As he said, "Blair," she said, "Oh, Todd," and they went to each other. She was in his arms, instantly.
She cried, "I'm sorry, Todd."
He said, "No, don't do that. I'm wrong here, don't apologize to me. I should have never raised my voice to you."
"I pushed you. I'm sorry."
"No, Blair, it's me. I just...I was so angry, I should have never acted that way." The truth was, he couldn't have controlled it if he wanted to, and was feeling apprehensive. He didn't want her to know that he was losing the ability, on a small scale, to contain his rage. That was for now. It flashed through his mind that it could get worse. He made a decision then to harness it, no matter what it took.
"Well, it's over now," she said, hugging him tighter.
He said, "I'm sorry if I scared you."
"You didn't. Not for myself."
"I'm just not...ready yet, to say it all. But I want to. I know I have to, eventually."
"I know, and I'm sorry. You will tell me when you are ready."
"I will, you will be the first one I'd want to tell. Maybe the only. That's once I tell myself. I'm tough, but I can't face it all. Not yet."
"I understand." She touched his face, running her fingers along his scar. "You know, I've done this millions of times, and it never gets old to me."
"Well, the face is getting old, I know that."
"No, you look as young as you did the first time I met you," she said.
"Okay, that's a little much Blair, even for you."
She laughed, "Well, almost. God, you were just a kid."
"And you weren't that much older."
"I guess not. We were both so young." For a moment, she was lost in sitting by him, at the bar in Rodi's. His long hair touched his shoulders, his face clean-shaven, his scar on one cheek, and the ankle bracelet on his leg.
"You want to go home?" He asked, putting his elbow out.
"I would love to, but aren't you forgetting something?"
"I'm not carrying you."
"Not that, the baby!"
"Oh him! Of course," he said, and got the carrier. They left, closing the lights in the nursery.
***
John walked into the assigned interrogation area, and waited. It was a dull, gray room, with one table and two, plain, straight chairs. There was a single light above him. He noticed that almost everything in the room was the same hue. Impatient, he checked his watch, when he heard footsteps.
Hesser entered the room, in chains. His jumpsuit was shockingly orange against the gray of the room all around them. John eyed him as he dragged the chains toward his chair. "Lieutenant McBain, if I knew it was you who were coming, I'd have baked a cake."
"Hesser."
He sat across from the policeman, and folded his hands, exposing the chains on his wrists. "What is it you want, Lieutenant. I am interested to hear what you are here for."
"I have some questions."
"Feel free, though I am not positive I can answer them."
"Are you aware of the things that Michael Leona perpetrated on Todd Manning?"
"Are you referring to their retreat in Ireland?"
John felt sick. "Whatever you want to call it, Hesser."
"I am aware now, yes. I had no prior knowledge of his plan to exact revenge on poor Mr. Manning."
"I'm not dignifying that bullshit with a response. I'm referring to the things he did after you assigned him to kidnap Todd."
"Again, I am not sure what you are talking about. I had no role in that."
John seethed, ready to try and shake the man's conscience loose, if there were one. "So you did not know about his ritual?"
"Ritual? What in the world are you talking about?"
John noticed that he had not faltered in the least. His intent was not to get a confession of any kind, but to let Carlo know that he was exacting his own kind of revenge, and it included the courts. "You know the one. Seems it's something very hard for someone to get over. And there's more, but I won't go into it today, since it might really hurt your sensibilities."
He noticed a slight change in Carlo's face. It was not very evident, but he thought he surmized a twinge of disgust. He continued, "I guess you had nothing to do with the other things he did either, to brutalize this man. For eight years, and then again, just last month. But, someone's going to pay for it." He found himself losing control, "Pay for exposing Todd Manning, his wife and his infant child to a sick, sociopathic maniac who thought he was engaged in a relationship of some demented kind. Who donned a robe and a lighter at your command, and made this man relive childhood abuse."
Carlo's eyes had become smaller, his face paler. "I have no idea what you are talking about."
"Did you know that kidnapping is a felony offense?"
He did not respond.
"Did you know that abduction and torture carries a death penalty in the state of Pennsylvania, Hesser?"
"I believe I've said all I know, Lieutenant. Now if you will excuse me, I think I should be getting back to my cell." He got up, and his chains rattled, bringing the guard to the door.
As he was let out, John called after him, "Enjoy it, while it lasts..." he yelled, and then softly to himself, "you fuck. I'll see you roast."
***
In the beautiful sunlight, Zeus found himself wandering the grounds at Mountainview. The guard was never more than 50 feet away from him, but he felt a kind of liberty when he was allowed this outdoor time. He walked out to the pond, where the ducks swam and the water sparkled when the sun hit it. He sat along the bank, thinking, and picking grass, plucking dandelion heads or stones and tossing them into the water. He got lost in a daydream about he, Tea and Danielle, with the new baby, picnicking in the very spot he sat.
He closed his eyes, and leaned back on his elbows, clearing his mind. In his thoughts, he was back with Tea, before the shooting of Tomas, before everything, and they were happy, eating breakfast at their favorite spot, Danielle asking for more whipped cream on her hot chocolate, and him wanting to give them everything. He had a family, finally.
His thoughts of them faded, and were replaced with Carlo, holding the remote control to the chair, and pushing the buttons to send the painful electrical current through him. His fists tightened in the grass and dug into the ground, as he imagined taking them and pounding Carlo's face with them, then, putting them around Carlo's neck, and squeezing until his eyes bugged out and his tongue hung, lifeless, from his mouth. He opened his eyes, realizing where he was, and at first, he grimaced, feeling a twang of guilt. Then, he smiled into the sunlight.
***
Todd put Sam to bed, as Blair readied Little Ray for his bedtime. Jack was studying in his room, door shut, earphones on, oblivious to the sounds of the evening from his family. After the two youngest were down for the count, Todd and Blair sat together on the couch, and he recommended a fire. It was September now, and evenings were cool enough. He lit the fire and made a place for the two of them in front of it.
"This is how it should be, Blair. You and me, and the kids."
"I know, it's wonderful. It's peaceful. We'll be all right."
"We'll be more than all right. How long before Ray cries?"
She smiled, "Another three hours or so."
"Three hours, not bad. What would you like to do during those three hours?"
"Honestly, I think I'd like to sit and talk about christening Ray."
"My God, Blair, how did that get away from us?"
"So much happened, we lost track of it."
He stopped, reflecting, "It seems like just yesterday we were talking about it. But it wasn't. It was a long time. Before, everything that happened."
"We should do it, sometime soon, don't you think?"
"Yeah, I do," he drifted off, and his eyes lost focus. In his mind, he saw Carlo Hesser, standing at the church during the christening. Everyone was in white; Carlo was in black. In his vision, the baby was being doused with water, as he, at the altar with Blair, turned and whipped a gun from his waistband and shot Carlo through the head, which made it explode. He blew on the end of the gun and smirked. Someone applauded...
Todd jumped back to reality, as Blair said, "Are you all right? I think I lost you for a minute."
"I'm sorry, I was...thinking."
"About the christening?"
"Yeah, that's exactly what it was about. We'd better make some plans."
She looked into his eyes, "Are you sure you're all right?" she asked.
"Yes, I'm sure. You want to know how all right I am?" he asked her, nuzzling her neck.
"If you want to show me."
He kissed her mouth, and made a trail of kisses to her neck. She tilted her head back and let a small sigh go from her lips. "I love you, Todd."
"I love you, Blair. We could make it official here in front of the fire, but Jack might want a poptart and get the show of his life."
Blair said, "Good point. Upstairs, then?"
"Sounds good! Let's go," he jumped the stairs two at a time, and his side did not hurt. "Hey, I'm healed," he said.
She hoped he was.
Later, they slept in each others' arms, the baby in the nursery, Jack who had closed the lights for the night, and Sam, who had been sleeping for hours. Blair got up at 1:00 a.m. to feed Ray, and stumbled, tired, to the nursery, to retrieve him, and sat in the rocker. Toward the end of his feeding, she heard noises coming from one of the rooms. She could not place it, because of where she was, but she was chilled to her bones. She remembered, momentarily, Leona's appearance at the door of the nursery that fateful night, and she shook. Little Ray finished his feeding, and she carefully placed him back in his crib. He was asleep almost instantly, and she crept to Sam's room, and peeked in. He was sleeping, clutching a Spiderman doll, with his Spiderman night light on, showing the outline of his adorable face.
She closed the door gently, and went to Jack's room. He had fallen asleep with his earphones on, but the Ipod had long since stopped. She pulled the blanket up over him. Three of her boys all right, one left to go.
She was headed to her room, when she heard Todd cry out, "Get off me!" and heard the sound of his movements. She raced to get to him, and entered the bedroom as he was running to the bathroom, and heaving into the toilet. She went to him, putting her hand on his back, and rubbing in a circular motion, while running the water on a cold towel and placing it at the back of his neck.
He struggled to stop the heaves, but couldn't. She said, "It's all right, just let it go, you'll feel better. You can't stop it."
He choked and gagged, and in a few minutes, he panted, saying, "Blair, I need help."
"All right, I'll call 911."
"No, not that, I need help. I have to go see Ray. I have to."
He was still bent over the bowl when she pulled him to her. "Whatever you need."
"I can't do this..." he gasped, "anymore."
She waited. "I know. I'm here." He made his way to the sink and ran cold water into his hands and splashed it on his face. Then, he took some water in a small cup and rinsed his mouth. "What can I do, Todd?"
"Nothing, babe, just be here. Don't leave, not now."
Jack appeared at the doorway to the bathroom. "Dad, Mom, what's wrong?"
Todd said, "Something I ate, I guess."
"Oh, sorry Dad, I hope you feel better."
"Go back to bed, Jack, Dad's all right." Jack obeyed, and Blair made certain his door was shut.
She returned to see Todd hugging himself, sitting on the bed, in the dark. "I can't bring back the light, Blair. Everything's dark."
She sat by him, "No, it just feels like that. But it will come back. It will. Remember what you have been through. You can't expect miracles."
He looked like a little boy: his lips were inflamed from crying and getting sick; his eyes were a little swollen; tears were on his face without sobs; his arms were wrapped around his middle. "Blair?"
"Yes, babe," she said, pushing his hair back behind his ear.
"I remember. Everything."
She did not ask, but she nodded, insistent with herself about holding her own sadness and tears in.
He said, "All of it." He looked at her then, in such a way that his eyes were speaking to her, and she knew. She bit her lip, and pulled him to her chest, putting her arms fully around him. She could feel him trembling, but more, his calm flow of tears concerned her.
"It's okay. He's dead, Todd."
"He's dead. I killed him."
"Yes, you did."
"He did everything terrible and horrible that a person could do to someone else."
"I know he did."
"He's worse than Peter," he said, softly. She did not know what to say. She just stroked his hair, and listened to him. If he wanted to talk, she was going to be there to hear him. She didn't need him to say anything more; he'd told her everything with his eyes, and his response to his dream. She felt pains in her chest, not from physical ailment, but from holding in her own sorrow.
"I'll call Ray, tomorrow morning, unless you want me to call him now."
"Tomorrow's okay. Don't leave me."
"I'm not. Believe me, I won't."
"Keep holding me."
"I am. That's not hard."
His ragged breathing was warm against her breast. She continued to hold him, and his grip on her did not loosen. "Lie down with me, Blair. I'm so tired."
She was also tired. Tired from holding such powerful emotion within her, she cried quietly, hoping he would not notice. They got under the covers, and she held him, as he rested on her, his head over her belly, like he enjoyed doing when she was first pregnant with Ray, then called "Moonbeam." She continued to stroke his hair, and he just lay there, holding her hand in his. He did not notice the crying, or else, he did not mind. He said, "I have to do something. I can't keep putting you through this."
She said, "Todd, stop, I don't want to hear that."
He moved closer to her, "I don't want to hear you sad, but you are. Because of me."
"No. Because of them. Now stop, please. We're in this together."
He let go of her hand, and traced a circle around her belly button, and rubbed her belly absently, with his thumb. Then, she noticed his hand become still and his breathing change. She prayed he fell asleep, and would be without nightmares until morning. She wished she had called Ray, right then, but to get the phone now would wake him. She looked to the ceiling and said to herself, "God, please, help my husband. He's in a dark place and needs You."
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Excellent Chapter
ReplyDeleteThanks! I appreciate your reading and especially the comments.
DeleteAnother great chapter
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