Hope from the Ocean: 70

The cottage sat just up ahead of them, as if nesting in wait.  Having parked the copter as close as he could, he took Blair's hand and helped her along the dirt path.  "I can go and get his cart, and come back for you?"

"I'm not an invalid.  I'm okay, really.  It's beautiful here, Todd."

"This is where I recovered, most of the way.  I still couldn't really walk well when I left here for Switzerland."

"You remember that?"

"Yeah, I guess.  Being here sort of brought a lot of things back."  I guess.

"Was it difficult, seeing them again?"

"I'm not sure how to answer that."  She stayed quiet for a moment.  He said, "I . . . was happy to see them, I guess, but all the pain and the turmoil just rushed back.  I wasn't expecting that I would go down the way I did."

"You mean pass out?"

"Yeah.  Right when you called."

"That was weird.  I was napping, and I woke up feeling you needed me."

"I did.  I kept thinking how I wished you'd come along."

"Well, here I am."

"What do you make of that?"

"Of what?"

"Of me passing out, and you thinking I need you?"

She didn't respond.  She couldn't think of what to say, and didn't want to delve into other times in her life that she had felt the same kind of spiritual warning.

"Blair?"

"I don't know.  Just my fears, maybe."

"Yeah, that makes sense."  He knew it didn't, but he couldn't explain it if he tried.

As they made their way up the last hill, he noticed Blair was slowing.  "Do you want me to carry you?  Here, piggyback."

She smiled, and hopped on, and he got her up the last hill and down, and there was Aman and Lily's cottage not far in the distance.  He said, "There's the O'Farrell house."

"It's adorable," she said, peering over his head.  Then she said, "Let me down, My Love.  I'm okay."

He did as she asked, and took her hand again, and they approached the door.

***

Aiden stirred as a small, quiet knock was heard on his door.  Sitting up, he shook the sleep off, and pulled on some pajama pants he'd borrowed from Todd.  He pulled the handle and flung the door opened without even asking who was there.

Tina, surprised at this, jumped back slightly, and said, "I'm sorry, I thought you might be up by now."

"What time is it, Lass?"

"It's about 10:45."

"Ah, I overslept.  Such a big day yesterday, it must have gotten the best of me."

"I suppose.  Well, I'm sorry for disturbing you.  I know you need your rest."  

She turned to go and he grabbed her arm.  "Hold on.  Can ya come in a moment?  We can go to breakfast, if ya just give me a minute to get myself together."

She hesitated, and then said, "All right, thank you."

Not knowing where to sit, she stood a moment.  He cleared items off a small side chair, and extended his hand to her.  "Here ya go, Little Tina."

She smiled to herself and sat down.  He left the room, and she could hear various bathroom noises as he ran the water, then the shower, and puttered around in the other room.  She hadn't brought her book or been prepared for waiting; but she didn't mind.  It gave her a chance to think about things.  At the same time, she noticed a group of pamphlets spread out on the table.  In touching one of them and turning it toward her, she read the word, "Changes" across the top, and saw that the first headline was "Colm Mór defeats The Men of 21 and Saves Thornhart."  She repeated it aloud, "Colm Mór.  I wonder what that means?"

Aiden appeared from the bathroom.  "It means The Great Scar."

She felt awkward, and said, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have read your things."

"Why?  I left them on the table, it's not like they're secret.  Ya shouldn't worry so much, My Lady."  He was wrapped in a towel, that hung just above his knees, and his chest was sculpted and trim.  Tina had difficulty looking away, but she knew she should.

"Oh, I'm sorry, caught ya off guard.  I'll just grab my pants then and be back in a split second."  He disappeared again into the bathroom. 

Tina sighed.  He was beautiful, and she knew she had feelings that went beyond his physical body.  He was kind.  He was charming.  He was sexy, energetic and had a smile that brought her in.  And he was a gentleman, very caring, a little bit of a bad boy . . .

Stop it, Tina, you'd think you're a teenager or something.  You barely know the man.

He walked back into the main room, with just trousers on, and continued to dry his upper torso and hair.  He said, "I've been in the RA21 a long time, and some of it is not pretty."

"I see,"she said, noticing that one issue that was underneath the one about Todd featured a photo of a dead, massacred group.

"Sorry for not taking careful enough pains to keep that from ya."  He scrambled toward the table, and started to pick up and organize the brochures.  

She touched his arm, "No, it's all right.  I'd like to know more about you."

"Ya would, eh?"

She nodded.  He sat across from her on the bed, and she turned in the side chair to face him.  He said, "I saw my parents.  The ones who raised me.  They . . . let me know that as a little boy, I saw my mother murdered in cold blood.  Right on the street, it was."

Tina swallowed.  She reached her hand out and touched his.  "I'm so sorry."

"I don't remember it, but I believe them.  I was shot in the head, and it only makes sense I was with a caregiver.  Must have been my real Mam."

"You still don't remember any of it?"

"No.  It's beyond my memory for a reason.  When I try and think of her . . ." he went silent, and then bent his head toward his knees, a hand over each ear.  "I have a Mam, her name is Lily, I have a Dad, his name is . . ."

Tina got up immediately, and went to his side, sitting on the bed.  She pulled him toward her and held him to her middle, stroking his hair, and shushing him tenderly.  He became quiet and relaxed.  

After a few minutes, he looked up to her.  "That was the fastest I ever got over me pains.  Good work, and thank ya."

For a moment, their eyes linked, and he said,  "I'm going to get well.  I'm going to face it all.  I . . . can't be alone anymore."

"You're not alone," she said, touching the side of his face.

His expression of pain and longing softened.  "I am.  I have no one to call my own.  Always a loner, and always lonely."

"You don't have to be," she said, softly, and held her eyes to his.

It was then that he kissed her, as if he'd never kissed a woman before.  Immediately, her body responded, and she felt his do the same.  She put her hands into his hair, and gently pulled the both of them backward onto the bed.  He found the restraint to stop his kisses, and said, "I am so very tired of being alone."

She smiled.  "You aren't.  I just told you that.  I'm yours, if you want me."

There was no turning back for either of them.

***

"Blair.  My goodness, you're just as he said."  Lily commented, after letting her out of the embrace.

Blair was overcome with emotion, and said, "You are, too.  I need to thank you, both of you, for protecting and helping him heal.  We never would have had our sons and our pending daughter if you hadn't helped him survive."  She rested her hands on her pregnant belly.

"I'm glad to meet ya, at last.  It's been years since we first met Todd and heard of ya."

"Yes, I know.  I am glad to meet you also."

"Todd is a fortunate man," Aman said, "to have a lady like ya at his side."

"Thank you."

"Do ya have a picture of the babby?"  Aman asked.

"You mean little Raymond?  Sure," she said, fishing out her phone.

Lily said, "My God, these new-fangled machines.  We have the same type of phone we had when Todd was here years ago."

Todd said, "She's right.  It's the same one," he said, going to it.  "See, the old fashioned dial, too.  You put your finger in the hole and draw this thing around," he play acted dialing.

Blair laughed, "Oh, Todd, stop.  I know about dial phones."

Lily said, "Come and sit, both of ya.  Have some tea, and I am about to fix some lunch.  Will ya eat something?"

"Sure," Todd said, pulling up a chair.  Blair sat next to him, and he placed his hand on her back, making circles.

Lily caught glance of it.  "Ya'r very loving, Todd.  I always knew ya had it in ya."

Aman's face was slightly shadowed by her words.  "It's a change, I'll say.  And a welcome one."

Todd didn't respond, he just looked at Blair's hand that was now clasped in his on the table.  

Blair asked, "Was it very bad, what he went through?"

"Ya might say that," Aman said.  "He was struggling with his demons, he was.  And his injuries."

Todd slowly looked up.  "Don't," he suddenly said, and a steel look came over his face.  

Blair said, "Todd?  What is it?"

"The dreamings, eh?  The ones ya had when ya were here.  Sometimes they caused us quite a stir in the nights."  Aman continued.

"Stop," Todd said, and his grip on Blair's hand tightened.

Blair said, "Pardon me, but he's . . . this might not be the time.  He's recently had . . . we've learned things that . . ."

Lily reached across and took Blair's hand.  "We know, Dear.  He had them here, too.  Back then.  Thing is, there was an episode that changed everything."

"What do you mean?"  Blair said, confused, and also realizing that her husband had been suffering with suppressing memories for more years than she knew.  

"Catatonic."  Todd blurted.  "I went catatonic.  While I was here.  That's why I couldn't walk to the airport.  Aman had to bring me, in his cart.  He had to bring me all the way to Switzerland.  I'd already given Aman and Lily money.  He used it to do that when he couldn't get me to speak anymore."

Lily was nodding.  Aman had his jaw set strong, but pain was in his eyes.  Blair said, "Todd?"

"Don't be upset, Blair.  I'm just remembering it for the first time.  Isn't that what went on, Lily?"  Todd said.

"Yes.  That is."  Lily said, getting up from the table.  "But there'll be no more of that talk until we get some nice hot food into us.  Blair, come and help me, Dear."

Blair, frozen for a moment in recognition of the deep pain Todd had faced in Ireland, and what it meant to his return, felt her heart might snap.  Lily repeated, "Blair, please, come and help, Cherub."

Blair stood, and looked at her husband.  I'm not leaving my man until he tells me it's okay . . .

Todd looked up at her, and still holding her hand, nodded in approval.

Aman looked at Todd.  "Ya want to talk a good game about helping Aiden face it all.  Ya might as well do the same, Lad."

"I don't remember."

"No, not yet."

"What caused it?"

"Dreamings."

"I was dreaming?"

"Half awake and half asleep.  Rather like hallucinating.  Ya claimed the visits were real, when ya got to Switzerland and they got ya to talk again."

"Visits?"

"Ya.  From y'ar father.  Peter, his name was, eh?"

Todd stayed quiet for a moment, and then said, "Yeah.  That was him, if you want to call him a father, I guess."

"What are these revelations that you've had now, in recent times?  I think I know, because ya had them here, as well."

"He was . . . a monster."

"Yes.  Seems he was."

"He . . . hurt me, and my mother."

Aman nodded.  "That he did.  One night, ya had a dreaming about it, about a certain case, and ya went away.  Inside y'ar head.  We didn't  know what to do, called the local doctor.  He had no experience in it, said he'd never seen it before.  We brought in a specialist, from, Dublin.  He suggested the clinic in Switzerland.  Ya couldn't have a say, so we sent ya.  They helped, ya went home.  Ya must have blocked out much of what had happened here.  Ya claimed to get phone calls, ya did."

That phone.  I knew something about it . . .

"That's why I didn't laugh when ya made a fuss over it.  Ya claimed to have two calls from y'ar father.  The thing is, ya had already told us he was dead.  Then, ya went to Switzerland, and in the clinic, ya claimed he visited ya.  We were worried for y'ar sanity.  And, the next thing we knew, ya were sent back to America to return to Blair and y'ar child.  Lily couldn't sleep for weeks.  Her Tá súil agam ón Aigéan was going home, and not whole."

Todd gulped, looking up.  "How did I get out of the clinic in Switzerland?"

"Ya must know.  Ya orchestrated it."

Todd didn't move or answer.  Aman understood the response, and said, "Well, ya paid a large sum of money for them to let ya go.  You refused therapy.  When y'ar body was ready, ya insisted on leaving.  Ya put it behind ya, I'm guessing.  Ya blocked it out, or ya left it go.  Either way, ya never knew about it, did ya?"

Todd shook his head.  Manning, what the fuck?

Aman said, "Ya went back to y'ar wife and baby incomplete.  A damaged man.  But ya chose it."

"So, I was dreaming.  Of Peter.  While I was here.  I said I got calls from him.  Here?"

"Ya said ya received two.   They were both when Lily and I were out doing something.  It was not often that we did that, mind ya."

"And when I went inside myself.  That was because I dreamed of Peter?"

"It was because ya remembered what he did to ya.  Ya woke up screaming, told us both the whole thing, word for word, then shut down like a light switch.  Before this, ya said he was appearing to ya, at the foot of y'ar bed.  We would convince ya no one was there, and blame it on the fevers."

Todd got up, and paced.  "I believed he called me?"

"Ya did.  And when the Swiss doctors got ya back to the land of the living, ya said he came there, Peter, to visit ya.  Said he was at the foot of y'ar bed."  Todd folded his arms, with his back to Aman.  "Y'ar strong, Todd.  Nothing like this can break ya, not after what ya've been through of late."

"It's not going to break me," Todd said, "if almost losing my wife didn't, nothing can.  I just . . . something's not right."

"What do ya mean, Lad?"

"Something's wrong about this.  Peter was dead.  How could he call me, or how could I believe he was?"  

That fucker always said I'd never be rid of him.

"He wasn't.  At least, we don't think he was.  We weren't here, he's dead, ya were having mental issues, it wasn't real, Lad.  That's all."

"That's all."  He repeated.  "What did the calls say?"

Aman took a deep breath that was audible to Todd.  "Perhaps we should stop this talk.  Ya said stop earlier, I should have listened to ya.  I can see y'ar very distressed."

Todd's face was twisted with a combination of uncertainty and anger.  "What did the calls say, Aman?"

"Ya told us he said things, about y'ar money, about ya being . . . less than a man.  About ya being . . ." Aman seemed as though he couldn't talk for a moment, and looked down at his hands.

"What?  A rapist?  A murderer?"

"Some of that, and also not being good enough to be his son, not being tough.  Being worthless . . ."  It pained the older man to say all of it.

"Same old song and dance, except, what did he say about my money?  Do you remember?"

"Ya never told us much about that.  Ya were just vexed, is all.  Ya could barely tell us much of it.  It flustered ya, to say the least."  

Todd sat back into the chair opposite Aman.  He stared into the fireplace.  Then he said, "I . . .don't remember it.  Any of it."

"Ya must let go, for now.  It was a long time ago, shortly before ya went still.  Give y'arself time, Boy."

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