Diamond in the Rough: Chapter 43

The following day, Llanview was still covered in a blanket of snow, and in the backyard, as Todd looked over it, the little snow fort that he and the boys had constructed was still standing, though a slight bit lopsided from use and the sun.  He stood, surveying the backyard, with his arms folded over his chest.  Blair came up behind him and said, "Can't believe it snowed all day yesterday and even into the night."


"Me too, it's early for that kind of dumping,"  he said.  "Looks like you owe me that full body massage, though."


"I know, and it's not a punishment," she kissed his neck and put her arms through his where they rested on his chest as she hugged him from behind.  "Later?"


"Sure."


"You're thinking.  What about?"


"About everything.  My life.  It just seems like it's been such a hellhole."


"Maybe because it has."


"I can't believe I could come out of it this way.  I'm a mogul, basically means I'm loaded.  And I have you," he sideways glanced at her, even though he really could not see her.


"Yes, and Starr, and Jack . . . "


"And Sam and Ray."


"Is that all you were thinking about?"


"Truthfully, I was thinking about my father."


She swallowed, knowing it couldn't be good.  "What about him?"


"He must have been sick, Blair.  I mean, I've said it before, but I mean, really sick.  Mentally sick."


"I think so, yes."


"How do people like that even get kids?"


"I think it was a private adoption, wasn't it?  I mean, Victor paid money for it to be arranged.  It was not sanctioned by any agency, or anything.  And there was your mother."


"No, but . . . I guess I'll never understand it all.  There's so much missing to it."


"I know.  But in my heart, Todd, I feel like knowing more could actually bring up all the emotional pain for you.  Sometimes it's better."


He turned toward her, taking her hands, "That's a change.  You're always telling me to face it."


"I guess so.  I'm confused?"


"Well, maybe you're right, both ways,"  he said, walking to the couch.  "You want a fire?"


"I don't mind either way.  We gonna hang out here again today?"


"What's better than this?"


"Not much," she said, falling onto the couch beside him. 


Sam walked in.  "Hi Mom, Hi Dad."


"Hey, Bud, come here," Todd said, and pulled the little boy onto the sofa with them.  He ended up in the small space between them.


"Is my snow fort there?"


"It's there," Todd said.


"Can we go play?"


Blair said, "You can go play, but Daddy and I are talking right now, and we want to stay in here and rest."


"Mom, does my first Dad think of me?"


Blair caught Todd's eyes, and blinking, she pulled Sam close to her, kissing the top of his head.  "I am sure he thinks of you.  Why?"


"Because, I think of him sometimes.  But then I start wondering."


"What do you wonder, Buddy?"  Todd said.


"I wonder why my second dad, you, Dad, treats me like a real kid and he really didn't?"


"Hmf, a real kid, huh?"  Todd said.  Blair was looking at her husband over her son's head in admiration.  "I don't know why that is, I only know why I treat you like a real kid."


"Why, Dad?"  Sam said, "You don't scare me or anything."

"Dad's aren't really supposed to scare kids,"  he said.


"Okay.  So then, I won't scare my kids, ever."


"Right, that's a good plan.  And I can tell you, I treat you like a real kid because I love you," he surprised Sam with a tickle and the little boy giggled, and kicked.  


Sam broke lose of Blair's arms and climbed up Todd, until he was above his head almost sitting on his shoulders.  "Can you throw me off the balcony onto the snow, Dad?"


Todd said, "No, Sam, that's not safe.  Snow is not soft like that.  You will go through it and hurt yourself badly."


"Then, can you throw me on the bed?"


"I think so, if Mom says it's okay."


"Please, Mom?"


"Sure.  Just once."


Todd got up, and making a spectacle of himself, exaggerated the airplane noises and drove himself toward the bed in circles.  Finally, he dove forward and took Little Sam by the waist, and then dropped him from a safe height onto their bed.  Sam laughed and said, "Again!"


"No, just once, Mom said."


"What Mom says goes, right, Dad?"


"Right."


"I'm going to wake up Jack now and go outside and play.  He won't care."


"Um, Sam . . ."  Todd called after him.


It was too late.  Blair said, "Do you think we should have reminded Sam that it is only seven a.m.?"


"A teenagers nightmare.  Awakened on a weekend at seven."


She looked at Todd, who had brought himself back to the couch and was looking at the doorway that Sam just exited.  She said, "Todd.  Even from the beginning, when you married me to help take care of our child, you've been a good father."


"Oh yeah?"


"Yes.  You have."


"I'm going for great father.  Yeah, that's my new goal.  Great father.  I plan on being around a lot more the next ten years or so.  Just forget about everything I said about Mitch."


"Really?"


"Really.  Can I put that little boy in jeopardy of losing his father again?  Besides, I'm the one who treated him like 'a real kid.'  I've been without a real father my whole life, and I've never been a 'real kid.'  Can't mess with that."


***


Sister Rebecca Katherine had slept in.  She woke to a white wonderland around St. Anne's.  Yawning and stretching, she surprised herself when she saw the clock face reading 9:30 a.m.  "Goodness, Creena, you were certainly a tired bag o' bones."


She turned her self sideways and sat up on the edge of the bed.  Fixing her glasses on her face, she noticed something slipped under her door.  It was white.  Paper.  "Bea," she said, aloud.  Hesitating to get up and take it, she sat, taking her rosary beads and putting them into her hands, and touching the crystals and crossed herself.  "I believe in God, the Father Almighty, Creator of heaven and earth; and in Jesus Christ, His only Son, our Lord,"  she stopped, looking back to the item under the crack of her entranceway.  She thought, "She may need me to read this, or she would have waited for later.  Lord, please give me strength," she said, returning her beads to the nightstand, and getting up to retrieve her message.


The woman's meticulously straight writing began:


Now I will tell what I remember about before The Evil One.  It is not clear, and it is not beautiful, Sister, so try your best.  So much is blur.  What I remember:
My Angel, he came to me as a baby.  He did not come out of my body. He was sweet and loving.  The One Who Hurt Us, he was not always so mean, but he got meaner over time.  As My Angel grew, The One Who Hurt Us got cruel. It was as if the more I loved my son, the more The One Who Hurt Us wanted to hurt us. I can’t remember all of what happened, but when My Angel was very young, The One Who Hurt Us started his Bad Things.  He would beat us both.  Or he would hit My Angel and I would step in and fight to protect him.  He said he would kill My Angel if I went for help or left.  He said he would track us down and kill us both.  I believed.  So much is not clear, Sister.  So much is forgotten.   


The One Who Hurt Us wanted money. I wanted My Angel and nothing more.  As The One Who Hurt Us got meaner, I was fighting back in my own way.  He made me follow The Evil One.  He made us go to his church, sometimes.  He sent him money and said it was to keep him quiet and keep himself safe.  The bad things, The One Who Hurt Us did, I pretended not to see, sometimes.  He did them to me, and I know he did them to My Angel.  The One Who Hurt Us would get angry when I would go off without him, call me names and hurt me with his body, inside and all over.  I don’t remember the number of times or how, but I know. 

I try so hard to remember more, different times and things.  I can’t, and no matter how I try, The Time of Black has taken it away.  
The one time, the darkest time, I remember was right before I was sent to The Evil One.  I was out, drinking, and came home to find The One Who Hurt Us doing the very bad thing to My Angel.  He was hurting My Little Angel with his body, as he had done to me. I caught him while he was doing this and he chased me into the other room.  
"Lord, I need your strength and your guidance," she said, closing her eyes. Her hands were trembling. She slowly began to read more:
I took a knife from the kitchen and went after him.  We fought.  I was not stronger than The One Who Hurt Us.  He was stronger.  He got the knife.  My Angel was hanging off his leg, and screaming.  The One Who Hurt Us stabbed at me and cut me.  My Angel was there and he was watching.  He watched The One Who Hurt Us hurt me with his body, as he had watched many things, many times. He watched and oh, Sister, his eyes!  


"Oh dear Lord in heaven, no," the nun said, gasping as she spoke.  "It cannot be."  She felt sick, and brought her glass of water, always near her bedside, to her lips, realizing she was shaking intensely.  The words blurred as she continued:

All of it seems like one long dream to me.  That was when I was sent to heal with The Evil One, and The One Who Hurt Us never let me back home.  He kept My Angel with him, Oh God, what else did he do to him?  All those years, Sister, I ask myself.  

What if this all never happened and I am just imagining?  Or The Time of Black brought these stories to me?  Sister, help me. I want to know what happened to my boy.   

The nun fell to her knees, immediately, and began to pray.  "Please, give me the strength to follow this through, Lord.  And if this woman is to bring news that may cause pain and suffering for me and my family, please give us all the faith to withstand these challenges, Lord," and she broke off, then muttering her usual prayers a high speed, under her breath, her eyes closed and her body slightly rocking.


Within a few moments, her fears gave way to weeping, and she could not see her way to stop.  She went to her telephone, and lifted the receiver.  "Timothy," she said, unable to say much more upon hearing his voice.


"Creena?  Dear Heart, what is it?"


"Please, Timothy, I need your help."


"What is it, Dear?"


"I . . . I can't say this over the phone."


"Then I will come there, Dear Sister.  I'll come there straight away."


"No, you must wait.  I must meet with Dr. Levin first, it's vital that I do.  Will you come later, this afternoon?"


"Yes, of course.  I know how concerned you become with your patients, Creena, Dear.  Is this the case?"


"Yes, yes it is.  Please. . .I need for you to help me piece something together."


"All right, now, stop your sadness, Dear.  It will be all right.  The patient will get help, and you will see to it.  I will be there later today."


She put the phone down, not letting on about her suspicions.  She took a big breath, getting herself together.  She sat on the bed, and clasped her hands.  Sister Elizabeth Mary appeared at the door.  "My goodness, Sister, are you all right?" the younger woman asked.


"I am not sure, Sister.  I suppose I am, but my heart is breaking, and right now, I must go see Dr. Levin."


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