The Shadows Fall: Chapter 39

Todd was reading some mockups when the phone rang.  Ray said, "Todd, I'm wondering if Jack's free, either this afternoon or tomorrow?  Zeus' therapy has come to a point in which I think it would be advantageous to have them meet."

Todd wouldn't admit it aloud, but the thought of his son sitting across from the man who burned him as a child was difficult.  "I'll ask him.  Can we call you back?"

"Sure.  How are things going?  Pretty soon, you'll be a father again."

"Yeah.  We're okay, Blair is uncomfortable now, she's struggling through.  Everything seems to be suspiciously calm."

Ray laughed shortly.  "That's you Todd, always looking for the next bad thing."

"I guess it's in my nature.  I've been there a lot.  Nothing's ever turned out right for us without something in the way."

"That may be over, Todd.  You have to be open to that."

"I'm trying.  Well, let us call you back on the other thing."

Hanging up, he went to Blair, who was folding baby things in the nursery.  The room was almost completed.  It was done in primary colors, bright and cheery, and small animals were all over the room, either painted on or stuffed.  "Are you happy with this place?" He said, rounding the corner of the doorway.

"I think so, you?"

"Of course.  Whatever you think works, works for me.  Blair, Ray called."  He watched her stop short, pausing.  "He says it's time for Jack to meet with him and Zeus.  He wants him later today or tomorrow."

She put the baby item down, and looked at him.  "I'm going to trust you with this.  What do you think?  Do you think it's the thing to do?"

He looked at her, distracted somewhat by how beautiful she looked, nesting.  "I don't know it anyone can be sure about it.  But, it might help him move on."

"You mean Jack?"

"I mean both."

She walked to him, "Todd, when you were his age, you had just been raped by your own father.  You built up so much rage about it, and never let it out.  A few years later, where did you end up?"

He realized then it was not Blair who was really apprehensive, it was he himself.  "I took that same anger and I hurt someone else.  I know.  If I had someone to talk to..."

"It's more than that.  You had Sam to talk to.  But if someone had gotten you the help you needed, you might not have made the same mistakes.  How much do you trust Ray?"

"I guess I'd say I trust him with my life."

"Then, you know he'd never do anything to hurt Jack."

"Right."

"Then, what do you think?"

"I think he should go.  But I think I should be there, at least outside the door.  If for any reason he's in danger, I'll be there to help."  He started out the nursery door.

"All right.  The I trust you with this.  And, Todd?" He turned back, looking at her.  "You are a good father, Todd.  You have been a good father to Starr and Sam, you are a good father to Jack.  I trust you with my children.  You have to know that."

He swallowed, walking back to her and taking her in his arms.  He looked directly into her eyes and said, "Thank you," before kissing her.

Making his way back to Jack's room, he knocked.  "Hey, are you in there?"

Jack opened the door, "Yeah, what's up?"

"Jack, Ray called.  It seems, if you're up to it, the meeting with Zeus is going to take place."

Jack seemed nonchalant.  "When?"

"Today or tomorrow."

"Today's fine."  He looked up.  "Will you take me?  I mean will you be there and stuff?"

Todd's chest swelled a little with emotion and pride.  "I planned on it, I wouldn't let you do it alone, unless you wanted to."

"I don't know if I could.  I'm trying to grow up.  I mean, I'll face it on my own, but I'd rather have you with me, Dad."

That afternoon, there they were again, in the limo, headed to Mountainview.  Unlike the last time, there were no awkward silences between them.  The conversation went from the cute girl in chemistry class to the possibility of getting a car, to the new baby, and around the bend to whatever struck them.  Instead of being at opposite ends of the seat, by each window, they were toward the center, both of them, so Jack could show him pictures on his phone.  When the ride ended and Jack disembarked first, Todd marveled at how far they had come, and how natural it was seeming.  There was something to be said for Blair's thoughts; perhaps he was a good father after all, or at least, heading for that designation.  That was what he always wanted, the love and respect of his wife and children.

He let Jack forge ahead and took his time getting out.  It was an overcast day, and he made his way to the building, keeping distance from Jack until he could see his son wanted him near.  Within a few minutes, when entering the building, Jack stood in the lobby, and turned, looking for Todd.  Todd walked toward him, saying, "Hey, I'm right here.  Sorry, it took me little bit of time to get out of the car.  Guess I'm getting old."

Jack stood, tentative, waiting for Ray to make his appearance.  His feet shuffled nervously, his hands stuffed into his front pants pockets.  Both Jack and his father looked up when Ray made his appearance.  "Hey guys, good to see you Mannings."

All shook hands.  The trio walked together toward Ray's office, now a natural progression, muscle memorized.  Inside the office, all three got comfortable, and after a short period of teasing about girls from Todd, Ray said, "All right.  We know why we're here.  Who has reservations about doing this today?"

Jack was very still.  Todd raised his hand as if in school.  Ray's eyes widened.  "All right, Todd, what's your concern?"

"Just worried for my son.  I mean, I just don't know what he should expect or what I should."

"That's a fair concern.  Zeus has progressed a lot; things are not perfect with him, but he's getting there.  There's been a great deal of damage done."

Jack spoke, "My Dad has been through way worse things.  How do you explain that?  He's sitting here, pretty much okay."

"Different people, different experiences, Jack.  Everyone deals with what life hands them differently."

"I guess."  The look on Jack's face told Todd what his son was thinking.  He sees me as strong.  

"Ray's right.  Everyone's different. You've seen me at my lows, too, but not my lowest.  You might see me differently if you'd seen that."

"Nah.  I pretty much understand you, Dad.  More than thought I could."

Ray interjected, "Then here's your chance to understand Zeus."

Jack said, "What if I don't want to understand him?"

"What would make you not want to?"  Ray said.

"Isn't it obvious?  The guy lied about being my father, he abused us, he took over our Dad's life, he hurt my mom, he killed Tea's brother.  He's not someone I want to know."

Todd knew it was his turn, and in order to really be the father he wanted to be, he had to be truthful.  "You see me as this badass superhero.  I'm not.  I was a coward.  I was afraid of a lot of things.  I did terrible stuff.  I lied, I abused people, I hurt your mom.  I killed someone.  It was an accident, but it happened."

"You're not a coward.  I'm smart enough to see that you're brave even just saying those things about yourself, Dad.  Like Mom said, "You've paid for your mistakes.  More than once over."

"Maybe Zeus has."  Todd said.  

Ray was engrossed in watching Todd and Jack talk, and the masterful way that Todd managed the conversation, as difficult as it was.  He waited for pause, and then said, "Can I bring him in now?"

Jack said, "Yeah, I guess so.  But don't expect hearts and flowers."

Todd got up to go.  "I'll be right outside, Jack."

Jack looked to Ray, "Can't he stay?"

Ray said, "All right.  But I am hoping that at some point during this, you are able to speak with him one on one."  He looked to Todd, "I would appreciate you taking a backseat a bit, Todd, not sure how Zeus will fare with both of you."

"All right.  Done.  If you need me to leave, and it's okay with Jack, just say so."

Within a few moments, Zeus knocked at the door.  Ray went to it, instead of calling 'come in,' to let him know Todd and Jack were both there.  He said, "Zeus, glad to see you made it.  Jack has asked that Todd stay.  I'm hoping you're okay with that."

Zeus, looking better than the last time Todd had seen him, entered the room, nodding affirmatively.  He put his hand out, "Todd?"

Todd took his hand, rising off the chair.  "Zeus.  How you holding up?"

"All right."  

He turned to look at the boy who he had raised as his son.  "Jack."

"Yeah."

"Thanks for doing this."

"Whatever."

Todd went to say something, but Ray gave him a hand signal to stay out of it.  He obliged, wanting to be there for his son.

Ray said, "All right, Zeus, take a chair." Todd, when rising, had left the other chair across from his son, and moved off to the side.  Zeus sat in the chair facing Jack.  "Jack, Zeus has something he wants to say to you."

"Okay."

Zeus rubbed his palms on his legs.  In lifting a hand to brush his hair away, Todd saw three things:  terrible tremors, scars and fresh cuts.  But, his face and eyes seemed more healed, emotionally, than he remembered.

"Jack, I really wanted this opportunity to say how sorry I am for everything.  I know I did wrong by you at times, but you have to know that I didn't mean it, I wasn't in control of myself."

"You mean you were brainwashed to hurt me?  You were mind-controlled into burning my hand on that stove?  And what about all the other things?"

The man faltered.  Todd knew he was not well.  He brought in a deep breath, and Zeus continued.  "I can't really say that.  But I can say I had no identity.  I was beaten and neglected as a kid.  I grew up in an orphanage in Greece, I had no parents or family.  The place and its workers were not very nice.  Then, I was tortured and brainwashed into taking your father's life.  I've already apologized to him for what I did, and he was gracious enough to hear it."

"Yeah, so?"

Zeus stopped, and caught his breath.  Closing his eyes for a moment, he breathed out.  Todd knew what he was doing.  PTSD.  He's doing the deep breathing.  Then Zeus spoke again, "I am not saying these are excuses, I am just asking you to allow me to apologize me for the mistakes I made."

"You did," Jack said, softening a little.

Zeus broke.  His head in his palm, his shoulders shook.  After a while, he finally said, "Don't you think I hate what I turned out to be?  Don't you think I wish it would all go away?  I can't find who I am, Jack, but I keep looking.  I know I was a bastard,"  he looked into the boy's face, "but we also had good times, too.  Not just bad."

Todd looked at his son, who was breaking as well; his face was reddish, and his eyes were brimming.  The emotion seemed to overtake him, but Ray stood his ground, and despite Todd's pleading expression, he asked him to hold out a bit longer with his mute gestures.

Tears spilled over for Jack, and he said, "Yeah, there were."

Zeus broke down again, supporting his head with his hands.  After a few moments, he said, "I was like a monster, sometimes, I know this.  I'm asking you to forgive me.  I don't have much of a right to, but I am asking, I guess," he said through tears.

Todd swallowed.  The man's desperation was almost too much.  He wished for a moment that his son would have the capacity to show compassion because the rawness of the man's pain was impossibly bleak.  He waited.  

Jack said, "Yeah, I forgive you," and sniffed.

Zeus, tears streaming, was shaking uncontrollably.  Ray began to get up and go to him, but stopped himself when he saw Jack rise out of the chair, and go to the man, squatting in front of him.  The boy slowly put one hand on Zeus' shoulder as the man cried and lowered his head.  When Jack's hand touched, Zeus rested his head on Jack's shoulder for a moment.  Then, he gathered himself together and looked up, saying, "Thank you."  Then he looked to Todd, "You've got a good guy, here."

Todd found his voice, "You had a part in it.  A big one.  Thank you for the good things you did give him."

Once again, as before, Ray walked to Zeus, with Jack still crouching in front of him, and lifted him gently by the arm, and guiding him to the door, he gave him a small injection, and walked him back to his room.  

Jack turned immediately to his father as Zeus' shuffling footsteps became inaudible.  Todd had never seen his son's face quite that way.  There was a combination of relief, pain, sorrow and even some pride.  Todd said, "You okay?"

Jack stood up.  "Dad..." and before he fell into sobs, Todd had him in his arms, quieting him in soft tones.  

It wasn't long before Jack pulled himself away from Todd, and said, "Dad?  He's....he's ruined."

Todd said, "I know.  But he's not destroyed.  Ruin can be repaired.  The love from you and Starr, and probably Tea, made sure this wasn't destruction.  There had to be some good in him, because you loved him."

Jack nodded, wiping his tears on his sleeve.  Todd smiled to himself, and said, "Don't let your mother see you do that.  She'll blame me."

Ray walked in, and saw them laughing for a moment.  "I take it things are all right, gentlemen?"

Todd put an arm on his son's shoulders.  "Yeah, I'd say they're all right."

Jack said, "Any barbecue going on here today?"

"No, not today.  They can't pay the bill from the last time you two were here."  Ray answered.  

Todd and his son walked to the limo, arm in arm, at one point, wrestling a bit.  Todd tossed Jack a stray ball that was on the lawn, and Jack tossed it back as they went to the car.  Boarding the limo, Todd said, "I'm proud of you, son.  You did a great thing today."

"It was hard.  But, you did it, didn't you?"

"What do you mean?"

"You accepted his apology.  He did worse to you, with you locked up all that time.  And you still forgave him."

Todd pursed his lips and sighed, "He's sick.  No need blaming him.  He's not...he's sick, Jack."

"I know.  Your father was sick, too.  Sicker, probably."

Todd watched his son take out his earphones and put them on again.  Before he said anything, Jack said, "Wait, Dad, I know the rule, I just wanted to show you this awesome song."

Giving one earphone to his father, and moving closer with the other in his ear, they both listened to the music all the way home.

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