The Shadows Fall: Chapter 11

They had spent one perfect night and morning in what they now called, "The Gold Balloon Suite" that Todd had created, two days in the penthouse suite of the resort, and planned to spend the rest of the week doing the latter, when Todd's cell phone rang.

"Dad, this is Starr!  How are you two?"  she asked.  She sounded excited, but behind it, he recognized some reservation.  

"Fine, Starr, what's wrong?"

"Well, it's nothing really wrong, but well, it's Jack."

"What's the matter with Jack?" Hearing this, Blair walked to him, still brushing her hair.  They had just returned from the beach and had showered off.  Her face showed concern and he placed his hand on her stomach, protectively.  He listened, and then relayed it by repeating,  "The school called?  Uhuh.  Really?  All right Starr, thanks for being a good big sister.  Don't worry.  Bye."

"Okay, what now?"

"Jack got suspended today, for telling the teacher off.  He got sent home, Starr went to pick him up, and he told her off, too.  He barricaded himself inside his room.  Addie can't get through to him."

"Are you thinking what I am thinking?  We can take a vacation any time."

"I'm with of you, babe."  He lifted his phone again and dialed.  "Fuel the jet, we're out of here."

***

Todd and Blair went to La Boulaie first, to see Jack.  Blair waited in the living room, telling Starr all about the resort, and especially, the Gold Balloon Wedding Suite.  Todd found his way up the stairs to Jack's door.  To his surprise, there was no music coming from the room.  Slightly alarmed, he knocked.  "Hey, buddy, we're home."

He did not get a response.  He knocked harder.  "Hey, you don't have to talk to me, but can you let me know you're all right?  I'm scared that you're in there alone and not answering me, you know?"

The door suddenly pulled open, "What?  See?  I'm in here.  Now go away," and he started to shut the door, but Todd stuck his foot in and blocked it from closing.

"I won't go away until you ask respectfully."

Jack ignored him, turning and going to the bed.  He threw himself on it and took his earphones and put them in.  Todd yanked the cord and pulled them out.

"Hey!"  He shouted.

"Jack, what is wrong with you? What can I do to help?"

"Get away from me, to start."

"Jack, what happened?  Talk to me.  Or I can leave and get your mother and she'll listen, I'm sure."

"I don't want to talk, I just...I just don't.  I don't want to do anything."

Todd sat by him on the bed.  In a calm voice, he said, "Are you angry with me, or your mother?"  Jack did not respond.  "Are you upset over a girl, or something at school?"

"No.  Just stop trying,  I don't care.  It's nothing.  No reason.  Stop trying!"

Todd was at a loss, but what came to mind for him was Peter and his feelings toward him as a kid.  This didn't help matters because it made Todd both disgusted and alarmed.  "I can't." Jack looked up from his pillow.  Todd could see, when looking closer, that his eyes were red from crying.  "I can't because you're my son.  Jack," he put his hand on his shoulder, which his son flinched off, "Jack, I've been there.  Anger has never been a stranger to me.  As a kid, I was just as angry as you are, but I always had a reason."

"So, maybe I do, so what?"

"So, I care about that. I want to help you.  I know I can, because I was a lot like you when I was a kid."

"Yeah, and where did that get you?"

"Wait, Jack, what is this about?  Is this about Shane's mother?"

Jack sniffled.  "I told you, I didn't mean that!"

Todd thought for a minute, trying to desperately determine what his son was feeling.  "I know.  I know, son."  He put his hand on his shoulder again.  This time, Jack did not push him off.  "I know what it's like to do something terrible and not be able to get away from it."

"It's not just that."

"Do you want to tell me what it is, then?"

"I don't know.  I don't know if I can trust you, I don't know anything anymore."  He put his face into his pillow and cried.  This time, Todd pulled Jack to face him and held his shoulders with both hands.

"You can trust me. I promise you.  No matter what, I'm your father.  I'm never going to make the same mistakes that my father did.  I want to listen.  Give me that chance."

Jack thought a moment, and relaxed a bit, his shoulders loosening.  "It's not fair."

"I know it's not.  It never is.  I know first hand."  Jack looked at Todd, as if hearing something for the first time.  "But who said it would be?"

"No one, but it's just not."

"What's not?  Which things?  Everything?"

 "It's not fair what happened to Shane's mother.  I know I was wrong but it's not fair that she died.  And it's not fair what happened to you and me, and our family."

"Nope, it's not.  Doesn't change it though.  Is there more?  You might as well tell me, now."  Todd knew that with kids, the last thing was usually the most important.

"My father.  The other one.  He treated me...bad.  I never told anyone, but he was really mean to me, always, from when I was really little."

Todd swallowed, feeling his own ire rising in his chest.  "It's okay, I'm listening."

"In front of other people, he was like, this perfect Dad and stuff, all concerned what would happen to me.  When people were not around, he'd be putting his arm around me one minute and strangling me the next.  I never knew what to expect."

Todd gained his composure by breathing deeply, three times as practiced.  "And you loved him."  Jack turned his head to Todd quickly. "You loved him.  I know.  I loved my father, too.  Until the end, I was trying to get him to treat me the way I so wanted him to.  Until the very end."

Jack wiped his nose on his sleeve.  Like father, like son.  "Did he?"


Todd thought about it.  "No.  Not really."

"And now, when everyone talks about him, they say how he couldn't help the things he did, that he was brainwashed, that's why he took your life, that he was pathetic, poor, an outcast.  Poor him!"

Todd knew where it was heading.  "He did go through a lot of things.  But you're thinking how he wasn't brainwashed to hurt you right?"

"Yeah.  How did you know that?  It's not fair."

"That's what I would think.  When he died of a heart attack in front of me, I felt terrible for my adoptive father.  For years, I said to myself that he couldn't say he loved me because he was dying, or he was in pain.  But the truth is, he didn't love me.  I know that now, and I have accepted it.  He just didn't.  He couldn't."  Jack sighed.  Todd continued, "I can't say whether or not Zeus loved you, but if he did, it wasn't the way you deserved to be loved.  If he abused you, then you deserved better."

Jack wasn't sure what to make of his father's words.  "He wasn't as bad as your father, it just...it just screwed me up, you know?  I still don't know why he treated me bad, or why he treated me good."

Todd realized just then that his son was in need of help.  Concerned for his son's sense of self, he channeled white-haired, hippy Sam Rappaport for a moment.  In thinking back to his friend and mentor, he went out on a limb.  "I don't know why or why not, or whether or not he loved you, but I do, Jack.  I love you."  He put his arms around his son's shoulders and hugged him.  Jack was limp, unsure of what to do, and slowly, he put a hand on his Dad's shoulder and rested his head on him.  Todd smiled.  You're getting through, Manning.  Just stay with it.  

"I have an idea, Jack.  Why don't you go and talk to Ray, my friend?"

"He's your therapist."

"He's both.  Trust me, he knows me, and everything I've been through.  He knows Zeus, and everything he's been through.  He probably can help, more that you think.  Will you consider it?"

Jack leaned back onto the bed.  "I'm tired.  Can I tell you tomorrow?"

Todd stood up.  "Yeah, sure.  Sleep on it.  And tomorrow we'll talk about the punishment for suspension from school.  I love you, son."  Todd made his way out of the room and softly closed the door.  Sighing, he adjusted his own jacket by the lapels and headed for his wife.

"Blair?  Blair?" he called, as he descended the stairs.  She was the last one up, in the living room. 

"How's Jack?"

"I'm getting there, let me work on him for a few more days.  I'll fill you in later, on what he's thinking."

"All right.  Let's do gifts!  There are a lot of them.  Over fifty, Starr said."

"Oh God, we have to lug them all home."

"Yeah.  But it will be fun!  Come on, let's open them, please?"

"Oh come on Blair, I don't want to open them tonight.  It's still our honeymoon!  You know what I want to open.  My best gift."  He slanted his eyes at her.

"Todd!  Just one, please?  You know how much I love presents."

"All right,"  he plopped himself on the couch.  "The things I do for you."

"Oh stop, you get to open one too, you take this little one without a card, we'll have to figure that out later, and I'll take this giant one over here from Dorian.  When she hears how many gifts we got, she'll just die."

"Oh, please, let her die,"  he said, rolling his eyes.    

Blair threw the little gift at him.  "Stop it!  She didn't say too many bad things at the wedding!"

"No, she just warned you for 15 minutes why our marriage was doomed.  That's not too bad.  At least it wasn't 20 minutes."

"Oh, stop.  Just open it."

"You first."

She tore the paper off, revealing an expensive hepafilter vaccuum.  "Oh my God, what an expensive gift!"

"Yeah, it really sucks."

"Oh, cut it out, will you?  Those jokes.  Now you go."

"Blair, can we do this tomorrow?  This day really kicked my ass."  She just looked into his eyes, and he was lost.  A sucker for her, he started to tear open the paper.

"I know, but it might take our minds off things."

He lifted the cover off the small box and froze.  Blair had just finished moving the vaccuum out of the way and turned back to her husband.  "So what is it?"  
He just sat, quietly, fixated on the object.  "Todd?"  She went over to him, and looking into the box, she saw it.  In the box, with the light glinting off the silver casing, was a lighter, identical to his father's.  "Todd, give that to me," she said, carefully taking the box from his hands.  He did not resist, and she saw him close his eyes.  She said, "Hey, stay with me, Todd, don't zone out on me."

He slowly leaned his forehead into his hand.  His shoulders heaved momentarily, as he thought not only of what the lighter meant to him, but what his son had just relayed to him about his own abuse.  She patted his shoulder.  "Todd?  Are you all right?  Are you crying?"

He composed himself.  "Yes, I was crying, Blair."

She hugged him.  Pulling back, she said, "I'm sorry."

"Blair, are you aware that Zeus may have abused Jack?"

Her face changed, horrified.  "Abused?  How?"

Todd began to report to her the conversation he had with his son earlier.  By the time he was finished Blair was in tears, panicked that she had been ignorant to it all, and guilty that it had happened.  "He's going to think about talking to Ray.  It's best not to force him."

"All right.  How could this happen?"  She sobbed.

"I don't know.  He said it was only when people were not around, and he never told anyone."

"My God.  My little boy," she cried.  Todd put his arms around her, staring at the just-opened gift on the coffee table.
  

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