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Thursday, September 18, 2014

Failings of the Fathers: 22

The next few minutes were filled with Blair's cries and Todd's prodding.  Inside, he was fearing any slight mistake he might make that could cost him his daughter or his wife, or both of them, since he knew that she would never survive the death of this baby.  Bitsy was crying continuously, without sound, and holding Blair's hand and continuing to wipe the sweat from her brow.  Finally, Blair let out a final exasperated and long cry, and fell back against the bed, breathing hard.  Bitsy got up, and went to the side, to see her grandchild.  Todd was quiet, concentrating.  And it was then that it happened.

Todd brought his hand out from under the edge of the sheet, and in it was his daughter.  Unlike Ray, she was making noise as soon as she came into the world, and her tiny cries demonstrated healthy and well-developed lungs.  She was able to breathe on her own, though she was small enough that her body rested in his palm, with her head lolling slightly on his fingertips.  Bitsy covered her mouth with her hand, and tears dropped to her chest.  


Another angel.  She's alive.  The dream.

One thing Todd remembered, somehow with crystalline sharpness, was cutting the umbilical cord for Jack, so he wrapped Jewel in a towel, and placed her on Blair's chest.  He proceeded to cut it the same way Dr. Troy had coaxed him through when Jack was born.  Blair was still lying there spent, unable to lift her head, with her hand resting on her daughter, who was crying loudly.  Between breaths, Blair cried and called his name, and thanked him repeatedly.  Bitsy was brought to sobs, and cried into her hands, as Todd double checked to be certain everything was tied off correctly, before tending to the baby and his wife.  He helped support Blair's head so she could see Jewel on her breast, crying and moving gently in the firelight.  Blair said, "Oh my God, Todd, you saved her.  She's . . . everything."


After Blair saw her and touched her face, he brought the baby into the bathroom, and instructed Bitsy to gently wash her in the sink basin.  While his mother did this, he went back to Blair, knowing soon she would deliver the after-birth, and he had to be certain she would not hemorrhage.  He looked at the clock.  It had been over and hour.  Where's the fucking ambulance?  Suddenly, fear gripped him.  What if Blair started to bleed. . .


Bitsy brought the baby back into the room, wrapped in a new white towel, and put her onto Blair's chest again.  Tired from the labor, she looked at her daughter and smiled.  "She's perfect, Momma.  She's ours."


Bitsy nodded, still crying.  Todd was working to assure Blair's safety as best he could.  Finally, seeing that everything was seemingly all right, he called Dorian back and described what had occurred, step by step.  Getting a vote of confidence, he quickly cleaned up the mess, throwing all of the towels into a plastic bag, and then, washing his hands, went back to Blair and the baby.  He sat next to them on the bed, and said, "She's just like her mother, already making noise."  Blair fumbled with the buttons on her nightie, and he reached over and undid them.  She placed the baby on her chest, so their skin met, and draped the towel over the baby to keep it warm.  Within a few moments, Jewel was quietly nursing.  


Todd said, "That was fast!" and Blair laughed.  


"She's smart, takes after her Daddy."  Even though he knew she was all right, her voice sounded so small and childlike.


He said, "Look what you did, Blair?"  At this point, his tears fell without his trying to stop them.  "Look what you gave me.  Another piece of us."  He kissed his wife on the mouth, and stroked her hair.


She said, "You're the one who made her get here okay.  She . . . could have died, Todd, and I would have.  Thank you," the last part she whispered.


"But she didn't.  She's all right, look at her?  She's so . . ." his voice broke.


Bitsy got up and went to the door.  She looked back at the two of them, wanting to memorize the picture of them holding their daughter for the first time.  She made her way to her room, stopping in Jack's.  He was up, sitting in the dark, waiting, it seemed.  She walked in, and wrote on Jack's mini whiteboard,  Your mother is fine, Jewel was born.  Your father made her okay.  She's tiny and beautiful, Jack.

"Just like you drew her."


She nodded.  


"Good," he said, "they don't need anything else bad, ever again.  And no more death."


She agreed with him.


"Thanks, Grandma.  The ambulance should be here soon."


She nodded, and went to her room.


Back in the master bedroom, Todd watched his new daughter and her mother and said, "Thank you."


"No, thank you, Todd.  When did you figure out she was turned wrong?"


"When I saw her little foot instead of her head.  She was small enough for me to kind of push back up, and then turn.  She actually turned herself after a while."


"I know, I felt it."


"She's all right now, that's what matters.  And you."


"I'm fine," she said, and the baby had fallen asleep.


"I'm going to clean you up a little.  But I need one thing, be right back."


He left the room, and Blair closed her eyes and dozed, with Jewel on her chest sleeping.  In a few moments, she was alerted by the sound of him returning.  He took a delicate pink blanket and wrapped the baby in it, similar to a burrito, the way he had read.  Then he placed her, gently, into the basket that his mother had made for her.  She fit perfectly.  Leaving her sleeping there at the foot of the bed, he cleaned Blair up with warm washcloths and redressed her.  At the end of this, the paramedics were banging on the door, and Jack, who was still awake, bounded past them to get to the stairs.  "I'll let them in, Dad."


When the EMTs returned, Jack followed them in.  He said, "Mom, you okay?"


"Yes," she said, groggy and finally slipping into a state of comfort.


Todd said, "Meet your new sister," and showed Jack the basket.


"Wow," he said, "she's really puny.  But she's so cute.  I never saw anything so . . . perfect."


The medics checked Blair and the baby.  Jewel weighed four pounds, three ounces, but she was, miraculously, perfect in every way.  Blair and Todd's new daughter were deemed well enough to remain at home, instead of facing the driving snow and the hour trek to the hospital.  They gave Blair some medication, and left Todd with instructions and the directive to get her into a doctor for a full evaluation soon.  Most of it he somehow knew.  He didn't have his tablet for nothing, or his research skills.  It was always the norm for him to investigate important topics, and the birth of his child was the most important topic he could think of.  


Since both of his girls were finally all right, he could finally breathe and soak in the reality of his world.  


It makes no sense that I should have all this.  


He took the baby's basket and set it on the bed next to her mother.  Then, he was able to climb in next to Blair and hold her gently as she slept.  


Jewel also slept, in her pink basket, with her hand under her face and splayed over her cheek.


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