Port Charles Chronicles: Chapter 8

              Todd and Blair found a quiet corner in the lounge and ordered their drinks. Once they had their drinks in hand, Blair moved closer to Todd and laid a hand over his injured one.  “Carly was right, wasn’t she.  You hit that mirror this morning.  I wish you would tell me what’s going on.”

              Todd took a quick drink.  He had no problem talking to Hallie about Irene, but letting Blair know, scared him.  He never wanted to see pity in Blair’s eyes, that was the whole reason he had kept the truth about Victor from her.  How could he tell her he thought he killed Victor but wasn’t sure.  She had warned him he would lose everyone if he hurt Victor and he still found it hard to believe he had done just that. When Irene had begun appearing to him, he felt he was losing it.  They would put him away in some mental institution and throw away the key.  He had fallen back into his old ways of keeping secrets and taking out his enemies in an attempt to get Blair back, but that had all backfired on him.  He could see the concern in Blair’s eyes.  She knew about the PTSD, but Irene was a separate issue.  Irene threatened his sanity. He turned his hand over and gripped hers.

              “I’m not sure what happened this morning.  Everything was fine and then I was standing in Victor’s living room pulling the trigger. The next thing I knew, I had hit the mirror.  It all happened so fast.” He felt a little guilty. It wasn’t the whole story, but it wasn’t an out and out lie.  Irene had brought about the remembrance.

              Blair laced her fingers through his. “Todd, do you have these episodes often?” She was worried. He was more fragile than he let on and she knew from the previous night that there was more to the story.

             “They come off and on without warning.  I couldn’t tell you. You would have thought I was crazy.   Hell, I thought I was crazy.  You have to understand.  When Victor first died, I really believed I had nothing to do with it.  I wasn’t lying. Those first months after escaping from Irene are all jumbled up.  When I got back into town, even I questioned my sanity.” Todd ran his free hand through his hair. “I knew what I remembered, but when I saw everyone believing Victor was me.  I thought I might be the one that was nuts.”

             “We didn’t do anything to really help you.  I’m mad at myself.   Instead of trusting the feelings I felt when you first kissed me.  I talked myself into believing I needed all the facts.  So I stupidly went to everyone else for the answers.  I let Tomas spin me a story and tried to see if I felt the same thing with Victor that I felt when you kissed me.  The whole time I was putting up roadblocks because I was scared you were really you.  When you accused me of not recognizing the impostor, I got mad and I felt guilty because it was true.”

             “Blair, I’m sorry.  I was so hurt that night.  You have no idea how I felt when I found out my own mother had been behind my kidnapping and imprisonment.  I kept going back to the memory of the night we got my mother’s diary back from David.  The woman in that diary was nothing like the woman I met in Viki’s library.  I was devastated.  In a short span of time, I found out I had a twin brother and my mother hated me.  To top everything, almost immediately everyone started feeling sorry for Victor.  I just became an afterthought.”

              Her tears had come into her eyes as he talked and she suddenly saw just how lost he must have felt.   He had gotten proof he was who he believed he was, and only Starr had accepted it freely.   He hadn’t shown the hurt, but it must have been there when she had insisted on talking to John.  Jack’s outright hatred must have also been a serious blow.  “Can you forgive me?”

             He looked at her in surprise. “Forgive you for what?  I’m the one who screwed up. You warned me and I still foolishly let my anger get the better of me.  God, I can’t believe I took Dorian’s gun.  Do you know I went to Victor's house that very night?  I was going to end him then.  I couldn’t do it.  He and Tea were together trying to make sense of everything and I couldn’t hurt him.  That’s why I still don’t understand how I ended up killing him.”

               “Wait a minute.  Are you telling me you had another opportunity to kill Victor and you stopped?” Blair was shocked.  Something was very wrong. Once Todd made up his mind about something he always followed through.  “Why did you stop?”

               “I listened through the door and realized Victor was going through something, too, and besides, I kept hearing you telling me I had just gotten my life back.  You were right.   I didn’t want to end up back in prison and I didn’t want to hurt Starr and Jack or even Sam.  I remember telling John much the same thing when he asked me if I killed Victor.”

               Blair leaned forward, put her hands on his face, and drew him in for a kiss.  When she finished she moved his hair out of his eyes and smiled.

               Todd was struck dumb. He just stared at her for a moment and then got his voice back. “What was that for?”

              “You didn’t do it.  You didn’t kill Victor.” She smiled even bigger.

              “What are you talking about?  According to the courts, I did.  I was temporarily nuts, but I did it.” Todd looked over at her glass, but she had only had two so far.  She didn’t seem drunk. “Ummm, I think maybe we need to eat something.  You’re drinking on an empty stomach.”

              “I’m not drunk, Todd.  I’m not sure what’s going on, but I know one thing.  You just told me you had another chance to kill Victor and you didn’t.  You also told me why you stopped.  I believe you.  You decided not to kill Victor.  Once you make up your mind you don’t change it.  I think something else is going on here.  Just when did you remember killing Victor?” Blair had an idea, but now she had to find out if it was possible.

             “I was alone in the cabin, after being shot by Irene. Tea had gone to talk to Bo about my turning myself in for the jailbreak.”  He paused. That was where Irene had started hounding him. “I was still feverish and then I started seeing things in my head. Slowly the memory of what I had done came out.”

             “So you’re telling me you remembered killing Victor after Irene shot you.”

             “Yeah, I guess so.”

             “Okay, let me ask you something else.  When you told me you killed Irene, why didn’t you remember killing Victor at that time?  You were delirious, but you were still positive you had killed Irene.”  Blair watched Todd’s face, she could see he was puzzled.

              “Because I did kill Irene.  Where are you going with this?” Todd raised his hand and got a third drink on the way.  He was beginning to get a headache and now Blair was going into territory he would rather stay out of.

             “Todd, after the doctors proved you had PTSD, I began asking myself why I hadn’t seen the signs.  Then I realized I had seen a few of them and didn’t realize it at the time.  But now I have a real problem with your memory of killing Victor.  I’ve been asking myself why you didn’t say something to me in the cabin when you were delirious.” She stopped talking as she saw Todd rub his forehead. “Are you alright?”

             “It’s just a headache, they come and go.” Todd took a drink and closed his eyes for a minute.  He had started having the damn things after getting free of Irene.  He put them down to the stress of trying to get his memory back. Now, even though his memories had fully returned, the headaches stuck with him. “It’s nothing, some are worse than others.  This one’s just a little aggravating.  You were saying?”

               Blair frowned.  Could the headache be a sign of something else?   Am I just taking a fantastic leap?   “I was saying, you had no problem remembering killing Irene, in fact, you were adamant about it.  It seems to me you would have also remembered killing Victor then too, but you said nothing.  In fact, you were still convinced of your innocence.  You told me all about Irene killing Louie and throwing him and the gun into the river.  I wonder why you didn’t remember then?”

               “I don’t know.  I just didn’t.   I was sitting on the hearth looking at a picture Tea had dropped. That’s when it all started coming back to me.”  His head was really starting to pound. “Blair, I’m not sure why you all of a sudden think I didn’t kill Victor, but can we table this discussion.  I need to eat something.  This headache is beginning to make me sick.”

               “Sure Todd, let’s order.  You’ll feel better after you get something in your stomach.  I’m feeling hungry too.  If the food doesn’t work, then I’ll give you another massage like last night.” Blair watched his eyes light up briefly as he remembered the previous night.

               “I’m betting the food’s not going to do the trick.” Even through the pain, Todd couldn’t help smiling thinking about Blair’s massage.

               The conversation died as they ate.  Blair could tell the pain wasn’t going away.  Every so often, Todd would pause and close his eyes, and his hand would tighten around his fork.  Todd hadn’t said when the headaches started.  Could he have been having them since he got back or had they started later than that?  By the time they finished dinner, it was clear Todd was in for a bad night.  They made their way up to his suite and she got him some aspirin. “ It’s all I could find in my luggage, Todd, but maybe it will take the edge off. “  She handed him some water.

               He downed the pills immediately and began shedding his tie and unbuttoning the top buttons on his shirt. It had become too confining all of a sudden and he could feel a panic attack threatening to join the headache.

               Blair shed her shoes and settled on the bed up near the headboard.  Sitting with legs crossed, she scooped up a pillow and positioned it on her lap. “ Come on.  Lay down.”

              Todd joined her and laid his head where she had suggested. “Like this?”  He looked up into her green eyes smiling down at him.

              “That’s perfect.  Now close your eyes and let me do all the work.”  She began to slowly massage his temples

              Her hands were cool and gentle and Todd could feel some of the pain melting away under her touch.  He let himself drift off as her fingers got into a rhythm and she began to hum softly while she worked.  “Mmm, I missed that.”

             “What, Todd?  What did you miss?”  She got no answer as he had fallen asleep.  She continued to rub his temples for a short while more, next she ran her fingers lightly over his forehead, brushing his hair to one side. Very tenderly, so as not to wake him she lightly traced his scar.  Todd had never removed it because he had wanted to remember the monster he had once been.  She should have realized there was something off when Victor had stated he no longer wanted it and that’s why he had all the plastic surgery.  Blair carefully eased herself out from under Todd, putting a second pillow under the one his head rested on. She went for her purse and pulled out her cell phone.  She took a seat across the room where she could keep an eye on Todd and at the same time have a quiet chat.  It was time to check-in at home.  

           “Hi, Momma...Yes, I’m fine... How are the boys?.... That’s good, I’m glad Jack went to give her some support... How’s Sam doing? Does he know his little brother didn’t make it?.... I see. …. Tell him his friend is doing okay.....I know  Momma, you were right I should have listened to you. ... Yes, I’ve seen Starr...No, she didn’t get bail, but she’s got a good lawyer.  I have faith... One more thing, if Tomas asks, I’m here for Starr.  I love you all, and I’ll call tomorrow. Bye.” Putting the phone away, she went and curled up beside Todd and soon fell asleep.


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