The Way Back: Chapter 5

After the hug subsided, Viki got up and crossed to the doors, where she approached the bar for a moment. Pouring a glass of water, she turned to them and drank some. "Todd, Blair, is there something I can get for either of you?" Swallowing, "It's been quite a morning. Have you eaten? Either of you?" When she got nothing but silence, she said, "Let's go into the kitchen then and have some breakfast. You both are going to require a great deal of strength for the next few days and what is to come." She noticed them still holding hands on the sofa. "Blair, you're going to have to be very strong. Your children are going to need support dealing with all of this. And so is Todd. Or better yet, you two stay here a bit, and I'll go organize a nice meal for us. We can eat it outside there on the terrace."

"Don't go to too much trouble, Sis. You know I don't like anything too fancy."

Viki approached him on her way out the door. Standing above him, she reached down and lifted his chin. Somehow, she'd always seen him more like one of her sons than her brother. His eyes, green-brown and glittering with moisture, focused on hers. "Don't worry. You're my brother, and you're very much worth it." He lowered his head as she left the room, as if studying his hands.

Blair turned to look at him. Her mind was still whirling with thoughts and questions as she soaked him in. He raised his eyes from his hands to her face, and she smiled. That smile. That was the smile that he memorized and kept with him every day. That was the smile of his wife. "Blair?"

"I know. I know." Her hand found his cheek, the side where the scar was, as always. He placed his hand over it. "We have a lot to do, and a lot of time to do it in."

"The kids. Starr. Jack." His face was tied up with emotion and she shushed it away.

"It's ok. Let's give it time and talk it out. Viki will help us, it will be all right."

"What if they don't believe me? What if they think..." He got up and began pacing. "What if they think he's really me? They already did before I escaped." He stopped and turned to her. "You thought he was."

Before Blair had a chance to answer, Viki walked in through the doors. "Todd, will you help?" He walked to her to take a large tray of fruit, pastry and coffee and bring it to the terrace. Viki tossed a look to Blair. "My dear, what's wrong Blair? You look, well, greenish, are you all right?"

Blair lowered her head into her hands and began to cry. Viki, realizing her sister-in-law needed to talk, called to Todd to start without them, they had some women talk to engage in for a moment. She sat beside her. "Blair, what is it?"

"He's been through...I don't know how I'll do this, or make it up to him. I believed he was my husband, Viki. I believed it. I believed that man that is Sam's father was my husband. What was wrong with me to do that, to fall for that? All those years Todd was hurt, captive. He could have been freed if I did not give up looking. How could I believe this man calling himself Todd Manning was my Todd?"

Viki put an arm around her shoulders. "Blair, it's going to be very difficult. But right now, you have to be there for him and do what you can to support him. This is a lot for us, imagine what it must be like for him. All these people, moving forward, and he is still behind us by eight years."

Blair composed herself, knowing Viki was right. Above all, Todd was going to need her. The two women walked onto the terrace arm in arm.

Viki said, "Well, Blair, I'm afraid there is not much left of the pastry, but coffee?"

"Growing boy, Sis. Besides, that jail food wasn't so hot. The last thing I ate was a bowl of macaroni and cheese at McBain's." He began to relate to them his time in McBain's apartment, complete with tales of Roxy, hiding in closets and conversations with the enigmatic lieutenant. Soon, all were comfortably laughing and chattering. A customary lull in the conversation ensued, and Viki broke the silence.

"Well, Todd, what's the plan? Are you feeling up to seeing the children soon?" Viki asked. Blair, still swimming in surprise, and overwhelming feelings, sipped her coffee and looked on.

"I don't know. I did already see them. My son, he doesn't even know me. How could he? And Starr, she's a grown woman, just about. She probably can make up her own mind."

"She'll feel guilty when she accepts it's really you." Blair blurted. "I know she will. She was the one...she was the first one to believe he was you."

Viki added, "Yes. And helped convince us all. That's going to be difficult for her."

Todd was giving Blair a look she recognized. He picked up his coffee cup and drank some, looking at her over its edge. There was a mix of suspicion and doubt in his eyes. Viki immediately caught it, and said, "Well, there's a very large spotted elephant in the room, we may as well welcome it. And before you, my dear brother, say something you may just regret, you should know the truth. Blair was the very last person to believe that man posing as my brother was you. The very last. And, she searched for you, tirelessly. I was with her when she went into the crypt."

At this, both Blair and Viki jumped when Todd dropped the coffee cup and it shattered, splattering hot coffee over his chest. "Oh my! Todd, are you all right?"

But he was up from the table, his back to them, facing the hedges. He buried his hands into his pockets, and breathed deeply, shutting his eyes.

Viki and Blair looked at each other, as Blair sopped up as much of the coffee as she could. "Don't fuss, Blair. Besides, that needs more primping than this table does." She nodded toward Todd. Viki began to pick up the shards of the cup, and bring the tray into the kitchen. Blair turned to Todd, whose back was still toward her. His shoulders looked tight, as if raised. She walked over to him and gently put her hand on him, being careful to accept whatever response she got. Surprisingly to her, he did not pull away or flinch at her touch. In fact, she felt the opposite; his shoulders lowered, his posture collapsed a bit; his head tipped back a little. She put both hands on his shoulders and began to massage them, gently. He didn't resist.

She wondered if and when she should speak, and then decided it was better for the moment not to. She continued to give her traditional massage. Her mind drifted back to times when she had given him the same type of shoulder rub. It was usually when he had been working long hours at The Sun, his long, glistening hair in the way so she would have to move it. Back when they were on top of the world with each other so long ago. Back when they were all there was. She moved closer and hugged him from the back, putting her arms around his chest. She rested her head on his shoulder from the back. And she waited, taking in the scent of him, which was eerily the same. How could she have ever not known?

He didn't turn to her, but also didn't push her off or move away from her. He was more accepting of her presence than she remembered. His hand moved to the top of her head and he cradled and stroked it in response to her gestures. She held on, and told herself to do so until he told her to let go. She felt sure that this would somehow make him understand that she was with him, no matter what.

After quite a while this way, he finally spoke. "I feel a wet spot on my shoulder back there. You're either asleep and drooling or..." his voice softened and he turned to her, now taking her hands, "you're crying."

"Yes, I'm crying."

"Good, no comments about your eyes sweating."

"No, no comments about that. Oh Todd!" She cried out, and flung herself at him. As much as she tried to keep from overdoing it, she just couldn't contain it. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry for everything that happened to you."

He closed his eyes, hand in her hair at the back of her head, and his other around her waist, pulling her closer. In response, his own tears came. "That is not your fault, Blair," he managed to get out.

"Isn't it? I should have known better."

To this, he could not respond. A large part of him still wondered how she could give up, how she could accept this Impostor as him, how she could move on without him. He barely could without her - but still, her image and her voice in his mind had kept him living. He couldn't lose that, even though his anger sometimes blinded him.

"I just couldn't accept you were gone. I went everywhere, I did everything in my power to find you, what happened to you. I couldn't let go." She sobbed. Pulling back from him, she looked into his face. "You have been the only man I have ever really loved. You have been the one who ever really loved and accepted me for who I am. And I couldn't live without that. I just couldn't." She felt him hold her hands tighter. She continued, "I couldn't sleep, I was so alone. I had gone through it before, with Ireland. It was unbearable. I didn't think I'd live through it, but I had Starr." She broke down again, "and she was your little girl. As much as you and I loved each other, Starr was devastated without you. To see a little child that way, my daughter that way. It was..."

She pulled herself together and took a deep breath. "Then, we met Walker."

"Who's Walker?" he heard himself say, but he was not going to interrupt her. He needed to hear what she was saying. He needed to understand.

"He was the man who, over time, convinced your daughter that he was you." She turned her back and began to pace a bit; he followed her with his eyes, listening. "He knew things..." her voice cracked. "And now I know how he probably knew them." She turned back to him, and running on the tips of her toes, she fell into his arms again, sobbing. "I'm so sorry they hurt you."

Pushing his own sobs away, he knew this was a moment that he had to be strong for his wife. He knew this, even though he still could not understand all of it. His emotions and anger were going to need time to quell, but he also knew right then that she never meant to forget him. She meant to keep him alive, somehow. She wanted him alive. She wanted him. Again, after everything, after the years and the tears, and the amazing story they had created together; as always, she wanted and loved him. He closed his eyes and imagined her under him, her hair against a white satin pillow, her tears flowing onto her cheeks, and his hands buried in her hair, his lips kissing her mouth and neck...

Then, to his own hands around the neck of the Impostor, instead. He blinked the image away and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her closer. He heard himself say, in an airy voice, "It's okay, Blair, I'm back now. It's all right. I'll make everything right."

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