Hope from the Ocean: 71

"Ya seem so excited for the babby.  Ray is adorable."  Lily said.

"Thank you.  We are excited.  We . . . recently lost a baby."  Blair said, distantly.

"I'm sorry.  I am also thinking of how fortunate ya are to have had children of y'ar own.  Aman and I were never that lucky."

Blair smiled warmly.  "We are lucky.  We're blessed.  Starr is the baby that we had when Todd was here before.  She's a young mother now."

"My goodness, how time flies."

"And then there's Jack, our second.  He's in high school.  Has a new girlfriend."

"Ah, yes."

"Then there's Sam.  He's adopted.  And then Ray.  And then Sommer, who died.  And now Jewel."

"Jewel is a beautiful name for a child."

"Todd's idea."

"He loved the child ya were carrying so much when he was here.  He could barely stand being away."

Blair's eyes misted over.  She was determined to stay strong.  "I know.  I couldn't bear him being gone.  I did some . . . things I am not proud of.  Things that effected the way we were for years."

"Blair, ya mustn't.  He was not well when he left us.  Imaginings, dreamings, hallucinations.  He was very sick, almost dead.  Almost all of his bones were broken, they were.  He saw things.  He saw his father."

Blair remembered Todd telling her about that very thing, at Viki's cabin.  "It's horrible," she broke down, "what he's been through."

"There, now.  There's that babby to think of.  Ya mustn't cry."

She sniffled.  "He was just . . . getting to know himself, starting to accept happiness and love."

"I can imagine.  But he's not lost, Dear."

Blair imagined what it must have been like for him walking in on her and Patrick when he finally made it back to them, after the trauma, the realizations, the catatonic state.  She could hardly contain her sadness.  "It's my fault.  So much happened."

"It's behind ya.  I'll say he had a terrible time of it, but it seems the two of ya are together and strong."

"Yes, we are.  We are," she reassured herself, remembering the last time they were together.  You're different, Todd.  You're whole . . .

Lily said, "It was difficult for him, but look at the way things turned out.  That is what ya need to focus on."

Blair finished the salad, and said, "Lily.  What happened to him?"

"He was battered by the ocean, shot in the back.  He would have fevers, fits.  He would cry out in the nights.  Having dreamings.  He dreamed of his father, often.  Of the babby and ya at home.  He saw his father at the foot of his bed, and remembered the truth about his childhood.  The thing is, when the night came when he remembered his past, he was lost to us."  Blair remembered him, in the chair at the penthouse, staring straight ahead, not able to speak.  A chill went up her back.  The woman continued, "Don't be worried.  That was a long time ago."  

"I know."

"Let's carry the lunch out.  Take the salad, it's lightest," Lily said, and led the way.

***

Aman said, "What are ya thinking?  Ya've not said much for the last few minutes, Lad."

Todd was quiet.  "I was . . . just remembering little bits of it.  Here and there."

"Ya've had a rough few years."

"Yeah.  More like ten."

Aman frowned.  "I don't know what ya mean."

"I was held captive for eight years.  Kept away from Blair and the kids.  Tortured, every day.  Replaced me with an impostor."

Aman's lip quivered, and then he tucked it into his mouth, and twisted his expression.  "Why?"

"The Men of 21."

"Ah.  They keep coming back in this story.  Time and time again."

"Yeah.  Hopefully, this time, they're done.  For good."

"It would be partially to y'ar actions, Todd."

"I had a small role in it.  A young kid took a bullet for me."

"That's what they do, the RA21.  They've been fighting it forever, it seems.  Todd, don't dwell on what happened here twenty years ago.  It's not worth it.  Focus on y'ar family and y'ar new child.  Y'ar lovely wife.  The future."

Todd didn't answer, and at the end of Aman's comments, Blair and Lily walked in carrying the lunch.  Everyone sat and made idle chatter, mostly about the children, and Aiden and Tina, and ate the delicious repast that Lily had prepared.  Toward the end of the meal, Todd said, "Lily, this was great.  Like old times."

"Yes.  It certainly was."

"Thank you," he said, and his face expressed that it meant more than for the meal.

"Y'ar welcome.  Both of ya."  Lily smiled.

After spending a few more hours talking and filling in lost time, Todd and Blair headed back to the copter.  It was a long walk, but seemed more tolerable considering the temperatures had somehow gone up as the day progressed.  The ocean could be heard from where they were walking.  Blair said, "Can we fly over the ocean, the place where you were found?"

He looked at her, puzzled.  "All right, if you want."

"I do."  She linked her arm with his.  "I want to show you something."

"Okay," he said, putting his hand over hers.  "There's the copter, up ahead.  Can you make it?"

"Of course I can make it.  I'm pregnant, not dead."

They walked a while longer, and soon, he hoisted her into the cab, and she belted herself in.  He went to the pilot's side, and did the same.  Before starting the engine, he said, "You look beautiful."

Her hair was mussed, and her cheeks were red from walking.  Her makeup was smeared under one eye.  "I don't think so, but thanks."

"No," he said, "You do.  You're always . . . pretty."

"Thank you, Todd."  She said, smiling.  He turned the key, and they lifted off, leaving Aman and Lily's cottage below, it getting smaller and smaller as they rose to the sky.  She said, "I . . . hate to leave them, Todd.  They seem to have lost so much."

"They're okay, trust me.  They have each other, always have."

"Maybe someday, they will get Aiden back, or at least, be part of his family in the future."

"Maybe.  Yuck, what if his family includes something to do with Tina?  He's already my brother, sort of, imagine that twist?  What would that be called?"

"I don't know," she said.  "But, really, they like each other.  There's nothing wrong with that.  Tina's not his sister or anything."

"Yeah, I guess.  She's okay, I suppose."

"She's your sister, she saved your son's life."

"All right, she's good.  But I don't have to say she's smart, do I?"

"No, that wouldn't make much sense."

"Fine then."  He turned the copter and within moments, they were over the raging ocean, and looking at the cliffs. 

"Can this thing hover?"  Blair asked.

"Yeah."

"Stop, then, and hover."

"Okay."  He did as she asked.  

"I stood right there," she pointed, "and cried.  I was pregnant with Starr.  The air was filled with water, like a heavy mist, and I was cold and wet.  I cried because they had shown me where the car went off the cliff.  I thought you were dead."

He looked at her.  "I know all this."

"Did you know I went totally crazy without you?  Did you know that part?  It's my fault that I didn't tell you that, make you hear it.  I almost lost my mind when you were gone.  And there I stood, right there, sobbing my heart out."

"We both screwed up.  Don't take that on.  I never should have left you.  You know that."

"It's just something that I remembered just now, to tell you.  Just like there might be things that you remembered just now, that you want to tell me."

"You mean about what happened today, at Aman and Lily's?"

She nodded.

"A lot happened.  I remembered only a little.  I mean, I remember just little pieces, nothing that big.  The rest Aman filled in."  He looked back at her.  "Should I let the copter down?  Do you want to talk about this now, or wait until we get to the inn?"

"Now.  If that's okay.  When we get to The Wild Swan, we'll have Aiden to deal with."

He set the copter down.  Everything around them seemed startlingly quiet without the copter blades.  He said, "You're right.  Well, I didn't do all that well recovering.  I guess I sort of gave them a hard time."

"You were suffering."

"Yeah, well, I was.  Aman said I was cracking up, basically.  Peter was the object of the hallucinations and the dreams."

"Okay, like what?"

"Like standing at the foot of my bed, saying things to me, to make me give up fighting to live.  I told you about that."

"You did."

"And then, I guess I remembered what happened at that house of horrors in Chicago.  It threw me into a catatonic state.  The poor old things couldn't get me out of it.  I got sent away to Switzerland to a clinic."

"I knew about the clinic.  Not about the memories.  You had remembered already."

"Yeah."

"But it was wiped away.  By your mind."

"Right.  I guess I might have been . . ."

"Protecting yourself.  You know that."

"Yeah, I guess.  One more thing, Aman said that I insisted Peter called me.  At their cottage.  Twice."

"That's weird.  You mean you were hallucinating that much?"

"I guess.  I don't remember a word of it, or it even happening."

"Maybe it will come to you."

"Aman said that I claimed he visited me, in Switzerland."

Blair didn't say anything, she just put her hand on his arm.  "Well, it's over with.  I am glad you told me about it, though."

"Yeah, well, who else would I tell?  You're the only one who listens, Blair.  You're the one."

She smiled and nodded, and put her hand on her stomach as he started the engine back up.  As they lifted off, he said, "By the way, I'm sorry for what you went through, when I was missing, and that you had to deal with giving birth to our first kid alone.  You're strong.  One of the reasons I love you, Blair."

"One of the reasons I love you Todd is your strength.  So, we're even."

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