The End of Blame: Chapter 29

Todd pulled himself together.  He sat up, and she handed him a glass of water.  He drank some and then said, "You're not going to like it."


"What, that you did something, or that you hid something?"


"The second one.  But I had my reasons, at the time."


"It doesn't matter now.  Tell me what it is."


"He's dying."  He broke, and then pulled it back.  "He's dying of cancer.  Liver."


"Oh my God," she said, then, "Is that what you hid from me?"


"No.  There's more."


"All right, I'm ready.  I know you had a good reason, so don't worry about my being angry with you.  Just go ahead and get it out."


"He killed Carlo.  He admitted it to me, the day he left.  He let Kathleen take the final blame.  I told him to never come near us again because he almost let you take the blame.  He said he never would have, if it came down to it, but he made you suffer.  He let you believe it was possibly you.  I couldn't forgive that, what it put you through, after Sommer."


She patted his back and said, "That's all?"


"That's enough.  He was already leaving when I went to tell him to get out of Llanview.  Sister Rebecca Katherine does not know any of this."


"She knows more than you think, Todd."


"If she does, it's by her 'lucky charms.'" he said, mocking her.


She smiled, despite the sadness.  "He's dying.  That's horrible.  Todd, he was like . . .a father to us."


He held back tears, and she could see it, almost exploding behind his face.  "Not anymore.  Not after that."


"No, my love.  I forgive him.  I understand what he did.  He wouldn't have let me be punished, I believe that.  I forgive him.  You need to do the same.  The whole thing with Carlo was one big hateful hurt.  It's not worth leaving more hurt on it."


"I can't forgive this, Blair.  Not when he claimed to love us."


"So those who claim to love us can't make mistakes, then?"


He stayed silent.  She pulled him back to her chest, and said, "You're so hurt because he was your one chance for . . ."


"A real father," he said, "yeah.  I can't do this.  I can't let myself.  Not after what he did to you.  I watched you suffer all that time."  She saw he was becoming overwrought.


"Okay, it's okay then, don't think about that now."  Instead, she said,  "Are you going to see him?  I know I am.  Will you go with me?"


"I don't want to see him, Blair."


"Well, if I go see him, will you go with me, and keep me company on the way?"


"Why would you want to go and see him?"


"I told you why already, I forgive him, he's dying, that's all.  He was close to us.  We all went through a terrible ordeal.  We all almost lost you, and we all almost lost ourselves."


He thought about it.  "Yeah, I'll go with you."


"All right, and I'll promise not to push you to see him.  We go for my visit and then we go home."


"Okay," he said.


"Okay," she said.


"What do we do about Sister Rebecca Katherine?" he asked.


"Let me handle that," she said.


They packed quickly, Blair disappearing into the other part of the suite to talk to the nun, and Todd carefully putting 'the book' into his briefcase and calling to have the jet fueled.  She came back into the room.  "It's done.  She's going to Llanview.  I told her we want the boys home, together when school starts tomorrow.  She was fine with it.  She is moving in to Unforgettable with them.  She's taking the 2:00 United Airlines Flight with Little Ray.  We still have to consider her in this, before it's too late, Todd."


He nodded.  He moved his eyes across the beautiful azure sea.  "As beautiful as it is here, Blair, I'd never want to come back."


"You know, I feel the same way," she added, "it has too much pain attached to it."


"I think we said the same about Ireland."


"You didn't say anything, you were all but dead when we left there."


"True, but I thought it.  And here we are, going back."


"For good reason," she added.


She looked at her husband, "Have you read the whole thing? 'The book' I mean?"


"Not yet, no."


"Okay.  Take it slow with that.  Remember."


"I will."


Timothy, standing in his flat, in Llanview, across from him, saying,  "I know my boy, I was lucky, but t'was to have known the likes of you."
  
He pushed the memory away.  "Are you ready Blair?"


"Yes, I'm ready."


"Then say goodbye to Greece, Babe."


***


"Yay!  Sister Becca Thrin is here, and Ray, too!"  Sam yelled, running outside Unforgettable.


Shaun followed behind him, saying, "This one can keep going all day!"


"Oh Mister Shaun, I can relate to that, I'm familiar with his shenanigans.  Come here, ya little Spider!"


He jumped into her arms, and she hugged him close.  Jack followed behind, and went to the carrier, picking up Ray.  "I can't believe this, but I missed you, kid, even with those diapers of yours."


"Hello, Jack," the nun said, grabbing him around the neck.


He hugged her.  "Hi Sister."


"Okay, where's our parents?"  Sam announced.


The nun said, "They needed more time, Sam.  Hope that's okay with ya, because later, we go get our school supplies!"


"School supplies?  Yay!"  Sam cheered and circled everyone.


"School supplies?  The kid is cheering?  Proof positive he's not in high school."  Jack teased.


"I certainly hope not, he's quite short," the nun added.


Shaun said, "Let's go guy, let's get you back inside so you can take a dip in the pool before school shopping."


Jack, alone with the sister, said, "Is he all right?"


"Heavens, yes, but I must say, it was very hard for him at times.  He's been through some terrible things, Jack.  I'd not be at liberty to share them with you, unless he gave me permission, but it has been very difficult."  


"I could tell.  Is he falling apart?  Will he come back to us?"


"He's coming back to you, that I can answer with 100% certainty, Lad.  Now, you can call them whenever you like, let's get inside before I bake to well done."


***


The touchdown in Ireland was a safe and easy one.  Todd and Blair had made it before sundown.  "We're here." she said.


"Yeah, great," he said, without enthusiasm.


"I know, it feels sort of..." 


"Shitty?" he answered.


"Yeah, that or sucky, not sure which one fits better."


They made their way to the Arlington Hotel in Dublin, and checked in for the night.  They unpacked, and Todd made himself at home with 'the book' and a comfortable spot on the bed.  "Be careful.  I'll see you later."


She stopped, "You're really serious?  You're not going with me?"


"No pressure, remember?"


"I do.  All right then, see you later."


She left.  And once she was gone, he felt pangs of worry about her.  He called her cell.  She answered, "Hello?"


"Hi."


"Hi, Todd."


"Are you okay?"


"Yes, I'm fine.  I just left."


"I know, I was just missing you."


"Well, I miss you, too.  Wait!  The boys are calling, I'll answer and connect us all."  She clicked over and he waited, and then another click, and "Dad!  It's me, Sam!"


"Hey, Sam, how ya doing?"


"I'm good.  Sister Becca Thrin got me school supplies and everything.  She got me Spiderman pencils and a Spiderman folder."


"That's awesome.  What did she get you, Jack?"


"Funny, Dad."


"I don't get why Jack didn't want any school supplies."  Sam said.


"Jack, you okay?"


"Fine.  You?"


"Better."


"You actually sound it.  Dad, can I ask you something?"


Sam interrupted, "Mom, guess what?  Ray laughed and did a fart at the same time."


Both Todd and Blair laughed.  "Really?"  she asked.


"Yeah, it was so funny, and Sister Becca Thrin said 'Oh you and your shenagans,'  It was really funny.  Me and Jack could not stop laughing."


Todd said, "Sam sounds happy."


Blair said, "He is happy.  All right Sam, say bye, so Jack can talk."


"Okay, I love you, Mom.  I love you, Dad.  I miss you.  Come back soon.  Bye."


Jack repeated, "Dad, can I ask you something?"


"Yeah, Son, go ahead, shoot."


"Dad, can Sister Rebecca Katherine tell me what's happened?  She said she won't unless you tell her it's okay.  I really want to know, Dad.  I need to know."


Todd said, "You're not going to like me, right now, Jack."

Jack said, "Why not?"


"Because I . . . don't want her to tell you right now.  It's something . . . I think I need time before I have to deal with it that way.  I hope you understand."


Jack wasn't pleased, but he tried not to let on.  "Dad, I love you.  No matter what."


Todd felt a lump gather in his throat, and Blair said, "He knows that, sweetie.  He loves you, too."


"I love you, Jack," he could barely get the words out because emotion was in the way.


"I love you, Mom."


"Love you too, Son.  Be good on your first day."


Todd managed, "We'll be home soon."  The call ended.  Todd and Blair were left with each other on the line.  He said,  "I just can't have him deal with that.  Not now."

"It's all right, whatever you think.  What were we saying before that, Mr. Manning?"


"Nothing, I think I was just saying I miss you."


"I think so too, and I miss you, even though I just left a minute ago."


"It was three minutes," he corrected her.


"All right three minutes."


"Guess I'm nervous about being here and you're out there in Ireland, alone."


"I'm okay, Todd.  Of course, you could always change your mind and come and protect me."


"I can't go see him, Blair.  I just. . . can't."


"All right.  I'll speak to you later then,  The car just pulled up in front of the hospital.  I'll call you,  Love you so much, Todd."


"Love you too, so much."


The call ended.  He put the phone to his chest, and hoped he was not going to be paid back for his refusal to accompany her.  He opened the book again, and read:


The Leona child is a difficult one to contain.  Today, staff reported he murdered a small cat on the grounds.  It was mutilated when found.  He's no more than seven years old.  This is clearly a sign of the abuse he's suffered from his biological parents, and whatever biological disorders he has.  However, when I told Carlo of this, he could only chuckle, and repeat what a wonderful tormentor the boy would someday make.  Sometimes I pray that God will have mercy on me, someday, for now that I am in this, too deep for escape, I see that there is little way out for any of us.


Michael Leona?  He grew up with Zeus, and neither one realized it.  Todd was certain that Zeus had no memory of the little boy killer.  It had taken a great deal to get the memory of his caretaker back.  These things were no doubt buried in the man's innermost psyche.  He was abused.  He was sick.  He couldn't help what he did.  He couldn't help but love what he did.  He read on, turning the pages, until something else caught his eye:


Carlo bragged to us today about making his first kill in the Men of 21.  It was a dual murder, of a mother and young son.  Even across the seas and the miles, I can still feel that death as if it is on my head.  How can he gloat about something so horrific?  He said to me, and I quote, in case I lose my sanity, "It was in retaliation for another death."  But I'm wondering, how many lives can be lost before this madness stops?  The Men of 21 have no world-saving mission.  The members are all out for themselves.  They have no cause, but one of greed, pain and destruction.  I was mislead and my own greed caused it.  I may not know much of the world, but they remind me of the Nazis, somehow.  My grandfather's stories of Nazi plans to rule the earth, raise a master race of superhumans.  Someone else must see a parallel, somewhere.  If they do not, this text will be there to remind them.


Yeah, and Carlo was their Hitler.  Fucker.  I have to stop reading this.  But could that mother and son have been Timothy's wife and child?  


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