Todd rolled closer to Lucy’s room and looked inside. The doctors were talking to her parents and from their expressions, it was obvious the news was bad. He watched as Lucy’s mother went to her daughter’s side and wrapped her frail body in her arms. Todd choked up as he watched Lucy weakly hug her mom and then her hand fell to her side, her eyes closing for the last time. Her mother’s sobs took over as Lucy’s dad moved to comfort his wife and Todd moved aside as the doctors and nurses exited the room to give them some privacy.
He looked up and down the hallway and saw several of the older girls comforting some of the younger ones. They knew what had happened. The boys were all stoic. Even Li just stared, and then turned his wheelchair around and went back to his bed. Blanca, on the other hand, was inconsolable and she separated from the older girls trying to talk to her and ran towards him crying. Todd opened his arms and lifted her onto his lap. He cradled her head with his hand as she cried against his shoulder. After a few minutes, she looked up at him with tear-filled eyes.
“Why is God so mean? Lucy was my friend and he took her. I’m scared. She left me and we promised we would always be here for each other. Is he going to come to get me too?” She sniffled.
Todd was shocked. He reached to wipe her tears away. “Blanca, you’re not going anywhere right now. God just needed Lucy up there with him sooner than either of you thought. I know you’re scared but God knows your family still needs you down here.”
“But Lucy’s mom and dad needed her. Why didn’t he let her stay here, too?”
Todd was unable to answer her, the memory, of how he had berated God concerning his own daughter, still stung. He hugged Blanca and tried to find a way to lessen her grief. “I don’t know why God wants some home sooner than others. I wish I could understand it too. But Lucy’s in a good place right now. She won’t have to struggle to breathe. Her mom and her dad are hurting because Lucy isn’t going to be with them, but I’m sure they are grateful that she also isn’t going to suffer anymore. No parent wants their child to suffer.” Todd’s heart lurched as he realized that wasn’t always true. He had had a parent that had enjoyed hurting him. He gasped as he pictured a man standing over him yelling at him. “What I said last Summer still holds. You’re a total disgrace, and I wish you had never been born.” Todd closed his eyes and took some deep breaths.
Blanca sensed a change and looked up at the man holding her. She saw that his eyes were closed and noticed a tear slowly dripping down his cheek. “Mr. Drake, are you sad, too? “ She reached up and wiped his tear away.
Todd opened his eyes, looked into her sweet sad ones and grabbed her small hand and kissed it. He was sad for so many things, and he couldn’t even remember them all. He gave Blanca a small smile, “Yes, I’m sad too, but you know what? We need something to cheer us up. Hang On.” Blanca put her arms around him as he began moving his chair toward the outside patio exit.
****
Starr and Todd Barker entered the ward to find it in a bit of an uproar. Barker stopped and looked down at Starr. “You stay right here. I need to find out what’s going on. This might not be a good time for you to be here. Promise me you won’t move. “
Starr put a hand behind her back, crossed her fingers and looked at the older black man. “I promise.” She watched as he headed for the nurses counter. Then she slowly started walking down the ward. She noticed several groups of children gathered together and some seemed upset. She saw what appeared to be a game room and peeked inside but no one was there. The lady at the front had said that the other Todd worked on this floor but she hadn’t seen him with nurses. She tugged Fred the magic frog out of her little purse. “ Fred, he’s got to be here. Please let him be here.” She rounded a corner and saw more children at various doors, There was still no sign of her dad. She saw the nurses counter coming up and could see Mr. Barker looking around. From his expression, she knew he was going to take her back out to the front. and she still hadn’t found her dad. She slipped into an empty room and waited, watching out the crack in the door until Mr. Barker passed the room then she left.
Starr couldn’t help going up and listening to a small group of children. She was curious why some seemed to be crying. She realized something bad had happened to one of the kids in the ward and that was why the other kids were upset. She felt bad but she had her own problem. She needed to find her dad and quickly, Starr knew that her mom had to be looking for her and if she didn’t find her daddy first, then her mom might change her mind about wanting her daddy back. She saw a young boy sitting in his room by himself and decided to ask him about the other Todd. She stepped into his room. “Umm, Hi. Can you help me?”
Li swung his chair around and saw a young blonde girl not much older than his friend Lucy standing in his room. “Who are you? Are you a new patient? If you’re not, you shouldn’t be here. We’re only allowed visitors in the afternoon.”
Starr bit her lip and then answered. “I‘m looking for my dad. But no one seems to know where he is. I heard my mom talking and she said he worked at this hospital. Maybe you know him. His name is Todd Manning.”
“The only Todd I know is our friend. He lives at the hospital like us, and tells us stories and helps us, but we gave him his name so he can’t be your dad.”
“But the lady who told my mom she found my dad, said he was here. Is your friend Mr. Drake? The lady at the front said Mr. Drake works here in this ward. Is he still here?”
Li’s eyes filled with tears. “He told us goodbye tonight. Then my friend Lucy died. It’s not fair for both of them to go at the same time.” Li wiped his eyes with his pajama top and took some deep breaths. Lucy wasn’t the first friend that had died, but Mr. Drake leaving too made it harder. “He’s probably already gone, but before I came in here he was trying to help Blanca. Lucy was her best friend. Maybe he’s still helping her. Her room is down close to the outdoor exit.”
Starr started to leave, eager to see if Mr. Drake might be her daddy but then she stopped.and turned back to face the boy. “I’m sorry about your friend Lucy and Mr. Drake, My daddy used to tell me stories all the time. My dad’s been gone for a while and some people have told my mom that he was dead. I’ve missed him so much and I was really scared that they were right, but Mom said he wouldn’t leave me and my brother unless something was very wrong. I know you said you gave Mr. Drake his name but maybe he is my dad after all and just doesn’t remember. Look I need to find him. Thank you again. Bye,” She rushed from the room looking up and down the hallway and saw a man in a wheelchair headed for the exit with a little girl on his lap. Was he Mr. Drake? There was only one way she was going to find out. She was just getting close to them when she heard the man tell the little girl to ‘Hang on’. She stopped and her eyes widened. She knew that voice. The man in the chair was her dad. She was about to call out when her arm was caught and she looked up into her mom’s angry eyes.
“Starr Manning, just what do you think you’re doing? Do you know how worried I’ve been since you left the hotel.” Blair had felt such relief when she spotted Starr.
“But Mom…” Starr tried to get her arm loose and looked behind her and saw the man and girl disappear out the exit.
“Don’t but Mom, me. This is a strange city, anything could have happened to you. What are you doing in this ward? You shouldn’t be here. Now you come with me. I know you want to find your dad but we need more information.” Blair started to take Starr out of the ward when she broke free and ran to the exit. “Starr Manning, come back here.”
“Mommy I’ve been trying to tell you. I just saw Daddy. He went out here.” She started to open the door when once again her mother stopped her.
Blair’s heart lurched. Was Starr telling the truth? Had Todd just gone outside? She held onto Starr and looked out the door. She saw a man sitting near the edge of the patio in a wheelchair, with a young girl on his lap and he was pointing at the night sky. She couldn’t make out his face or what he was saying but the little girl was smiling at him. “Starr, there’s no one out there but another patient and his little girl.”
“No, Mommy, that’s Daddy. I heard his voice. It’s him.” Starr tried again to break free but this time, her mom held her tight. She yelled “Daddy” trying to get his attention but then her mother clamped a hand over her mouth and pulled them both back into the hospital.
Blair got down to look at Starr face to face. “Baby Girl, I know how badly you want to find your dad, but he’s not a patient at this hospital. He works here. Now come on, it’s late and it’s been a really long day traveling. I promise we’ll find your dad tomorrow.”
****
Todd had finally gotten Blanca calmed down and it was getting late. He knew she should be back in her room but he figured a few more minutes looking at the stars wouldn’t hurt. The cooler air from the ocean blew in and Blanca shivered snuggling closer and Todd wrapped his arm around her pulling her closer.
“Time for us to call it a night. The nurses will have my head if you get a chill. Now, remember when you miss Lucy just find that first star of the night. It will be Lucy looking down at you.”
He started to turn his chair when a child’s voice rang out. “Daddy” A chill went down his back. There was something very familiar about that voice. He turned the rest of the way around and spotted a fair-haired woman and child moving away from the door and deeper into the ward. He got to the door and looked down the hallway, but they had disappeared. For one moment he found himself wishing they had been looking for him.
Todd made sure Blanca was tucked in for the night and decided to make one more stop. He pulled up to Li’s room and saw him lying in bed reading another Harry Potter book. He knocked and Li looked over at him. “Are you doing okay, Pal?”
Li shrugged and went back to reading. Todd rolled his chair close to the bed. “So that’s how it’s going to be. No tears, huh. It’s okay, you know, to cry for Lucy. I know when I get to my room, I’m probably going to do it.”
Li put his book down. “You’re going to cry? But you’re a man. Men don’t cry.”
“Is that what you think? Li, I cry all the time. I cry because I’m frustrated because I can’t walk and tonight I’m going to cry because one of my sweet little friends has gone away. I’ve come to care for all of you over the last couple of months.”
“Then why are you leaving? We need you, Mr. Drake? Please don’t go.”
Todd’s eyes glistened with unshed tears. Li’s heartfelt plea was hard to resist. “I can’t stay Li, I need to figure out who and what I am. There is this empty space inside and I know I’m not going to fill it until I can go and find what I’m missing. I’m going to miss all of you very much but I have to do this. I want you to keep getting stronger and like I said, there is no shame in crying for a friend. Get some sleep Li. The nurses said your parents are coming tomorrow. You’ll be happy to see them won’t you?”
Li nodded and handed his book to Todd to put up. Then he turned on his side and tried to go to sleep. As Todd rolled out of the room, he heard Li’s quiet sobs for his friend. Todd said goodnight as he left the ward. He didn’t even wait to get to his room. Instead, he pulled over into the same alcove where earlier he had a meltdown and this time he gave into the tears he himself had been holding back. Why was life so unfair? Here he was, someone who probably deserved to die and yet God chose to take another child. He wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. He was drained. He left the alcove and decided to make his way back to his room, he didn’t have the energy to leave. He entered it and got ready for bed. He would wait and say goodbye to Miguela in the morning. As he laid back on the bed, he saw the picture of the family he carried around. He heard again the cry of the little girl that had sounded familiar and he reached for the picture. What if? Stop it, how can they be your family. Who would marry a rapist? Still, he found himself touching the face of the woman and girl. Then he placed the picture back where he could see it and turned off his light, letting sleep finally take him.
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