The End of Blame: Chapter 38

The phone rang, startling Blair and Todd out of their sleep.  She sat up, and he reached across the bed.  "Hello?" he said into the receiver, while she looked at the clock.  It was almost noon.  "We overslept," she said aloud.


"All right, we'll be there," he said, hanging up.  Then, he got a very far away look on his face and stared off.


Blair said, "Todd, what is it?"


"The surgery is over.  He's . . . something must have happened."


"What do you mean?"


"He didn't make it.  He's on life support."


"What?" she gasped, and Todd just sat, seemingly numb.  She cried, "No," and hugged around his neck.


Todd was barely able to move.  He brought one hand up to the middle of her back as she embraced him.  He said, "It was Sister Rebecca Katherine.  Seems she's on the mend already.  He didn't. . .he just stopped breathing."


Blair attempted to keep her tears to a minimum and could not help but think how difficult this was going to be for Todd.  After all of the curves thrown his way, this surely would be devastating.  He continued, "We just . . . I don't know.  I finally forgive the guy, and this."


"Be grateful, " she said, "at least he knew."


He nodded.  "We have to go.  We have to support Sister."


"Yes, we do."


He jumped up and got out of bed, heading to the shower.  She said, "Are you all right, Todd?"


"Yeah, I'm all right.  Let's get going."


The rest of the morning was difficult; Blair was concerned at how distant and uncannily calm Todd was in light of the call from Sister Rebecca Katherine.  He was robotic in his movements as he readied for the day, and dressed silently.  Her concern turned to outright worry when he became silent throughout the entire journey to the hospital.  He held her hand, meshing his fingers with hers, and covering it with the other hand across his lap, but never uttered a word.  She feared he was not ready for letting go or dealing with the emotion of the day.


When they arrived, the couple went directly to Sister Rebecca Katherine's bedside.  She was peaceful, composed and reticent, and explained how she had found out, quite accidentally from the nurse, about the events that passed.  "I was just waking, and she was fixing my blanket.  I said something, I was sort of out of it, still coming out of the anethesia, and I heard her say something about the fact that the man that got part of my liver did not survive and was on life support.  I became very upset, of course, and the doctor finally came in and confirmed it.  During the end of the surgery, my dear brother's heart arrested, and in restarting it, they found he could not breathe on his own."


Blair sat on the edge of the woman's bed, and held her hand.  Todd was at the window.  The nun said, "Todd, dear, ya mustn't go to any of those places ya go in your head when life hands us something terrible."


He didn't turn to her, but said, "I'm not.  I'm okay."


Blair said, "What can we do for you, Sister?"


"Oh, nothing my dear.  Just be here, Bridgette, when I have to make the choice to let him go."


Todd squeezed his eyes shut.  He'd once again lost his chance to have a father: to see him get well, listen to his speeches of advice; to argue politics with and discuss men stuff; to watch him play with his grandchildren and great grandchildren in the make-shift family Todd was trying so desperately to put and keep together as the grounding center of his life.  Suddenly resigned to the fact that he was never meant to have loving parents, especially a father, he pulled himself together and turned to the women.  He said, "We'll be here for you, whatever you need."


"I know it's not perfect, but at least he was able to repent for his mistakes and ask forgiveness in his heart.  It pains me that he never verbally accepted the Lord, but only He can know what was in his heart."  The nun said.


"That's true," Blair said.


"He was all right with himself," Todd said, abruptly.  Both women turned.  "Our conversation about that made me feel that he was all right with himself."


"That's good.  I want him to be ready.  I'll be praying most of the day, while I'm not cursing these staples of mine.  As soon as I am up and at 'em, I'll go and see him and say my goodbyes.  As hard as it is, I don't believe in keeping the man hovering between this world and the next.  No one deserves that."


Todd swallowed and Blair leaned over and kissed the nun on the cheek.  "You're such a dear," she said to the older woman.  "He is lucky to have you and so are we."


Todd walked to the bed, and took his index finger, tracing along the woman's nose.  "We are.  Thank you, Sister, for everything."


"Oh you're welcome, my boy.  I won't belabor this or draw it out for a long time.  I know what must be done and I am going to struggle to do so.  He would want me to let him go and to be strong."  She fell into tears, "I am just not sure how to go about it."


Todd moved from where he stood and sat, taking her into his arms.  "It's all right, you can let it out with us.  We know it's hard."


Blair was so proud of him, as she usually was.  He was so much more strong that anyone gave him credit for, even herself.  She put her hand on his shoulder as Sister Rebecca Katherine pulled out of his embrace and gently said, "Such a fine man, ya are.  So proud to know ya.  Don't worry, I won't be doing this today, and the both of ya should go and spend time out in the living world.  No need to ruminate here with the dead and dying."


He nodded once, affirmatively.  Taking Blair's hand, they stood to take their leave.  Blair said, "You take care, all right?"


Todd said, "Sister, we want to be here for the last few minutes, so when you decide you're ready, call us please."


"I will do just that, my boy.  Thank ya," she said, and settled down a bit deeper into her bedding.  "I'm going to take some rest now.  Love ya both."


As they walked out, arm in arm, Blair said, "What should we do?"


"I don't know," he answered, "but can we go and see him first?"


"Yes, of course.  Then  we'll decide what to do with the rest of the day."


Timothy was in the bed, with a breathing tube, lying flat in an unnatural way.  It wasn't how most hospital patients were kept.  Todd felt a chill on his back and then said, "I want to know if he can still hear us."


"I don't know.  I think he can, I mean, they say he can."


"Old man, if you're in there and just waiting for the chance to come out, just do it.  We're here."


Nothing.


"Todd, I don't think he's able to.  He's on a ventillator.  Doesn't that mean . . ."


"I don't care what it means.  This is Timothy.  And I'm Todd Manning, damn it.  Nothing goes the way it does in other people's lives in mine."


She blew out her breath in response and smiled, weakly, "No one can argue there."


Todd continued, "We need you around, I thought I made that clear?  And besides, what about Sam?  Come on, Timothy.  Five hundred gallons of bourbon hasn't done you in, why this?"


Blair could hear the strain and sadness in his voice through his snark.  She said, "Todd, tell him you love him.  Then we should go."


"Yeah, Old One, I love you.  You heard her, I know you did.  You always did have an eye for the pretty ones."  Then he paused for a bit.  "You don't need this machine.  You have so many things to get done.  Get back here and do them and keep your promises."


Blair was choked up, and wiped a tear from under her eye.  He stood and took her hand, leading her out.  She said, "Well, that's done.  But can it be, Todd, that this could happen?  That we could finally put ourselves together and get him the liver and then this?"


"Yes.  It can be.  But like I said, nothing goes the way it's supposed to go in my life.  So, I guess in that case, there must be hope."


***


The rest of the day, and into the evening, Todd and Blair spent shopping unenthusiastically for gifts for the kids, and thinking of how they would explain to Jack, Sam and Starr the loss of Timothy, and the original "finding" of him again that lead them astray from Greece in the first place.


Greece.  Todd now realized it was just a memory and a momentary stop along the way, but a small part of him missed the serenity of the turquoise ocean and the quiet, breezy days.  Though he had no desire to return there, his mind wandered back, to hours in the hot tub on the roof of Melian.  With this, came flashes of memory and pain, that immediately and strangely resounded physically oh his palm, where the huge burns were from the candle flame.  Though everything he'd been through during the last summer months, he would relive it all again if it would take away this moment, when he sat waiting for Sister Rebecca Katherine to call and tell them it was time to say good-bye.  He stood outside the dress shop, waiting for Blair to return.  In her possession, she had matching dresses for Starr and Hope.  He smiled, "You think they'll wear them?"


"I know they'll wear them." she said.  "I can't wait to see them in them.  Todd, I miss home so much."


"I do too, Babe, I even miss Greece, and that's saying a lot."


"I know.  It's because. . .well, you know why, I don't have to tell you."


They headed back to the hotel.  Todd had a feeling there would be one more night before their lives and the life of Sister Rebecca Katherine changed forever.


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