Failings of the Fathers: 6

"Are the treatments painful, Son?"  Timothy asked Aiden, who was just being wheeled back into his room.

"The worst of it, for now, is the therapy.  When I talk about my past, the pain sears through me head.  Not an easy time of it.  But, I find things to think of, things that could be worse."

Timothy didn't ask, but he had a feeling.  "Ya do?  That might be a strategy that works."

"I think of Todd, and some of the things he endured and for how long.  I also think of others.  There are people out there worse off than me, that's for sure, it is."

"Well, if it helps.  Have ya remembered much more?"

"No.  Not much.  It seems to break off around the time of the shooting.  I can't seem to go much further back yet.  The doctor says it will, in time."

"That's promising.  Good for ya, then."

"Have ya heard from Llanview?  How are things with The Mannings?"

"They seem to be fine. Settling back in.  Todd's mother has come to live with them."

"Ah.  That's a good thing.  Is everything all right with Blair and the babby?"

"Seems to be."

"I'll rest easier for a while.  I owe me life to Todd, Pappy."

"I understand.  I do too, so I know what ya mean.  I want the best for him.  I want relief."

Aiden's Adam's apple moved in his throat.  "What do ya think it's like, knowing y'ar own father . . ."

"I don't know, Lad.  I don't spend much time with that thought."

"He has to find some kind of peace.  He does.  It won't be right if he doesn't."

"Have ya made any acquaintances or friends, here?"

"Yes.  There are some nice people.  A few men at the groups, some in the cafeteria.  Some just in the halls.  I'm very friendly as a rule, always have been.  Always needed to bring people to me, since I didn't have a family of me own aside from Aman and Lily.  I had to leave them, to protect them.  It was a hard, hard thing."

"I know.  Must have been.  Ya were a young one when ya left."

"Did I tell ya I saw Todd, when I was a young man?"

"No.  What do ya mean?"

"When he was here, in Europe, I mean Ireland.  At the Wild Swan.  He was standing with a woman, not Blair.  I was serving drinks, he was talking to her, and she gave him a gift."

"I see," Timothy did not want to go forward with the conversation, and did not want to tell Aiden about Todd's history with women, aside from Blair.

"He didn't remember me, but he thought that was where he recognized me from.  In reality, he was just seeing ya, Pappy."

"Yes.  Likely he was."

"Can ya bring Tina, Dad?  I want to see her.  Little Tina."

"Yes, I will.  I'll go and bring her back in a few hours, is that all right, Son?"

"Whatever ya can.  I want to see her, I miss her.  She makes me smile."

"She'll be here."  Timothy said, bending to embrace his son gently.

***

"Blair, you're here?"  Sister Rebecca Katherine said, opening the door to her room at St. Anne's.

"Yes, hello, Sister."

"Come in, and Dear, I can tell something's wrong.  Your face."

"I'm . . . I didn't know where else to turn, Sister."  Blair noticed the woman's bags on her bed, open and half packed.  "You're . . . going somewhere, or still did not finish unpacking?"

"I'm moving to Mountainview, for the internship, do ya remember, Bridgette?"

"Yes.  I must have forgotten about when it was starting."

"Well, I am on my way.  But that's not important now.  What is it, Dear?"

"Sister, I'm . . . I'm so afraid," she said, starting to cry.  Her hand was trembling, and was against her lips.

"Oh, Dear," she said, sitting down across from Blair.  She took her other hand.  "Not sure this is best for the babby."

"I'm sorry," she said, trying to pull it together.  "I just . . . I'm afraid.  For him."

"All right.  Tell me everything, and I'll see what this is about.  Sometimes it seems worse from the inside."

"He . . . has had a few dreams, about Peter.  Claimed he saw him.  And all in all, he is sure he's imagining things, and Ray agrees.  The thing is . . . I . . . I can't even say this, it's too hard."

The nun did feel a surge of panic in her chest, but she pushed it down, seeing that Blair was distraught.  "It is bad, what he's experiencing?"

"Well, it's not that bad, we've been through worse.  He just . . . last night he broke down when he felt the baby's head in my belly.  He dreamed Peter was coming for our children.  He's. . .convinced he's losing his mind, again.  The truth is . . .well, the truth is . . ."

"Go quickly and spit it out, it's better faster, Dear.  It will just be easier."

"He dreamed of Peter, and he said he saw him.  He saw him all different places, and in the clinic.  Well, this made him upset.  He wanted to see Ray Martino. So, he did.  He went to see him, and he remembered things.  He said he remembered Peter burning his arm when he was in the clinic, and then he panicked, seeing the burn right where he said it happened.  It was on his forearm, and he saw it, and he was . . . upset.  Of course with all the scars he has on him, Ray convinced him it was in his mind, and he agreed.  Peter died in front of him."

"The poor man.  He is . . . still trying to cope with the story of his life."

"Well, when he got home, he told me about it, and I didn't want to say anything because . . . Sister, I think . . ."

"You think he's having a mental collapse.  Oh, my."

"No, that's just it.  I don't.  I didn't want to say . . . Sister, I think I remember that burn."

***

A light knock pulled Aiden out of dozing.  He looked up to the door, and said, "Little Tina."

"Hi."  She walked to the bed.  "Are you well?"

"I'm all right.  I've come a long way.  Just resting."

"I see.  Timothy said you wanted to see me."

"I did.  I missed ya.  I don't want to intrude on y'ar time, but I wanted to see ya.  To have ya with me."

"Well, I'm here."

He smiled.  "I see ya.  And I'm glad for it.  I . . . have decisions to make."

"Like?"

"How many surgeries.  How much therapy.  How much pain to take."

She sat by his bed and covered his hand with her hand.  "What did you decide?"

"I decided that I can let it all happen, and let them do all their work.  But I can't go it alone.  And I feel like I can't ask ya . . ."

"Ask.  Just go ahead and ask."  

"Will ya be there for me?  They say it could take a long time.  Are ya willing to waste that time on the likes of me?"

She looked to her hand on his.  "There's no wasting anything.  Yes, I'll be here.  I'll help you through it.  I've got nothing else going on right now, anyway.  It was fixed thing, my last job.  By Todd."

"Ah.  What about a man at home?  A special one?"

She shook her head.

"Well, I'd appreciate having someone to share this with me, even though it's not something positive.  It's not me giving you the moon, or the stars.  But it's me, offering to commit to ya, as I settle things.  But ya don't have to say it's forever.  We don't know what will happen."

"No, we don't," she said, and part of her broke inside.  She knew that when he was well, he would want to seek out a family, possibly a wife, children, and that wouldn't include her, since she was past the point of that.  "We don't, and that's not important right now.  Let's just get you through all this, so you can move on."

He touched her face, "Tina, what happened?  Your face became sullen."

"Nothing, I just was thinking how . . . well, how much you have to go through, that's all."  She lied to him, but it was for good reason.

"Don't ya worry about me, My Lady.  Just be here for me, that's all I ask, it is."

***

"What do ya mean, Bridgette?" the nun asked.

"So much has happened with us, since he came back.  I shouldn't even say that.  Since Ireland, when I was pregnant with Starr.  So much has happened.  So many things . . . with and without each other.  Our lives have never been . . ."

"Simple."

"Yes," she covered her mouth and closed her eyes, "but with everything that's happened to us, why couldn't this, too?"

"Ya have to be clearer, why couldn't what?  In my heart, I've thought how he might not be able to survive all of the mental torment, and might finally crack in half.  Is that what ya mean?"

"No.  I mean, why can't it be that . . . that he did get that burn?"

"I suppose he could have.  He was tortured for eight years, he was brutalized, he was.  Leona, and the others - anything is possible."

"No, no, Sister.  I mean before."

"Before he went missing?  Ya mean in the nineties?"

She nodded, afraid to speak her thoughts.  

"Are ya saying you remember the burn from before he was missing?  Before ya were separated those 8 years?"

She nodded again, with a tear on each side of her face.  "Yes," she whispered.  "I'm almost sure I saw that burn on his forearm long before he supposedly died in the tomb at Mitch's hand."

The nun sat down on the bed.  "Oh dear.  This is, quite complicated."

"What do I do?"

"Nothing, I'd say.  Ya know deep down he has to figure everything out in his own time."

"You believe me?"  Blair was surprised, and the nun handed her a tissue.

"I'm not saying that it's all that clear, Bridgette.  Ya may have seen that burn and ya may not have.  It's many years and scars in between.  And ya know what it would mean."

"It would mean . . . Peter was alive when Todd was in Switzerland, and really tormenting him."

"Yes. And, ya know what else this could mean, don't ya?"  The nun lifted Blair's chin.

"I don't want him to be crazy," she cried.  "I don't want him to be imagining all this.  Everything else he thought of or imagined and dreamed came true.  I don't want this to be in his mind.  I don't want him gone, Sister."

"Yes, I know.  And these fears, they can make us see and do things, believe things."

Blair became quiet.  She sniffed, and dabbed at her face with the tissue.  "I know.  I know you're right.  I just . . . I'm so afraid.  He's never been, well, totally stable emotionally.  Not for years."

"Ya came so far, both of ya.  It's normal to not want to lose it."

"Thank you, Sister."

"It's all right.  Just stand by y'ar man.  I know it seems like such a long journey, but I'll tell ya that I believe he's almost home."

Blair hugged the woman.  "Thank you.  Sister, I wish you so much happiness at the new site.  I hope you do as much good as you did here."

"I'm positive I will.  And I have Dr. Martino to thank for it."

"It was great of him to think of you for this."

"Yes.  Now go home to your husband.  I am sure he needs ya.  And remember."  

"I will.  Thank you," she said, still wavering with emotion.

She walked out, and headed to the car.  Williams was waiting, and she climbed into the limo, with his assistance.  "Gosh, I'm getting really pregnant!" she said aloud.  

Williams said, "Are you all right, Mrs. Manning?"

"Yes, I'm fine, thank you, Williams."  

Mrs. Manning.  That's who I am, and who I'll always be.

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