The Mysterious Samuel Toddman: Chapter 60

Todd looked over to Blair. "Samuel sent his love." She reached up and wiped his tears. "It's alright, though. I still can hear him. He told me if I needed him he'd be there. Is it possible? Vicki, could he come back if I really need him?"

"Todd, I think Samuel's been with you a lot longer than you realize. I believe Samuel keeps you intact. He emerges when your life is seriously in jeopardy and you've been put out of commission. That night eight years ago he came forth till you had time to recover. But something happened and he found himself in charge so he did what he needed to do. He kept you going till your memories started returning and you woke up. Todd, don't you get it, he's you. The Todd who wants to be here all the time but is being held back. You need to get past your wall then you'll see him again. I promise." Vicki squeezed his hand and smiled.

Todd took a deep breath and exhaled, his heart had picked up speed when Samuel said goodbye and for a moment Todd had thought it would burst from the pain of losing Samuel. It had hurt so bad, but as Vicki spoke, the pain eased and he knew she was right. He felt someone checking his pulse and was surprised to see the nurse beside him. "It's returning to normal, Doctor," she walked behind him to the monitor, pushed some buttons and returned to stand with the doctor. Todd looked in alarm at Ray. "You're not stopping this. I'm alright! I've got to continue."

Ray and Dr. Levin had been conversing with the doctor and were returning to their seats. "Relax Todd, we've talked. You're holding your own, so we've all agreed to continue. How do you feel? I know it must be a shock to lose Samuel at this time."

Todd shook his head. "I feel lousy Ray, what do you think? I feel like I just lost my right hand. I'm running to catch the ball but suddenly I have nothing to catch it with. If that's how I'm supposed to feel, then this integration is terrible. Oh sure, I know he was here to help me. And since he's done, I'm just supposed to let him go. You know what. That's a crock! Vicki tells me I'll see him again and that's comforting somewhat. Except if you go by her words I'm going to have to be at death's door for that to happen. That's real encouraging. NOT." Todd stares at Ray. "When this is over. I'm getting him back somehow. If not before. For now, I'm down an alter. And all the books say I'll be the better for it. What do they know? They're not sitting here getting ready to enter the lion's den without some backup."

Ray jumped on that. "What lion's den? Why do you feel you're entering that? "

Todd looked over. "Because that how it feels. It's there again, in front of me. Ray, I know that my last thoughts and memories of the crypt weren't real but they felt real. I could have sworn Victor and Peter had me. Why Ray, they're both dead, but they're still messing with me. In my head all I hear is laughter. I don't know where it's coming from but it drives me crazy. In the crypt, in my nightmare, my father Victor left me laughing saying he was going after my son, Jack. When I tried to stop him I couldn't follow him I was trapped. The Mitch puts me in with my father and he leaves me, laughing as he goes. Once again I can't follow I'm trapped. Then it becomes incessant, pounding at me. Only it's not Victor or Mitch, no, it's my dear old Dad, Peter Manning. His laughter just keeps getting louder" Todd's eyes lose focus.

"Todd tell me where you are. What's happening?" asked Ray, Blair, and Vicki suddenly had their hands crushed and they look at Todd in alarm. It was obvious he was not in the room with them any longer and wherever he was had him scared.

"I'm home I'm in the hallway, I can hear him.  He's laughing, there's the door to his room but the laughter isn't there, it's behind me now." Todd stopped talking. He saw himself in the mirror but it's Tom suddenly moving in the hallway.

"No, I shouldn't be here, I'm going to get in trouble. Dad told me to stay out of his room." Tom turns in the hallway and looks at Todd."Remember Todd, we weren't supposed to go into his room but we did, didn't we Todd." Todd shudders at Tom's words. Blair is startled when Todd turns toward her but it isn't Todd who speaks ." Todd knew he shouldn't enter dad's room. We were both terrified but he did, Todd got Dad's lighter. We needed it. We had a visitor."

Tom looked back in the mirror and connected eyes with Todd. "You remember Todd, Michelle was nice. She brought us a cake for our birthday. The cake had a candle and we wanted to light it. That's why we needed his lighter. You remember, Todd, what happened next? Come on Todd, you tell the story."

Todd tried to speak but nothing would come out. Why did Tom want him to talk about that day? He hated that day. Everyone always wanted him to talk about that day. Even Sam had pushed him about it. It was a bad birthday, so what. He'd had other bad birthdays. Why did everyone always want to talk about that one. Michelle had brought him a cake. And his Dad had gotten mad. Peter had gotten so mad. He had just wanted to light the candle, why was that so bad? He knew getting the lighter was a risk but Michelle was so cute. Then his dad walked in and saw him holding the lighter. Todd looks at his palms. That damn lighter. Todd looks at his hands. " Dad, you scared off Michelle. She just wanted to give me a birthday cake. Yes, Dad, I know I shouldn't have gone into your room but I just wanted to light the candle. Yes, Dad, I know the punishment. That's strange, it feels different. The flame is ice cold.  My hands, they're cold. No Dad, not more. Dad, Please?" His hands were so cold. He began trembling and shivering. He was cold.

Vicki looked over at the Doctor, "He's very cold to the touch. Can we get him a blanket?" The nurse and doctor moved in to check on Todd, "He's going into shock. We'll need to stabilize him before this goes any farther. Mr. Manning, I need you to look at me. Can you hear me?"

Todd looked at the Doctor. "So cold, can't stop shivering, make it stop. Hard to breathe."

"Mr. Manning, we're going to help you but I need you to stay focused." The doctor said something to the nurse and she left the room returning quickly with a syringe and a warm blanket. "Let's get him out of the chair. We need to lay him flat." They got him down on the floor and covered him to warm him up. "Mr. Manning, I going to give you something to slow your heart down and I need you to slow your breathing. That's it you should start feeling better shortly." The doctor walked over to Ray and Dr. Levin. "This man can't keep this up. Whatever he's trying to remember is killing him. I strongly suggest you get him to stop."

Todd looked over and saw the doctors talking. He knew where this was headed. He was feeling better. If they stopped now, he would win. Todd couldn't let him win any longer. "Vicki, Blair help me?" Vicki and Blair knelt down beside Todd. "Ray's going to try and stop this. If I stop now he wins. I can hear him. He's laughing at me, calling me weak."

"Who, Todd? Who's laughing?" asks Vicki.

" Peter.  He's there just laughing. I've got to do this. I've got to stop the laughter. Help me, please. Vicki, you know! It's the secret that is killing me. I can't let him win. I won't!" Todd struggled to get back up. Grabbing the chair for support, he attempted to get to his feet. "Ray you have to listen to me."

"Todd, you have to stop. You can't continue in this state. You're killing yourself." Ray said as he helped Todd to sit down.

Todd grabbed Ray's Shirt "No, the secret is killing me. I can't come back. I have to do this now. I told you it's eating me from the inside out. It's my body and my decision. It ends today one way or the other. If I can't face this, I'd rather be dead. I won't be his whipping boy any longer. Do you understand Ray!"

Ray searched Todd's eyes and knew he was not going to win this fight. Todd was pleading for his right to live his life even if it meant he might lose it. Ray looked at Vicki and Blair. "You know what he's asking and what could happen." They nodded. "Vicki, you're OK with that?"

Vicki responded through her tears. "He's my brother, I don't want him to die but I promised him he'd have my support no matter what. He needs to do this," she put a hand on Todd's shoulder.

"Blair what about you? Can't you talk him out it," asked Ray?

Blair put her hand on Todd's other shoulder "I learned a long time ago that you can't talk Todd out of anything once his mind is made up. You should remember that Ray. I don't want to lose him but you see I don't think that's going to happen." She looked into Todd's eyes. " He's got too much to live for. He's going to make it through this. I know it."

Ray looked at Todd. "I'm going to lose my license over this. You ready."

Todd nodded. "I'm ready."

Both Dr. Levin and the Cherryvale Doctor started to protest. Ray turned to them and said. "I understand your concerns and so does Mr. Manning. But this is a counseling session requested by Mr. Manning, who is very well aware of his medical problems. It is ultimately his choice and as his therapist, I have to honor his request. You are under no legal obligation to remain and there is no liability on your part." Ray sat down opposite Todd

The doctor walked over and took Todd's pulse and looked him over and said. "Mr. Manning, this is against my better judgment. At least, let us hook you back up to the monitor so we'll know if you start to have a heart attack." Todd nodded and the nurse hooked him back up.

Todd wrapped the blanket around himself and leaned back in the chair. He looked at the restraints and at Ray and shook his head. " Could I have a drink," Todd asked and the nurse hands him a glass of water "Thank you."

Vicki sat down next to him. "Todd, be careful," she leaned close to his ear and whispered. "I love you no matter who you are, even Pete. Remember that please." and kissed him on the cheek.

Once Blair sat down next to him and took his hand, he glanced at Ray. "Okay, what do you want to know?"

"Alright Todd, let's go back to the night Tom was telling us about. Your fourteenth birthday. We know you had a visitor and according to Tom you went into your father's room. We heard you saying something about a lighter. Todd, was that the same lighter your father tested you with?" Ray looked at Todd.

"Huh. Yeah, that was the same lighter. But we both know he wasn't testing me. He got off on hurting people and I was his most convenient subject. You want to talk about that night. I just don't understand what makes that night so damn special to everyone."

"Maybe it's because you avoid talking about it, Todd. Why is that?" asked Ray.

"No I don't, I talked about it with Sam. I remember, but he kept pushing at me about what happened that night. Sam kept going on about finding me trying to kill Peter and pulling me off him. It was nothing."

"But why were you trying to kill Peter? What happened that made you so mad? Come on Todd, you said it was just another bad night. So what did Peter do? Talk about it, we're not going to tell. Michelle brought you a cake and you went to your father's room and got the lighter. You brought it back to where Michelle was waiting. Did you light the cake?"

"Yeah I lit the cake, at least, I... No, I didn't get a chance. My father arrived home. He was mad because Michelle was there. Then he saw his lighter in my hands. He lost it. He started yelling at me, knocking the cake to the floor, and Michelle left crying. He told me since I wanted to light something he would help and he had me hold my hand out like all the other times. I did it, I knew I had caused it by taking his lighter so I stood there. I looked in his face and I held my hand over his fire. Tom wanted to help but I had to take the punishment. I just stared at him even when my flesh started to burn I wasn't going to let him see how it was hurting. That only made him madder, he turned me around and tore my shirt down and put me against the couch. I clutched a throw with my hands because I knew what he was going to do next. Then it started one hit after another, it was the buckle, one minute a hard blow but the next a tearing strip. Blow after blow. Tom wanted to take over but again I pushed him away. He didn't deserve to be punished for something I did. He stopped and I could hear his heavy breathing then I guessed it just stopped."

"That's it Todd but why did you attack him, why did Sam say he had to pull you off your father. Todd, you’re leaving something out what happened after the beating. Think Todd " Ray knew they had found the plug but could he get Todd to pull it and let the truth come out. "What do you need Todd. Someone knows, Todd. Tom was with you. Ask Tom what happened next. Come on what are you afraid of? You said it was just another bad night but what aren't you telling me?"

"Tom, what happened? What am I leaving out? Talk to me." Todd looked for his Alter and there he was and he wasn't alone." What is it? Why are you all looking at me like that? I just need Tom to tell me what I'm forgetting. You all look so serious. Go ahead Tom, what happened next?"

Todd watched Ms. Perkins nod her head and Tom shrugged. "OK but you're not going to like this. Dad was standing behind you getting madder by the minute because you wouldn't cry or scream. He grabbed you, Todd. He threw you to the floor."

"Tom, you must be mistaken I don't remember that. Wait a minute, this is my dream, what are you all standing in front of?  Move aside." Then he heard it. Peter was laughing again." There it is he's laughing and it's coming from behind that door. What's behind that blasted door?" Todd reached out and felt the knob. It was ice cold like in his dream and he began to shiver. He had to know what was behind that blasted door.  He was about to open the door when another hand grabbed his. "What, let go." He found himself face to face with Pete.

"You're not going in that room. You can't take what's in that room." Pete looked around the room. "You fools do you really think I would let him kill himself just to get rid of me. I almost took out that bastard of a father and Todd's no match for me. Look at all of you. Let's help Todd. Poor Todd, he's got a disease he can't help himself he has to rely on others to make it through life. I'm the reason he made it this far in life. But he wants to get rid of me." Pete looks back at Todd in the mirror. "You'll never get rid of me. You don't have the guts. You didn't even want to remember so you hid everything behind a door. I'm far stronger and better able to take on your life then you are. Why don't you be a good little boy and go hibernate again? I'll just take Blair here and show her how a real man loves a woman." Pete grabs Blair's hand. She stands up and tries to pull away.

"Get your hands off me. You wouldn't know the first thing about love. " Blair struggles to free her hand.

"Now Blair, is that any way to talk to the man who takes you to the stars. Isn't that what you told Todd?" Blair breaks free and brings the hand around and slaps Pete. " Why you little tramp." He grabs her around her waist and pulls her into his lap. "I'll show you what you're missing darling and when I'm done with you let's see if he'll take you back," he put a hand around her neck. " If any of you try anything, I'll snap her neck. Back off!"

Ray looks on, wondering if he can get Todd back in charge.

Then they all hear. "Pete, You take your hand off her. Your quarrel is with me."

Pete watches as his hand is forced away from Blair's neck. "So you got some fight in you after all Todd." Pete shoves Blair off his lap. "Alright then let get this under way. Let's start with a memory lesson. Tom was right, Peter pushed you to the floor.  Come on Todd, take a guess what he did next?   No clue?  Let me give you one. He held you down with his knee on your back. You couldn't move, not with his knee digging into your wounds. Do you remember, Todd? Then he did something you weren't expecting he started to strip you down."

" Why you bastard. You're lying."

" Am I, Todd, look at Rodd, and Tom.  You can see it in their faces, don't you see it Todd, the pity. Well, all you have to do is move me out of the way and the door is yours. Come on, you say you're ready, then do it, Todd...You can't...God, you're a total disappointment." Pete begins to laugh. Everyone around winces at the maniacal sound.

Then a Scream rents the air. "NO MORE!  You've laughed for the last time. GET OUT OF MY WAY!"

The room is eerily silent. All eyes are on Todd, he stands staring at something only he can see. He'd hidden it away long ago. There in front of him is a boy bleeding profusely being pinned down by an older man. He watches as the older man begins stripping the boy from the waist. The boy struggles but he can't get up the man is too strong. Then in horror Todd sees the older man begin to take his own clothes off until he kneeling naked above the boy. "God no, dad, don't I'm sorry. Dad, what are you doing? Dad, it's not right you're hurting me. Noooo" Todd drops to his knees. Vicki runs to his side. Todd looks at her. "Vicki he.. he ..god why Vicki..how...he raped me Vicki.. he hated me that much. When he was finished he rolled off me and told me to get dressed. I did it. I was afraid he might do more and then he laughed .. I couldn't take the laughter. It seemed to come at me from every side. I started getting angry because he wouldn't stop. Then everything went black. The next thing I remember, Sam was pulling me off him. Things changed after that. The abuse became more verbal rather than physical. God Vicki, how did you stand it?  How do you keep going knowing what Victor did?   I'm tired Vicki. I’ve been fighting for so long. Do you think it's safe to rest a moment? I just want to rest a moment." Todd collapsed into her arms.

The doctor and nurse rush to their patient. The doctor looks at Vicki, "He's alive. His pulse is thready and his heart is working over time. But he'll come out of this. It's too risky to let him go home, though. He'll need monitoring through the night. We'll get him a room, you can stay if you like. Agreed." Vicki agreed

After Todd was wheeled out, Vicki, Blair, Ray, and Dr.Levin sat down to discuss their next move. "What do you think? Is he ready for a merge," Vicki asked?

Dr.Levin looked at her and said. "I think there are too many unknown variables." "Vicki, Blair, you need to realize he's a long way from full integration. He just found out the truth but now he has to come to grips with it. We'll have to see what he remembers come tomorrow." says Ray "In the meantime it's been a harrowing day for all of us. Vicki and Blair you might want to get some food and relax before you settle in for the night. If you decide to go home, I have your numbers I can call if anything comes up."

"That won't be necessary. I'll be here I can't go home until I know for sure he's going to wake up alright," replies Vicki.

"That goes for me too," says Blair. She turns to Vicki."Let's get some food it's going to be another long night."

Vicki laughs "Yes, here we go again."

****

Todd woke up to the noise of the monitor beside him. He looked around and realized he was in the clinic. He noticed Vicki sleeping in a chair beside him. Images start flooding back from the previous day. Nothing could erase them this time, they were seared into his brain. Now he knew what Vicki must have felt when she remembered what Victor had done to her. No matter how hard he tried, he kept seeing Peter kneeling above him naked. Once again he felt his helplessness to stop what was about to happen. Todd covered his ears trying to silence the sounds of Peter's grunts and satisfaction as he took his pleasure out on Todd. Nothing silenced those sounds as they bounce around in his head and his tears started to fall as the humiliation and pain took over. All of those feelings of hopelessness mixed with shame and anger washed over him as if it has just happened. Todd curled on his side hating himself for his weakness. He couldn't contain the sorrow that had built up inside and he started sobbing into his pillow.

Vicki stirred and heard the sobs coming from the bed. She moved to the bed to comfort her brother. "It's alright Todd, I understand," she rubbed his back gently letting him cry. She knew he had to have that release before he could begin to heal. She had to have it and remembered her own feelings after she recalled her own trauma. Her heart went out to her brother, so like her in more ways than he realized. Life had played such cruel tricks on them. Kevin had never understood the connection she had with Todd. Nobody had. To just about everyone in town, Todd was a pariah. A plague that had turned the town upside down after his brutal rape of Marty. They had labeled him 'bad' and had refused to look any deeper.

He had built a wall around the real Todd and gave the town what they wanted. Someone to vilify. He'd only dropped the facade around a few people; herself, Blair, Tea, his daughter Starr and the children he interacted with. They had been given that rare insight into the man he really was. She had seen 'that' Todd peek out even from the beginning, and it was to 'that' Todd that she had made the first overtures as his sister. Todd, who put on such a show of needing no one, desperately craved love and acceptance like everyone else. His sobbing stopped and Todd turned over and looked at his sister. Vicki smiled down at him. "I'm so glad you're still here. When you collapsed I feared the worse."

He wiped his eyes and then reached up to wiped hers. "We're quite a pair aren't we," he said quietly.

Todd looked back at his sister remembering the horror he had felt when she told him what Victor had done to her. He had felt so filthy because he was Victor's son and had done something equally horrific to Marty. All he had wanted to do that night was put as much space between Blair and himself as possible. How could he marry Blair after finding out he was as bad as his father? What had surprised him more than anything was that Vicki had come looking for him. This woman who had every reason to hate him because he had caught her son Kevin up in his rape trial. He had let everyone think Kevin had been part of the rape. How could Vicki want to have anything to do with him? He'd been so ready to write off all Lords when he found out he was related to them. He figured they hated his guts so he was better off without them. Yet Vicki had let him in. She hadn't shunned him or pushed him away because he was a rapist instead she had tentatively welcomed him into the family as her brother.

That day when she found him in Victor's tomb had been the start of a relationship that had been a saving grace for Todd. He had never forgotten how she had come to make him feel better even though at the time she had been reliving all that Victor had done to her. "Thank you for being here. I've let you down recently, so wrapped up in my problems I haven't even tried to help you and yet you once again are standing beside me. You should write me off, Sis. I'm not worth all the heartache."

"Thomas Todd Manning, that's enough of that. You're worth more to me than you can ever realize. In fact, that's your problem. You're worth a lot to a number of people here, so you'll just have to decide to accept that fact and get on with your life." replied Vicki. "Do you want to talk?"

"I don't know Vicki, how does one talk about something like this. I was remembering the night I found out what Victor did to you. You stood there and told me, a virtual stranger, what he did. I couldn't help but be sick for you. You had been given no choice. That Monster who called himself your father hurt you for his own gratification. Never in my wildest imagination did I believe anything like that had happened to me. I knew Peter had abused me for a long time and I carried the shame of that around all these years. Ashamed because I didn't stop him. I was too much of a coward to let anyone know what Peter did to me. When I heard about Victor and his perverted acts, I was convinced I reacted against Marty because I was as sick as Victor. Now it turns out I was raised by a Monster just as sick as yours. Peter did it all, he hated me so much. I know I'll never find out why he had such hatred for me." Todd paused, thinking, "Vicki, you know what's the real sick part of all this is. I let him do those things and still tried to make him care for me. Up until he died, I pitifully wanted just one crumb of approval from him. That makes this all even worse for me, that I was such a sniveling coward and boot-licker. God what a fool I was. HUH, Pete was right, He is stronger than me."

"No Todd, he isn't," said Vicki, "Pete lives on his anger. He couldn't best you yesterday because in the end your desire to face your demon was stronger than Pete's to keep you from it. He thought that making you mad would just increase his strength. If you had just been striking out in anger because he was taunting you, he would have won. But you were striking out at yourself and your fear and you had resolved that nothing would stop you from getting through that door not even Pete. He didn't have a chance. Todd, do you feel him around?" asked Vicki.

Todd closed his eyes unsure of what he was going to find. It was so still “Tom, Rodd, Ms. Perkins are you here.” No, they couldn't be gone. “Pete I know you're hiding come out show yourself.” Still no answer.  He opened his eyes and looked at Vicki. "I can't find him, Vicki. I can't find anyone. They can't just be gone. I didn't think it worked like that. I can't lose them, I just lost Samuel. They wouldn't just leave without cause." Todd was upset, he had been sure he would have time to prepare to lose them but this void, it was unbearable.

Vicki didn't know what had happened. " Todd don't panic, this could just be temporary I know it seems scary to be so alone after years of company but we don't know what's going on. You have to calm down it might simply be an aftereffect of the trauma from yesterday. Todd, look at me." Todd looked at her and she could see the pain in his eyes, she knew she could take some of that pain away. "Todd, they didn't abandon you. They're around to protect you. They can't hurt you and they wouldn't leave without saying some sort of goodbye I promise. Do you believe me?"

Todd wanted to believe her with all his heart. He drew in a deep breath and closed his eyes once again. "Samuel if you can hear me, I need you. Find the family please." He opened his eyes. "Vicki I hope you're right. I can't think of the alternative right now."

She leaned in and kissed him "It'll be alright."

Todd looked at Vicki, "I need to get out of here. Get me out Vicki. I want to go home." He looked around the room and realized Blair was not there. "Vicki, where's Blair? Oh, I get it, she left after she found out what Peter did to me. She can't stand to be around me anymore. Can't say I blame her, I'm not sure I can stand to be around me and I don't have a choice." All he could think of was the horror she must have felt after yesterday's revelation. He had hoped she would stick by him. They had been getting so close. Once again he had been wrong.

Vicki watched the range of emotions flash across Todd's face. He had run through a gamut of feelings, first looking hopefully for Blair, then disappointment, followed by anger and disgust, leading finally to pain as he thought Blair had left him. "Todd, stop that. Blair's been here all night. She probably went out while I was sleeping to get something to keep her awake." Todd had the grace to look embarrassed as he heard her words. " My guess is she'll be back any minute. Why must you always think the worst."

Todd grinned at her sheepishly. "It's my curse."

Vicki chuckled, "You're incorrigible."

"Yeah but that's why you love me." said Todd with a straight face.

"I expect the doctor will be in here shortly and we can see about getting you home. You were out for quite some time and it took them a while to get you stabilized last night. I'm afraid the doctor was not very happy almost losing you right in his own backyard. Be prepared for some 'I told you so'." said Vicki.

The door to the room opens and Blair walked in carrying some coffee and rolls. "Vicki, if you're awake, I got you some coffee." She saw Todd and quickly set the coffee and rolls down, and made her way to the other side of the bed. "Oh Todd it so good to see you awake, You're alright? You don't hurt anywhere do you? I mean your heart is fine, right? Oh god, I was so worried you wouldn't wake up. Todd, don't you ever do that again. You scared me half to death." She punched him in the shoulder and then grabbed his face and kissed him like she couldn't get enough of him.

Vicki smiled and turned " I'll go see if the Doctor is around."

Blair stopped long enough to make sure Vicki left the room and then she wasted no time crawling in beside Todd to give him a proper wake-up greeting. Todd and Blair finally came up for air. "Todd, are you really okay? I know it must have been horrible to find out what Peter did to you. But it wasn't your fault. He was a cruel sadistic man. You're well rid of him." She got off the bed to stand beside him, waiting for him to say something.

Todd looked at her amazed. Just like the first time he met her, she had no fear of him and showed no pity either. The only emotions he saw shining from her eyes was love and concern. "I'll learn to live with it Blair, it is what it is. Pete didn't hurt you yesterday did he? I should have had Ray strap me back in. I was so wiped I figured he wouldn't be able to do too much, it was my mistake."

"You dolt, the only one I was scared for was you. You were great, I knew you could take charge. What happened after he started laughing. We heard you shout ‘NO MORE’.  Then ‘GET OUT OF MY WAY!’, but you were like frozen and then there was just silence. There was nothing until you started pleading with your father. Can you tell me what happened? You don't have to, I know it must be painful. Look just forget I even asked. I wish the doctor would hurry up and get here I want to get home. " Blair started fussing with the cover because she was embarrassed, she felt stupid for even asking him to go back and relive his trauma. "I'm an idiot."

Todd reached over and grabbed her hand. "You are not an idiot. I don't blame you for being curious. I'm just not ready Blair. I'm afraid it will change the way you look at me. I couldn't take it if you looked at me with contempt, or worse, pity. Tell me you understand."

Blair looked at him and realized he was more afraid of losing her then reliving any trauma. "I don't know who's the bigger idiot. Me, for just being nosy, or you, for thinking you would lose me if I knew the gory details. Knowing, not knowing, it doesn't really matter. It couldn't change how I feel about you. Okay, I guess you do win the Most Pathetic Award, but that's the only concession I'll give you. Right now it's time to get you out of here. Llanview awaits."

Todd smiled. "What do I get for my latest win."

"You get to take home your very own Blair doll and all the trimmings that come with her." replied Blair with a grin.

"Oh goody, my very own Blair doll." He grinned and pulled her close."Come here my beautiful doll." Before they could get in any more than a kiss, they heard Vicki cough. Blair jumped away quickly and saw the doctor standing with Vicki.

"Well, it looks like you're recovering from your ordeal, Mr. Manning. Mrs. Banks says that you wish to go home. I see no reason to keep you here any longer. I would suggest that you refrain from any more counseling sessions for at least a week to give your body time to properly recover. I've given that same recommendation to your therapist. I'll see that the discharge paperwork is completed. Please, Mr. Manning, consider my recommendation, give yourself some space."

Just as the doctor left, Ray arrived.  "So you're still with us, that's good Todd. I know yesterday was an ordeal. But we made headway. Still, you know it isn't the end. You're a long way from being fully healed. Are you willing to keep going, Todd? If you are, I'll set up another session about a week and a half from now." Ray looked at Todd, he wanted to make sure Todd didn't think it was all over. Todd deserved a break but they had so much more they had to delve into. Todd couldn't get complacent.

"You're right Ray, I asked for your help and I'm in this for the long haul. I know what happened yesterday was the basis for so much but I also know I'm still royally mixed up so you make that appointment and I'll be here. But for now, I'm going home. I need to see my granddaughter and get one of her special hugs, they always do me a world of good. " he held out his hand.

Ray shook it. "See you later. Todd, take care of yourself"

Ray left and Vicki went to sign Todd out. Todd left the clinic with his hand holding Vicki's and his other arm around Blair's waist. He released Blair and opened his sister's car door. " I've never figured out why you love me, but I'm mighty glad you do. Thank you for standing by me. Vicki, I'm not hiding any longer. It's time to let people know I'm here. This is a heads up." He leaned over and kissed her cheek."Be careful going home, I'll talk to you soon." he closed her door and walked over and slipped into the car with Blair. He sat down and then in the back of his mind he heard "Todd, I've found them. We're all here." Todd smiled and turned to Blair. "Let's go home."

Epilogue

Several days later. the phone rang in the Penthouse. Todd picked it up and listened intently. He hung up the Phone and looked at Blair. "It's done, they have him. It's time. Blair would you like to join me. I have a trip to make to someplace near and dear to my heart." Blair grabbed her bag and followed him. He doesn't get the car, instead, he headed towards the Manning building. He nodded to the doorman and headed for the private elevator to the executive offices. They got out on a very familiar floor and Todd strolled to the door labeled Managing Editor Sun Publications. He entered pushing the doors aggressively to get the occupant's attention.

She spun in her chair at the sound of the door crashing open. Then she slowly stood up. "Todd but...what...Blair...??"

"Kelly ..... Really I've never known you to be at a loss for words. You always had so many words when you found ways to interrupt the private conversations Blair and I used to have. What still nothing. Then I guess I'll talk..I'm Back, I Am and I Always Have been, TODD MANNING !!

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