Hope from the Ocean: 4

"So much snow," Blair said, tucking her hair into her angora hat.  

Todd, who was already set to go, was sitting by the fireplace in the family room, waiting for her and reading on his tablet.  "I found the property I want.  Over by the penthouse in Llanview Center.  It will  make a perfect gallery."

"That sounds good."  She finished putting on her gloves.  "You ready, Daddy?"

"Yep, ready.  Williams is outside."

"I'm so excited, Todd.  Our first check up!  Well, our first this time."

"It's cool.  I know.  Can't wait to see the baby's picture."

"It won't be now, Todd.  Too early."

"Right, the baby's probably kinda small right now."

"Yep.  She is.  But it's still exciting," she said, heading out the door.  He followed her to the limo.

***

"Yes, Dr. Martino, I assume your call is about Bea," Sister Rebecca Katherine said.  

"Actually, no, Sister.  Bea is fine.  It's about something I wanted to discuss with you.  A job opportunity.  Our facility is looking for an intern, someone who wants to work while being trained and attending classes for a counseling degree.  I thought of you immediately.  You'd be my intern, and attend courses at Llanview University, and then eventually move into a position here."

She did not know how to respond.  "And lose my charity work, Doctor?  I'm not likely to agree to something of that nature."

"It's all charity work, Sister.  No one says you have to accept pay.  But through this program, your courses will be paid for."

"Paid for?  Hmmm.  Then, I would not have to take money for my work."

"It's unusual, but yes, if that's what you wanted."

"Let me get back to ya, have to discuss it with my family," she said, abruptly hanging up.  

Ray turned the phone toward himself, almost looking into the receiver.  "That's Sister," he said aloud.

As he placed the receiver back on the hook, a knock was heard at the door.  There stood Bea with her new pad and pen.  She smiled and put out her hand.  He took it, shaking it, and said,  "Good morning, Bea."

She nodded.  She sat down, across from his desk, but very close, so that they could exchange notes as needed.  She wrote, I had a dream.

"All right.  Do you want to talk about the dream?"

It wasn't a very bad dream, like the others.  It was a good dream and bad.  Todd and Blair had a new baby.  It was a girl.  She was so pretty.  But she was so tiny, so small, she could fit in Todd's hand, and he was holding her with his fingers open to make a little cup.

"It's all right.  That's not something real.  That's a dream.  Remember, dreams are not real life.  They are things in your mind."

The woman wrote:  I forget that sometimes.  The sparrows started in my dream, but they were real, weren't they?

"No, Bea, we've talked about that.  The sparrows were not real.  Remember we read about birds and learned that they cannot pick up a person?"

She wrote, for a longer time.  Then she handed him the pad.  I remember now.  Yes.  Birds are too little to lift people.  Even a lot of them.  They were not really there, they were in my mind.  It's confusing, for me, really confusing.  So much is real or not real.  The One Who Hurt Us, Peter, he was real.  Very real.  But the sparrows, and the tiny baby are not.  Is that right?

"Yes, Bea, that's right.  You seem very confused today.  Did the dream make you confused?"

I think so.  The dream made me feel strange.  I thought it was already happening.  The baby is not born, the tiny baby is not here. And I am not better.  In the dream, I was better.  Todd was holding the tiny baby and I was there.  I was better.  But, it has not happened, yet.

"It may never happen, Bea.  Dreams are not things that happen in the future."

The woman looked out the window, and then took her pen to her lip, tapping there, then wrote and handed it to Ray, half-smiling.  

Not always.

***

Blair was on the exam table in a blue johnny coat, and Todd was sitting beside her.  Both were waiting for the doctor.  He said, "You look good in blue, but not as good as red."

"Thanks.  This is . . . I never thought we'd be here again, Todd.  We're having a baby."  She could barely get the words out without her eyes moistening.

He stroked her hair, "I know.  We're just living the dream, you and I."

"Ours."

"Yep."

The door opened.  "Mr and Mrs. Manning.  Good to see you."  She pulled up a mobile stool, and pushed it toward them.  "I'm glad to say, everything so far, so good."

"We're glad," Blair said, "We lost other children, you know that."

"Yes.  Which brings me to a word of caution.  This delivery will most likely be c-section because of the bullet wound.  We can't risk it rupturing."

"Okay," Blair said, sounding husky and rather breathless.  "Is the baby okay?"

"The baby's fine, right now.  It's doing just what it should be.  Growing."

"Will she be all right?  I mean, will I carry her to term?"  

Todd watched his wife, and looking at her face, he was transported back to the past, when she, having already lost Sommer, was waking in a panic.  He said, "Babe, the doctor said everything is okay."

She looked back at Todd, and smiled, as if noticing her own paranoia.  "I know, I'm just . . . skittish I guess."  She began to breathe faster, and then exclaiming, "oh" in a confused manner, she was unprepared when the doctor rose from her stool and moved Blair to sitting and instructed her to put her head between her knees.

After Blair calmed and her breathing returned to normal, the doctor spoke, "Some degree of this is to be expected.  You've lost three natural children.  That's a great deal of suffering to endure, and with two of them you were very far along.  I understand the concern and the questions.  I won't lie to you or sugar coat things.  In your 40s, you're far more likely to develop problems like high blood pressure and diabetes during pregnancy and have a higher risk of delivering a low-birth-weight or preterm baby.  With the previous losses, it can be stressful.  That's why I need to reiterate these things:  rest, relaxation and good nutrition.  There should be some form of meditation to use in case you begin to feel like you did just now.  Mr. Manning, I'm leaving a lot of that under your care."

"I understand.  She's my princess, and she'll be treated like royalty."

Blair smiled, her hair a bit mussed from the slight panic attack.  She said, "Thank you, Todd.  If the baby is okay, I am okay," she said, smiling.

The doctor walked out, leaving Blair to get dressed and Todd to watch.  "I like this part," he said.  "What was all that about, Babe?  The breathing, you know, what just happened?"

"I panicked.  I don't know why.  Something, I just felt a rush in my chest, and it got tight, and the next thing I knew, I couldn't breathe, but I was breathing too much, you know?"

He did.  Panic.  He'd experienced it often, with his PTSD and the things he'd been through.  "You're going to be all right, though.  We'll make sure of it, the kids and I."

"I'm all right, Todd, really," she said, putting her slacks back on and finishing her redress.  "Can I treat you to lunch?"

"With my money?"

"No, with mine."

"Oh, well, that changes everything. Sure.  Where to?"

"The Country Club?"

"Is that place still open?"

"Yes, it's open, you silly."

"Then, okay," he said, becoming more serious, as he leaned in toward her face and met her lips with his.  Her hand found his scar, and slid across it, familiarly.

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