Todd Revisited: Determined (Chapter 19)

Viki left.  His meeting with her was not what he thought it would be.  In fact, it was an utter disappointment.  Why can't anyone believe me?  He pushed back tears.  Deflated, he didn't know what would be next.  In his desperation, he sat on a bench in his cold, empty cell, thinking.  Was he at his wits end?


He remembered how she had faltered a few times, appeared to be finding hope and truth in his eyes, then let go and didn't allow herself.  Again.  Would anyone believe?  He thought of McBain.  HE believed him, at least, more than anyone else.  It suddenly occurred to him that he was tired.  He was not just tired, he was exhausted.  He was needing sleep and hadn't rested that well.  It had been a long, few weeks, from the escape to this very moment.  He closed his eyes.  Back to the past.  After all, he had more then than he had now.


The dream was different this time.  He knew it would be.  


He was standing in the glen, same fog, same deal.  Except he was not alone.  To his left was a carbon copy of himself, a boy, somehow he knew, standing facing him.  And to his right, was another carbon copy of himself, a man, he was certain, with a wild, impatient look, standing facing him also.  And across from him, was the woman, and the baby, again.  She was wearing something different this time, though.  Her hair was off her shoulders; her coat gone.  She was wearing a gown, sort of antique, with lace and an ivory hue.  A large pendant sparkled in the moonlight, and two pearly earrings caught the light when she moved a certain way.  He looked from one to the other, first the self-boy, then her, then the self-man.  "What do you want?"  he asked them all.  Not one responded.


From behind the woman came The Man, who he now knew was his father.  The same, indellible, cadaver grin, the tallness, the suit, the lighter.  "You brought them?"


"I didn't bring anyone,"  he said.  His voice in the dream was strong, certain.  "They were just here."


His father, Peter Manning, flipped his head back so suddenly, Todd feared it might fall off.  He hawked it back and began to laugh; a revolting, death bellow.  "They were already here!"  he could barely contain his laughter.  "Of course they were.  I made YOU.  I made YOU and I made THEM."  The self-boy and the self-man instantly disappeared.


And with that, he flicked the lighter.  The flame glowed in the hollow.  Panic rose in his gut.  "No, Dad!"


Peter tossed the lighter onto the woman's dress.  She instantly went into flames and dissolved, along with the child, into a pile of ash.  "That's what you do, my son, to everything you touch.  Destroy it."


He jerked awake with such furor that the sound of his breathing brought Aman and Lilly from different corners of the cottage.  His rasps and rales were difficult to control; he found himself needing air, but almost getting too much.  "Quick, woman, get that paper sack from the magazines I brought home!"


Within moments, he was breathing into the sack, with both hands holding it; he had gained movement in his shoulder again, and was getting impatient for the cast to be removed.  His eyes were springing tears, but he knew he was not crying.  At least, not now, not anymore.


"Son," Aman began.


"I'm not your son.  I'm sorry, but I'm not.  I know you mean well, but the word son sort of, well it hurts me almost when you say it."


They looked at each other.  He saw them pitying him.  "Are you two going to tell me what happened just now?"


Lilly spoke, "We don't know, lad.  We were in the other rooms.  I was washing some things in the basin, Aman was reading a book in the bed.  We heard you and came running."


He paused.  He wanted to gather his thoughts.  In his frustration, he couldn't allow himself to hurt these people.  They were kind, they had nurtured him, they had saved his life.  "All right.  Then you heard nothing?"  


Aman said, "No words, no.  Just the heavy breaths and the commotion."


"I'm sorry I snapped at you about the Son thing.  You can call me that, if you want to."


Aman took a step forward and placed his bear of a hand on Todd's shoulder.  "No, lad.  Not if it makes me like . . . that monster.  Whoever he was.  That demon of a monster."


Todd's eyes blurred with tears that he choked back with all of his strength.  "You can call me whatever you want.  Or, you can call me 'Tom.' That's what I said, right Lilly?  I said 'Tom' the other day?"


Lilly, whose tears were streaming from her eyes, onto her chin and making little wet dots on her blouse, nodded.


Todd reached with his cast hand, slowly, deliberately, taking hers.  "It's okay.  I'm sorry for causing so much trouble.  Maybe if I can walk soon, I can go somewhere else to recover . . ."


"No!" she shouted, startling him.  "You can't.  The Men of 21!  Tell him, Aman, tell him it's not safe!"


Aman was slow to respond, which gave Todd a small clue to his answer.  "Lilly, darlin', if he needs to go, he shall go.  We cannot make him stay with us forever.  He's not REALLY our son, dear one, you know this?"


She nodded again, but a small whimper inside her throat was definitely audible.  She pulled herself together.  "You will go, lad, whenever you are ready."





She beamed with pride, tears still running.  


"Nah, I am pretty set to stay here a spell longer.  I've got a lot of work to do to get myself back in shape and ready to go, right?"


Both nodded.  Aman removed his hand, finally, from Todd's shoulder.  Lilly sat on the edge of the bed, and just looked at him.  Without thinking, he looked back, directly into her sad face.  She lifted her hand and ran a finger gently along his hairline.  "Ya need a haircut, that's what ya need.  You're startin' to look too much like me!"


Both of them laughed, and with every ounce of strength he had within him, he pushed up more off the bed and draped his arm around her shoulders, pulling her close for an embrace.  She patted his back and pulled back first.  "You're a charmer, lad."  


"Of course."


Her face broke into weeping again and she whispered, "I'm sorry for whatever he did.  He didn't know how lucky he was to have a child.  I'm sorry for what he did to you."  And she abruptly left his side.


He lay back down and turn, as much as he could, toward the wall with the window, and his own tears rolled free.  He made up his mind right then; he would get well and strong.  He would find out who Tom was.  He would find out who HE was.  And, he would find out exactly what his father did to him.