Port Charles Chronicles: Chapter 16

         There it was again, the tone he had heard on the phone the day before.  The man was indeed asking for help.  Dr. Collins felt ashamed. This wasn’t an act as he had first believed  He had seen plenty of men use the insanity plea to get out of jail and Todd Manning had fallen into that category because of his background and his wealth.  Now he knew the truth.  There was desperation in that simple question.

           “I can certainly try.  But it’s not going to be easy.  I think you should sit down.  I can’t offer you that stronger drink, but I do have some water if you don’t want any coffee.”

           “God.  What is it with people always offering me water? There I am, dying from a gunshot wound and what does my ex-wife offer me? Water.” Todd made his way into the office and collapsed into the nearest chair.  “So, I guess you’re Dr. Collins.  Cute sign.  Do you get many talkers?”  Todd had rung the bell, but now he was uncertain about the whole thing.

             Dr. Collins looked at the man now sitting across from him. “Quite a few actually.  But this hour is yours, Mr. Manning.  May I call you, Todd?  I find it easier to be on a first-name basis with my patients.  You rang the bell, do you want to talk?”

           “I...I don’t know.  I don’t even know if I can do this.  I’m guessing you know a little about me.  I recently went on trial for killing my twin brother.  I was found not guilty but ordered to get therapy.  That’s one of the reasons I called you.”  Todd got back up and began moving.  He could feel the doctor’s eyes watching him.  “I just got my life back recently, and one of the first things I did was kill a brother I never knew existed.  There were mitigating circumstances, but they don’t seem to matter much at this time.”  Todd turned and looked at the doctor.  “What is really confusing about everything is that I was so positive I didn’t kill him.  I mean I felt I had every right, after what he and my mother did to me, but when he died, I swore to both my sister and my daughter I didn’t do it.”

           Todd wandered over to a window and looked out at the garden, he watched a number of birds as they played in the birdbath.  He was feeling confined and asked,“This is nice, I don’t suppose you have access to this garden, Doc?“  He continued looking out.

           Dr. Collins had been listening and watching.  It was clear that Todd didn’t want to talk about what had just occurred and obviously the death of his brother weighed heavily on him.  The doctor watched the man pace and then stare transfixed out the window.  He was thrown a little bit when Todd asked if he had a way into the garden.  “As a matter of fact, I do.”

          Todd swung around. “I know this may sound weird, but could we go out there?  For eight years, the only things I saw were four walls and the furniture in my room.”  Even as he said the words, the image of Baker coming at him with the syringe popped back into his head and with it, came the headache again.  He stopped and closed his eyes, rubbing his forehead to relieve the pain.

          Dr. Collins reached into his top drawer and took out the key to the garden door.  He frowned as he noticed Todd reaching for his head.  Something was wrong, for the second time in less than thirty minutes, Todd was having discomfort that came upon him suddenly.  Dr. Collins made a note on his pad and stood up. “It’s a beautiful day, I don’t see why we can’t take this discussion out there.  If you’ll follow me.”

         A few minutes later they made their way to a couple of chairs under a tree.  As they sat down, Dr. Collins asked, “Would you like to tell me about those eight years?”

         Todd was flustered and he hated that.  “Why did you ask that?”

         “You mentioned them, several times.  From what I’ve read about you, they’re the reason you were found not guilty for your brother’s death.  We don’t have to talk about them.  I’d really like to talk about what happened in my office, but you seem to be avoiding that.  Do you do that often?”

         “What?” Todd asked warily.

         “Avoid unpleasant subjects?”

         “Hell, yes.  I’m already a mess, I’d rather not dwell on things like that.”

         “But isn’t that why you called me?  You wanted my help, and I can’t help until you tell me what’s really bothering you.”

         Todd stood up and angrily moved away from the doctor.  He hated being pushed.  Ray had had an annoying habit of pushing until he wore him down.  Dr. Collins was talking like Ray.  He wanted Todd to explain what had happened and Todd didn’t want to even go there.  It was bad enough Irene kept popping in, but to go from Irene to a full-blown episode was a little unnerving.  That had never happened before.  “Look, you have to understand.  I hate this.  I don’t like to ‘share,’ not my feelings or my innermost thoughts.   If I could have just gone on with my life at the end of the trial, I would have been perfectly happy to....”  Todd stopped.  But that didn’t work, did it?  You can’t do this alone.  Admit it, you need his help.

         As a psychiatrist, Dr. Collins was getting a pretty good idea of the type of man Todd was.  He had learned to read people by their actions as well as their words.  His new patient was stubborn and pretty resilient.  Most of the patients who suffered from PTSD would have been pretty shaken up by what was clearly a rough episode.  To the untrained observer, Todd had shaken off the effects and resumed his life as if nothing out of the ordinary had occurred, but Kevin Collins noted the small signs.  His eye contact was minimal, he was fidgeting and was finding other things to distract himself.  He was affected by it but pushing it away.  It was his answer to surviving.  Now that Kevin had the measure of the man, he had to find a way to get Todd to trust him.  “So, what you’re saying is that you don’t like to be pushed.  Yesterday when you called, you said it was a matter of life and death.  Your life, to be precise.  Why did you say that?”

         Todd looked at him and sighed.  He knew he couldn’t keep fighting alone.  He had come too close yesterday.  If Blair hadn’t shown up, he was very afraid he would have stepped off that dock.  “Why do you think Doc?  You were in there, you saw what happened.  I can’t stop her, not to mention the episode I just had.  I don’t know how much more I can take.  All I wanted to do, was come home to my wife and kids.  But I don’t even have that.  I’m not home.  I’m in this godforsaken town, and I still can’t get away from either thing.”

         Dr. Collins nodded.  Now they were getting someplace.   “Who is this ‘her’ you’re talking about?”

        Todd had said more than he had intended, but he was already in deep trouble.  Irene wasn’t going to stop goading him.  Maybe the doctor could find a way to rid him of her.   He closed his eyes again and raised his face to the sun.  The warmth felt good.  The breeze was blowing lightly through the garden and there was a light, perfumed scent in the air.  He lifted his shoulders and rolled his head, trying to loosen up.  The doctor was right, he had been shaken by the episode that had happened.  First Irene and then the room.  It was all closing in on him.  He took a deep breath. “My mother,” he stated simply.

       “Excuse me?  I don’t understand.”

       “My mother is the ‘her’ I’m referring to.”

       “So your mother is giving you grief.  You said she and your brother were responsible for doing something to you.  Care to elaborate?”  Dr. Collins was curious, he had a feeling he was missing some vital information.

       Todd glanced over at the doctor.  “You really have no idea why my mother would be a problem, do you?  I’m disappointed, I figured you would have had all my information at your fingertips.  Allow me to fill in some of the gaps.  My mother was the bitch who held me prisoner for eight years, during which time she chose to torture me, as she tried to get something from me.  She also replaced me by sending my brother, with a new face, to take over my life.  I escaped and came home to a family that had left me for the imposter.  As I told you, I was responsible for my brother’s death, although the details are still jumbled.  Shortly after that, my mother tried to kill me, and I took her out instead.  She almost succeeded, but I’m the one still here.”  He reached up and grabbed a blossom off the tree above him.  Studying it, he waited for his words to sink in with the doctor.

        It took a moment for Dr. Collins to understand what Todd had just told him.  If he was correct, then that meant the man in front of him was being haunted by his mother.  Could that have been what happened when he introduced himself?  He recalled that Todd hadn’t seen his outstretched hand.  “If I’m to understand what you just said, I have another question.  Did you see your mother in my office earlier?”  He watched as Todd became absolutely still for just a moment, then literally crushed the blossom in his hands to a pulp.  Dr. Collins said softly. “I see.”

        Todd dropped the mangled flower and ran a shaky hand through his hair again.  As he heard the doctor’s words, he gave a half-laugh.  “You have no idea.  So, Doc, now you know what’s going on.  I can’t keep going if this continues.   When I called you yesterday, I was this close to letting my mother have her way.”  He held up his hand, his index finger and thumb, within an inch of each other.

       “What does that mean exactly?”  Kevin had an idea, but he wanted Todd to voice it.

       “She wants me to join her and Victor.  She keeps telling me I’ll be happier if I just let go.” Todd felt chilled as he said the words.  He could almost feel her standing there with her bony hand on his shoulder. The image of her taunting him in the cabin, telling him no one loved him was so real.  At one point as he went to call for help, he had almost given in.  He remembered how cold his cheek felt as he laid his head in her hand.  For one insane moment, he had faltered, then he recalled Starr and Blair and found the strength to grab the phone.  Blair had saved him that day.  He had thought that would be the last he would see of Irene, but in fact, that had been the beginning of her reign of terror.  Todd shivered and felt his headache coming back with a vengeance.  Todd winced and reached for the back of his head where the pain was escalating from. “Damn headache!”

        Kevin had his suspicions confirmed but became alarmed when he saw Todd reach for his head again.  It was appearing all too coincidentally for the doctor.  “That’s the third time since this session started that you’ve experienced pain.  Does that happen often?”

        “More than I would like.  They’re just tension headaches.  As you can guess, things in my life are somewhat stressful these days.”  Todd dropped his hand, he didn’t want the doctor to think he couldn’t handle a simple headache.  He turned to walk back over to the chairs to join the doctor when a wave of dizziness hit him.  He stumbled and would have fallen if the doctor had not grabbed his arm.

        Kevin had been watching Todd closely and sensed he was making light of the pain.  He didn’t know why, but he was already on his feet when he saw Todd’s unsteady steps.   He reached him just in time.  “Easy, I forgot, in the shade out here, the unevenness of the patio is treacherous.  Are you alright?”

        Todd was grateful for the assist.  The last thing he wanted to do was end up at the doctor’s feet again.  The dizziness was abating, even if the pain wasn’t.  Still, he no longer felt unsteady.  “Thanks, Doc, I’m fine.  You should put up warning signs. ‘Patio could be hazardous to your health.’”

       “Todd, perhaps we should return to my office.  I’ll give you something for your headache and I want you to rest for a few minutes.   It’s possible you’re having a delayed reaction to the earlier episode.”

       Todd shook off the doctor’s hand.  “I told you, I’m fine, but lead the way. This sun’s beginning to get to me.”   He couldn’t help the small sigh that escaped as he stepped back into the darkened room.  The warmth of the sun had been great, but the light had made his headache worse.  He dropped back into the chair he had found earlier and rested his head back.  With his eyes closed, he couldn’t help thinking of the temple massage Blair had previously given him.

       Kevin had entered and gone straight to his desk, opening the drawer where he kept his samples.  His hand wavered over the anti-depressants, but he decided it was too soon to prescribe anything without a full medical history.  He reached past the drugs and grabbed the bottle of aspirins and took out two of them.  Then he got some water and approached Todd.  “Here, you should take these, they’ll help.”

       Todd frowned at the pills.

       “They’re just aspirin.”  Kevin Collins waited patiently until Todd took the pills, then he went back to his desk.  “Give those some time to work.  Todd, after your confinement by your mother and subsequent escape, did you ever have a full medical exam?”

       Todd took a drink of water and looked at the doctor.  “No, why?  The only exams the police were interested in were the mental ones.  I take that back.  The police had a doctor come to look at my shoulder after I was shot, but that was it.  Is there a reason for that question?”

       “You said you were tortured.  I was wondering if there could be a connection between that and your headaches.  Would you consider having a physical?”

        Todd was about to answer when the image of Baker and the syringe loomed directly in front of him.  That was the last thing he saw.

        Kevin had looked down to write something.  The sound of a single gasp and the glass hitting the floor was all the warning he had as Todd passed out.









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