It had been days since she had last heard his voice. Days that she had not felt him touch her hand, or call her "Little Tina." She missed him, and looked at her finger, with the single gold band, and her eyes blurred with tears.
At times, she would see his eyes move under his lids, but nothing more. He never made an expression, or a moan, but she wondered if he was dreaming, or was he facing just blank black all these hours and days?
The nun came into the room, rather unassuming, as always, and pulled up the second chair. "Tina, Dear. It's almost 4. Have ya eaten?"
"Yes, I ate something earlier."
"Y'ar looking pale and thin."
"The second one I like."
"Dearest, ya have to take care of y'arself. If ya don't, ya can't be any help for him."
"I know. I keep thinking, you know, what is he thinking of? What is he experiencing? Is he afraid? Is he alone?"
"He's not alone. He knows y'ar here."
"I suppose. It just doesn't seem like it."
"Because ya can't talk to him, or hear him. But ya can see him, and touch him."
"Yes, I know," she said, and she was crying again. Not that she hadn't been all along, but at this point, it was common, and she just let it come. She reached over and smoothed his hair, which was a bit longer now than when she first met him.
The nun said, "It's likely he feels ya. That he knows y'ar here."
"Maybe." She continued to stroke his hair. She said, "Sister, I know it's going to seem strange but Aiden made me feel . . . sort of different than I have before. He didn't see the bad things about me, he only knew the 'good me.' He had this vision of me, though I know it wasn't real, as a good person."
"Oh my Dear, he saw exactly who ya are."
"I don't think so."
"It's true. He knew the real person in ya. The one who saved Little Ray, and Todd and his family. The one who loves him. The one who has just as much right to be loved as anyone else."
She sniffed, overcome with emotion. The nun put a hand on her back and said, "Dear, maybe a break from this, eh?"
"No. I can't."
Timothy came in. "Yes, ya can, and I insist that ya do."
"Timothy. I just . . . can't."
"Ya have to, or ya will fall apart. Ya just have to."
She resisted, and then the nun said, "Ya take a break, with me, and Timothy will stay watch aside Aiden."
"I . . . "
"No resisting," Timothy said.
She got up, unhappily, and said, "Will you use that 'blasted contraption,' as you call it, that my brother gave you, if you need me or anything changes?"
"Of course," he said, moving to the chair she had just vacated.
She left the room, and for some reason, a few minutes later, it slightly darkened. the sun had gone behind a cloud, and Timothy leaned forward. "Son, Eric, if ya can hear me. Things are all right here. We'll be okay. So, ya do what ya have to do."
Aiden was standing on the bluff facing the ocean, the spray hitting his face, the wind whipping past him like tendrils of cool fire. He had been there, in that place, time and time again, when living in Innishcreg with Aman and Lily. He had grown up there, and to him, it was one of the most beautiful sights he had seen. He closed his eyes and let the mist and spray from the wild sea glaze his skin. When he opened his eyes, his mother was on the bluff next to him.
She said, "Eric. Are ya afraid?"
"No," he said. She was in all white, and appeared bright, and beautiful.
"Then, what is holding ya? Ya say y'ar not afraid, ya say y'ar brave."
"I am, Mam. I am wondering if my journey has really come to an end. I'm not sure. Is there more for me to do?"
"I don't know, Son. Ya have to think of it y'ar own way."
"But, I want to go with ya. It's so much easier, like this. There's no pain, Mammy, there's no strife."
"No, there's not."
"Pappy, will he be all right?"
"He will."
"Tina?" he thought a moment. "Tina, will she?"
"She will."
"How do ya know all this?"
"I just know, my Son. It's about ya. Y'ar happiness and y'ar destiny."
"I can see. Here, I can see. I feel free, I feel that it's all behind me."
"That's what it is supposed to be like, my Son. You have suffered, a great deal. And that suffering is not over, if you remain."
He closed his eyes again, and let the mist of the ocean bathe him.
***
"Ya know, it's very hard dealing with people leaving us, when they have to," the nun said.
Tina looked up from her tray and said, "What do you mean?"
"Well, I'm just thinking how Eric might be holding on, for our sake. How he might be fighting, to stay alive, for us."
"Is that a good thing, Sister?"
"I suppose it can be. But then, he may just need us to let him know that it's all right to go, as well."
Tina didn't like what she heard. "No. It's not. It's not okay for him to go."
"Tina," she placed a hand on the younger woman's forearm, "How do ya know?"
"I don't, I guess."
"Do ya believe that some things are meant to be, and just happen?"
"Yes."
"And if it's meant to be, he'll come back to us."
Just then, Dr. Vigo made his way into the cafeteria. Tina saw him, and got up to go to him. The nun hung back, and let her go off toward him. She watched as they talked for quite a while, and Tina's at-first eager expression and hopeful posture faded into something else. It was as if she had literally crumbled to pieces.
When she came back and sat, she didn't speak.
The clergywoman said, "Are ya all right?"
"I'm . . . I'm fine."
"I know it's hard for ya. I can't imagine what y'ar going through." Tina broke down, into her hands, and the nun whispered, "God's is watching over both of ya."
***
"It's beautiful here," Aiden said. He walked toward his mother. "It's beautiful here, but I am not sure I can stay."
"Ya can go. If that is what ya want."
"Would I be with ya?"
"Yes. Of course. And ya wouldn't be in pain, anymore. Ya wouldn't be blind, or anything else . . ."
"What else is there, Mam?"
"Ya won't be able to walk, Eric. Ya lost the use of y'ar legs."
"I don't remember that."
"It's happening now, with the way y'ar brain bled. Ya may not be able to talk. And here, no more pain, no more headaches."
He knew what she was offering, and he closed his eyes again, and heard a distant voice.
"If ya have to let go, I'll understand. I wished for more time with ya, to get to know ya as a grown man, but I know it might not be now. It might be later, when I'm ready, too."
He had trouble identifying the voice, but he felt it meant something to him. And the more he tried to recall who it belonged to, the further off it seemed. He knew it was the voice of someone he . . . someone important, but it continued to fade. He said, "Mam, someone's talking to me."
"Yes, someone will. There are those that love you, on both sides."
"Both sides. The side of life and the side of death?"
"No, the side of earth and the side of everlasting light."
"Heaven, Mam?"
"Perfect peace."
***
Tina and Sister Rebecca Katherine came back to Aiden's room as Timothy was sitting, his hand covering Aiden's. He said, "Ah, y'ave come back, eh?"
"Yes, we've had enough of that cafeteria food. We'd rather be here." Tina said.
"I was just telling Eric some things. Perhaps he heard me. Perhaps he needed to hear them." Then he thought again, "Perhaps he didn't hear me at all."
"I'm betting that he did," the nun said, putting a hand on her brother's shoulder.
He said, "Ya know, I remember this day, Eric was only just six, he had lost a tooth, and he was holding it and running around Erin and I, shouting. When we looked, he was holding the little thing in his palm. He was so excited that day."
Tina was hardly involved in the conversation. Instead, she was looking at Aiden's face, and walking slowly to the other side of the bed.
The nun said, "That is a dear memory."
"Yes." Timothy was wistful, and seemed defeated.
Tina went to Aiden on the other side of the bed, and lifted his hand, putting it into hers. Dr. Vigo can't be right, can he? That Aiden might not ever be the same, if he wakes at all? How can that be true? And if it is, what kind of life would he have?
"It's getting dimmer outside, evening is coming," the nun added. She leaned down and kissed her nephew's cheek, and then said, "I'm going to the chapel, ya both will know where the find me, eh?"
She silently padded out of the room. Timothy said, "He looks peaceful."
"He does." Tina said, and she was crying, again.
"I hope that he is."
Tina looked at the older man, and for a moment, he seemed so much like a child, and she could see Aiden in him, as plain as day. She said, "I just want to tell him something."
"Well, no better time than the present," Timothy said.
She leaned down and kissed his lips, gently. Then, moving toward his ear, she whispered softly, and then ran from the room.
***
"Mam, I hear voices. They're familiar, but I can't remember . . ."
"Don't worry about them, Son. You'll remember soon enough."
"Do ya think I'll be happy?"
"I know ya will. I know ya will be in God's grace." She took a few steps toward him, as he watched the sea. She said, "Are ya ready?"
"Yes. I'm ready, Mam."
She put out her hand.
***
Timothy watched Tina go, unsure what she had said, and sighed a ragged sigh, as tears sprung to his eyes. He leaned forward, and his son's eyes began to move behind his lids. Thinking it had meaning, he said, "I'm not missing another minute, Boy," and continued to keep watch. "I know ya know I love ya."
It wasn't a few minutes after that Aiden took in and let out another breath, and then, all was still.
*** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***
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