In the morning, Sister Rebecca Katherine was off to make her first visit to Timothy. Having said her morning prayers, she got her habit on, and her veil, and headed out. She would call a taxi; she did not know what kind of night Todd and Blair had, and did not want to always disrupt them in order to get around.
Standing on the corner, in her nun garb, she easily retrieved a taxi cab, and rode to the hospital alone. When inside, she took her time, thinking what she might say to him upon seeing him the first time, knowing what she believed she knew. She got to the cancer ward and left the elevator. She said aloud, "Which way, Rebecca?" Then, looking up. she saw the gray arrows that directed patrons to the correct area. Matching the numbers that she received from Todd, she proceeded.
Timothy was asleep, and she noticed how much smaller he seemed. Her throat caught; her brother, the one who had held her ice for her and chased away the banshees from her closet at night was dying. She stepped close to his bed, found the chair, and sat, pulling her beads out and praying for him.
She was engaged in prayer solemnly, when he said, "Creena? You're here?"
She said, "Yes, Timothy. I am here."
"He called ya?"
"He did. I am glad that you and Todd are speaking again."
"Who said we were not speaking?" he feigned innocence.
"No one, I just had a feeling. I know your truth, Timothy. I know why ya left us."
"Do ya, now?" He could not help but give in. His sister had always had "seeings." She knew things. He still could not surmise how.
"Yes. I know what ya did. I am not happy with it, but I know."
"What are you unhappy with, Creena? You should be glad I am at least still alive, so you can reprimand me."
She put her beads down. "Ya killed Carlo Hesser. That is what ya did. Ya took a life. Not that he had anything positive to boast about."
He didn't answer. She said, "He is the one who murdered your wife and your son?"
"If he was, would it change anything?"
"No, but it would be a nifty fact to know."
"He is. One and the same."
"Did he kill our brother?"
"I believe he did. That one, I don't have proof of."
"It did not make anything ya did right. Nothing can excuse that," she paused. "Is it eating at ya, Timothy?"
"It does. I sometimes wonder if the cancer is the guilt. I didn't know what it would be like, to take a life, until I saw it happen. It was not what it seems to be."
"I am sorry, for ya, brother. And I forgive ya."
He swallowed, closing his eyes. "Thank ya, my dear sister. That means . . . ya cannot know what it means. I also lied to Todd. That is why . . ."
"I know, I determined that on my own, when it happened. But he forgives ya, so does Blair, that is what counts. But, ya mustn't squander their forgiveness. Ya must get well, and heal yourself, your drinking problem, and give them the father they need. That man, that boy that lives inside that man, he needs a father, someone to love and guide him and accept him as he is. And, if you're given this second chance, ya must work to give him that."
He nodded. "I have thought this, myself."
"He's very troubled."
"I know he is. He confessed much of his darkness to me, here, last night. I told him none of it mattered to me. That I love him anyway. I believe it may have helped."
She smiled, a tear forming, "I am sure it did. He has a long road ahead, but what ya did gave him strength. Just listening and letting him be who he is, his dark flaws and more. That is what he needs. I believe it is one of the reasons that Blair can get through to him so well. She accepts him fully."
"Ah, I knew she would. He was so afraid, Creena, to go to her and tell her everything he was fighting. I told him to, knowing it would prove he was still worthy of her love."
"Do ya think it's odd that neither of us have ever had this kind of love in our lives?"
"I can't say neither of us. I am not able to be sure what it would have been like with Erin. We did not have long enough."
"No, that is true. And for that, my dear brother, I am still sorry." She took his hand.
Todd and Blair appeared behind them. The nun immediately noticed how the colors of their outfits complimented each other. She said, "What a dapper couple!"
"Thanks, Sister. How ya feeling, Timothy?" Todd said.
"I'm as good as can be, with my little friend here to cheer me."
"Aww, that's so sweet." Blair added.
"Sister, we came to give you a ride, if you're ready to go?" Todd offered.
"I am, just about."
"Good, but before we go, I have something I think you all will be interested in."
"Todd, what is it?" Blair said.
"I gave extra money to the lab here to fast forward the tests and you're a match. Sister, you can give part of your liver to old sleepy over there. Might cost me an entire wing, but . . ."
She was overjoyed and clasped her hands. Timothy nodded, and smiled. Blair hugged Todd around the neck. The sister said, "My God, Todd, you're quite the resourceful one! Thank ya, thank ya so much for this."
"We're going to take you to dinner, Sister. It's going to take some conditioning to get you ready for this surgery. We want you to eat hardy. There's a war on, against that cancer." Todd said.
The nun clapped. "Well then, let's get started. Timothy, I'll take my leave, but remember what I've said today. This good fortune only means that ya must pull through and then face your own demons to get well."
Todd understood fully what the nun was saying, and his eyes rested on Timothy's for a short time. Finally, the two women walked out, chattering about the whereabouts of her special meal, and he stepped toward the bed. "She knows?"
"She did. I didn't have to say a word."
He laughed, slightly, and said, "That's her."
"It is."
"You promised me, old man."
"I know I did, young man."
"You promised to get well, and quit."
"And I keep my promises. If I'm living, I will do it. I won't let you down. You've been let down all too much by people around you your whole life. I'm not about to add to that." He reached his hand out, and Todd took it. He said, "Son, are ya all right? That was quite a large burden ya got off ya last night."
"I'm all right. I slept again. Blair made sure."
"She's a prize."
"She's my prize. I can't live without her. I'm sure of that."
"But are ya really all right?"
Todd thought a moment. "No. I don't think I'm really all right. I feel like . . . an outcast, even in my family. I'm scared I could turn on them, like Peter did to us. I used to be able to just go inside myself and never come out. Sometimes, I want to be there, you know? I want to get away from the ugliness and the pain and just be there, with her. But that's gone. When Leona and I fought to the death, and I almost passed on, that ended. I went there, and she sent me out. She told me I had to stay and fight for her. And, well, that's what I'm doing. I just get tired, you know. Tired of . . . thinking. Remembering."
"Ah. So she's there, in that place in your mind?"
"She was the place. I used it, all the time when I was kidnapped. I went there to escape. Except sometimes, I couldn't come out. But, the real her, the touch of her, the feel of her, is worth it all."
When speaking of Blair, Todd seemed wistful and longing. Timothy said, "Now, ya have her all the time, and ya can be with her and make her happy as well, not just yourself."
"I know. And that's the difference. I can't leave her. I promised not to. But sometimes, my mind just goes there, wants to, because that being isolated and safe is so . . . intoxicating."
Timothy listened, and slowly reacted, "But touching her, hearing her, I mean really, here, out here, it's got to be different. As if nothing compares?"
"No. Nothing does. Especially . . . not to get too graphic, but I can forget anything when I'm physically with her. Sometimes, I just forget it all, like some kind of spell."
Timothy admitted to himself that what Todd said was not all that reassuring. The allure of his disappearing inside himself seemed more powerful than Timothy liked, but at the same time, he seemed to have put it in the past. "You'll be all right. Ya have each other. And after my surgery is a success, ya should go home to your boys. Take care of yourself, so I have someone to keep me going and a family to go back to."
*** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***
Your comments are 'payment' for the work of the authors. Our writers like to hear your feedback. Please leave a comment when you read.
great chapter
ReplyDelete