felt weird. We even shook hands. After she left I didn't get much done, I kept wondering if Starr was going to call and give me an update on Manning's condition. The waiting was making me stir crazy." Blair still hadn't said anything and Todd moved for the desk. "Say something. Anything. What do you want from me?"

Blair knew she wasn't going to get any more from Todd, she could see he was struggling to keep it together. She had told him she would wait, now she had to stick to that. She heard the desperation that was filtering into his voice so she backed off and gave him the answer he needed right then. " Todd, I don't want anything until you're ready to give it." She watched Todd as he visibly relaxed and sat down at the desk.

Todd had been so tense waiting for her response, that the relief he felt at her words washed over him in waves. He sat down at the desk to compose himself. He saw the DNA test results sitting where he had left them yesterday and pulled them out to get a better look at them. He marveled that such a simple little test could cause so much trouble. He thought about Jessica and the struggle she was going through because of a DNA test. In his hands lay the proof that he was the one and only Todd Manning but right now that meant nothing; for everyone involved the injured Manning was their current concern. Todd needed to be doing something, he had to find out if Manning's shooting was related to his problem or whether something else unrelated was the cause. He put the papers down and turned to Blair. "I’m sorry I got distracted looking at the DNA results again. You know I'm alright, if you want to go back to the hospital to check up on Manning and relieve Starr, I can watch Hope."

Blair looked at him and said, "I'm with the Todd Manning I want to be with. Starr will come home soon. I can't help Walker, but I can be here for you. You didn't tell me what happened with your old counselor. Did he come?"

Another chain snapped at Blair's words. She was putting him first. he had been all set for her to leave and go be with Manning. Her gaze was so direct and loving that he was afraid he might be blushing. " Oh, well okay then. Uh, My counselor, Ray did show up. I'm afraid I started venting like it was yesterday. Then I found myself in the middle of a panic attack and passed out. I guess Samuel came out and talked to Ray and whatever he said, Ray agreed to help me. Hopefully, we'll start tomorrow. He's trying to set up sessions at the Cherryvale Clinic. After what happened last night, the sessions can't start fast enough. I'm hoping to kill two birds with one stone. I'll have these sessions with Ray and find out if Cherryvale is the clinic I was taken to the night I disappeared. I think it might work Blair"

“What might work, Todd?" asked Blair

"I’m think talking with Ray is going to help me find the strength to combat Pete and eventually Carlo. If this works, then maybe I'll be somebody worth being with." Todd got up and moved to sit next to Blair.

"Addie told me I couldn't hurt you anymore. Blair, I'm trying, I don't want to hurt you, I never did."

Blair reached and took Todd's hands in hers. "Momma loves me and wants the best for me. She knows I love you and that you love me, but she also knows the hurt we've done to each other over the years. I'm in this with my eyes wide open. Todd, I don't know if this time is going to be different, but I'm hoping that you and I might finally be able to make it work the way we both want. I believe that Ray is our best hope yet. Our biggest obstacle has always been your anger and if Ray can help you find the reason it so controls you, then you need to pursue the therapy to its end. Believe this, whatever the outcome, I'm going to stay with you as long as you'll have me.

As long as he would have her. God, he'd have her forever if she meant those words. Right now he had to believe her, he needed to believe it. It had been a strange quirk of fate when he and Blair met. He had gone to the bar to get drunk because Rebecca didn't want to be with him and Blair had been there because she couldn't be with Max. What was even stranger was that they hit it off? They kept running into each other and before he knew it they had become friends. They each had come to rely on a friendly face and someone they could talk to without being judged. His life had been in chaos just trying to keep from going back into prison, but she had been there willing to believe him when no one else would. He, on the other hand, had given her a shoulder to cry on when she had gotten caught up in the middle between Cord and Tina. From then on they had had a roller coaster ride. Their lives had gotten so tangled with great moments and terrible moments, it didn't matter the number of times they seemingly were ripped apart. Here they were once again bound because Fate had brought her to Paris. What had apparently gotten torn apart by Mitch was in fact as strong as ever. Their love for each other had survived, how, Todd couldn't even comprehend. It was there though and real and he needed it like he needed to breathe. "Then we'll go from here Blair, I don't want to lose you. Thank you for staying and thank you for last night too. I felt you here with me and I know it was you that ultimately helped me end the nightmare." he stopped talking and pulled her to him, finding her lips with his to let her know just how precious she was to him.

Hope's cries brought them up for air and they released each other. Todd smiled at Blair and went to get Hope out of the playpen. Life had interrupted romance again and he took Hope upstairs to clean her up. On the way up the stairs, he smiled at Blair and said. "If you're going to stay, you'd better give Starr a call, get an update and tell her Hope is fine. Are you going to let Jack stay at the hospital? If so, we probably should contact the school. You also might want to give Addie another call and let her in on your plans for the boys." then he disappeared out of sight.

Blair could only look on incredulously. Who was that man and where had he put Todd? Not only had he just kissed her witless, but suddenly he was grandfather extraordinaire and responsible dad. The moody man that had confronted her earlier had disappeared. She could get used to this, but she knew how mercurial Todd's mood could be. It wouldn't hurt to remain cautious. Until he started getting some professional help, Todd's mental and emotional state were still precariously close to the edge and he could fall into the abyss any time. He was right about one thing, she needed to call Starr.

"Hi Starr, how is Walker? No change.  How are you all holding up?... No, I'm going to stay here right now. Your Dad needs the company, yesterday was a rough day for him...He's okay, his heart is fine... You need to be there for Dani... Let me talk to Jack, No Jack, I'm not coming down right now. Your father is stable, so I'm going to have your grandmother bring all of you some breakfast, you might want to consider going into school. I know you want to be there for him, but you can't do anything right now. I want you to eat what Addie brings up there and then I want you to go into school at least for half a day. No arguments Jack, keep your cell phone on.  I'll let the school know what is going on. Now let me talk to Starr again. Okay Starr, I'm going to have Addie drop Sam over here and then she'll bring you some food. I want Jack to go to school today even if it's just for half a day. Please talk him into it. Hurry home when you think you can. Bye for now." Blair hung up and called her mom. After giving all the instructions to Addie concerning breakfast and Jack, she finished the call.

As she was finishing her call to Addie, Blair started wondering what was keeping Todd. She made her way back upstairs and heard giggling coming from Hope's room. When she opened the door she heard, "Where are you dragon?...I come find.." Hope was toddling around her room looking for Todd. Blair saw a bundle of blankets in one corner move. Todd was obviously underneath them. She tiptoed over to Hope and quietly pointed to the blankets, then she told Hope to be very quiet and together they made their way to the pile. Then she said "Now Hope." Hope jumped on the pile and it went down with a ummph with Hope on top of it. Suddenly a "grrrr" could be heard from the pile and it started to move, Hope was laughing, clinging hard to the blankets as her dragon began shaking them off. The blankets and Hope slid to the floor and her dragon swooped and picked her up. Todd was in his element with Hope. His love for children showing in his eyes and body language. He was an open book with them. It had never ceased to amaze her how natural he was with kids and how uncomfortable with adults he was.

Knowing now that he did have alters, was in itself enlightening. Todd associated with kids because a part of him had never grown up, it also explained his deep-seated fear for his kids and his need that they would never face what he had faced as a child. Right now it was pure enjoyment for him. Todd was laughing and giggling with his granddaughter, he was simply having fun. Soon all three were playing, no one even realized Addie had arrived until Sam came running in the room to find out what all the laughing was about. Blair left, as Todd pulled Sam into the game they were playing, she went downstairs and found Addie looking at the paintings with a frown on her face.

"Momma, what's the matter? " Blair asked.

"Blair, what did you and Todd do last night? It stinks over here. Why do the paintings reek?" asked Addie

"It was an accident that happened before I got here Momma, it's nothing you need to worry about." said Blair

"Blair did Todd do something or did one of his alters do it?" Addie looked at Blair and knew from Blair's face that there was more to the story than an accident. "Did Todd get mad?"

"Now why would you think Todd got mad, Momma?" asked Blair

Todd was coming down the stairs when he heard them talking. Obviously Addie had noticed the smell. He paused as they continued their conversation.

"Todd seemed a little upset last night.  Oh, he put on a good front for me and the children but I knew something was bothering him. He told me he has to hide right now because of the other Todd, but he's not very happy. He's hurt Blair, I saw it in his eyes. He wasn't happy that you were at the hospital so I guess after I left it probably got the better of him. He doesn't know where he stands with you and that hurts him." said Addie.

As always, Addie had perceived a lot more than he thought last night. Todd made some noise so they would stop talking. Addie was taking Blair down the path he wasn't ready to talk about. "Blair I left Sam playing with Hope, they should be okay for a while," he got to the bottom of the stairs and looked over at Blair and Addie. "I'm sorry, did I interrupt something? Good Morning Addie," he walked over and gave her a kiss. " and what brings you and Sam over here this morning."

Blair piped in, "Oh Todd, I forgot to tell you, I asked Momma to bring Sam here because she's taking some breakfast up to the hospital for everyone there. I figured Sam would rather play with Hope then sit there. I know he should be in school, but he's worried about his Daddy and I figured one more day out of school wouldn't hurt. Momma, I still want Jack to go back to school this afternoon, He shouldn't be stewing around the hospital, school will give him something else to think about."

"That's fine Blair, Sam's always welcomed here and he shouldn't be at the hospital. As far as I'm concerned no kids should have to go to hospitals. Whether they're are patients or visitors either one." replied Todd.

Addie spoke. "Todd, what did you do last night?"

Todd had been heading for the desk and he turned back when Addie asked her question. He should have known he wasn't going to turn her thoughts away from what she and Blair had been discussing. "What do you mean Addie?"

"What did you do after we left, Todd. Blair said it was an accident, but it wasn't, was it, Todd. It's not good to be so mad." said Addie.

"You're right Addie, it's not good to be so mad. I'm trying to stop being angry, but it's hard. Let me assure you that I wasn't mad when Blair got here last night. I told you I wouldn't hurt Blair and I meant it." he leaned against his desk waiting for Addie's next remark.

"I know you don't want to hurt Blair but don't hurt yourself either Todd, You and Blair need to have some long talks and get everything out in the open. You'll feel better. Well, I've got a breakfast to deliver. I'll call you later Blair." She gave Blair a hug and walked over to Todd. "Give yourself a little slack Todd" and she kissed him and left.

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