Failings of the Fathers: 30

Blair ran, cradling Jewel, to the bedroom, calling Todd's name.  By the time she got there, it was too late.  Todd had taken off into the skies, with Bitsy, and an important fact had been left behind.  "Oh damn," she said aloud, and placed Jewel gently into her basket.  "I'll text him.  He won't get it for a while, but at least he'll hopefully see it before he sees Ray."

She unlocked her screen and texted her husband the information, and sent the message.  When she looked up, Jack was at the door to her room.  "Dad gone?"

"Yep.  He'll be back in about two hours or so."

"Mom, I want to talk to you."  Jack said, plopping down on the edge of the bed.

"Sure, what's up?  You know you always can."

"I'm worried about Dad and Grandma."

"I know, I am, too, especially Bitsy."

"Dad, first.  Why the Hell did he go to Chicago, Mom?"

"Jack, it's all right.  It actually helped your father.  He wanted to see for himself that Peter was really dead."

"Grandma's dreams.  Dad was worried about them."

"Yes, he was.  And he had his own about it.  He wanted to make sure.  He was worried what might happen if Peter was alive.  There's a little more to it, but, he's finally put it to rest.  And it's good, I think."

"He looked sort of bad, when he got back."

"He was tired, Jack.  And it was emotional for him.  But he's all right.  This thing with Grandma Bitsy, though, is very, very hard."

"Yeah, well, she's cracked, Mom.  Seriously.  Those dreams and those drawings?  I mean, Sam's around that, and he's a little kid."

"That's true.  I don't think she'd hurt us, though."

"No, but he was real upset about her last night.  He really was.  It took a lot of ice cream with extra chocolate sauce to make him stop blubbering."

She smiled, "You're so sweet to care about your brother.  We know, and we're working on it.  Your father just took her to an appointment.  Ray will help."

"Mom, I just want things to be normal.  I know that word doesn't always fit us, but I really want it to stop.  We need a break.  Especially Dad."

She nodded, turning her attention to the baby a moment.  

"And Mom?"

"Yeah, Jack?"

"You made a beautiful thing.  Jewel's so great."

"Thank you, Jack.  I made a few beautiful things, and you are one of them, Young Man," she kissed his cheek.

"Okay.  I just wanted to say something about it.  I gotta go do my homework."  He got up and left the room.  Blair checked her phone to assure that the text message went through, and leaned back for a short nap.

***

After delivering his mother to Ray's office, in which she entered, all smiles, Todd checked his phone.  He read the message from Blair, and leaned into the wall.  "Momma," he said aloud, and then walked to the lobby.  He found an empty bench and sat, staring at his phone.  "The sparrows.  Hmf.  She can't take living.  And he did all this."

He flicked through his phone pictures, and looked at his family, and one frame was Jewel in his mother's arms.  Bitsy looked so happy and innocent.  Childlike in her expressions, she was in awe of the baby in the photo.  His eyes blurred.

In a few minutes, he spied Ray, walking toward him, without his mother.  He had the sketch pad under his arm.  Todd swallowed, knowing it was unusual for Ray to be coming to find him, and the hour was not up.  He said, "Okay, it's bad, right?"

Ray sat next to him and sighed, "Todd, I . . ."

"She wants the sparrows.  She drew it.  I found a text from Blair about it after you guys started.  I decided to wait and tell you after."

"Todd, I can't advise you to take her out of here.  She's not in a good place.  I'm sorry, but she's not based in reality right now.  That could be a detriment to your children."

"She'd never hurt my family.  Or me," he teared up.

"I am not suggesting that.  Just the mere presence of her, not in her right mind, Todd.  It's an influence. It's upsetting.  Sam is at the age . . ."

He flashed on Sam, the evening before, red-eyed and eating his sundae.  "I know," he interrupted.

"She's becoming a danger to herself.  You can't allow your children to see that.  I know you love her, and want her well, but she has to be taken care of, Todd.  I feel partially responsible for being so certain that science said she was ready."

"Where is she, Ray?"  he said, with tears brimming in his eyes.

Ray put a hand on his shoulder.  "She's . . . I had her brought to a room.  She's catatonic, Todd.  She's inside herself.  Medication did not bring her out.  It was almost immediately upon the session starting.  With these things she's dealing with, she just can't."

Todd squeezed his eyes, to push back emotion.  "She can.  She taught me how to go inside, I showed her how to fight it."

"Todd, she's not you."  Ray sat down next to him.  "She's not, and you have to understand that."

"What's so great about being me, Ray?  You act like it's a golden opportunity or something?"

"Simple.  You're strong.  And your mother, she just can't.  You have to be able to accept that she's not as strong as you are.  And that maybe what she has gone through is too much for her.  She can't fight it.  You did, you could.  She can't.  Right now, she's safer inside herself.  You have to believe that, and let her get the help she needs."

He sighed, raggedly, "I can't let her go.  She's my family, Ray.  She's . . . the only mother I knew."

"She'll be back with you, Todd.  She will.  Just not right now.  I'm sorry," he said, and got up and walked off.

Todd found himself outside the doors before he even realized what was happening.  He'd pushed through them, and knocked into at least one orderly on the way.  Now, he made his way across the yard to where the copter was parked, and jumped, almost effortlessly, into the driver's seat.  In almost one motion, he put his pilot's earphones on, fastened his belt, and hit his hands onto the steering gear with a loud thump, which he repeated four or five times, increasing in intensity, each after the other.  After the last pound, that sent shattering pain through his wrists, he broke down, his head resting on the equipment.

***

"Mom!" Starr said, running to her, and Hope was behind, dragging a doll across the floor.

"Starr!" Blair said, getting up off the couch in her bedroom sitting area.  

They embraced, and Starr said, "Where is she?"

"She's right here," Blair said, pointing to the little basket that was on the coffee table.  

"Oh my God!" Starr exclaimed, so moved that she covered her mouth and sniffled.  "She's so tiny!"

"She's the smallest baby I ever had.  Even smaller than you were."

"She's precious, Mom.  Oh my God, Dad must love her so much."

"He does.  You know, he delivered her, right?"

"Tell me more about that.  I mean, he's done it before."  Starr said, and both of them sat in the sitting area.

Hope said, "Gramma, where's Ray?"

Blair answered, "He's sleeping honey."

"What about Sam?"

"He's in his room, playing.  Go ahead if you want."

Hope took a last look at the baby and went on her way.  Starr said, "Mom, she's gorgeous.  So, what happened?"

"Your father saved us.  She was breech.  He called Dorian and turned her.  It was . . . emotional for both of us.  And there she was, all of four pounds."

"She's perfect.  Can I hold her?"

"Sure.  She's not the type who minds, at all.  Go ahead."

"I can't believe how small she is!  Mom, she's just beautiful.  I can't stop looking at her."

"You sound like your father."

"Well, you know, I am his little girl."

"Yes, I know.  You've always loved him so much.  And he, you.  I'm amazed at what a father he's been to you, when he could be, considering everything."

"I never really doubted him.  He's had reasons, even if I didn't agree, for doing some of his crazy things.  He's just Dad."  She patted the baby gently.  "She feels like a little bag of sugar!"

"She does, doesn't she?  Uh, I think I hear your Dad and Bitsy coming," Blair said, going to the glass and looking up.  "Yep, there's the copter.  He really ought to name it."

"He nicknames everything else."

"He does, doesn't he?"  Blair said.

"You get the best one.  OTB.  We all know that one."

"Well, that's your father."

The copter parked, and they continued to talk.  Finally, Starr said, "Mom, he's taking a really long time."

"Yeah, you know, he is.  Let me go and see what's up."  She opened the glass panels, without her coat, and just rubbed her arms as she walked to the door of the copter.  He was sitting in it, and she could barely see him through the copter windows.  She knocked on it.  "Todd?  Come on, what's up?  Come inside, it's cold out here."

He didn't respond, so she went to the other side door and opened it, getting in.  She shut it, and joyfully said, "Hey, what are you doing out here, Starr's inside, and . . . where's Momma?"

He took off his earphones and finally made eye contact with her, his eyes red-rimmed and his face flushed.  She said, "Oh my God, Todd, what happened?" and her hand found its way to his face.  She thumbed his scar, as she had so many times.

"She . . . she had a breakdown, Blair.  She had to stay."

She leaned across and held him, and he closed his eyes in her embrace.  She whispered, "I'm sorry, Todd.  I'm so sorry."

"He did all this to her.  She's just not right, and it's because of that bastard."

His sadness moved into her like an exchange of air - unplanned, simple and instantaneous.  She remained strong and held onto him, and felt him clinging to her.  She said, "That's not permanent.  She'll be back with us.  She needs help, and you know that."

He pulled back from her.  "Yeah, yeah I know."

"It's okay.  She needs this.  You can go see her every day.  Right now, there are three girls that want to see you inside, not to mention, three boys."

"Peanut's here?" he said, wiping his nose with his glove.  She could see the sadness fading from his face.

"Yep, she is, and we're definitely going to have to wash that," she eyed his glove.

He half laughed, took the gloves off, and then touched her face.  "I couldn't do all this . . . you know . . . if you . . . left me or something.  Which would have been so much easier for you to do.  Probably should have.  Years ago."

"No, that would never be easier.  Ever.  Now let's go in and see your kids and your granddaughter.  Starr is really wanting to see you, and Hope, too.  They love you, Todd."

"And all of them have one thing in common."

"What's that?" she whispered, still playing with his hair.

"You gave them to me.  You give me everything, Blair.  That's why I want to give you everything back."

She moved forward and kissed him, gently.

*** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***
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Todd's Saga 29: Revelations

Dorian sat in the chair across from her patients, mulling over everything Todd had told her before falling asleep.  She had been stunned as the story had unfolded. It had been a shock to find out Blair had been targeted by the Organization.  It all seemed so unbelievable- a secret organization operating in Llanview, and Clint being drugged and kidnapped right from under the LPD’s noses.  The hardest pill to swallow was hearing that Carl Peterson was behind it all.

She got up and wandered over to the window. It was getting close to noon and the neighborhood where the mansion sat was bustling with activity.  She looked back to the bed at the man she had hated for a long time.  “You’re an old fool, Dorian.  You let your hatred for his father color your opinion of him for a long time.  He loves Blair and you know she loves him.  It’s time to give him a break.  Admit it, you’ve been jealous all these years because what they have is something you’ve never gotten.”  She heard movement behind her and found Viki standing there.

Viki looked at her briefly and then moved to the bed.  “Are they alright?  Is Victor going to live?”

Dorian stared at Viki for a moment.  “You heard what I said, didn’t you?”  Why aren’t you gloating.”

Viki sat down in the chair and picked up the damp cloth off the nightstand and proceeded to wipe off Victor’s face.  “I don’t know what you’re talking about Dorian.” Viki  reached to move some hair off Victor’s face, letting her fingers come in contact with his skin briefly. She looked over at Dorian.  “Victor’s awfully warm don’t you think?”  

Dorian moved closer and checked on him.  She then lifted the edge of the bandage on his chest. “Damn, the wound is infected. I’m going to have to reopen it and clean it out.  I can’t believe you didn’t call for help, Viki?”

“You know why we didn’t.  Are you going to report this, now that you know the whole story?“ Viki continued to cool off her brother.

From the other side of Victor, Todd asked. “Yes, Dorian, did you make a decision?”

Dorian glanced at him and back to Viki. “I’ll keep quiet, but on one condition.  If you’re going after Carl, I want to help.  I’m tired of being made a fool of.  First the senior senators, now Carl, enough is enough.”

Todd started to get off the bed and almost ended up flat on the floor.  He gripped the edge of the bed until the room stopped spinning.  “Whoa. Hey, how much blood did you take, you vampire?”

“Todd!” Viki exclaimed.

Dorian smiled, “Well I thought about draining you, but you left a foul taste in my mouth,” she emphasized her words and overdid the smiling.

Todd laughed “Good One.”  He stood up slowly.  “I’m starved.  Viki, what’s for lunch?”

Viki shook her head. “You two might want to learn to play nice together if we’re going to go to war.”  She gestured to her brother.  “You, just sit back down.  I’ll get both of you some lunch and then we all need to figure out our next move.”  

Todd slumped in the chair watching Dorian go to work on Victor.  “If he needs any antibiotics one of Sam’s men can go get it.  I… Dorian, thanks.”

“If you want to thank me, get over here and help.  Did it occur to you to clean his wounds before you stitched him up?”

Todd got up and moved around the bed. “I’m not an idiot.  I remember what you had Blair do to clean and stitch my wound and if you remember, I still got sick.  Besides, Victor was in the same place as Clint.  Sure he was working for the Organization when I found Clint, but before that, he was getting the same treatment.  You saw Clint.  He’s still recovering.  I’m betting Victor probably still has some drugs left in his system, too.  Maybe they’re part of the problem, I don’t know, I’m not a doctor.  I’m here, what do you need?”

Dorian sighed. “Look, just get ready to apply pressure if he starts bleeding excessively.”  She handed Todd several gauze pads and began opening the wound.

Todd watched as Dorian efficiently worked.  The wound was red and angry and when Dorian opened it, Todd’s stomach objected a little.  He blinked, swallowed hard, and got back to the business of helping his wife’s aunt.  He was suddenly grateful he still hadn’t eaten.  Dorian was covering the wound back up when Viki and Clint entered the room with trays.  She excused herself and went to wash her hands.  Todd took the tray from Viki and set it on the nightstand and turned back to his sister.  “Tell me you got some sleep.”

Viki nodded.  “Ms. Vance and Clint insisted.  They assured me they would wake me if anything bad occurred.”

Todd turned to Clint.  “Thanks.  What about you, Clint?   I know what you’re thinking.  You think the Organization still has a hold on you.  Don’t go there.  I think they were still working on you because you weren’t falling into line as quickly as they would have liked.  You’re a tough old coot.  Asa would be proud.  And Victor, well, in a way he deserved this like Viki said.  He had all day to work on you.  We’re lucky you held out as long as you did.”

Clint ran a hand through his hair.  “I’m not as strong as I thought I was.  The thought that I almost let Victor get you, and take me back to that place, scares the shit out of me.”

“Forget it.  Believe me, I understand.”  Todd knew what bothered Clint.  He hadn’t been able to put behind his experience there either.  He let the subject drop and sat down to eat.

Dorian had walked in while Clint was talking. “Clint, I think you should let me check you out too.“

“No way Dorian.  I’ve had all the probing and prodding I can stand.  Todd thinks the drugs will get out of my system and I’m willing to wait.  I just guess I won’t be doing anymore babysitting.”

Dorian nodded and took the tray Clint had been holding and sat down to eat.  She suddenly realized she was famished.

****

After lunch, Viki went to the kitchen to clean up and Clint offered to help.  Todd left Victor in Dorian’s care and went looking for Sam Vance.  He found her in the library with a number of papers surrounding her.  “What’s all this?”  

“This is what you ordered me to get you yesterday morning.  One of my operatives faxed it to your office this morning and Philippa brought it over.  Don’t worry, I told her you caught a bug while out of town and called me over to talk.   She said to tell you she would hold down the fort.”

Todd sat down and picked up one of the sheets. “All of these are people from old money or the exceedingly wealthy who have ties to Asa, my father Victor, and Carl?”

“Yes, there are a few other rather influential men included in here.  There are a couple of Senators, and you won’t believe it, but the under-secretary to the Chief of Staff too.   They all seem to be linked together in one fashion or another to Carl Peterson.”

“Interesting.  One of those senators wouldn’t be the senior senator of Pennsylvania, by any chance?”

“Yes, how did you know?” Sam looked up in surprise.

“Just a hunch.  Let me see the files on the senators.  If I’m right, I think Dorian will have more than Carl Peterson to go after.”  Todd took the files and wandered over to a tray of fruit and juice Viki had set out for everyone.  Grabbing an apple, he made his way back to a chair by the window and dropped down into it, and began reading.  As he suspected, the two senators, who had used Dorian as their scapegoat, were close friends of Carl Peterson.  Todd looked up from his reading.  “Sam, did your men get anything on the location I gave them for the drugs sent out from the compound?”

Sam put down the paper she was reading and answered.“Only that it’s a warehouse in downtown Washington DC.  Why?”

“We need to get some of that drug.  After the last few days, I’m guessing access to the compound here in Louisiana will no longer be an option.  If I know Alison, she’s probably got the place sealed shut.  The only ones getting in and out of there will be people she knows she can trust.”

Sam could no longer contain her curiosity.  “I know I shouldn’t be surprised at how you were able to get Clint and Victor out of that place but tell me, what possessed you to go in alone? “

Todd smiled. “I went in because I had a gut feeling my inside man might be double-dealing.  I was right.  Once I found out I couldn’t trust him, I knew I had to try and get Clint and Victor out on my own.  The night I tagged the drugs, I also helped a friend leave the compound.  To keep my friend from being tracked down by the organization, I staged an incident that brought the police to the front door of the compound the next day and gave me the diversion I needed to enter.  The rest you know.”

Sam was impressed.  “So what happened to your inside man?”

“He’s gone.  He had an opportunity to disappear and took it.  The funny thing about that is Alison still has no idea he skipped on them.  But like I said, she knows Clint and Victor are out here now and she’s going to be looking for them, more than likely expecting them to head for Llanview.  I need to keep it that way.”

He got back up and walked to get some coffee.  He took a sip, images, of barely being able to get a breath and Viki standing next to him telling him how she got Victor to stop killing him, flashed through his memory.  He turned back to Sam.  “Victor talked to Tea last night, but I think Tea probably is smart enough to keep her conversation with him a secret.  The fact that we had no visitors from the organization last night tells me they still don’t have any idea I’m here.  Until Victor wakes up, I have no idea where his mind is now.  Ever since I brought him out of the compound he’s done nothing but want to go back there.  He was trying to escape and do just that last night.  I’m hoping when he does wake up, he’ll remember he talked to Tea and maybe begin to believe what Clint and I’ve been trying to tell him.”

“So, do you think he’s going to live?”

“Hell yes!  There’s just something about us Lords, we hate to die.”

****

Victor came awake slowly. He cracked his eyes open just enough to see he was still in Todd’s house.  The last thing he remembered was talking to his wife... “Tea!” He started to get up and felt intense pain radiating through his upper body and collapsed back on the bed with a groan.  

“Easy, Victor.” Dorian put a hand on the uninjured shoulder trying to make sure her patient remained still.  She looked into his surprised eyes. “Yes, it’s me.  Your scoundrel of a brother got me down here under false pretenses.  He said he promised to bring you back to Tea alive.  Although for the life of me, I don’t see what she and Blair see in you two.”  She put a glass of water to his lips. “Here, drink.  We need to get some fluids into you.  You lost a lot of blood.  Of course, that’s why I’m here, Todd donated some of his blood to you to keep you alive but he needed my assistance to do it.”

Victor was lost in thought after hearing Tea’s name from Dorian.  All he could think of was hearing Tea’s voice and now another person was telling him she was alive and well.   Dorian’s insistence that he drink, brought him out of his reverie.  As he took a sip of the water he caught the tail end of her statement.   “Todd did what?”  He couldn’t have heard her right.  He had just tried for the second time to strangle his brother.  “No way, I don’t believe it, the guy wants me dead.”

“Yes, well I’ve never understood what motivates Todd.  All I know is that you have two pints of his blood in you.  I’m glad you’re awake.  Care to tell me your side of this story?”

Victor looked at her warily, then dropped his eyes and touched his bandages. He struggled to clear his muddled thoughts and he kept trying to wrap his head around the fact that Todd saved him.  Everything was mixed up.  The brother he had tried to kill had once again surprised him.  Just what had Todd and Viki told Dorian?

He took a deep breath.  He knew he could spin a tale, but he couldn’t shake the fact that Todd had kept him alive.  He hadn’t imagined talking to Tea.  He clearly remembered the conversation and even Dorian acted like Tea was fine.  If Tea is alive, Todd was right.  They lied to you. Alison, all of them, they lied to you, and Todd’s been telling the truth. You’re an idiot.  Don’t complicate this.  If Todd is on the level then you need to hear him out.  Don’t give her anything she can use against him.  His eyes met Dorian’s and he sarcastically replied. “Really Dorian, I’m disappointed.  You used to be so sharp.  Isn’t it obvious?  I got shot, end of story.”

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Failings of the Fathers: 29

Malcolm was sitting by the window in the clinic solarium.  The sun, even though it was still not warm weather, was bathing him through the glass, and he had tipped his head back and was soaking it in.  He closed his eyes, enjoying the peace and solace of the time alone.  

His afternoon visit to Miguel had not gone quite as expected.  Young and impressionable, raised Catholic and very much tied to family throughout his life, Miguel had lost all touch with reality and was not even responding to their visitations any more.  He was almost dead - a vegetable of sorts - staring off into nothingness in his own world.  Malcolm swallowed remembering it; it was not something he wanted to stay with for long. With his own illness, he stayed away from things that upset him as much as he could, and focused on his medication regimen and staying positive.  There was hope, for Miguel, as long as there were people who cared enough to try.

He sat up and opened his eyes again, focused on the outside world, as beautiful as it was, and as harsh.  He turned when he heard Calvin making his way into the room, and sighed.  

"Miguel's not doing well," he said aloud.

"So?  Every man for himself."  Calvin said.

"Is that how you see it?"

"Yep," the older man said, taking out a cigar.

"There's no smoking in here.  And, you have that medical thing going on.  Put that away, Chap."

He thought about it, holding a lighter to it, and then retracted.  "Whatever.  You and rules."

"Not good for you, anyway."

"Not much is."

"You're still as crotchety as ever.  Still angry?"

"Yep."

"What are you going to do?"

He crinkled his face as if considering.  "Get revenge."

Malcolm laughed, "Oh, come on.  You and your dry sense of humor."

Calvin looked into Malcolm's eyes directly, and just stared.  The look was cold and Malcolm wasn't sure he was ready for it, at least not directed at him.  He said, "You're serious?"

"Yep."

"So what are you going to do?  With your illness, you can't get very far."

"I'm cured."

"You're cured?"

"Yep."

"Really?"

"Yep."

"Oh, I see," Malcolm said, doubting.  Is this man delusional?  And, he makes fun of Miguel?  "Then, what's the plan?"

"Why should I tell you?"

"I don't know, guess because we've been partners in crime now for a while."

"Your words."

"So, revenge.  What's it about this time?  Money?  Power?  Sex?  Some kind of lost love?"

He didn't respond.  He folded his arms over his chest and ignored Malcolm's question.

Malcolm said, "All right.  If that's how you want it.  I'm going to go visit Aiden.  At least he has something more than hate to talk about."  

He got up, and Calvin grabbed his arm.  "You're getting too close.  Acting like he's really your friend."

"Why don't you let go, and I'll forget your ornery attitude today."

The older man let his grip loosen, and Malcolm walked off.

Calvin turned back to the window, and brought his cigar back out.  He flicked his lighter and lit up.

***

"Todd, ya did it?  Ya went and faced the last of the demons.  There's not much left now, but to move ahead with y'ar family."  Timothy was starting to appreciate the blasted contraption Todd had gotten him, called a "smartphone."

"I guess, yeah.  It feels, different.  Like nothing is on my shoulders.  It's been a long time."

"I understand that.  We've got a wee bit of trouble here.  I'm starting to think that these friends of y'ar brotha's are not what meets the eye."

"What do you mean?"

"Tina brought up something . . ."

"Dad, really?  You aren't listening to my sister?  She's not all that sharp."

"Well, in this case, she may just be.  She was questioning these men, the ones that hang around Aiden a lot.  His so-called 'friends.'  I can't find much on any of them, as in past history, and they do cling.  She thought possibly they might be out to hurt him."

"I never thought of that.  You mean, the Men of 21.  Like, remnants?"

"Yes.  This is what she mentioned, and when I thought of it, it wasn't far off as something they might do. Could these men be plants?"

Todd had never entertained the thought, but now, it made some sense.  "Yeah, I guess anything is possible.  Should I get John McBain on this for you?"

"No, I want to do a little more here, first.  I can call him if it's warranted.  I do want to watch them a bit more.  Of course, I was trying to eavesdrop, and y'ar sister interfered."

Todd rolled his eyes, "No, not Tina?"  His sarcasm was thick.

Timothy laughed, "Yes, well she did.  I'll let ya know if there's more to follow.  Right now, I'm glad to say one of me boys is on the mend."

"It's over.  It's weird, almost, not to have to think about it anymore.  Of course, my mother, she's . . ." his voice trailed off.

"Not well?"

"No.  We're trying to hold her together, but she's just becoming delusional again, like regressing.  She's had a few episodes.  I'm doing everything I can not to put her in Mountainview again.  She needs the family."

"I'm sorry, Son."  Timothy said.

"Thanks.  She'll get what she needs to be well.  That I can tell you."

"I'm sure.  Kiss that little babby for me."

"I will.  Take care, Dad.  Same to Aiden and my goofy sister."

"All right."  When he hung up, he breathed out, and happened to see Malcolm coming, alone, toward Aiden's room.  He smiled, putting the cell in his pocket.

"Hello, Timothy," Malcolm said, "Is Eric awake?"

"He's awake, sure, and what's got ya here today?"

"Just visiting.  He's funny, a good friend.  I enjoy his stories."

"Ah, yes, he has a lot of them.  What about ya, Malcolm?  We never hear much about y'ar life prior to this clinic."

"Not much to tell," he seemed dismissive.  "Just a boring life, I suppose."

He walked past the older man into Aiden's room, and Timothy followed.

***

"I'm bringing Momma to Ray in a few minutes, just wanted to tell you.  This was the earliest appointment I could get for her,"  Todd said.

"Okay," Blair said, holding Jewel over her shoulder and lightly patting her.  "I wanted to talk to you about that, and never got the chance."

"Sure, what's up?  We've got about ten minutes."  He said, taking the baby from her and cuddling her to him.

"Did you see her sketch pad, Todd?"

"Which?"

"The one with her dreams in it?"

"No.  Tell me about it.  I'll tell Ray, so he can help her."

"I think you ought to bring it to him, honestly.  Telling you won't do justice."  She left the room, and returned with it in her hand.  "Take a look at this."

He handed the baby back to her, and leafed through it.  One was worse than the other, and his face showed concern.  "She kills him.  In her dream."

"Yes.  And he's alive in her dreams, and we know he's not.  I'm concerned about her."  Blair said, gently hugging Jewel to her.

"She's . . " he sat on the bed.  He flipped through the pages again, and finished his sentence, "losing it."

"I think so."

"I . . . don't know what I'm thinking keeping her here."

"No, that's not what I meant.  She's not a danger to us.  She's just so sad, Todd, and afraid.  We need to help her."

He studied the last drawing, the incomplete one, of her standing over Peter's dead body.  Something was in her hand, but not yet clear to the eye.  He said, "I know," and looked up.  The light hit his hazel eyes in a way that the moisture in them shined brightly.

She said, "I'm so sorry, Todd, that she's going through this."

"She'll get well.  I'll bring her every day, if that is what it takes.  I'll make sure."  He stood up, and took the pad with him out to the copter.  

Blair knew he needed to be alone for a moment, and went, with Jewel, to go and get Bitsy.  She was in her room, drawing in another sketch pad.  Blair saw over her shoulder that it was a lovely spring scene. There were small birds all around a fountain, and flowers.  She said, "Momma, that's a pretty one."

Bitsy nodded.

"Todd's ready to bring you to see Ray now, okay.  Let's get your coat."

Blair helped her with it, and Bea took her mittens and hat and put them on.  For a moment, she resembled a child, so much, that Blair's heart broke.  Bitsy leaned over and kissed Jewel's head, and smiled, then headed to the bedroom to get into the copter with Todd.  Blair, glancing down at the picture again, gasped a little when she read the caption:

The sparrows are coming back.

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Failings of the Fathers: 28

"Mom, come quick!"  Sam yelled in her room, running to her, and pulling on her sleeve.

"What, what is it, Sam?"  Blair said.  The baby was next to her, in the basket, and she knew Ray was already down for the night.  "What's the matter?"

"It's Grandma Bitsy, she's acting all weird, Mom."

Blair grabbed the basket as Sam pulled her along.  Jack was sitting on Bitsy's bed, holding her hand.  She was curled up, against the headboard, with her knees tucked up.  She was crying, and rocking and not responding to the children.  Sam said, "See?"

"Jack, get her a blanket.  Sam, run down and get Shaun."

Blair moved to the bed, putting the basket near them both.  "Momma, can you hear me?"

She did not answer.

"Oh, God, Momma, can you hear me, come on, now.  It's all right.  Momma?"

Jack returned with the blanket, and took the basket, tending to Jewel.  Blair said, "My God, I think she's in shock."

Shaun stormed into the room with his gun drawn.  Blair said, "Shaun!"

"Blair, I didn't know.  Sam made it like the world was ending up here."  He put the safety on and stowed it in his belt.  "What's going on?"

"She's unresponsive.  I'm scared, Shaun.  Sam, we need you to tell us what was going on before this happened."

"She was sitting there, drawing.  Then she fell asleep, and then, I looked up, and she was crying like that."

"That's all, Sam?"

"Yep.  I went to get Jack, and Mom, is she going to die?"

"No, honey.  She's just . . . sad."

"She needs Dad.  Is he coming, Mom?"

"Yes, he is, but I am not sure what time he will be here."  She looked at Shaun, almost agreeing with Sam.

Jack said, "She was fine until she slept.  Then, Sam just saw her like that."

Blair put her hand on her mother-in-law's cheek.  "Momma, it's all right.  Please, write me a note," she handed her the pad.

Jack said, "Mom, I think you had better see this."

She looked at Jack, who handed her the sketch pad that had fallen off the bed.  The first page was the picture of Todd's hand with the baby in it.  The next was a similar picture to the one she had shown Blair, of Todd's abuse.  As she looked through the pad, each page had a caption.  The dream about Peter and the bat.  The dream about Peter hurting me in the chamber.  The dream about Todd's cat's neck being broken.  The dream about Peter hurting Sam.  The dream about Peter killing Todd.  The dream about Peter hurting Blair with his body.  The dream about Peter coming back.  Each page was worse than the one prior.  She was glad that Sam had not seen it; she was slightly unnerved that Jack had.  She said, "My God," and put her forehead into her hand.  "She must have had a dream that overwhelmed her."

"Go to the last page," Shaun suggested.  "Maybe she was drawing it."

Blair carefully went to the last page of the art, and looked at it.  The drawing was not complete, but it was evident she had been working on it.  She read the caption:

The dream where I killed Peter - dead.

"Oh, Shaun.  We have to call Ray, right now."  Blair said.

"All right, what else can I do, Blair?"

"Nothing, just take Sam out of here, and let me call Todd, also."

"Call Todd?  I hear the copter."  Shaun said.

"What?  Can it be?"  She ran to the window.  "It's dark, I can't see.  He's been through a lot, too, I'm sure.  Is that him, Shaun, over there?"  She pointed.

"I think so."

"I'll go to the helipad and wait for him," Jack said, putting the basket, with Jewel in it, back on the bed.

"Take Sam with you," Blair said.

"Come on, Squirt," Jack said, and his brother obliged.

"Momma," Blair said, tenderly, "I know the dream upset you.  And I know you went inside yourself to be safe.  I understand that, but we want you here with us.  It's all right, no one is going to hurt you.  Momma?  If you can hear me, will you squeeze my hand?"  she said, putting her hand into Bitsy's.  The woman did not move.

Time passed slowly as they waited for Todd's copter to land, and even then, Blair wasn't sure he could do anything to help.  She was fairly certain they would be bringing her to Mountainview before morning, unless . . .

"He's here!"  She could hear the boys yelling from her bedroom.

Within a few minutes, Todd burst through the doors to his mother's room, and came toward the bed.  Shaun took Jack and Sam to the lower level to make them a snack.  Todd walked to the side of the bed where Blair was, and she got up, clearing the place for him.  He didn't even take his coat off before sitting close to his mother and saying, "Momma, hey, it's me, it's all right.  Can you hear me?"

She didn't respond to his voice, and Blair was standing, wringing her hands.  She said, "Todd, it's her dreams, she was drawing them and she . . . she just went away."

"I know what she's doing."  He looked at his wife.  "I've been here before.  She's . . . she's just scared."

Blair put her hand on Todd's shoulder, and absently played with the edge of his hair.  He took his mother's face in his hand and turned it toward him, "Momma?  It's all right.  I went to Chicago.  Peter is dead, he's never coming back.  We're all okay, we're just worried about you.  I know you're scared, but I want you to come back to us, okay?  We want you with us."

Her eyes did not connect.  Blair said, "I think we have to bring her to Mountainview."

"No, we're not bringing here there.  We're not," he said, and she hadn't noticed how agitated he was, until then.  Jewel woke, and yawned, and then started to fuss.  Blair picked her up, almost forgetting she was in her basket, and put her over her shoulder gently.  Todd was focused on Bitsy, and said, "Momma, please?  Peter is dead, he can't hurt us.  Please, Momma, we need, you.  Me, especially."  He hung his head and Blair sat beside him, cradling the baby against her chest, and touched his cheek.  He put his hand over hers, but did not look up.  

Blair said, "Let me try, one more time," and he moved aside, rubbing his hand down his face, and shaking his head.

She gently took Jewel and placed her on Bitsy's chest, and cradled her there with her own hand.  "Momma, Jewel needs you, and all of us, and Todd.  Please come back.  You're safe."  The baby began to softly coo against Bitsy's neck, and Blair saw her move her hand.  Both Todd and Blair watched her slowly move her hand to the baby's back and pat her gently.  Jewel soon slipped off to sleep, and Blair, tears streaming, turned to Todd.  "She's all right, Todd."

He looked up, and in that moment, Blair was frightened at how tired and pained he looked.  He moved closer to his mother as she came out of herself and held the baby, now looking into her little face, and patting her, then smoothing her little head with her palm.  Bitsy looked up and caught Todd's expression, and handed Jewel off to her mother.

She put her arms out to Todd, and mouthed what he thought was "Angel."  Blair stood and let Todd go to her, and she held him in her arms.  He said, "Momma," and Blair saw him struggle to keep his composure.  He pulled away from her embrace and said, "You're back."

She nodded.  She was still crying, and put her hand on his face, as if in pity. 

He said, "I'm fine, Momma, just tired.  I want you to stay with us.  Everything is all right, now."

She shook her head "no" slightly, and then took his hand.  She put it on Blair's arm, and motioned for them to leave.  She used her hand to tell them "go" and then wrote on her notebook.  I'm all right.  The baby helped.  I was just in the dark, and I could not get out.  I am okay.  You need to talk, and be together.  Go now, I'm fine.

She was right, they needed to talk.  Blair took the baby and the basket and headed to the bedroom.  Todd lingered.  He said, "Momma, please, listen to me.  You can fight that dark.  I did it before, I know."

It's better there.  Peaceful.  A special, beautiful place.

A tear fell from him.  He said, "I know.  I had that, too.  But I don't want to leave my kids and Blair, and you, so I fought it.  I don't go anymore.  I let it go."

I will try.  But Todd, it's too ugly out here.

He swallowed, "Not the babies."

No, not the babies.  Now go.

He leaned over and kissed her cheek.

***

"What happened to Grandma?"  Sam said, eating his ice cream sundae.

"She just got upset.  She was too upset to move."  Shaun said.  It was the best he could do.

"I knew she needed Dad," Sam said.  "He always makes me feel better.  And Mom."

Todd came down the stairs, and headed to the kitchen.  Taking two bottles of water, he looked at the boys, and went to each one, in turn, and kissed their foreheads.  "Guys, everything is okay.  Grandma Bitsy's back to herself."

"See?"  Sam said, to Jack.

"I'll see you guys tomorrow.  It's Saturday, right?  We'll play ball in the morning, or do something, some guy stuff.  Right now, me and your mother have to talk."  Todd said.

"Oh brother, mushy stuff again," Sam said.

"Maybe, Sam.  Goodnight, and love you both."

"Goodnight, Dad."  Jack said, and he turned to Shaun.  "Something's wrong with Dad."

"He's just tired, and probably had a hard day in Chicago."

"Chicago?  He went back there?"  Jack was concerned, and had stopped eating his ice cream.  It was becoming a pool in his bowl.

"He did.  He . . . wanted to put something to rest."

***

He handed her a bottle of water.  The baby was sleeping in her basket, on the end table on Blair's side of the bed.  She took the water, and threw it down, kneeling up on the bed and throwing her arms around him.  "Todd, that was the worst way for you to have to come home from that kind of trip."

"It's all right," he said, holding her close.  She felt so good and warm to him.

"You still have your coat on," she said, helping him off with it.

"I didn't have time to think," he said, leaning back onto the pillows, as customary, and then extending his arm to invite her to her usual place on his chest.

"I know.  I was very afraid, Todd.  She was . . .  gone."

"She's all right now.  I know what she's dealing with.  It's . . . like black ink.  It seeps in your vision.  And you want it.  Because if it covers you, you go somewhere beautiful and safe."

Blair was speechless, listening to him.  "When you went inside yourself?  That's what it was like?"  He nodded.  She said, "Things must have been horrific if you wanted to get away that badly."

"That sums it up, yeah."

The room was very quiet.  Jewel's small, shallow breaths were all they heard for a minute.  Blair said, "So, what about the trip?  Do you want to talk about it?"

"It's over, Blair.  He's dead.  He's in an urn.  On the mantle at Connie Bensonhurst's sister's house.  She saw him burned."

"That's . . . a little creepy."

"Well, he's gone.  I'm free of it.  I want the same for Momma."

"She'll have it.  It will take her some time.  It took you some time, remember?"

"Yep.  It did."  He pulled back from her a bit to see her face.  "We're on our way to Manning Monotony."

"Yeah, I guess we are.  But I'm so relieved we are, Todd."

"Me, too.  It's been a long time coming."

"Mhmm."

"She didn't believe me, Blair."

"What do you mean?"

"She was in complete denial.  She didn't believe anything I said about what he did to me, or to Momma."

"Maybe she can't face it.  That's her special place."

He touched her nose, and dragged his thumb across her face.  "I have mine, right here.  And she's real, and warm," he kissed her mouth, "and she's my one true babe."

"I like that," she said.

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The Mysterious Samuel Toddman: Chapter 11

"Ya See That! He heard me. He almost fell into those eyes but instead he heard me." Pete grinned from ear to ear. "I knew if I yelled loud enough I could get through to him. What do you have to say to that, Ms Perkins?"

"I'd say that we're making progress. I do believe he is indeed starting to hear us and that means I need to check and see if the crack has opened wider to the room holding in his memories. We've been held silent long enough. The trauma that drove Todd into Samuel was tremendous, but when Samuel awoke and had no memory of any of us, I knew something even more insidious had occurred. When I tried to wake Todd all those years ago, it had been like trying to touch him through some invisible wall. I kept telling myself that Todd had put us behind the barrier to keep us safe and then I had noticed the room that held all of Todd's memories was encased in some kind of impenetrable glass. Although I could see the memories I couldn't get to them. If I couldn't get to them then neither could Todd. Someone or something did this to Todd all those years ago. But since we've been chipping away at that room, we've managed to free up portions of memories that Samuel has been using in his paintings. I think we're close to freeing all his memories, and if that happens, then we can get to the bottom of the event that brought Samuel out."

Ms. Perkins paused in her musings to look over at Todd. He was still trapped in some nightmare that she couldn't get through. He responded some to Tom, so Tom had been put in charge of keeping him from hurting himself. Yes, Tom had always been good at comforting Todd. Ms. Perkins turned her gaze back to Pete. "You're right, your instincts when it comes to danger for Todd have always been spot on. I agree that Ms. Olanov has an agenda and if she's here, my guess is Mr Hesser is not far behind. Samuel has made up his mind to enter into this game so you need to be ready to help when the time arrives."

"Oh I'm ready. This is going to be great. I think it was Hesser who might have trapped us here all these years and if I'm right, he's got a nasty surprise waiting for him if I get free. I agree with you, it's time we broke those memories free from that barrier. We have to find out everything that happened on that night eight years ago. You've got to free me, I promise I won't try to take Samuel's place. Right now you need my strength to finish breaking that barrier and I finally understand that if I want my freedom I've got to give Todd his." Pete stopped struggling at his bonds and gave a cold hard stare at Ms. Perkins.

Looking steadily at Pete, Ms. Perkins nodded and said "Very well, I can always restrain you again if you try anything and you're right, Rodd and I need your help on that barrier. We must have that night's memories, no matter how bad, if we're going to get Todd's life back." She undid his bonds.

Pete stood and stretched, "Hmm. That feels great. Okay you old battleaxe lets tackle that wall. I'm itching to hit something and right now that wall sounds just great."

***

            Blair rolled over in bed. She smiled as she recalled the events of yesterday. Tomas had been incredibly charming from the early start of lunch in the Eiffel Tower to their fun filled evening in the Paris nightclubs. Tomas had worked wonders on her morale. She hadn't thought about anything but fun all evening long. Paris at night had been beautiful. It was indeed the City of Lights, and romance wafted through the air like sweet perfume. After hitting several night clubs she and Tomas had ended the evening with a quiet walk along the Seine. They hadn't said much, but in the chill of the night Tomas had gathered her close to keep her warm and they had walked in companionable silence. Tomas had dropped her off at her room and with a kiss on her hand he had left, promising to call.

            As she looked at the clock, she tried to figure out what time it might be back in Llanview. It was too early to call Starr. The last time she had chatted with Starr it had been in the wee hours of the morning. She hadn't realized just how early in the morning it was until she had finished getting dressed for breakfast. That was when it struck her that Starr had called well after Midnight. There must have been something really bothering Starr to have made that call then. Blair grabbed her robe and picked up the house phone and dialed Christian's room. She let it ring a number of times, but he didn't answer, hopefully, that meant things had worked out for him and Layla. When Chris didn't answer she called room service and ordered some breakfast. She had enjoyed yesterday, but today she had to start trying to find Samuel. She needed to meet him face to face and find out how he knew all of these intimate details that he had been painting, and especially, why he looked like Todd.

            Tomas opened the gallery, and headed to his office to see what was ahead for the day. He was hoping the day wouldn't be too full. He wanted to try and get together with Blair again today. He knew she wanted to get out and show the picture of Samuel around, to see if they could track him down. His curiosity had really been stirred up when Blair announced that the picture had resembled her ex-husband, but then she had said her ex had a whole new face. Upon entering his office, Tomas saw several messages from Simone on his desk. He picked them up, as expected, they contained information about a couple of shipments that were due in and there was one with a bid from Mr Hesser on the new portrait. Mr. Hesser was another man who seemed taken with Blair.

             He looked across his desk up at her portrait on the wall. He had seen that look that Samuel had captured. Last night as he held her close to keep her warm and she had looked across the Seine, he had been looking at her. It was the same look she had in the portrait, that look of utter enchantment at the sight before her. He had become enamored with her when he had purchased the picture and last night he had been overwhelmed that he was holding the portrait in his arms. Tomas recalled the ending to last night. Not wanting to scare her away he had given her just a gentle kiss on the hand, but he had to keep seeing her. She stirred something in him long thought dead, he wanted to feel again and Blair was bringing him back to life.

           Tomas picked up the phone and called Blair's hotel. "Yes, Connect me to Ms. Cramer's suite.

            Blair was looking at the sketch of Samuel when the phone rang. "Hello,... Tomas, I was just thinking of our day yesterday. It was a wonderful day and I feel like I can face what's ahead of me again. I can't thank you enough....What? Well yes I was thinking of taking the sketch out and seeing if anyone might recognize him. I haven't been in touch with my friend, but I'd be delighted to have your company. I'm not sure if my friend will be able to join us, I'll leave him a message and meet you at the gallery in an hour. Well thank you again, Tomas. I'll see you shortly." at that, Blair hung up. She tried once more to reach Christian and when she couldn't, she left him a message telling him of her plans. It was a beautiful day and maybe, just maybe, it might prove to be the day they found Samuel.

***

Samuel woke up feeling totally at peace. Yesterday had been a true eyeopener. He had faced some harsh truths about himself, but had come out still sane and strangely energized by what had occurred. It had been extremely painful to realize he was capable of hurting a woman, and in his heart he knew he hadn't just bullied that woman ,he had brutalized her. Samuel got up and went to his mirror. His hand went up tracing the horizontal scar. He remembered that pipe descending and impacting his cheek but the agony he felt came from the realization that what he felt, didn't compare to what he had done to the woman in his painting. He looked into his eyes and saw a man he hadn't seen before. He saw a man fully capable of violence and anger toward another human being. The man in the mirror had hated and been hated but even as he looked Samuel also saw pain mirrored in those eyes. Samuel felt pain for himself and for his victim. Those eyes knew violence but they also knew pain and they knew remorse. While he looked Samuel began to understand the feeling of coldness he had felt in his soul, but now he needed to find out where it came from.

           Even as he looked his fingers strayed to the second scar. He still was unable to remember how he got that scar. Tracing the scar from his eye to his chin he began to imagine what could have made such a mark. He had this uncanny feeling this scar was going to be the answer to his memory problems. Whoever or whatever caused it, also started Samuel's journey. Samuel was certain if he could retrieve that memory, all the rest would come back like a tidal wave.

           Samuel shook his head to clear the cobwebs. He had to figure how he was going to handle the latest development in his life. The very lovely Alex and whoever was behind her and directing her actions. Samuel knew just how low he had been the previous night, but when that vision had fallen at his feet, Samuel had taken it as a sign that all was not lost. Alex had been the diversion needed to pull him up from despair. That being said, it was funny how that little voice in his head had made him stop before giving a beautiful stranger too much information. It was peculiar, but it had been somewhat comforting to hear that voice, like it was an old friend, someone he had counted on for much of his life. He had taken the advice to stop because it seemed right.

             As he had taken Alex back to the Ritz, he was amused when she tried to get him to see her again. At first, he had breathed a sigh of relief when he realized he had escaped her charms.  The more he thought about it, the more he realized he could use her the way she had been trying to use him. Just like his scar, he needed to find out who had been watching him all these years and why they had decided to make a move on him now.

             Walking out into the sitting room, he headed straight to the mantel. " My lovely ones I'm going to start courting a beautiful woman. If I'm right, she'll lead me to the person who put her in my path. I just have this feeling that whoever that is, is privy to a lot of information about me. I want to know what he knows." Stepping back, he took a long hard look at the two of them. As he looked he began seeing his serene one as she stood in an elegant room. Her name seemed just out of reach, but Samuel knew that she too was as real as the woman he painted yesterday. He sensed he was very close to her, but it wasn't romantically, more familial. Yes! That was it, she was family. She was...no, not mother..she was his sister. He couldn't believe it; his serene one, his Muse,was his sister. Why couldn't he remember her name? It was frustrating and exhilarating all at once. He had a sister, he had a child but he still couldn't figure out the names.

           His gaze shifted to Dee, surely she too had a connection to him that was more than just his imagination. She was so dear to him but with her all he saw was an obscuring fog, something was keeping him from finding her. "Don't worry Dee, I believe that you are as real as my child and my sister. I will discover a way through the fog. I'm going to make this right. I will get my memory back. I'm more convinced than ever before that something is impeding my memories."



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