The Way Back: Chapter 15

Blair turned to him.  "What is it, Todd?"

He walked to her and didn't say a word.  He just stood across from her with a pained expression.  She stood waiting for him to be able to verbalize his thoughts and knew it wasn't going to be good.

"I can't go home with you, Blair."

Her heart sunk.  And it was not because she thought he didn't want to, but that she knew where his thoughts were.  "Go ahead."  She let him finish.

"I can't endanger them and you, and Addie.  I'm not ready for this.  Just when I think I've got it under control, something else happens.  Now, I hurt Starr."

"You didn't mean to hurt her."

"I know.  But I did.  It's not safe yet.  And what about us?  What if I lose my mind completely because of all this?  You can't be ready to jump into trying again unless I am really okay.  And I'm not."

"It's a little too late for that, " she answered.  "Already jumped in and swimming just fine."

He reached out and brushed a strand of hair away from her eyes.  "I love those kids, you know that.  If anything happened to one of them . . ." his voice cracked.  "Well, it would just finish me off.  It's not over, not by a long shot, but I think it's best I slow it down for us before it spins out of control."

She reached for his hand.  Taking it, she stepped closer and placed it over her heart.  "Whatever it is you need, you'll have.  And if this is what you want, then okay."

"It's what I think is best, Blair.  I have to find a way to feel whole and make sure my family is safe."

"Therapy."

"Yeah, that.  Funny, everyone's been telling me I need it for so long, and now I am asking for it."

"Well don't go getting the idea that you are doing this alone.  I want you to promise to spend a lot of time with us."

"I'll have to, if I am going to make it.  You all are my lifeline.  I know I can't do it without you.  You ground me, Blair.  You keep me sane.  You always have.  But, my nights are really hard.  While I was hiding out in town, they were almost impossible sometimes.  They're long and they're either sleepless or packed with nightmares.  I can't subject the kids to that."

"All right then, I'll leave them with Momma, and I'll stay with you.  It will be fine, it's still summer vacation and they'll enjoy themselves around the pool and going on day trips."

He hesitated, "Let's see what happens, okay.  I don't want you in danger, either.  Today proved I can be dangerous, whether I want to be or not.  Hell, this whole cabin time proved it.  The one thing I've always wanted is to have my family back, and I'm not going to let anything ruin my chances now."

"You didn't hurt me and in case you didn't notice, Mr. Manning, I can take care of myself.  I pack a strong right hook, remember?"

He smiled in recollection.  "Of course I remember.  I remember every little bit."

With her hand still holding his over her heart, she inched closer.  "Well, this discussion is not over.  I won't intrude on you if you don't want me there, but where ever you are, I plan on spending a lot of time with you.  You just said yourself, you need me."  She filled up, "But I need you, too.  I just got you back, and there's no way in Hell I am not going to be part of helping you get your life in order."  He sighed with relief and emotion, and closed his eyes as she took his ears in her two hands.  Playfully, she rubbed the lobes with her thumbs and looked into his eyes.  "You're not rid of me, Mr. Manning."

"I'd never want to be.  I'm just....you all are the most important things to me, and I have to protect you all.  When things start getting better for me, we'll talk about me moving in again."

"And we'll talk about me coming and staying with you again, before this is done with.  I'll agree to be separated for the time being, I'll agree you don't come and stay with us, if that is what you want.  But this idea of staying with you will come up again, believe you me.  I want to be there, Todd.  I want to help."

"When you get an idea in your head . . ."

"Yep.  You got that right."  She kissed the tip of his nose.  "All right, let's go then.  You lock up, I'll go let the kids know what's going on."

"Just give me a little time, Blair, that's all."  He called after her.  She turned back and gave the okay sign.

He watched her swing her hips naturally as she flounced out the door.  There was nothing he could say to himself but a thankful prayer that he was in the same room with her again.  Outside, he could hear the sounds of Sam's voice and Jack's laughter, and went to the window.  The little one was running after Addie, in circles around the stretch with a huge frog in his hand, and Jack was chasing them.  Blair was standing in the sunlight, her golden hair shining in the sun, with a hand on her hip and her Southern accent peeking through as she reprimanded them.  Starr leaned against the limo door, ice pack still on her arm, and laughed.  He looked about the cabin.  "Well, Sis, thanks.  Learned a lot these last few days,"  he said aloud, and taking the key, he closed the door on the cabin and made certain it was secured.


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