Memories Unlocked #22

# 22

Todd rolled out onto the balcony.  The children had been overjoyed to see him.  He explained to them that his family had come to take him home but there were some delays and so he was going to be around a little longer.  After hearing that, the children were happy for him.  He had spent the rest of the evening entertaining and spending time with them until they went to bed.  Now he looked up at the full moon and thought about the day he had just had.  It was one thing to tell the children his family had come to take him home and another thing to believe it was real.

He rubbed his hand against his right leg and felt it for the first time in a long time.  It was faint but the feeling was there.  Dr. Sanchez told him he needed to be patient but to actually feel his leg made him all the more determined to get to the day when he could stand on his own two feet.  Unfortunately, the left leg wasn’t being quite so cooperative.  Even though Joe had seen some response, it bothered Todd that the leg was still just a dead weight.  He slammed his fist down on it.  “Damn it! Give me something you stupid leg, a jerk, a twinge, anything to hint that you’re more than just meat.”

“Stop that!  Are you crazy?”

Todd spun around to see Blair standing a few steps away from him.  “What are you doing here?  Shouldn’t you be in bed with that family of yours?  You traveled quite a way to find me,  I would think you’re exhausted.”  He studied her face in the moonlight trying to figure out why she had come back to the hospital.

Blair walked to the bench close to Todd’s chair and sat down.  “I couldn’t sleep.  I needed to see you again.  By the way, that family is yours too.  Starr was wondering if you still loved her.  I assured her you did.  I wasn’t lying, was I?”

Todd stared at her trying to answer her. Running his fingers through his hair, he gulped as he tried to understand just what he felt for the little girl in his picture. “I...I feel something for her.  It’s deep inside me and I relished her arms around my neck this morning.  I don’t know what you want from me.  Please, I don’t want to hurt you or her.  I’m not sure if what I feel is love or not.  I only just remembered her a little bit this morning.  In fact, up until then, I was sure my daughter died.  It’s a lot to take in.  Seeing you in Dr,. Sanchez’s office was a shock.  I had just realized that the picture I had been holding onto all this time was my family. That’s all I remembered. I had no clue as to your names or even if the picture was current or not.  Do you understand?”

Blair looked away from Todd so he wouldn’t see the tears in her eyes.  It was clear they all had an uphill battle to get back what they had lost.  “I understand where you’re coming from but it’s hard for us to see you and know you don’t remember us.  Here I was all set to blast you for not contacting your daughter, even if you were still upset with me, but I can’t.  What happened to you changes everything.”

Todd couldn’t help but admire the woman sitting in front of him.  He realized he had done just what he hoped not to do.  He had hurt her and yet she had turned away to hide her tears from him.  She was beautiful in the moonlight.  He found himself wanting to take her in his arms and hold her.  He needed to see that smile she had given him that morning.  He had so many questions about his past.  Up until that morning, all his memories had been violent or upsetting, but in his dream, he had sensed that Blair cared for him. The kiss and her words earlier indicated the  truth about that.  He needed to know why?  He moved his chair closer and reached to turn her face back towards his.   For the second time that day he found himself wiping away her tears.

“I’m sorry, that was unbelievably blunt. I already know I can be an ass sometimes.  Miguela could tell you horror stories about my first days here.  Let’s start over.  Hi, my name is Todd Dra...Manning, have we met?  You’ll have to forgive me, I’ve been suffering from memory loss.”

Blair couldn’t help but smile at Todd’s nonchalant tone.  She remembered another time he had tried to ease her discomfort.  He had always done little things like that and it was why their friendship had blossomed. She extended her hand to him. “I’m Blair, Blair Manning.”

Todd smiled and shook her hand.  “Well isn’t that a coincidence. It seems we share the same last name.  So tell me, Blair. Is there a Mr. Manning?”

Blair met his eyes. “Yes, there is.”  She wasn’t sure where he was going but she decided to follow his lead.

Taking a deep breath, Todd continued what he had started.  “If you don’t mind, could you tell me a little bit about him.  How did you meet?”  If his memories were accurate, he thought he had been to prison.  Hopefully, Blair would shed some light on that part of his past.

In a way, Blair had been dreading that very question, but she knew Todd would want the whole truth and she had lied to him too many times with bad results so she just jumped right in.  “We met in a bar.  He was just out on parole and I was coming off a bad episode in my life.”

Todd closed his eyes for a moment.  Blair had confirmed his worst fear.  He had been in prison.  He straightened in his chair and asked his next question.  “Why would someone as …” he stopped to find the right word to describe her and he could only find one. “as beautiful as you, even give a parolee the time of day?”

Blair felt the heat in her cheeks at his compliment.  It was something he was always awkward about.  Even at their first wedding when he had told her how nice she looked, he had been very matter-of-fact, as if he had never really developed a way to be charming around women.  Strangely, it had been that same matter-of-fact way he had of getting to the point that had drawn her to him.  They had just been honest with each other and she had been the first to spoil that.  Now it was as if time stood still.  Todd was out of touch with his past and the only thing he had going for him was his indomitable spirit to endure.  That same spirit that had kept him going when everyone had been sure he was the Hospital Rapist.  In some ways, she was seeing that Todd again.  Wary of things he didn’t understand, yet determined to get his life back whatever that was.  

“Blair?”

Blair glanced at him and realized she hadn’t answered his question.  “I’m sorry.  Why did I give him the time of day?  I did it because I didn’t realize he was a parolee to start with but I recognized someone as down as I was. It wasn’t until my purse dropped and I saw his ankle monitor that I realized who I was talking to.  Believe me, that first encounter did not end nicely but then we had another encounter and it just became easier and easier to talk to him.  For a while, we both went through some rough times.  I tried to kill myself, and he, well he was accused of more rapes.”

“Oh God!” Todd felt like he had just been kicked in the teeth and he backed away from Blair.  He turned away from her. You Bastard.  You didn’t want to believe it of yourself but it’s true. You’re nothing but a rapist. He had been right all along.  He should have left town like he planned.

Blair moved to him. She touched his shoulder and he jerked away from her. “Todd,” She walked around and gripped the chair preventing him from moving away again. “Todd, look at me. Listen to me.  You didn’t rape anyone else after you raped Marty.  You turned your life around.  You even saved Marty’s life.  That’s why you were on parole.  Please believe me.  You’ve never forgiven yourself for Marty and I’m guessing that’s why that memory came back to you, but it’s because there is good in you that you’ve never hurt anyone like that again.  You fought to prove you weren’t responsible for the hospital rapes and you won. You proved to the police that they were wrong about you.  After that, we began spending more time together and you were and still are my best friend.  You understand me in a way no one else does.  You said it to me once.
We’re soulmates.  Neither of us is perfect but together we’re a force to be reckoned with.”

Todd drew a shuddering breath. He saw that Blair was ready to stand up and fight for them but right then all he felt was weariness.  He had tried so hard for so many months to find out about himself.  If the rest of his history with Blair was as bad as everything he knew so far, he wasn’t sure they would ever find their way back to each other. He ran the back of his hand across his eyes wiping away the tears that had formed.  Then he touched her hands. “Blair I can’t do this anymore tonight.  I’m not sure I have that kind of fight in me right now.  You should go back to the hotel and get some sleep.”  He lifted her hands off his chair.  He saw a glimmer of fear pass across her face.  “Don’t worry, I’ll be here in the morning.  I made some promises to the children in that ward and to Starr.  I won’t break them.” Still holding her hands, he brought them up to his lips and kissed them. “I don’t deserve you,” he said softly, almost to himself. Then turned back away from her and rolled back to the door of the ward. He looked back to see her still standing there, highlighted by the full moon behind her.  She had her hands up to her lips and she just stared at him.  “Goodnight, Blair.”

****

Sam knocked on the door. Hearing the “Come in,” he opened it and stood in the doorway looking a Bo.  

Bo looked up and frowned.  He had a truce for the time being with Sam because Nora had pushed them both away because she was still struggling with her memory, but it still rankled that Sam had turned out to be Matthew’s father instead of him and it was the reason he and Nora had divorced. ”What do you want, Rappaport?”

“I thought you should know Todd Manning has been found.”

Bo raised his eyebrows at Sam. “You don’t sound too happy.  I thought you cared about the guy.  I know you searched for him after he tried to kidnap his kids in Hawaii.  Why don’t you call the authorities and have him arrested?”

Sam scowled. “I don’t know how I feel about him. One minute, I see the young boy who needs someone to care about him and the next, he does something so horrific, I feel like a fool for believing that he wants to change.  It infuriates me.  I begged Blair to finally put him behind her and swear out a warrant but she refused.  I thought it was time for Todd to see he could no longer manipulate people to get what he wanted. She still loves him and the bad thing is I can’t fault her.  No matter what, Todd still gets to me because I still feel I failed him when he needed me the most.:”

Bo shook his head.  “You shouldn’t blame yourself.  Todd’s had all sorts of chances.  I’m not sure he can change.  There’s something in him that’s broken.  So tell me, if you still feel you owe him, why are you here?”

“I don’t know.  I just thought you might want to know he’s coming back here.”

‘

“Damn it!  It’s been relatively peaceful with him gone.  There’s no telling what trouble he’ll stir up next..  Have you told Vicki?”

“No, Matthew and I are having dinner with Vicki tonight. She was supposed to go see Ben earlier today.  I figured she might like to know her younger brother is alive after all.”

Bo nods then looks at Sam as he’s about to leave.  “Sam, I’m sorry about Ben.  I barely got to know him as my brother.  You, on the other hand, knew him his whole life. I know you two were close and I know Vicki is hurting right now.”

“She is but Jessica and Natalie are there with her.  She’s a strong woman.  I’ve always admired her and she understands Todd probably better than the rest of us do.”  Sam started to leave.

“Sam, hold up.  Did Blair ever drop the restraining order on Todd?  If she didn’t, I can bring him in for that if you want to keep him away from her.”

Sam nodded. “I’ll let you know when Todd arrives.  If I know Blair she’ll want that rescinded, but it might at least give me a chance to make her see reason.”

 

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