Hope from the Ocean: 8 (adult)

Todd and Blair were on their backs, in their bed, looking at the stars through the glass panes that reached onto the ceiling.  "It was a good day.  Seems Hope Weekend will be a total success," he said, holding her hand.  He brought it to his mouth and kissed her fingers.

"I think you're right.  Wasn't Sam so cute when he met your mother?"

"Yeah.  He's a really good boy, Blair.  A really good person.  You did that."

"Not alone.  He's got a part in that.  He always had a great personality.  He was easy.  Jack was always tougher."

"Jack's me.  Or at least more like me."

"So many times, when you were gone, I'd look at him and ache.  He was so much like you."

He turned his face toward her.  Her profile was lit indigo in the moonlight.  He traced her nose with his finger.  "To me, he looks like you.  He's beautiful."

"He is.  He's a gorgeous boy.  He takes after his Daddy."

"Come on.  You're the beautiful one."  He turned on his side.  This prompted her to do the same, and they faced each other, both having their knees tucked up and almost touching.  
"You are, too.  You know I feel that way, Todd."

"I know, but it doesn't mean I get it."

"Well, you don't have to."

He reached out and ran his thumb over her mouth, and onto her collarbone, and ran it over her nipple, and she closed her eyes and sighed.  "I want you to be with me, so much, all the time."  Blair whispered, hushed.

He moved closer, and kissed her, pouring everything in him into the embrace.  She wrapped one leg around him, and moved against him, leaving no space between them.   He ran his hands down her back, and over her bottom, and she moaned lightly.  

He slid his hand on the back of her silk pajamas, and moved them down, while she pulled her knees up and they slid off, making a small, satiny cluster under her ankles.  She kicked them away, taking him in her hand, and saying, "I love you, so much," and felt him twitch. 

He rolled over on top of her and looked into her eyes.  He said, "The light in here.  It reminds me of, a long time ago.  We were in the penthouse. . ."  he kissed down her neck.

"You said you never wanted me as much as you did right then," she said, still holding him, and stroking gently, while he worked his mouth over her breasts, giving both nipples attention.

"You looked so beautiful then," he said, between loving licks that brought her nipples to full hardness, "and you look so beautiful now.  It's like time never passed sometimes."

"I know," she said, and he brought his face to hers, and looking into her eyes, he gently pushed until she opened to him, and he filled her with himself.  She gasped briefly as he entered, and not leaving his eyes with hers, she said, "I adore you.  I want you, so much."

"Good," he said, beginning to stroke her insides with his body, their eyes still looking into each others' in want.  One of their hands were clasped together next to her head on the bed.  She loved watching his face as the passion and pleasure took over, and he fought to make it last.  Soon, he couldn't hold back, and thrust himself deep inside her until she convulsed against him, and he within her.  Both hummed and moaned, as they drifted into sleep, him sliding down her body and putting his head under her breasts against her belly.  Her hands made circles against his scalp until they fell into slumber.

***

Hours later, in the dark of deep night, they heard, "Mommy!  Daddy!"

Todd shot up, and swung his legs over the bed, and forgetting he was still nude from earlier, stumbled a minute to grab his boxers and t-shirt.  Blair sat up as well, holding the sheet to her chest, and in the dark, she tried to make out Todd's form.  "Was that Sam?"

"It was," he said.  "It's all right, I'll go."

She was glad.  She felt a pang of nausea, and her heart was racing.  She flopped back against the pillow a moment, her hand to her forehead, and then slid her other hand over her stomach.  Is the baby okay?  This made her belly churn.  I can fight this.  Don't really feel like throwing up.  But what if my stomach has other plans . . .what if I lose the baby?

A few minutes later, he returned to the room, and she was dozing between sleep and waking.  He said, "He's all right, it was a nightmare.  Mitch again."

"Wonder if he'll ever be out of that little boy's head."

Todd didn't answer.  He'll never be out of mine.  He took her hand and noticed she was clammy.  He said, "What's the matter?"

"Nausea."  Dread.  I should just tell him that I'm terrified.  Sister Rebecca Katherine said to tell him.  She's right.  I can't keep it from him, not now.  What if . . . my heart is beating so fast.

"Blair?" he repeated, and since she delayed in answering, he flicked the light on.  Her pallor was off, and he said, "Babe, what's going on?"

"I feel . . . sick, Todd.  I don't feel very well."

"Stomach?"

"Nauseous, and . . . other things."

He waited, propped on his elbows.  "What other things?"

"Just things.  Like, stuff about being pregnant."  My heart.  It's pounding so much he can probably hear it.  I have to calm down.  What's the matter with me?

"Anything you need?  Want me to get something for you, a drink of water, or anything?"

"No, I'm just . . ." panic was overtaking her.  Her heart, now racing faster than she could stand, was beating against her chest with a fury.  She broke out into a cold sweat, and put her hand over her abdomen.  Is that a cramp?  I'm so scared . . .

She must have shown her feelings in her appearance, because without warning, he took her in his arms, and wrapped them, with all their strength, around her, until she was dwarfed and protected.  She sighed, and he said, "Is that your heart beating like that?"

"You can feel it?"

"In your pulse on your neck I can."

"Yeah, that's my heart."

"Babe, what's the matter?"

She nestled close to him, and got lost in the smell of his skin.  "I don't know.  I'm so . . . afraid."

He put his chin on the top of her head, and pulled her down with him, both of them resting flat, he on the pillows, and she on his chest.  He felt something wet and warm, and knew she was crying.  "Scared of what?"  His voice went tender.

"Losing the baby."

"You won't lose the baby.  The doctor said it's going to be all right."  She didn't answer.  He repeated, "Right?  The doctor said it's going to be fine."

"I . . ."

"What?  What is it?"  For a moment, he feared she had other news that was different from what they had heard together and a feeling of uneasiness came over him.  "Tell me."

"I don't believe her."

He didn't answer.  He just stroked her hair, with his hand, and held her close.  He finally said, "Don't cry.  We're not losing our baby.  You shouldn't even think that way."

"I'm scared, Todd.  I'm so afraid.  I think of it all the time.  Too much." 

"You shouldn't be thinking of it all the time.  There are other things to worry about, like stretch marks."

She laughed, but he could tell it was through tears.  Then he said, "Stop, Babe.  The baby is okay.  The more you worry, the worse it will be for you both."

"I can't stop thinking of it.  What it was like, with our first.  And then, with Sommer.  And with Brendan.  He was a person, Todd, he was almost born."

His heart was breaking, but reminding himself of her needs, he stayed stoic.  "He was.  Almost born.  I'm sorry Blair, that you lost him.  I don't think I ever said that."

"And Sommer.  Sommer was ours, Todd.  She was almost born, too."

"I know," he continued to run his hand along her hair, and rub her back in soft circles.  

"And the first baby, we were so sad, Todd, remember?  I call him Michael, I don't know why, but somewhere in here, I do," she pointed to her own chest.  "That was so long ago."  Her voice sounded far away.

He pushed her back down onto his chest.   "Listen," he said, "it's behind us.  Something we went through.  Now, we're okay.  But I don't want you hiding from me.  If you get scared again, you tell me, and we deal with it together.  I don't want you dealing with it alone."

Everything went silent in the room.  He ran his hand up and down her upper arm and shoulder.  "I feel better,"  she said.

"Good."

"I think the panic has gone away.  Thank you, Todd."

"Another good," he said, reaching over and shutting the light.

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