The Way Back: Chapter 40

Over dinner, the silence was striking.  He picked at his food.  She sat across from him, doing the same. Finally, she looked up.  Catching his eye, she reached across and covered his hand with hers.  

He spoke.  "You're going to leave me, aren't you?"

She shook her head.  "No, I'm not going to leave you.  Never.  This is not your fault."

"Not my fault?"  he threw his napkin down and got up, pacing.  "Not my fault.  Blair is missing, she's my son's mother, for f#ck's sake.  What happened to her?  Why can't I remember anything?  I can't help!"  he slammed a fist down, accidentally landing on a knife left on the counter from dinner preparation.  He started bleeding, and Tea attempted to hobble over to him.  "Don't hover, I don't deserve it."

She disregarded him, and got a cold towel, cleaning the cut.  "There, it's only a small cut.  It's okay." She looked into his eyes.  Placing her hand on the back of his neck, she pulled him to her.  She kissed him, and he resisted.  

"Stop.  You may as well leave me now.  What happens when I remember?  What if you find out who I really am, and you don't love me anymore?"

She didn't respond.  Instead, she went back to kissing him, repeating the same action.  He kissed her back for a few seconds, before pulling away.  "Stop.  We don't know who I am, where I am from, who my father is, and what role I played in all this."

She didn't respond.  She repeated her action a third time, bringing his mouth to hers.  He finally wrapped his arms around her waist and their kiss deepened.  She pulled back first, and said, "I love you.  No matter what, I love you and  will stand by you.  You were tortured, brainwashed, and more.  How can I hate you for that?"

"I do."

"Stop, please.  Let this take it's course.  You just started therapy and look at all you found out in one session."

"If it weren't for Ray working with...with Todd, we wouldn't have gotten very far.  He knew what buttons to push.  My only memories are of you and Dani, and my life here for the last eight years.  And now, add these torture sessions.  The guilt, it's so hard to deal with.  I've had that treatment a number of times, and it makes my skin crawl, but eight years, daily, being totally at the mercy of someone?" 

"It's not your doing.  You didn't know.  You're not responsible."

"I still don't even know why I did what I did, why I took on his life, who my father is.  I don't even know who I am. "

"You're my husband."

"You're my wife."

"Take me to bed,"  she said, unzipping him, "take me to bed and love me."

***

Blair could tell it was becoming night, the room was dimmer than earlier.  There were strange glass panes, much like those in an airport, that let a minimal amount of light in.  She could reach and touch the glass, and felt coolness.  The day was ending.

She had taken a break from talking to her love, trying to bring him back to her.  She had spent the last hours detailing their whole story.  She'd been able to cover their first meeting, their encounter with a certain jukebox, and had stopped at their first wedding in Key West, as her voice was becoming hoarse.  In order to keep talking, she needed a drink.  Will they ever feed us, or give us water?  She turned to Todd.  Thinking, she stood up and pulled at the bed.  It moved.  She continued to yank the chain of the cuff as to not cut her wrists with the shackle part of the cuff, and was able to move the bed in front of Todd's chair and place herself in his line of vision.  She looked directly into his unresponsive eyes.  "Todd?  I need you."

Nothing.

"I know, that place you're in is much more beautiful and safe than here.  I just know that.  But I need you.  You're my hero," her voice cracked.  Suddenly she heard footsteps, and struggled to kick the bed back into place.  Realizing she might give herself away, she began to kick the bed anyway and pretend to be calling for them.  "Hey, anyone out there?"

The door opened, and she held her breath to see who would be there.  It was Baker.  "Ms. Cramer, why the racket?"

"I'm thirsty.  I think I need some water."

"Easily solved."  He crossed the room to a small alcove where there was a miniature refrigerator.  She could see inside it as he opened it.  There were strange items inside, some she did not want to know about, others appeared to be medicines, and supplies.  There were several sealed bottles of water.  He handed her one.  She held out her cuffs.  "You think me naive enough to free your hands?  In your present emotional state, those claws could cost me an eye, and then cost your husband his life."  She held the bottle with one hand and twisted the cap off it with her teeth.  He chuckled.  "So resourceful.  I like that in a woman."

She thought about which way to play it.  Baker did not strike her as the type of man she could seduce into anything, never mind letting her free.  "Thank you," she said, drinking.  "He's not had any water, in how long?  I know at least today he hasn't.  He could get dehydrated."  

"That is the least of his worries."

"What does that mean?"

"It means he's on a dangerous path, Ms. Cramer.  At this point, he's chosen to assume this...this state.  If it's a fake, or if it's not, the fate is the same.  But, we're going to have to assure it's not a trick, you understand."

Her stomach turned.  "No, I don't understand.  I know my husband.  This is not a trick.  He's inside his mind.  He's done it before.  He can't help it."

"We believe you're right.  However, we have to be certain, you understand."  He walked toward the door.  She felt torn, almost as if she did not want him to leave.  His appearance, at least in her eyes, was more civilized than some of the others.  At the same time, she was terrified of him, and hoped it did not show in her eyes.  "Expect a visitor."  And he was gone.

***

He sat up in the dark, sweating, and unable to scream.  His breath was stuck in his throat and he couldn't inhale or breathe out for a moment.  She sat up, next to him, and put her hands gently on his shoulders.  "It's all right, Novio."

Finally catching his breath, he said in the dark, "I remember something.  I remember my father's face."

"That's good.  That will help.  Tomorrow, we can go and see John."

"There's more.  I remember a place.  I would go there, it was secret.  I met him there and we talked.  I think it might be where I went last and...came back with my memory altered, and the burns."

She thanked God that he never remembered the actual torture.  Ray had filled in some of the details surrounding the burns on his wrists.  But his mind had blocked them, or had them erased.  She wondered if he would ever remember it, and what it would do to him.  "That's good.  Do you know where this place is?"

"I think I can take us there.  I had better get up and write down what I remember."

She was proud of him.  Proud that he wanted to help, that he was putting aside his own pain to help find an answer, and find Blair, and also Todd.  She was thankful for how it had unfolded, if it had to unfold, because she had watched how Todd had been destroyed by what had happened to him.  In a strange way, she pitied Todd, and at the same time knew that he was one of the strongest men she had ever known.  But her own husband was transcending his own torment and confusion to please her.  He was also strong, in another way.  "I am proud of you,"  she said as he scribbled information on a notepad before returning to bed.

***

Blair estimated that an hour had passed since Baker had visited them.  She got up and slowly pulled the bed back in front of Todd's chair.  "Todd?  Todd, honey, please?  Can you hear me?"

He did not respond.  She inched as close as possible to him, and could almost touch his face.  She strained as much as she could until she got an idea.  Curling her foot around the leg of the bed she sat on, she pulled at his chair with all her might and it moved suddenly in her direction a few inches.  It was just enough to touch him.  Water came to her eyes as she realized she could trace his scar and touch his lips.  "Todd, please?"

Again, she heard footsteps.  She scrambled to push the bed back against the wall, and was able to move it just in time for the door to push open to their cell.  It threw a triangle of light into the cell.  Holding her breath again, she looked up to see him.  Her heart leaped into her throat.  The Slice and Dice.  He wasn't even looking her way.  In fact, his focus was on Todd.  Blair held very still, as if asleep, but in the dark she was letting her eyes adjust and watching the events unfold.

He stood before Todd, not saying a word, just tapping this curved glinting blade into his palm in a specific rhythm.  She looked at Todd, who was not moving.  This is what Baker meant.  They are going to test him to see if he is really gone!  Her panic was beating in her chest in a way that frightened her.  She felt her own heartbeat in her head.  Was he awake?  Part of her had been fighting for hours to hear his voice and see him stir, and she now cursed that part of her and wished it gone forever, as she prayed for him to be safe in his mind.  

She heard the tearing of fabric, and from the corner of her eye, she saw The Slice and Dice ripping into Todd's uniform at the back shoulder.  When he drew the blade across Todd's skin, she thought she might scream, but shut her eyes and squeezed them tightly, praying he was not feeling what was going on.  She could not watch the rest, but her mind gave her an indelible picture of what was being done.  He finished, wiped his blade, and then went to the refrigerator.  He took out a bottle of water, drank it.  Approaching the door, he stopped in the dark.  Blair covered her own mouth to stifle a scream.  "Don't bother moving the bed away every time you hear us.  We see everything you're doing anyway and it makes no difference."  Then he went on his way, tapping his blade to make his report to the boss.  

In the dark, Blair prayed and cried silently.  Afraid to move until it was very quiet and still again, she got up and dragged the bed over to him.  Again, she positioned the bed in front of him and reached out in the dark (at this point there was no light in the room aside from a dim moon glow through the bubbly glass pane above the bed), and touched his face.  "Todd?  Todd come back to me.  Please.  I need you.  Todd, I'm so sorry."  She was still shaking from what she had seen.  

After working the bed and chair again for several minutes, with her feet around the bed leg as leverage, she was able to get close enough to lean in and wrap her free arm around him.  He needs to be held.  He needs me.  Quietly, she pushed herself as far as she could against him, and pulled his head lower to her shoulder, stroking the back of his hair.  When adjusting herself, her free hand accidentally grazed a wet spot on his back that she assumed was blood and she felt a twinge of nausea pass.  The other hand was behind her awkwardly, still fastened to the bedpost by the cuff.  "Come back to me, please."  She rocked him and held him and said to him, "We're having a baby, and we need you, the baby and I both do." She whispered in his ear, "And we have to get the hell out of here!"

She dozed, with her arm around him.  He hadn't moved.  Her hand was tingling and becoming numb behind her, which meant she would have to let go of him for a while and let it get circulation back.  It was then that she heard footsteps in the hall once again, and almost wet herself with fear.  She waited, and the door opened with the customary whoosh of the lock release from the handprint provided.  Light poured in on them, and she made out the figure in front of them.  It was Burly.  He said nothing.

He walked over to Blair, and with her on it, shoved the bed back into position, Blair not wanting to let go of him, and beginning to cry, "please, he needs me."

He did not respond, but she saw him doing something at Todd's ankles, and then at his wrists.  She started to scream, "No!  It's enough!  You know he's gone, no more!"  And he just stopped and looked at her momentarily.

She froze.  He was still staring at her.  He finally opened his mouth to speak.  His voice was very soft and pleasing, very unlike what she had expected.  "I'm undoing his bonds.  Don't cry."

She waited.  She watched as Burly lifted Todd off the chair.  Her man's head flopped back as if he were dead, and for a moment, she knew she would not be able to tell if he were alive or not without touching him.  "No, don't take him away from me, please?"  Her panic was audible.  He walked toward her with Todd in his arms, and placed him next to her on the bed, as if a child being cared for.  She burst into tears.  Looking up at Burly, she sought his expression, but he would not meet her gaze.  Instead, he took out a pair of handcuffs, and then stopped, as if thinking better of it.  He left Todd unrestrained, and headed to the door.  "He's suffered enough," he said, "let's give his wrists a rest," and he left them in the dark.

Blair cried onto Todd's chest in the blackness, her shoulders shaking with desperation.  The only thing she could think of to do was softly sing, so she murmured a song she had sung to Starr years ago.  "Close your eyes and rest, your weary mind.  I promise, I will stay, right here beside you.  Today, our lives are joined, became entwined.  I wish that you could know, how much I love you," and hummed the rest until she fell asleep.

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