The Way Back: Chapter 28

The room was dark, the clouds had covered any sun, and the storm was underway.  He was dozing on the couch when a very loud crack of thunder woke him.  He jumped, startled.  Trying to get his bearings, he let his eyes adjust, and spotted a figure in the dark, standing in front of the windows.  The figure was dimly lit, intermittently, with flashes of lightening, its back to him.

He didn't need to see the creature's face.  He knew who it was.  Immediately overcome by violent shaking and a cold sweat, he tried to stand up and head for the door, but he looked to his hands, and saw his wrists were strapped to a chair.  It was a chair that he was certain was not there before, but now, he was sitting in it, trapped.

"Let me go.  Leave me alone."  He started.  "Did you hear me?  I know what you want, I can't give it to you.  Let me out of here."

The hooded figure turned toward him.  The face was never visible.  He had always known The Grim Reaper by the mechanical voice, anyway.  But the sight of him made his heart race.  The pounding in his chest was so loud, he felt anyone in the room could have heard it.  The Grim Reaper spoke.  "I hear your heart, you weakling.  It's pounding out of control.  Maybe you'll have a heart attack and die right here, for your lovely Blair to stumble on, cold, when she gets back here."

That mechanized voice.  He wanted to cover his ears, but he couldn't.  His hands, they were strapped.  His ankles, too.  He couldn't get away.

"I'm...I'm not afraid of you,"  he said.

The Reaper threw his head back and bellowed, still not visible in the hood.  It didn't matter if he could see the face or not, he was positive who it was.  He was as sure as anything he'd ever known, for the robotic voice was indelibly burned into his being.  "You certainly are afraid of me!  You're afraid of everything now, aren't you?"  More laughter.  "You're afraid of what I might do to you.  You don't want to ever have my brand of fun again, do you?"

Is this real? Is he real?  What if Blair comes back and he hurts her?  What if he...rapes her?

"All right, what do you want from me?  When are you going to start?  Let's get this over with."

More laughter.  That evil, maniacal laugh.  "Patience, my son, patience.  You know how I relish these 'sessions' with you."

Blackness.  No, not that, if that happens, I can't get out.  Have to stay here and face it, or I'll stop being me.  I'll go into my safe harbor and want to stay.

The dark crept around Todd, seeping into his vision.  That was the time he knew his catatonia was coming.  Whenever he was about to go into his safe place, black seeped into his eyesight like squid ink in water.  Right then, it was oozing over his eyes from the inside, like oil.  He blinked furiously.  The Grim Reaper pulled something from his pocket.  Todd's heart leaped in his chest and pounded more fiercely.  No, not that.  No.

Blair and the kids stepped into the elevator, carrying various overnight items and they had also picked up a bucket of chicken, knowing he'd be hungry and so were they.  Starr was overjoyed at the location and the gift her mother had given him, and she was excited to see the decor.  Jack was talking about how he was so unsure he would like it, and how Sam got away with not coming because he was already asleep.

The elevator doors opened, and the approached the door to the penthouse.  

Blair had the key, and carefully opened the door.  Looking in, all they saw was darkness, occasionally lit by lightening.  Todd was a stone figure on the couch, and made no reaction to them as they came in.  Starr said, "He must be asleep?"

"Sitting up?  Your father has enough trouble sleeping lying down."  Blair instinctively knew there was more to it, and ran to him.  "Todd?  Todd, are you all right?  Todd, it's Blair, Starr and Jack."

No response.  He looked blueish and almost dead in the lack of lighting.  She panicked and turned on the light next to the couch.  Kneeling almost over him on the sofa, she repeated his name.  "Todd?  Can you hear me?"

Starr began to cry.  Jack said out loud, "what the heck happened to him?  Mom, what are those marks on his wrists?"

Blair looked down, and in his hand he was holding a lighter.  Immediately she knew what he had just faced in the penthouse.  "Oh my God.  Starr, find the number for Ray Martino on my phone.  Now, Starr."  Starr wasn't budging, she was fixated on her father, who was lost somewhere in his own mind.  Jack grabbed the phone from Blair's extended hand and searched, dialing.  "This is Jack Manning, my father's...my father's in some kind of trance or something..."

"Catatonic!"  Blair called out.

"He's catatonic...we don't know what to do."  Jack finished.  Starr stood, staring, tears streaming.

Blair was still repeating different words of assurance to him, "You're okay, you're home, Starr's here, Jack's here.  It's Blair, Todd, come back to us.  Todd, can you hear me?"

Jack put the phone out to her.   "He wants to talk to you."

She took the phone and Jack took over.  "Come on, talk to us.  It's Jack, can you hear me?  I've got a beef with you, come out and deal with it."

"Don't touch him!"  Blair said before answering Ray's call.  "Yes, Ray, it's Blair."

"It's going to be okay, Blair, I'm going to come over there right away.  Give me the address."  She obliged.  "All right now, Blair.  You know why he's like this, don't you?"

"He's safer in his mind.  He's gone there to be protected."

"Yes.  That's all.  And he will come back when he's sure he's safe again.  It's going to be all right.  It's his way of keeping from losing his mind altogether.  Whatever he was facing, and I have an idea what it was, pushed him to escape it."

"Ray, he is holding a lighter.  He's gripping it in his hand."

Ray also knew what that meant.  "Listen, I was walking as I am talking.  I am getting in my car and on my way now.  Don't touch him, just keep talking, all of you.  Say his name often, and be pleasant, not afraid.  Just assure him that you are all there, and that he is safe now.  I'm about a half hour out, depending on this storm and the traffic."

"Thank you."  When the phone call ended, Blair's heart shattered.  She held the phone to her heart and attempted not to crumble into sobs.  She took a very deep breath and turned to her family.  She saw Jack, crouched in front of Todd, repeating, "It's Jack, Dad, we want to talk to you.  We came over with some chicken.  Let's eat."

Blair's eyes filled with tears, and she noticed one on Todd's cheek.  It was solitary, but it meant he heard them.  Jack said Dad.

Starr suddenly sprung into action.  "Dad, wait until you meet Hope and spend time with her.  She's so cute, and starting to talk more.  Dad, it's me, Starr, and Mom's here, and Jack.  Can you hear us?"

Nothing.

Jack spoke, "Come on, Dad, talk to us.  Otherwise I'll eat the whole bucket of chicken without you, and Mom said you love it."

Nothing.

Blair walked to him.  Gently, she sat beside him, and with very slow movement and caution, she put her hand over his.  She chose the one that was holding the lighter so tight that his knuckles were white.  

Nothing.

She whispered, "No one is here but me, Jack and Starr.  Peter's not here, Todd, no one else is.  Just us.  Your family who loves you.  Please, Todd, please come back to us."

Nothing.

The three of them sat on the black leather and chrome furniture, silent for a while.  Jack got up to start a fire in the fireplace, and Starr and Blair began to talk.   "Mom, this looks just like the penthouse, except I don't recognize some of the furniture."

"No, it was changed after you were born and your father came back from Ireland."

"Is this exactly how it was?"

"Yes.  This is as close as I could get it."

"What did he think of it?"

"He loved it.  He was very grateful," she said turning, "weren't you, my one and only?"

Nothing.

"Mom, why is he holding that lighter like that?  Who is Peter?  Peter Manning?"

Blair was not sure what do say to her daughter.  She did not want to lie to her, nor did she want to destroy her or make her disturbed.  "Something from the past."

"You said Peter.  Isn't that his adoptive father's name?"

"Yes.  Peter Manning."

"Mom, what's going on?"

Jack sauntered back over to them and sat down, feeling great that he accomplished the fire.  "Yeah, what's going on?"

Blair was hesitant.  "So many things."

"We're not babies."  Jack said, abruptly.

"Do we deserve to know, Mom?  I mean, we're both pretty tough in our own ways.  Can't we know?  We might be able to help him."

Blair directed her attention to Jack.  "That's if he is your father, right Jack?"

"Right, I guess.  I am starting to really believe him again.  I mean, who would go through all of this to take someone's name?  It seems like this would be more pain that it is worth."

Blair nodded, looking back to Todd.  "Todd?  We're here and we're going to stay here.  We're going to eat.  And you might not get any!"

Both Jack and Starr refused to get up and get the dinner items, because they were waiting for a response.  "Mom?"

"I think he has a right to tell you himself, or at least give me the okay to tell you.  Some of it is...well, some of it is very sensitive stuff and it's his right."

Both agreed, and then raced to the foyer to see who would get the chicken bucket first. As they started digging in, Todd still made no moves or sounds.  In a few minutes, the door was rapped on in a quiet manner.  Blair went to the door.  "Ray.  Thank you so much for coming."

Ray entered the room, Jack offered him a drumstick.  He refused and moved directly to Todd, who was as still as a stone.  "Todd, it's Ray.  Can you hear me, Todd?"

Nothing.

Ray took out a doctor's light and flashed it into Todd's eyes.  "There's no response" he said.  "Jack, I am going to need you."

"Ok, what for?" he said, wiping his hands on a napkin.

"We have to get him upstairs, remove him from this area, and get him into bed.  He'll need to rest.  Also, it's good to get him out of the environment in which he felt threatened."

Blair asked, "Ray, will he be okay?"

"I hope so, Blair.  I'm hoping he'll find his way out of this, and soon.  I don't want to proceed with the typical protocol for bringing someone out."  He and Jack each took one side of Todd and walked him up the staircase, his legs half dragging and half walking.  Blair and Starr trailed behind.

At the master bedroom door, Jack and Ray led him to the bed and set him down, at which he sat and stared through Blair and Starr who were still in the doorway.  Starr looked around, first noticing the beautiful decor her mother chose, and then noticing Blair's nightgown poking out from under the pillow, and a pair of her panties on the floor.  It was then it dawned on her how hard this must have been for her mother as well as for her dad.  She instinctively grabbed Blair's hand.  It was clammy.  She looked at her mother, "He will be all right, Mom.  I know he will."

"Ray, what does that mean?" Ray did not seem willing to say more, but Blair pushed.  "What is typical protocol?"

"Electroconvulsive therapy."

"No.  He can't.  It's too...." she took Ray's arm and lead him away from the children and Todd into the hallway.  "It's too much like what they did to him during the torture.  He can't face that."

"I agree with you, Blair, but he wouldn't realize it.  He's not aware of anything while he's like this.  Only what is in his safe haven."

He was still clutching the lighter.

Ray turned to her, "I can't do much more, Blair.  I've tried everything I know.  He needs to rest and he needs to be safe a while longer.  Whatever it is has frightened him inside himself.  He's been through a great deal, I can tell you, and I'm sure you know this yourself."

"Do you know what it is?  What frightened him?  Was it Peter?" she said, following him down the stairs.  The children followed as well.

"I can only guess.  In therapy, he has mentioned several torturers, and one that he never spoke about in detail.  Possibly, that one made a visit to him.  And from the looks of it, it has something to do with his father, Peter Manning, yes."

"The lighter."

"Yes, the lighter.  Blair, make certain you and the kids talk around him often.  Speak to him, talk to each other also.  When he feels totally safe, he will come out of it, I have faith in that."  Ray left, after shaking hands all around.

After Ray departed, Jack said, "Who is that guy?"

Blair sighed, falling to the couch and putting her feet up.  Jack grabbed another chicken leg.  She began, "he's your father's therapist.  He was his therapist when he was at Statesville in the 1990s."

Jack swallowed what he was chewing, "Why is he like that, all staring into space and stuff?"

Starr spoke, "Mom, why is it I feel that there are tons of things even I don't know that Dad has been through?"

"You'd feel that way because you would be right.  He's been through more Hell than anyone I know.  And most of the time, he either did it for two reasons; to save us or get to us, or he did it to punish himself."

They were all silent again.  Jack ate, Starr sat, thinking, occasionally texting someone, Blair closed her eyes, not in sleep, but in escape.  They made the house as light and bright as they could, in case of his waking.  

After a few hours of talking and waiting, they cleaned up the dinner leavings.  Blair showed Jack and Starr to their rooms, and she returned to his side.  "My one and only.  Oh, Todd, I love you."  She reached down and gently laid a hand on his hand, and this time, removed the lighter.  He let it go of it easily.  She put it in the drawer on her side of the bed.

Nothing.

She got dressed in her pajamas, straightened up the room a bit, and lay down next to the man she adored and at the same time, missed.  She reached for his hand, and held it as she tried to sleep.

 

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