Port Charles Chronicles: Chapter 33

           After Blair left, Todd couldn’t shake the feeling that had driven him to the lake. He knew he had almost died and his near-death experience, and the feeling of warmth and love he had felt from his son and mother still lingered.

Can I trust any of this? Is this real, or am I still lost in some fantasy? Don’t do that. You start thinking that way and you’ll prove to everybody you’re nuts. This is real, just keep telling yourself that.

           He glanced over at his daughter. She seemed real enough, the IV in his arm seemed real enough. His heart started racing.

           He was in the chair again, Kent was holding his arms motionless as another agent finished with the IV, he watched helplessly as Baker came towards him with a syringe in his hands. He began to struggle, trying to reach the IV.

           “No! No more drugs, I don’t know. Why won’t you believe me? I don’t know what you want.”

            Starr looked over in alarm at her father’s words. He was struggling to remove the IV and talking to someone. She rushed to the bed, grabbed his arms and tried to stop him from pulling the needle out. “Dad, stop. You need the medicine. You’re dehydrated from the fever.”

            They were restraining him. “I don’t have it. Why are you doing this to me?” Baker had reached him and was sticking the syringe into the drip. He broke free of the arms and reached for the IV again.

            “Michael, help!” Starr realized her father wasn’t seeing her. He thought she was someone else. “I’m not doing anything, Dad. Please, it’s me, Starr.” Michael helped Starr restrain him again and pushed the button for the nurse, just as the alarm on the monitors began going off.

            Dr. Collins was just exiting the elevator when he heard the alarm sound in Todd’s room.  He hurried to the room in time to hear Todd’s last remark and saw him struggling with Starr and Michael. “It’s alright, I need you both to let go and move away. He doesn’t know where he is. He thinks he’s still being held prisoner.” He stopped the nurse before she could put a sedative in the IV. “Don’t! Just back off. He isn’t seeing any of this.” Kevin saw a metal tray sitting on the table next to the bed and grabbed it. He slammed it down hard on the surface of the table. Both Starr and the nurse jumped from the sound.

            As Kevin expected, Todd reacted to the noise and it snapped the connection to his vision. He collapsed unconscious on the bed. Kevin moved to examine him. He looked at Starr. “He’ll be alright. He should come around shortly.” Turning to the nurse, he said, “Would you inform Dr. Webber about this and tell him I wish to speak to both he and Dr. Drake shortly.”

The nurse left and he turned to Starr. “Your father just experienced a traumatic episode. PTSD patients can have them when least expected and from what I heard from your mother, your dad is starting to react to his imprisonment with the advent of these episodes.”

            “Do you mean he’s had other episodes?”

             “Yes. Dr. Webber told me he reacted badly this morning when they tried to draw blood. I’m guessing something triggered him just now. Sometimes it can be as simple as seeing something similar to set him off.”

              Todd showed signs of waking up and Kevin turned his attention back to his patient. He stood back as Starr tentatively touched her father’s shoulder as if afraid she would hurt him.

              “Dad, it's me, Starr. Are you okay?”

              Todd slowly opened his eyes and saw the worry on Starr’s face. The traces of his experience lingered like a dream. He looked past her and knew he was in the hospital and not the compound. He took a deep breath. “Yeah, I’m alright. Are you? Something happened, didn’t it?”

              Starr nodded, she had tears in her eyes.

             “Why are you crying. I didn’t hurt you, did I?” He recalled someone holding him down. Had he been struggling with his own daughter? He was startled when she suddenly wrapped him in a hug.

             “I’m so sorry. I had no idea it was so bad,” she sobbed into his shoulder.

             Todd awkwardly patted her shoulder. “No idea what was so bad?”

             “Your imprisonment. You should have told us.”

             “I did.” Even as he said it, he knew he hadn’t really told them anything. He had been avoiding it, wanting to forget it ever happened.

            She stood up and stared at him. “You didn’t. Admit it, you made light of it. You were protecting us, and we just let the whole matter slide like it didn’t happen.”

            “I’m not that unselfish, Shorty. You know that about me. I’m sorry if I frightened you.” Todd took that moment to look around fully. He spied Michael still standing at the back of the room and then he looked up to see Dr. Collins move next to him. Taken off guard, he blurted out. “What are you doing here?” He glanced at his daughter and back at Dr. Collins. How much had he told Starr? “I guess I missed our appointment. You didn’t strike me as the type to track down your patients.”

           “You’re right. I assumed you had chosen to forego it. From what I was told by the Chief of Staff, it appears that choice was taken out of your hands. Since I’m here, I’m sure I could find another opening if you’re still interested.”

            Todd’s eyes narrowed as he looked at the doctor for a moment and then turned back to his daughter. "Starr, I know what just happened probably shook you up. Michael, maybe you could take Starr out for a little bit. Get some food or something.”

            “But I promised Mom, I would stay and keep you company until she could get back. After what occurred, I don’t feel right about leaving. Dad, I don’t think you should be alone right now.”

            It was as he feared, she knew what he had done. “Please, Starr.” His eyes darted to the doctor.

            Kevin could see the tension mounting in Todd. When Starr mentioned the flashback, Todd had stiffened and his breathing had increased. “Starr, I’ll stay with your father. He’s right. You weren’t prepared for what just transpired and you could use something normal like a nice relaxing meal. Go. He’ll be alright.”

           Starr saw the look that passed between her dad and the doctor. He’s scared, something I said just now bothered him. He doesn’t want me to be worried. “Sure, I am hungry but I’m only going because you insisted. I’ll be back soon.” She gave her father another hug and left.

****

Tomas left the house leaving a note to Tea telling her he had to go out of town on a mission and didn’t know when he would return. He had been disappointed to find out Blair and her family had left town on a vacation but was relieved she hadn’t returned to Port Charles. It would make it easier for him to maneuver there if he didn’t run into any other citizens of Llanview. His phone rang as he walked out the door. “Hello.”

            “Mr. Laurence has asked me to find out if you’re on your way to Port Charles.”

            “Yes, Calmar, I’m leaving now. I should be there in about four hours. How is our target?”

             “Johnny Zacchara is falling apart. We planted a camera in his home and have a video feed of him talking to his dead grandfather. He’s so convinced he shot out Anthony’s tires, he’s even covered himself by making Kate Howard think she did it as her altar, Connie. It couldn’t have worked better if we had scripted it. Judging from the conversations he’s having with his grandfather, you should have no trouble at all getting him to turn the workings of the Zacchara territory and holdings over to you. He’s so guilt-ridden, he wants to divest himself of anything mob-related.”

            “Excellent. I’m anxious to resume my life as Lorenzo Alcazar. There are a number of things I need to accomplish in Port Charles. Not the least of which, is to run Sonny Corinthos out of business.”

            “You better be careful. Mr. Laurence is not looking for a war.”

            “I have a score to settle with Corinthos and Morgan. I’ll do this business for Laurence and get my vengeance at the same time. He doesn’t need to worry, his hands will be clean no matter what. Besides, if the police get involved I can resume my identity as Tomas and make them think I’m on official government business.”

            “The Organization will only protect you so far, Tomas. Don’t do anything foolish.”

            Tomas hung up and stowed his bags in the trunk of his car. His guns were the last to go in. If things went as planned, Corinthos and Morgan would soon be dead. He chuckled to himself as he sat down, “They’ll never know what hit them. Just like you, Todd. I imagine you’re loving my concoction by now. Don’t worry I’ll put you out of your misery soon.”

****

           Todd watched them leave. He tried taking a few deep breaths and his heart settled back down. Then he turned his attention back to Dr. Collins. He stared at his doctor, "Let's hear it. I'm a basket-case and should be locked away for my own good."

           "I don't believe things are quite so drastic yet. I am concerned about your state of mind. I want you to tell me the truth. Did you walk off that dock deliberately? “

           "I could say I was delirious, but you and I both know it wouldn't be the truth.”

"Thank you, I prefer things to stay honest between us if this is going to work. Do you feel up to talking about it?"

            “She knows, and I’m pretty sure Blair does too. This just keeps getting worse. I never wanted them to know. I...I thought it wouldn’t matter too much. Blair had left and Starr was getting on with her life.”

            “But you did it. Tell me why?”

            "Not much to say. I heard something and just couldn't fight any longer. I couldn't see any reason to stick around, so I headed for the dock. I wasn't alone because Irene was right there with me. Even Blair tried to reason with me."

           “Hold it, when did Blair try to talk to you?”

           "When I was walking to the ..." he paused "she was there. She told me not to give up, but I knew she was lying. She lied to me about him. I figured she was doing it again."

            "Todd, think. What did Blair look like? Are you sure you talked to her?"

            "I...,” he pictured Blair in her red gown. “I don't know? I'm not sure of much. I only know I had my mind made up. The water looked so peaceful, Doc. It was promising me the end of the hurt. All I had to do was walk in." Todd's voice was devoid of feeling as if he was talking about merely walking down the street.

            It was that lack of emotion that concerned Kevin. Todd had crossed a barrier and had taken the step. He calmly accepted what he had done and didn’t deny it. Depression like that didn’t go away and Todd’s reactions to Blair leaving for a few hours indicated Todd wasn’t as together as he was trying to appear. “You effectively accomplished what you set out to do, but something caused you to come back. I wonder why? Did you come back because you wanted to? We both know one of the reasons you came to see me is still a factor. You’re still subject to the episodes, and what just occurred is proof of that. I know that shook you, and I’m betting you believe your mother’s still around. Am I right?”

“Okay I admit it, she’s not gone. I can feel her. Hey, I’m trying.”

            “But you’re only hanging in there because of Blair. Believing you lost her is what sent you the dock. This isn’t the time or the place to talk about everything that’s been happening to you, but I feel you need to hear Dr. Drake out. There is a reason for your headaches, and that reason might be behind several more of your problems. That was why I wanted you to get a full exam. I think something else was done to you by your mother and it might take some intense therapy sessions to find out exactly what she did. One last question and I would appreciate an honest answer. Do you currently want to end your life?”

            "Right now, no. I went through. . . something."

            "That's a strange statement, care to elaborate?"

            "That depends, do you believe in near-death experiences?”

            “I believe in the unknown. I’ve seen things that are hard to explain. Are you telling me you had such an experience?”

             “You already know I've been seeing my dead mother, would it shock you to hear I was spending time with my unborn son? He was our first child, mine and Blair’s. She was mugged and we lost him. I had such high hopes back then. I was going to give him everything I had been denied, but most of all we were going to be a family.”

            “What was that like? Seeing him.”

             “I met him and it was like he had never been lost. He told me he loved me and knew that I loved him. I couldn’t believe it. My mom was there too. Not Irene but my mom, the one who really loved me until Peter Manning took me away from her.”

             Kevin saw tears form in Todd’s eyes and his voice took on a tone of wonder.

            “I was in this park playing football with my son and talking to my mother. They loved me and had come to bring me home. It didn’t matter that I had done terrible things in my life. I was accepted and loved and my faults meant nothing to them. I had a decision to make and I was prepared to go with them.” Todd took a deep breath and brushed the tears from his eyes.

             Kevin realized that was probably when Todd flatlined. “You were going with them. What happened to change that?”

             “Irene and my father, Victor, showed up. I knew in a way I belonged there more than where I was headed. More importantly, I was afraid for my family. I could feel all of the evil they had created pouring off them, tainting the park. When faced with the possibility of Irene’s and Victor’s evil dragging my family into my mess, I let them go. I was all set to join Irene when I heard Blair and was drawn back here. Back to this whatever it is, this life I mean."

          "Blair must be pretty important, it would take someone special to draw a person back from the brink. Why do I have the feeling that if you were to lose her again, you'd be back on the dock?"

          Todd looked down at his hands. He didn't know how to respond. He looked at the Doctor. “I don’t know what to tell you. I love and need her. I feel like she’s the only thing keeping me here.”

           “What about your daughter? She’s here, don’t you feel you should stick around for her too.”

            “I want to, but I’ve hurt her. She’s getting over the loss of her child. If it hadn’t been for me, my granddaughter would still be around. If I had stayed gone, life for everybody would have been simpler.”

             “I think you’re judging yourself too harshly. You have a right to your life too. It was cruelly taken from you and you could have just accepted your fate, but you chose to fight. Don’t stop now. You just told me you fought the demons threatening your family in the afterlife. They were real to you. The demons you face now are just as real. Your mother Irene and what she did to you has crippled you, not physically but mentally. But you still have much to fight for. Blair wants to be with you as your wife. Starr pulled you from that water because she wants her father around. She just lost her daughter. Are you so selfish you would deprive her of the father she needs?”

            Todd looked up alarmed, “No! I want her to be happy, but I’m a constant reminder of why Hope died.”

            “I think you’re much more than that. Starr only sees the father she loved as a child, she knows you have flaws, but she loves you anyway. She doesn’t blame you for what happened. It was an ugly twist of fate nothing more.” Kevin could see some of his words were getting through. Todd needed to find his own reason for living. “You came back because you love Blair. I think you also came back because you’re not finished here.”

             Todd closed his eyes digesting, what Dr.Collins had just said. Mom, is that what you meant? It was, wasn’t it? It was more than another option, you were telling me I had unfinished business. He struggled to wrap his head around that thought. He opened his eyes again, but the doctor seemed out of focus. He wearily lifted his hand attempting to rub them, “I don’t know... I can’t think right now.” Exhausted, his eyes closed again and his hand dropped to his side as he drifted off to sleep.

            Kevin looked at the monitors. Everything was normal. “You go ahead and sleep, Todd. It’s going to be alright. I’m going to do my best to help you through this.” Kevin took a chair and sat down next to Todd’s bed. He had promised to stay with the man until Blair could return. After what he had just heard, he wasn’t about to leave him alone. He pulled out his phone, “Lucy, I’m going to be home late..... Yes, it’s a patient... I love you too.” He settled back into his chair, pulled out his digital recorder, and began his report on his latest session with Todd Manning.






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