The End of Blame: Chapter 37

The following week was a mishmash of traveling between the hotel and the hospital and visiting between Timothy's room and Sister Rebecca Katherine's, who also had to be put into the hospital, to regulate her system and ready her for the surgery.  Todd and Blair laughed about it, occasionally thinking how funny it would have been to see them in the same room next to each other, but of course, the hospital was not even considering that.  They would wake up, go to the hospital, see one of them together, see the other together, eat dinner and return to the hotel.  In the evenings, they called the boys, called Starr, and spent time loving each other.


Todd was best when he was immersed in someone else's problems.  He was a steadfast force to the nun, and to Timothy.  But when darkness fell, he still dealt with nightmares, though not as often, and now with increasing memory flashes.  Blair, in her dedication to being there for him, spent time listening to his fears, holding him when he needed her and sharing her body with him as a manner of comfort and escape.


Soon, the afternoon before the procedure arrived.  Timothy, though in excellent spirits, had a difficult time with good-bye.  He said, "I appreciate all these visits and the time you've spent, my children.  It's been wonderful."


Blair said, "Well, tomorrow, when you wake up, we'll be here again to bother you.  Todd will have time to get a few one-liners going."


"Yeah, I'll have some time while you're out cold to get some good ones."  Todd said.


"Yes, my boy, I know you'll enjoy that.  And be sure to send my love to that little penguin of mine."


"You can say it yourself, you craggy old man, I'm right here,"  Sister Rebecca Katherine was out of breath.


Todd said, "Here comes Mother Superior now."


She said, "And she's not worse for the wear, I'll say.  I just had a match with that young orderly, and he needs to work on his left.  How are ya, brother?"


"I'm fine, sister.  Creena, are ya sure ya want to do this?  I wanted the doctor's promise that nothing poorly will happen to ya, and he could not give me any guarantees."  Timothy said.  "It's a risk ya might want to think about."


She swatted at him, "You've been saying that for days.  I'll be fine.  These doctors are mostly out to protect their collective behinds.  I'm strong as an ox."


"I can attest to this, she beats up my son all the time," Todd said.


Blair said, "Speaking of that, Todd, we're expecting that call from the boys.  It's in an hour.  We'd better get going, I don't want to miss it."


"All right," Todd said, leaning toward Timothy, "Listen, you'd better make certain you come through this, because you owe me about forty years of Dadness."


"I plan on it, my boy.  And you know, I love ya."  He patted Todd's cheek with his hand.  "You are worthy of it, regardless of what the world has taught ya, Todd."


Todd's eyes brimmed, regardless of how he attempted to stop it from happening.  He said, "And you, old man, you're worthy of living.  Remember that."


He pulled back, heading to outside the door to wait for Blair, who turned to Timothy, bent and kissed him.  "Dad," she began, "is it all right I called you that?"


The older man was crying now.  He also found no shame in it.  He said, "Yes, it is music to my ears, my girl.  Bridgette, I will be glad to wake and see ya."


"I will be glad to be there when you do," she said.  She kissed his cheek again, and hugged him briefly.  As she stood, she said, "We need you around, so rest up and be strong.  We love you."  She exited the room.  She put her hand on Todd's shoulder and said, "He will make it, Todd.  He's got the will to live.  You did that."  He looked at her, emotions at the forefront, "You brought him that, by forgiving him."


Todd answered, "I'm . . . let's just say I'm grateful that I did.  In case anything goes wrong, at least he heard me say it."


"Yes," she said, putting her chin on top of his shoulder, and tipping her head against his, "That's it.  You're a good man, Todd.  You are, in there.  You are the only one of us who doesn't know it."


Back in the room, the nun took a seat by her brother's bed.  He said, "Are you supposed to be out and about?  You're supposed to be well rested for tomorrow."


"I am.  I ate the dinner they gave me, early.  We have to fast after 7 pm."


"Yes, I know."


"So, let me get a blanket, here, off the foot of the bed."  She put it over her lap and settled in.


He said, "Creena, what are ya doing?  It's getting later.  Ya should be going back to your room to rest."


"I am staying right here.  I'm going to spend the evening with ya, until it's bedtime."


"Ya don't have to do this, dear one."


"I know.  But tell me, where else would I be, Brother?"


***


Blair pushed the door to the hotel open excitedly and heard the phone ringing inside the bedroom.  She raced to it, picking it up.  "Hi Sam!"  Todd heard her exclaim.  "Darlin,' what's wrong?"  Todd stopped short in the doorway.  Blair continued to speak to her youngest, "Sam?  What's the matter?  Put Grandma or Jack on the phone."


Todd came closer and sat on the bed.  He heard Blair say, "Jack, what's going on?"  She signaled Todd to go and pick up the other line in the sitting area.  He did, and both of them listened.


Jack said, "Sam's being strange.  He's crying all the time.  He keeps having bad dreams."


Todd swallowed.  He just wanted to scoop his little boy up and hug him.  Blair was beside herself.  She said, "Why, Jack?  What is it?"


"He's got it in his head that he did something to hurt you, and that's why you're staying away.  I don't really get it, Mom."


"Oh the poor thing," she said.


Todd spoke, "Hey, Jack."


"Hey, Dad.  It's really weird with Sam right now.  Today, the teacher called Shaun to pick him up from school, because he cried himself sick."


Blair said, "Put him back on the phone, Jack, please."  He did.  She said, "Sam, we miss you."


Todd added, "Sam, it's Dad.  You okay, Buddy?"


Sam's voice was tear-stained.  "Hi, Dad," he said, miserably.


"Hey.  What's going on, Bud?"


"I'm sad because you and Mommy are away.  I think you don't want to come home because of me."


Blair said, "Sam, no, why would you think that?"


"Dad started having the bad dreams when I showed him the camera.  And then, you started crying a lot and we couldn't sleep in the same room with you and Dad anymore.  And it was because of me," he broke down, crying.  "I didn't mean to do something bad, I want you to come home."


Todd caught Blair's eye across the room, and signaled her to stay quiet.  He said, "No way, Sam.  I was having the bad dreams before you showed me that camera.  Way before that."


"What if Mommy doesn't love me anymore, and she only loves Ray.  And I made her mad and sad, and you"  he cried.


Todd's heart broke in half, listening to the little boy sob.  "Sam, that's not true.  Listen, I'm your best friend, aren't I?"


Sam didn't answer.  He sniffled.  "I guess."


"You guess?  You're my very best buddy ever, and I'm your best friend, your partner in fighting crime, you said that."


"Okay."


"Well, I can tell you, both Mommy and I are sorry that we haven't been there for you.  We're helping Grandpa Timothy and Sister Rebecca Katherine."


"I know, Jack said.  But it's all my fault.  I should have helped Mommy better.  I heard you yelling at her.  I heard her crying about it."


Todd felt sick.  "It's not your fault, Sam, none of this is your fault.  I'm having bad dreams because of things that someone mean did to me.  Nothing that you did could ever make me sad.  And as for Mommy, she's crying right now, listening to you, she loves you so much."


He said, "Mom, do you?"


"Yes, Sam, of course I do.  I love you so much, Baby Boy.  Please don't feel badly."


Todd repeated, "You did nothing wrong.  It's not your job to protect Mommy.  That's my job.  I wasn't yelling at her, I was scared.  I had a bad dream, the one about the Green Goblin taking you away.  She was just trying to help me.  Let the grown ups protect each other and you, Sam.  You could never make us stay away.  In fact, we're going to be home very soon."


"You are?"  He excitedly answered.


"Yes, we are.  And Sam, you're my best buddy, I love you."


Blair said, "And Mommy loves you Sam, so much."


"She cries every day missing you."  Todd said.


"She does?"  Sam asked.  Todd could picture his seeing-Santa expression.


"She does.  She loves you, and I love you.  And we love each other.  I'm sorry about my dreams, little guy, but it's not because of you.  Do you understand?"


"Jack!"  Sam yelled, "The dreams are not because of me.  Dad loves me and Mommy does."


"Told you, ya bonehead."  They heard Jack in the background.  "You're lucky your my brother and I love you, or I'd have to tickle you to death later."


Sam came back to the phone.  He said, excitedly, "Mom and Dad, my teacher gave me a sticker.  She said I'm the best speller."


"That's great," Todd said, but he was suddenly overcome with emotion.


Blair picked up on it, and took over. "Sam, I knew you could spell wonderfully.  Remember?  You did great at spelling last year."  She said, "I think we have to go, Sam.  Say bye, and we'll talk to you tomorrow, okay?"


"Okay!  Bye Mom, Bye Dad!"  Sam hung up.


Blair put the phone down, and went to Todd.  She rubbed his back, and said, "Hey."


"Hi, Blair," he said.


"Hi."


"He thought it was his fault.  The poor little guy," Todd sniffed.


"Yeah, he did, but it's not."  Blair said.


She put her arms around his shoulders, "What is it, Babe?"  She asked.


"Just thinking how . . ." he stopped, unable to go on.


"Want me to tell you?  Because I really think I know."


He didn't respond.  Instead, he just leaned against her.  Flash, but I can't see it.  What was it?  

She said, "You were thinking how no one ever told you the things you tell your kids.  And how you wished someone told you it was not your job to protect your mother.  Isn't that it?"


He quietly said, "Yeah, I guess that's it."


"You are a good father," she said, her voice cracking.  "You're the kind of father those boys deserve.  You're the kind of father that Starr has learned to adore, and has shared with her daughter."


"I hope you're right."


"I am," she hugged his shoulders tighter.  "What else, my love?"


"I don't like that he thinks it's his fault, that he didn't do right by us.  That's not right."


"I know.  It's not fair, is it?  He's just a little boy.  There's no way he's responsible." she paused, and then said, "Just like you weren't."


He lifted his head and looked into her eyes.  "I stood there, and I watched, Blair.  I could have called someone.  I should have done something."


"You were a child, probably Sam's age.  And you need to let this go.  Just like Sam.  And since you don't have a Mom, or a Dad, telling you, I'll do it.  It was not your fault.  You couldn't save her.  You were just a little boy."


He closed his eyes, and with his head still on her shoulder, he took her hand.  Their fingers interlocked, and she played with his hand before taking it to her chest and placing it over her heart.  


***


It was dark.  The sound of the machines around her beeped, and a green glow from the monitor reflected off her brother's face.  She had said her good-byes and good lucks to him, and now, after ten, he was sleeping soundly, and she was still beside him in the guest chair.  Smoothing the hair off his forehead, she said, "Brother, you're all I have left in this world that's of my blood.  You mustn't go from me," and kissed him, walking out silently.


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