The Way Back: Chapter 19

Blair touched his cheek. "Are you all right?"

"I'm a lot better now.  You quiet all that noise up here, Blair."  He pointed to his temple again.

"That's good, then.  I drown it out with my flapping my big mouth, you mean!"  She tried to be lighthearted, when in reality, her heart was breaking.

"No. I love to hear you talk and sing.  I love when you get Southern, and I love when you're all breathy.  Your voice is like a beacon for me."

She was touched.  She leaned over and turned on the light beside his bed, and looked at him, squinting a little at first.  His hair was still damp, which made the edges curl.  Her eyes traced the lines on his face, his scar, his jaw line, eyebrows, his nose.  She had always loved his face and it's uniqueness.  She was trying not to make it obvious that his shoulders and chest in the a-shirt were catching her eye.  It took everything she had not to cry out when she noticed that both his wrists had bracelets of faded burn and his arms had various needle marks, lacerations and bruises. He had them covered the entire time at the cabin and this was her first look.

She looked back to his face. "Do you want to talk about it with someone?"

"Talk about what?"

She took his hand. "These." She traced lightly along one wrist.

"Yes. I just don't know how."

"Is this what the dreams are about?"

"Yes."

"I see."  She squeezed his hand and interlocked her fingers with his.  "Do you want to tell me?"

He couldn't answer for quite a time.  He just looked at her hand intertwined with his.  Then he spoke, without looking at her, but at their hands.  "The whole time, Blair, the only thing that kept me from dying was seeing this again.  Touching you."  He lifted his face and put his free hand on her chin, rubbing on her lower lip with his thumb.  He lowered his eyes, "so yeah, the dreams are about how these got there.  There are more."

She swallowed.  "Do you want to tell me more?"

"Yes, but it's hard."

"I know.  I am listening if you want to tell me."

"At first, I thought they just strapped me in so I wouldn't fall out of the chair.  I was inside my head most of the time, like catatonic.  Until they took out their toys."

"Do you want to tell me about those?"

"They were the toys from Hell, I called them.  They used them to hurt.  And some of them loved hurting me.  Some did their job, just got it done, others lingered and added things to the session.  One guy, I called him Burly in my head.  He was a big guy, really large, with a patch on one eye.  He always made it short and then left, quick.  Sometimes, he even skipped it and wrote down that he did it."

"What was their job?"

"They used electric shock to get me to talk.  Of course, since I was inside myself a lot of the time, I couldn't even talk if I wanted to.  Other times, I'd be awake, and tell them that I didn't know anything they wanted to know, but they wouldn't listen or stop."

Blair was not sure there was anything at all she could even think of saying, but her tears said it all to him.  They fell quietly and deliberately, down both sides of her face.   "Do you want to tell me more?  About the others?"

"No.  Not tonight, if that is okay."

"Yes, it's okay," she sniffed, and cried out suddenly, "Oh Todd!" and fell into his arms, "I'm so sorry.  But please, please don't be afraid to tell me about these things.  I want to be there for you."

"You're everything to me, Blair.  I wouldn't be here right now if it weren't for you and the kids."

Just then, Viki and Clint came in with a tray of goodies and tea.  "Snack time!"  Clint called out.  They rested the tray on the small table in the suite, and Clint poured some tea for everyone.  Viki, also noticing the marks on Todd in the newly established light in the room, turned her head quickly as not to stare.  My poor brother.  So much suffering.

"Now that the tea is here, can we eat?"  he said.

Everyone had tea, and Todd was the only one eating.  Both women had lost all traces of any appetite, and Clint was on a special diet for his heart trouble.  But amazingly, Todd ate with renewed gusto, clearing almost the whole assortment of pastry and fruit.

"What the hell time is it?"  he asked, chewing.  Blair was yawning, Viki was practically nodding off, and Clint said, "It's 3:30 a.m."

"Yes, well, it's time we go to bed now.  I'll see you all in the morning,"  Viki said, standing up. "Is there anything you need or want Todd?"

"No, not right now, Sis.  Thanks though."  Clint headed off to his room.  Todd's eyes were fixed on Blair, who was still sitting by him, and reached to push back a strand of his hair.

"All right, you know where to reach me.  I think I'll continue to keep this intercom on during the evenings."  Viki added.

"No, you shouldn't, you'll just keep getting up.  I don't sleep well, and I dream heavy and often."

"Uh, no, Viki, there's no reason to leave it on.  At least not tonight.  If it's all right with you, I'll be staying here with Todd for the rest of the evening.  It's too late for to be me driving home, being so tired and all."

Viki smiled, "Of course, dear.  Good night, you two."

"Night."  Todd said, and turning to Blair, "are you sure about this?"

"Yes.  I'm not afraid.  I want to be here.  I want to help.  I told you this from the beginning, Mr. Manning."

"I don't think I'll be having any more nightmares tonight, then."

"Of course not, you'll just have beautiful dreams," she said, climbing under the covers.

"Uh, that's my bed you're in."

"Can't you share?"

"If you want it that way, sure."

"I have a plan."

"All right."  He shut the light by the bed, and got under the covers with her.  "What's the plan?  I hope you're not expecting any miracles.  I'm not sure I can treat you how you deserve after all this tonight.  I'm just not right, Blair."

"No no, that's not the plan, silly.  We sleep.  You sleep right here, in my arms.  Turn your back to me, I'll hold you and you'll be safe and sound and won't have nightmares at all.  You need and deserve to be held, Todd."  He seemed uncertain, but she could tell he needed her so much, just exactly the way she described.  "I'll play with your earlobe until you fall asleep?"

"Deal,"  he said, as if there were any other answer.  In his elation and gratitude, he did what she asked, and felt safe and taken care of for the first time in years.  The overwhelming emotion gave way to sleep, as she fondled his ear and his hair, and kissed his shoulders softly, and sang sweetly to him until his breathing became regular and tranquil.

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