The End of Blame: Chapter 33

"Todd?"  Blair said, watching him come in.  He appeared exhausted, and his eyes were red and swollen.  "Oh my God, are you all right?"


He just fell onto her, and closed his eyes.  "I lied to you, Blair."


"What, my love?  What is it?"  She said, holding him.


He held onto her for a few moments, fearing they could be the last.  "I have to tell you something."


"All right.  Did you see Timothy?"


"Yes.  I convinced him to fight for his life.  I forgave him."


"I am glad, and I knew you could do it.  But baby, what's wrong?  Can you let go and look at me?"


He pulled back, and she could see he was distraught.  His swollen eyes were bloodshot, his hands were trembling.  "I don't want to lose you," he said, grabbing her again.


"You won't," she said, also choking up.  "Now what is it, Todd?"


"I didn't mean to lie to you.  I just . . ."


"Todd, just tell me.  What is it?"


He couldn't speak, while looking at her, so she suggested that he turn his back to her.  He began to relay to her what happened with Timothy, and all of the truths he had just confessed at the older man's bedside.  After saying all of it, through emotion, the room fell silent.  He could hear her, stifling her own sobs.  He said, "All right.  Say it now.  You are going to leave me.  You're taking the children and leaving me, finally, once and for all."


She didn't respond.  He could still hear her sniffling, and trying to catch her breath.  He closed his eyes.  It was over, and his worst fear had come true.  For years, he had feared the day when she would finally walk away.  When coming close to raping her after her lies to him didn't cause it, he had gone and chosen Marty over her, and ended up shot on their honeymoon day.  When that was not enough, he came back and in a jealous rage, pulled back from her, pushing her away and kidnapping their child.  When she forgave that, he went and paid someone to marry him and lied about his mental stability to overcome a crime he committed.  Still, she forgave him and came back for more.  When these things did not break her steadfastness, he gave away her child, telling her it was dead.  And she forgave him.  And when he vanished for eight years, and all suspicion was cast on him for the murder of his friend and father-figure, Sam, she had defended him.  And through all that, he never dreamed that all these years after, he would lose her, and his sons, his daughter - everything he cherished, in one fell swoop.  How can she love me?  After this?  He bowed his head.


He suddenly felt her hand slide onto his shoulder.  Then, he felt her take a step toward him and gently hug his back, putting her head on his shoulder, as she had done so many times.  He gasped for air and said, "Blair?"


"Yeah?"


"You're still there?"


"Yeah," she sniffled.


"Why?"


"Because, I love you."


"Why?"


"Because I do.  I always have.  Because you love me, because you get me, because you make me be able to be who I am.  We just fit."


"Are you going?  Away?"


"No, I'm not going away."


She moved even closer to his back, carefully sliding both her arms around his chest and pulling him close.  "I'm so thankful that you've finally been able to face some of these things and share them with me.  But you know, you're wrong.  You're not Peter, or Carlo.  You're you.  These things were eating you alive, Todd."


He turned to her, and she lifted his chin, bringing his eyes to hers.  She was crying, and he hated to see her that way.  "I'm so sorry, Todd, that you've had to deal with this alone.  But not anymore.  Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me."  And she put her arms around him and hugged him.  He closed his arms around her in response, and pulled her tight, closing his eyes and pulling her waist to him with his one hand, while losing his other in her hair.


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