Todd Revisited: Acceptance (Chapter 18)

Sitting on the top bunk, he thought about it; when the guard told him he had a visitor, he was sure he was mistaken.  Even more so when the guard reported it was his lawyer.  He had looked up to see Tea.  She was there at the barred door of his cell.  And what ensued, crushed his spirit even more.


First was Blair, his beautiful Blair, who just could not admit to herself that he was real.  He knew how Blair thought, what she felt, how she handled things.  She was sure to be doubting herself, blaming herself, trying to understand how she could have ever accepted The Impostor.  She was probably reeling from their first meeting, and he called it first because he was positive he would meet her again, soon.  She was most likely discussing it with Dorian and trying to justify her actions over the last 8 years to herself.  He wasn't really mad at her; he knew what he meant to her, and he knew that she probably just wanted him to be so badly that she accepted it.  When she had returned his kiss, he was pretty certain that she knew he was her Todd.  He would have to wait.  But, it did not take the pain away of being completely isolated from the people he came back to.


The visit from Tea, however, was unexpected, and put him into a tailspin.  Delgado was smart, sharp, no-nonsense, and there she was in front of him, a blubbering idiot who he realized loved this impostor.  She had to, why else would she hang on so hard to believing him?  He was pleased that he had apologized to her, though.  One bright moment in this.  It did hurt that she didn't believe him.  After all, she always had the knack for figuring out the difficult cases.  He at least had gotten that out.  He would have to apologize again, another time, for what he did concerning Tom and Pete; he was wrong to have partially lied about himself the way he did to her.


He knew now that he was also lying to himself; that Pete and Tom had been around since his 14th birthday, and were very real.  This he learned, surprisingly, when he had no memory of who he was during his time in Ireland.  He closed his eyes and leaned back against the cinder block wall with a small government issue pillow in the small of his back.  Thinking back, he cruised through time and found himself again in the little cottage in Innishcreg.


"Tom?  Are you awake?"  Lilly asked, coming around the corner in her flannel nightie and robe.


He stirred, and pushed up on the one good arm.  "I'm awake, but I'm not sure I'm Tom," he said. 


"All right, lad."  She looked disappointed.


"Did I say I was Tom?"


"Yes, lad, you did.  You told Aman and I that you were Tom.  Thomas Todd Manning."


He let the sound reverb in his mind and heart.  "So that's who I am?"


"Yes, lad."


"What else did I say, Lilly?"


"Not much else, Son.  Except . . .you told us to call you Tom.  You were havin' another nightmare."  She was tripping over her words awkwardly.


"Lilly?  Come on, I know there's more."


She hesitated.  "Not much more, lad, really.  Will you be havin' some tea before bed?"  She walked to the stove, attempting to draw attention away from the conversation, but he wasn't budging.


"Lilly?  Lilly, look at me, please?"  She cooperated.  "What else, Lilly?"


"Something about a man."


He knew immediately who she was referring to.  Exceedingly tall; light hair; a sneering smile, sometimes reminiscent of a corpse; human?  As horrific as he appeared in those dreams, he knew so.  Swallowing he said, "What about the man?"


"You're afraid of him.  You called him . . . you said he was your . . .," then assertively, "You said he was your father!"


Confusion hit him, but at the same time, a feeling of knowing and accepting came over him.  He leaned his head back toward the bed and let his long, satin hair shake free a bit.  Staring to the ceiling, he closed his eyes.  The man's face was right in front of him.  He stared longer in his mind's eye this time, not avoiding, but searching instead.


"My father."  He heard the words.  "My father."


"Son, you should rest.  Tomorrow is a big day.  It's bath day, and, well, Aman wants to try and get you up a bit.  Friday, you get the cast off your arm."


He looked at her.  "Yeah, tomorrow is a big day, I guess, you're right Lilly.  Did I say anything else?  About a woman?  About a baby?"


"Nothing else lad.  Except that you asked us for water."  She smiled, handing him some tea in a thick, stoneware mug.


"All right.  Thank you Lilly," he said, after downing the tea in almost one gulp.  She went to take the mug, and he held her hand longer.  "Thank you.  It's going to be all right.  Don't worry about me so much."


He lay down and closed his eyes to get the rest he needed.  She watched him for a few moments, knowing that worry was all she would do.
    
When Tea had left, not accepting him, he was defeated.  She did not believe him.  Someone HAD TO believe him, aside from John McBain, who never knew him.  Hell, he felt like he did when he was down on his luck before Blair came to him at Christmas with her gift.  Nothing seemed right, he had no one but a bald little Christmas branch with junk food strung around it.  But then, over time, he had her


"Officer, it's very, very important that he gets his medications on time, if you can see to that, all right?  I left everything in a bag up front?"


"All right, let me check on that, and I'll get right back to you."


"Thank you, thank you."  


Always gracious, there she was in periwinkle.  She turned from the officer as he departed and her eyes caught his.  Periwinkle and perfect, his sister Viki.