The Fourth Life: Chapter 50

A few days passed, and the Mannings woke to a sleepy Saturday morning of rain, and the cry of Ray in his crib.  Todd got up, swung his feet over the bed, and went to tend to his youngest son.  Cradling him in his arms, and pulling him to his chest, he sat with him, in the rocker, and made eye contact with him, saying, "I know, buddy.  You miss your Mommy.  I know."


He thought back to how Blair was as a mother; devoted and falling over with exhaustion when Starr had aplastic anemia. Even though she was pregnant, she never ceased caring for her.  And with Jack, how she would dance with him, for hours, in her arms, talking in a lilting voice.  Then, her willingness to be sliced to pieces to defend Ray when Leona had broken into the penthouse.  It seemed to unfair for something she loved and wanted so much to be taken from her.  It was cruel for her to lose the ability to bear children, and if it were true, he knew it would be a long time before she recovered.


Ray continued to cry, as Todd rocked him, having checked his diaper.  It wasn't feeding time, and Todd had meant what he said; the little boy missed Blair.  He'd never believed babies as young as Ray could feel such things, until he saw it with his own eyes.  He decided to take a chance.


He picked up Ray, and gave him his pacifier, which stopped his crying for the moment.  He carried him, with his favorite little blanket, into their bedroom.  He crawled into bed next to Blair, and rested the baby on Blair's chest and upper abdomen.  Her hand instinctively rested on his little back.  The pacifier fell out of his mouth, but he remained quiet, against her.  He was cooing, and she was patting him in her sleep.  Todd, propped up on his elbow, watched the two of them, thinking how he could have lost them, not a year before, and for a moment, the face of Michael Leona flashed before him.  He shut his eyes to close the image out of his mind, and when he opened them, she was awake, touching the baby's head.  She looked at her husband and said, "He's so sweet, Todd."


"He is.  He's his mother's son."


She watched her baby coo and suck his hand, and then look up at her.  She broke.  "Please, Todd.  Take him away.  I can't.  It hurts.  It hurts so much, Todd."


He looked into her eyes, and touched her face.  "No, Blair.  He's your baby.  I won't take him away.  Not this time."


She turned to the baby, and saw him smiling at her, and tried to stop crying.  Pulling it together, she thought, "He looks like Jack, doesn't he?"


"He does.  Jack was so beautiful."


"But so is Ray, Todd."  She looked into his little face, and began to sob, "Look at him."  Then,  "Please, Todd, take him from me.  Please?  Please," she sobbed so dismally, he wanted to give her relief, but he waited a few more moments to let it play its course before removing him from her chest.  


He said, "We lost a baby, Blair.  But you already have a baby who needs you."  He finally lifted Ray off of her, and she followed the child with her eyes.  Todd moved him to his chest, and put his own hands behind his own head, and let Ray just rest there, until the baby got the idea to crawl up and put his hand into Todd's mouth.  Todd said, "Ray, you're killing me here," and moved the baby back down to his abdomen and watched him crawl up to his chest again.  "Look at him go," he put his eyes back to Blair, and she was fixed on her son.  He saw her take her hand and touch his head again, and then smooth his fine hair. 


"I know he needs me," she said.  She pulled her hand back to her mouth and dissolved into tears, "Oh God, Todd, this can't be happening."


He closed his eyes for a moment, and reopened them, to see her pain flowing out of her in tears.  He fought with everything he was made of to stay strong.  "This baby needs you, Blair.  If what Larry says is true, which we still don't know for certain, then this will be the times you'll want to make the most of.  Soon, he will be grown up, walking, then talking, then going to school.  He needs you, like we all do."


Instinctively, he placed pillows on the floor, and placed Ray down in the midst of them for a moment, and then went back to her, reaching to put his arms about her, at the same time that she threw herself against him, asking him to hold her.  "It hurts, so much,"  she cried. 


He rocked her.  "I know, shhh.  I know it does.  But you have to move past it.  We both do.  Remember what you told me, about the knife?  About the things that....that Leona did to me?"


"Yes," she wept, bitterly.              


"You have to let go, and spend this beautiful time of life with your son."


She cried against him, quietly, and after a few minutes, he said, "Hang on," and got off the bed, retrieving Ray from his pillow fort, and brought him back to the bed, and resting him back on his chest.  


She sniffled, and touched Ray's face.  The baby was looking right into her eyes, and she into his.  She said, "I love you, my little one."


"Dad!"  Sam called from the lower level.


Todd said, "Does that kid ever know what 'sleep in' means?"


"Dad? I can't get past level three, and Jack locked me out of his room!"  Sam bellowed.  "And I want pancakes, please?"  Todd intentionally left Ray on the bed, next to Blair, and ran downstairs to the kitchen.  He helped Sam with the level, quickly, and then went into the kitchen to start working.  Jack ambled down the staircase.  "Sam, stop waking me up on weekends, will you?"


"Sorry, Jack!"  


Todd continued to make the pancakes, asking Jack if he wanted some, and Jack agreed, "Might as well, we're up."


"Are you all right with the cruise idea?  With Aunt Viki?  I think you and Sam will enjoy it.  We'll wait until school is out, and then you guys will go.  Does that sound good?"


Jack said, "Sure, Dad, it sounds okay.  I'm fine with it.  I can take tons of pictures for Instagram and use them for a photo essay when I go back to school.  Just seems cool, seeing all those countries you mentioned."


"It's a Mediterranean cruise.  You'll see everywhere."  From upstairs, he heard the baby cry.  He ignored it.  She will pick him up.  She'll tend to him.  Wait another minute, and if the baby doesn't stop, then go.


Jack said, "Dad, Ray's crying.  Want me to go?"


"No, Jack, stay here.  Don't yet, all right?"


Jack nodded.  "Is Mom all right, Dad?"


"She's fine.  Just hang on, okay?"  He listened more, the baby was still crying.  After a few more minutes, he said, "Jack, take this pancake duty, I'll be right back."


He took the stairs two at a time, and reached the door to the bedroom and saw her, sitting in the chair by the window, cuddling and cooing to him, as he cried a bit more, and she put him over her shoulder and patted his back.  "I think you have gas, don't you?  Oh my big man, you need to get that gas out of there.  It hurts, in your belly, huh?"  Her sweet tones were bouncing in and out of the lower and higher registers as she spoke.  It was that talk she always did to her babies.  He had heard it so many times, and it made joy surge through him to watch.  


She patted him gently and the baby let out a large burp over her shoulder, and she chuckled a little.  "Oh I missed you, baby boy."   She she suddenly turned to the doorway and caught Todd's eye, and both of them grinned at him, smiles he would not soon forget, as she had lifted him and put his little pudgy cheek against hers.  That moment.  He captured it in his mind's eye, and swallowed the lump in his throat back down.


He said, "Mommy?  Breakfast."


She smiled through tears, "I'll be down in a bit.  I have to finish getting reacquainted with my baby boy."


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